Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Why is this Mike’s job? Why in the world is any of this Mike’s job?? Tenna didn’t even tell him what he’s supposed to be doing all the way out here, just to ‘go check in on things’!! What the hell is he supposed to check out here, the sheer number of dust bunnies he can find?! Ugh… He should’ve let Pluey do this, he would’ve at least had fun chasing those Rabbicks…

Battat is out in the wastes outside the studio today, ‘checking in on’ what seems to be the dustiest place on earth; between the couch cushions. It’s windy and purple and stale and smells like the underside of a rug and he hates it. He hasn’t stopped sneezing since he stepped foot outside the cozy studio walls, and he can’t even blow his nose because of his Mike costume. It’s the worst. How anyone can stand being out here for more than five minutes, much less live here voluntarily, is beyond him. If Tenna is looking for him to come out here and recruit any of those contractless, reclusive bozos, then he really needs to stop talking to that weird Shuttah outside the green room. Anyone out here is just going to have dust for brains.

At the very least, Battat’s nearly at the end of the boardwalk leading into the studio, now. That’s as far as he said he’d go with this, to Pluey at least. Battat will do just about anything for Tenna, but those hills go on forever, as far as he’s aware. He’s got work tomorrow, thanks. So, he’s “checking” that weird couch out at the edge of the world, and he’s heading home.

The green Pippins climbs the last steep incline leading up to the couch, sweating profusely in his costume. Angel above, this is so much more effort than it’s worth… He takes a moment to catch his breath, hands on his knees, and when he looks up again, he can see the couch up ahead. A couch that is… currently occupied?

There’s some sort of blue figure laid out on the cushions. Oh, god, one of the Lightners is supposed to be blue, right?! They can’t be here yet, they can’t!!

Getting closer, it definitely isn’t a Lightner, thank goodness. He recognizes that shade of blue, though. Only once he’s right next to the couch does Battat realize; the figure is a sleeping Zapper, laying there like a plank of wood. What the hell…?

Cautiously, Battat reaches up and pokes at the Zapper, before flinching away as if expecting them to jump up, suddenly awake again and ready to kick Pippins ass. The Zapper doesn’t budge even a centimeter. Actually, looking at them closer, they don’t even seem to be breathing… Wait, do Zappers even need to breathe, they’re basically robots? He technically doesn’t need to breathe because he’s a die, but he still does it anyways-- Not important right now, Battat!! They might be dead!!

He tugs off a Mike glove and sets a green hand on the Zapper’s “forehead”, checking for a temperature. The guy’s cold as ice, and already covered in a thin layer of dust… How long have they been out here…? He checks the buttons next, and while half of them don’t even press in properly, they don’t garner any reaction whatsoever, not even a twitch. That’s… probably not good… Zappers usually hate that… Okay, okay, one more test… Battat hesitantly removes his Mike head before setting one of the flat sides of his head against the Zapper’s dusty chest. Even covering his other ear, he can’t hear even the slightest thrum of electricity within this guy, and the panic really sets in.

Oh god, they’re totally dead!! He just found a dead guy!! Is this what Tenna wanted him to check on?! What the fuck, what the fuck??!

Battat steps back, nearly tripping on his own Mike head, and scrambles to pull his walkie talkie out of his costume’s pocket. “Pluey?? Come in, now, this is important--”

A short string of notes meaning “I’m here, I’m here!” comes from the other end as Pluey picks up, obviously surprised by the sudden call. He asks what the problem is, and if Battat found something out there.

Battat cringes, looking back at the Zapper on the couch. “You could say that…? Kinda, sorta… found a dead guy…?”

There’s a beat of silence, before the walkie talkie practically jumps in Battat’s hands as Pluey lets out a “WHAT!!!” note loud enough to wake the dead. Er, well, not this dead, anyways.

“Keep it down, furbrain!! No one’s supposed to be in the Mike Room right now, remember?!” Battat shouts back.

Pluey quickly apologizes, then hisses out a “You found a dead guy…?!” trying to keep his musical voice down.

“Yeah, there’s a Zapper, laying on this couch out here! I thought they were dead asleep, but nope, now I think they’re just dead…!! I checked, I’m pretty sure there isn’t a single watt of electricity going on in this guy!”

The Shadowguy hums in consideration for a moment, before asking what they should do about that.

“I don’t know, but we need to do something!!” Battat waves his free arm around. “We can’t let Tenna find out about this, that’s for sure! He’ll freak out!!” He shouts, as if he isn’t freaking out himself. “We can take care of it! We’ll just… hide them in the Mike Room for now! Just until we can figure out what to do with the poor guy— Maybe we can get them back up and running somehow, I dunno—” Battat catches another glance at the Zapper. “I’m gonna need your help carrying them, though, there’s no way I’m making it all the way back there on my own. So hurry over here, and make sure you lock the door behind you, got it?”

He hears feedback from Pluey readjusting his grip on the walkie talkie to do a salute. He gives a note of confirmation and an “over and out!” before the line goes dead, and Battat is left alone with the dust and… the dead guy.

What the hell is he doing…? He could’ve chosen to just leave them here and forget this ever happened, but no! Battat’s gotta feel bad for them! He’s already taking enough risks letting Pluey be a Mike, bringing some other random guy into the Mike Room is just asking for trouble!! But god damn it, he wouldn’t want to be left out here all alone to gather dust!! And honestly, Pluey probably would’ve kicked his ass for not helping, so either way!

Battat heads back over to the Zapper’s side, casting a worried glance over them one more time. They don’t seem injured or anything… A bit of wear here and there, sure, and the end of their tail is extra dusty, probably from hopping around out here, but nothing too major… “What happened to you, big guy…?” He subconsciously mutters to himself, idly dusting them off to busy his hands.

That’s when he spots something; a light brown cowboy hat, laying on the ground near the armrest, as if it had fallen off the edge of the couch. Battat picks it up and shakes off the layer of dust its collected, lifting it up to get a better look. It’s a really nice leather hat, likely handmade, with a tiny J stamped into the underside of the brim. “J… Is that you…?” He asks the stale air, once again receiving no answer but the howling wind.

It isn’t long before Pluey arrives, out of breath from running all the way here. Battat waves him over, and he stops right in front of the smaller Mike, coughing a couple discordant notes from all the dust. Pluey then screams as soon as he looks over Battat’s shoulder and sees the Zapper out cold behind him.

Battat puts his hands on his hips, still holding the cowboy hat. “Yeah, I wasn’t kidding, dummy! What’d you expect?!”

Pluey timidly pokes his pointer fingers together and shrugs. He plays a short string of notes, asking if they’re dead dead, voice wavering.

“As far as I can tell. As dead as a guy who’s basically a robot can get, probably. I dunno, can Zappers die for real?? Think we could jump ‘em back to life like a car??” The two wander over to the couch as they talk, both giving concerned looks to the motionless remote Darkner in front of them.

Pluey shrugs again, reaching over to test the Zapper’s buttons himself. He doesn’t really know anything about Zappers, he explains. He doesn’t tend to talk with them much. That’s just asking to get in trouble. But the two of them should still try to help, right…? He looks to Battat for confirmation on that statement.

Battat sighs. “Yeah… We’ll figure something out, I’m sure,” He says, standoffish, as if he isn’t already concocting a dozen different plans to get this guy working again. That seems to appease Pluey, at least, who nods fervently in agreement.

Pluey keeps pressing the same jammed button, trying to get it to click like a regular Zapper’s would, when he suddenly bristles like a frightened cat. T-Their hand moved!! He honks this to Battat, pointing incessantly at the Zapper’s hand.

“What?!!” Battat mashes the button too, and sure enough, the Zapper’s finger clearly twitches in response, showing the slightest sign of life. Pluey is beaming with a sudden rush of hope, and Battat can’t help the determined look creeping onto his own face. “Okay!! Okay, we’ve still got a chance!! Quick, let’s get them out of here! Sitting in all this dust can’t be helping things--” He rushes to pull back on his costume, then sets the cowboy hat on top of his Mike head for safe keeping. No one’s going to see them, so it’s fine if Mike wears a goofy hat for a bit.

With some effort, the two manage to lift the Zapper, with Pluey holding up their shoulders and Battat lifting the tail. They’re heavy, and Pluey mutters out a sad note meaning “cold…” holding them even closer. Battat rolls his eyes. Poor kitty’s already getting attached—

It’s a long trek back to the studio, but it’s much easier to ignore all the dust when you have a mission on the mind. The studio outskirts are practically abandoned during off hours, so it isn’t hard to sneak a comatose Zapper all the way to the green room. Just a bit further, and they’ll be home free.

They lean the Zapper upright against a wall for a moment to catch their breath as Battat explains his game plan. “Alright, you stay here and make sure they don’t fall over or anything. I’ll go in as Mike, distract Ramb, and as soon as he’s out of the room, we book it. I’ve got the tail, so I can open the door quick while you hold them up, and then we-”

He’s interrupted by the green room door bursting open, and the two scramble to look natural, because of course its Tenna. Pluey leans up against the wall next to the Zapper, while Battat tries to look like they were just chatting up the two. “And that’s why it’s so important that your levels are balanced properly! Oh, hey, boss, how’s it goin’?” He says as casually as possible, sweating buckets under his costume.

“Mike!! I was just wondering when you’d be back! How were things in the outskirts?” Tenna beams, hands on his hips, clearly only paying attention to the Mike in front of him.

“Oh, boring!! Nothing of note going on out there whatsoever, nosiree yesiree, just purple and dusty as far as the eye can see! Not that we have any eyes in the first place, haha!” He ribs, elbowing Tenna gently in the shin.

The TV busts out laughing, slapping his knee. “HA, good one, Mike!! Phew… That’s great to hear, I was hoping there wouldn’t be any issues! You never know, can’t hurt to check in on things every once in a while out there! We can’t have anyone getting lost in the couch!” Tenna chuckles, and only then does he seem to register Mike in full. “Hey, that’s a lovely hat, Mike! Did you get that from the Western set?”

“Huh??” Battat reaches up, and grabs hold of the cowboy hat he set there earlier. He totally forgot he was wearing it!! “Oh, this?! Yeah, yeah, just testing it out for the guys down in the costume department! Gotta make sure their handiwork is in tip top form for the next feature film, y’know! Heard they were looking for some new talent, I might have to apply myself, with hats this good!”

Tenna smiles, “You should! They could use someone of your caliber out there!” He finally seems to notice the Shadowguy and the Zapper in the room, tilting his head. “Mike isn’t holding you two up, is he? You know how he is when he really gets talking, don’t be afraid to stop him if you fellas have things to do!”

Pluey bristles up again, and he frantically shakes his head, before nodding instead. Wait, no, that’s not right either-- He just gives a thumbs up, yes, everything is fine and he understands!!

Battat is mentally facepalming so hard right now.

Tenna waits a beat, seemingly anticipating a response from the Zapper as well, and Battat quickly jumps back in. “They’re, uh!! Real shy, don’t mind them!! Can’t even speak around new folks sometimes! They get so overwhelmed, they just freeze right up! We should really get them back to their room, where it’s nice and quiet!!”

Pluey quickly nods, shoving the stock-still Zapper towards the green room doors. The Zapper’s single foot cartoonishly skids across the red-carpeted floor. Angel above, the fact that they haven’t been caught yet is a god damned miracle—

Tenna wrings his hands in concern, “Oh, yes! Please, go ahead, go take care of them! So sorry, Mike-- It’s really nice that you’ve been making some more friends, don’t let this silly TV keep you!”

Battat hurries to help Pluey with the pushing. “Of course, of course!! Real great chattin’ with ya, Tenna, let’s catch up some more later!”

The two hurry off, and Tenna waves as they go. That went pretty well, he thinks! He’ll need to ask Mike to introduce him to his new friends sometime.

Battat slams the door to the Mike Room behind them, sliding down it with a sigh. Pluey situates the Zapper on the Mikes’ couch, making sure they’re nice and comfy before practically collapsing himself. “That… was the worst plan we’ve ever gotten away with, I think.” Battat remarks, and Pluey nods in agreement with a warbly saxophone note.

Battat immediately tosses aside his costume the second he catches his breath, then goes to lay down on the cold tile next to Pluey. Pluey asks what they should do next in an exhausted tone.

“Honestly, I have no idea.” Battat confesses. “I haven’t thought much farther than ‘get the coffin-ready Zapper out of eyesight’ yet.”

Pluey tilts his head towards the couch. He wonders aloud about how long they were out there, his sad face pressed against the floor.

“Dunno. But I intend to find out, one way or another.” Honestly, the prospect of solving the mystery behind this guy kind of excites Battat. Though is that because he actually wants to help, or because he selfishly loves having new mysteries to solve…? Hmm… Maybe he shouldn’t dwell on that thought, actually. The reason doesn’t matter, helping someone is helping someone, at the end of the day.

Pluey reaches up and pats the Zapper’s unmoving hand. He says he hopes it wasn’t too long…

“I have a feeling it was; they were getting really dusty by the time I found them, unfortunately.”

Pluey just looks even sadder, dusting them off some himself. Oh…

Battat gets up and sets the cowboy hat on the Zapper’s chest, before just putting it on their head instead. Putting it on their chest just made them look even more dead. “It’s fine, Plue. We’ll fix ‘em up, don’t worry. Helping people is what Mike does best, remember?” He says, trying to seem nonchalant.

The Shadowguy looks over at Battat with what would’ve been puppy dog eyes, if he had any eyes to begin with. He asks Battat to promise.

Battat sighs dramatically, patting Pluey on the head. “Yeah, yeah, I promise.”

Pluey launches himself at the Pippins, nearly toppling him over with a crushing hug and a joyous chorus of notes. Despite Battat’s protests, he doesn’t even mind. Seeing his fellow Mike so happy is worth it. Not that he’d ever admit that out loud.

He really hopes this Zapper doesn’t mind being smothered the moment they wake up. He has a feeling they’re both already getting far too attached…

Chapter Text

Battat pins another note to his board, wrapping a piece of red string around the tack before taking a step back, getting a better look at the big picture.

It’s been two days now, and there’s been little to no progress on reviving the Zapper they found. The Mikes have fully dusted them off, and Pluey has made them extra comfy with some pillows and nice fluffy blankets to help warm them up! But in terms of actually waking them, nothing has worked so far. The only thing they’ve tried that’s done anything of note is mashing the buttons on their chest like before, but it still only gets the bare minimum of a reaction.

Between doing their Mike work and trying new ideas to wake up this Zapper, Battat has been busy gathering clues, of which there are… very few to speak of. He has taken to calling them J, after the little letter on the hat, placing a note with a big letter J in the middle of their board. Connected to that is a photo of said hat, which he’s assuming belongs to them?? It was there next to them, and his only other real clue on this board is where the Mikes found them. Everything else on the board is total conjecture and baseless theories from a Battat on his second all-nighter in a row. Bits and pieces from his Mike research, everything he has on the outskirts, literally anything that might be even slightly connected to this whole mystery.

Which gives them… approximately nothing to go off of.

Battat sighs, leaning forward and resting his head on his theory board. “You think we should actually try to jump start ‘em, use Tenna’s shock therapy machine or something? Just go complete Frankenstein’s monster with this?”

Pluey honks out a long, warbly note, meaning “Maybe…? Probably not…” Pluey has been starting to get desperate, sometimes just laying with the Zapper on the couch and fidgeting with their buttons to get that little reaction again. He’s doing it now; Battat can hear the jammed volume up button clicking behind him.

“You gotta stop doing that, too. If J wakes up mad because of you constantly messing with their buttons, you’re apologizing.” Battat chastises, turning to face the Shadowguy.

…Pluey stares Battat right in the eyes and mashes the button faster while holding the Zapper’s hand. Even if they woke up mad, at least they’d be up!!

“Hey!!” Battat runs over and bats away Pluey’s hands while the Shadowguy giggles. “Quit that!! You’re so touchy!! You’ve literally never even talked to them, don’t be weird!!” In retaliation, Pluey licks Battat’s hand, sending a violent shiver up the Pippins’s spine. “UGH, PLUEY!!!”

The two throw each other to the ground and start play fighting each other, or at least Pluey is play fighting; Battat might be legitimately trying to fight Pluey and is just failing miserably. They wrestle and claw at each other like first graders for maybe thirty seconds, before movement from the couch catches their eyes, and they both freeze.

“Did. Did they just move…?” Battat asks from where Pluey has him in a headlock, and he was about to bite down on the Shadowguy’s arm.

The Zapper next to them had, in fact, just moved. Their entire body had just shivered, and their hand was now held in a loose fist at their side. The two Mikes scramble to their feet, watching closely with bated breath for any other reactions. The white band representing the Zapper’s face scrunches up for just a moment, like they’re having a nightmare, before falling back into a completely blank expression. Their closed fist slowly relaxes after that, glued flat to their side again.

…Pluey cautiously reaches over, and Battat lets him. He presses the volume up button once, several times, a few more. Nothing’s happening anymore… Pluey makes a distressed noise, mashing the button harder in a panic, and Battat grabs his wrist before he hurts himself or J. “Pluey, d-don’t—” The Shadowguy seems about ready to start sobbing, giving Battat a withering look that begs him for any sort of solution to this. “It’s fine, it’s fine! Don’t cry! W-We’ll fix this!!”

Battat had been avoiding asking anyone for help with this, because frankly, he can’t trust a single soul outside of this room. Going to another Zapper or maybe first aid would’ve been the logical first thing for them to do, but he was terrified of the risk involved with letting anyone else near the Mike Room. More terrifying than that, though, is actually letting this guy die on his watch because he selfishly wants to keep his stupid Mike job. And most terrifying of all, is the idea of making Pluey cry.

“I’ll go get help, okay? You stay here, keep an eye on them, keep them safe, and I’ll go ask around! Someone in this stupid place has to know what to do. It’ll be fine, I promise!” Battat reaches up and gently cups Pluey’s face, wiping away the beginnings of his tears and giving him a serious look to try and help ground him. “Everything is going to be fine.”

Pluey lets out a teary, wobbly note to show he understands, before scooping Battat up in a big hug. Battat doesn’t protest for once, giving the Shadowguy a quick squeeze back before he’s set back down. He grabs his green poncho from off the back of his desk chair and hurries for the door. As the double doors to the Mike Room shut and the lock clicks into place behind Battat, Pluey curls up against J on the couch with a sniffle. Despite all the blankets wrapped around them, they’ve started getting cold again…

Battat looks like a man about to go on a rampage, speedwalking down the halls of the studio with a determined, almost manic look on his face. The eyebags and sheer amount of caffeine in his system don’t help his case, but he honestly couldn’t care less right now. His own image is currently the least of his worries, and besides, most people think he’s the local crazy already. Can’t hurt an image he doesn’t have in the first place.

It's getting late yet again, meaning most people have already started heading home for the night. The green room is practically empty, aside from Ramb at the bar and a Pippins and Zapper duo by one of the vending machines. Ramb is never of any help, so he knows who he’s heading over to.

“I need to ask you a question. It’s important,” He demands as soon as he’s within earshot of the two. They both look surprised by his presence, and the Pippins seems a little scared at being so suddenly approached by this glaring green weirdo.

“Look, pal, I dunno what youse want, but my buddy ain’t lookin’ to get into any gamblin’ or-” The Zapper starts, going to step in front of their friend, only to be interrupted by Battat holding up an impatient hand.

“Don’t give a shit. You’re a Zapper. You can help me.” Battat points to the taller of the two, which catches both of them off guard. This weird green Pippins wants to willingly talk to a Zapper…?

“Uh… Okay…? Shoot, I guess?” The Zapper replies with a shrug, and their Pippins friend grabs hold of their arm.

“You don’t have to listen to him, Zapps, c’mon… He looks like he’s going to bite our heads off!” The Pippins whisper-shouts, as if Battat couldn’t hear them. His eye twitches.

“It’ll be quick, we can hear him out for just a sec…” The Zapper turns back to Battat and nods, signalling that they’re listening, much to their Pippins’ dismay.

“Good. My Zapper friend has been acting weird lately. Laying totally still, cold, completely unresponsive. Can’t move an inch. Do you know how to fix that?”

The Zapper hems and haws for a moment, scratching at their temple. “I dunno, pal… Might be low power, but when I gets like dat, I’s just get real tired. Like I’s wanna curl up and take a nap all day.” That doesn’t help him at all. Not one bit, that doesn’t sound like his Zapper at all!! “Are youse… sure it’s not, um… dem gettin’ petrified…?” The Zapper cautiously asks, barely audible, as if they’re muttering a forbidden word.

“Of course not!!” Battat snaps, and the two flinch away, clinging to each other. “It-It’s not--!! It isn’t that!!” It can’t be that. It can’t be! He won’t even entertain the idea!!

He holds his head in frustration for a moment, grumbles something under his breath, and starts stomping away. “I don’t have time for this!! Useless, completely and utterly useless—!!”

The green room door slams shut behind him, and the Zapper and Pippins duo slowly let go of each other as the green hurricane passes.

“…Geez, what’s got his knickers in a twist?” Ramb pipes up from behind the bar.

Battat continues his tirade down another hall, shaky hands balled up at his sides so tight that his claws are digging into his palms. Stupid, stupid, the both of them!! This is exactly why he never asks any of these bozos around here for help, they’re all total morons!! Petrification, are you kidding?! There’s no way in hell it’s that; it’s one of the first things he checked for! J’s colors are fine, that’s the biggest sign that someone is starting to turn, and while they are cold, that’s just from complete lack of movement, he’s sure of it! Besides, they’re a regular Zapper! They’re exactly the same as the one in the other room, surely! Why in the world would they be petrify-

His rambling thoughts are cut off as he accidentally runs right into someone; a Shadowguy who nearly trips over themselves trying to stay upright. Their hat falls to the floor, and Battat hurries to pick it up for them. “Sorry, sorry—!! Wasn’t paying attention, there—”

The Shadowguy honks out a few notes, saying “It’s alright” as they fix their hair and pointy cat ears. They take back their hat from Battat, dust it off, and set it right back on their head. “What’s the rush?” They inquire with a tilt of their head. “You’re shaking.”

Battat hesitates, glancing back and forth between the Shadowguy and the end of the hallway. He doesn’t have time for more questioning! First aid should be right down the hall; he needs to get going!! “Uh. My Zapper friend is. Sick, I think?? I’m going to go find someone in first aid who can help.”

A serious look immediately crosses the Shadowguy’s face. “I’m from first aid.”

Battat blinks up at them. “You are?!”

They nod, “I’m Ligature. You said they’re sick? What’re their symptoms?”

The Pippins lists the symptoms off on his fingers, “Um, th-they haven’t moved in at least two days. Just been laying stock still, completely straight like a board. Totally unresponsive. Cold to the touch. Colors are fine, so it’s not petrification.”

Ligature has an unimpressed look on their face, but they wave for Battat to follow them down to first aid. “Do not wait a whole two days before calling us about something like this in the future, you got that? You call us immediately. You’re lucky this is an easy fix.”

Battat’s eyes practically gleam as he jogs to keep up, “It is?!”

Ligature bumps open the push bar door to first aid with their hip and flicks on the light. They head over to a tall shelf in the back of the room, scanning through a few boxes. “This time, yes. What Zapper model are they? They take double A, triple A, C?”

“Uhhhhh…” Battat thought there was only one kind of Zapper… What do the letters mean??

The Shadowguy sighs out a note, setting a heavy box down on the desk in front of Battat. “They just need a change of batteries. Their old ones are completely dead, by the sound of it.”

Battat just blinks at them in confusion a few times. “…That’s it??”

“Yup. All you need to do is pop open their battery compartment and switch ‘em out. Should feel right as rain after that.” Ligature starts pulling batteries the length of their forearms out of the box, all of varying sizes. “You probably haven’t known this guy long, huh? If they haven’t given you their whole battery shpiel yet.”

Battat shakes his head, suddenly feeling a bit embarrassed. There’s a battery shpiel??

“It’s fine. It’s just important that Zappers get some new batteries in ‘em every few months, sometimes less if they’re particularly active, so they stay in tip top shape. And they can’t exactly do it themselves. Their battery compartments are typically on their backs, so they need a friend to help.” Ligature sets the box to the side to better gesture with their hands. “When their batteries are removed, they end up like your friend; totally catatonic, standing all rigid like a robot. And if their batteries are completely out of juice, it’s the same deal.” They slide an assortment of batteries across the desk, with multiples of each. “So just pop ‘em open, figure out which they need, and switch out the old ones. They’ll be good as new right away.”

Battat blinks again, excitedly nods, and scoops up all the batteries into his arms. Just before he can run off, Ligature sets a hand on his head and turns him back around, cat tail lashing behind them. “And don’t you ever let me catch you pulling something like this again. I dunno if you’re new around here, but if someone’s sick or hurt, you come to me or someone else in first aid immediately. Got that, green bean?” They pin him down with an ice-cold glare, despite their lack of eyes, and Battat nods vigorously, eyes blown wide. Ligature nods back, “Good. You’re free to go, then. Lemme know if you ever need anything else. You have our number.”

“Y-Yeah, okay. Thank you.” He awkwardly shuffles over to the door, fumbles with opening it for a few seconds, then bolts down the hall back towards the green room.

Ligature lets themself drop back into the desk chair beside them with a slight smile. Poor thing looked stressed out of his mind… Reminds them of one of their little brothers’ friends… That little green guy and his Zapper will be just fine, they’re sure of it.

…They totally forgot to ask for his name, didn’t they. Ligature gives an exasperated sigh and gets ready to head out for the night… again. They really need to stop doing that…

Chapter Text

Battat bursts back into the Mike Room, arms full of different giant batteries. He’s nearly dropping them every second longer he’s holding them. “It’s the batteries!! We just need to change out their batteries!!” He shouts, kicking the door shut behind him.

Pluey nearly falls off the couch, his ears and tail sticking straight up in shock. As soon as Battat’s words register, he scrambles to his feet while Battat drops all the batteries to the floor in front of the couch.

“Here, help me turn them over, the battery compartment should be on their back!” Battat instructs, and Pluey immediately starts tossing blankets aside to roll over the Zapper by their shoulder. Sure enough, on their back is a rectangular seam in their plastic, and a small latch holding the compartment shut. How did they not notice that before?!

Battat hurriedly presses down on the latch and removes the cover, propping it up against the couch. The two work together to pull out the old batteries, and Battat compares them to the new ones he brought in, quickly discovering that they’re double As. He hands a new one to Pluey, who rushes to shove it into the Zapper’s back. Battat puts in the other, before doing a double take. “Pluey, you put it in upside down!!”

Pluey honks out a panicked apology, yanking his battery back out, flipping it over, and clunking it back in. They put the battery cover back in place together with a click, then roll the Zapper back onto their back.

Battat’s hands are shaking from the sheer amount of adrenaline and caffeine in his system right now. Pluey gestures to the Pippins, his own hands clasped in front of his chest. He’s too scared, he can’t do it!!

After some hesitation, Battat reaches over and ever so carefully presses J’s power button. He then rips his arm away like it had been burned and clings to Pluey.

And the Mikes wait.

One agonizing moment…

Two…

…They hoist themself up onto the boardwalk, breathing heavily. Their muscles ache, their foot feels like it’s about to fall off, and they’re so covered in dust that its making them wheeze despite a lack of lungs.

They’ve entirely lost track of how long they’ve been lost out here. With no studio lights overhead, it’s impossible to tell whether its day or night, whether it’s been a few days or a few weeks. They haven’t seen another soul in ages, either… but it’s fine! They’ve finally found their way back to the boardwalk, just outside the studio! Just a bit further, and they’ll finally be home!

Maybe… after a break, though… They’ve noticed they’ve been getting sluggish these past few days(?), but it’s nothing a good nap can’t fix…! They can just stop here for a bit, take a quick power nap, and get right back to it! And how perfect, there’s a couch right here that they can sleep on! That’s their first stroke of good luck since, well… since before they got lost out here in the first place.

They slowly hop over, feeling like their foot is made of lead, and practically collapse onto the dusty couch cushions. It isn’t exactly comfortable, kinda lumpy actually… but now that they’re laying here, they don’t think they could bare to move. They’re pretty sure their hat fell off, but that’s okay. Shouldn’t sleep with it on anyways. They’ll pick it up later… They let out a deep sigh, going to curl up for that nap, only to find that they can’t move at all.

Oh. That’s new… The exhaustion hits them all at once like a tidal wave; it feels as if they’re being crushed under its weight. They can hardly even lift a finger. What’s happening…?!

They go to speak, to yell for help, only to weakly cough on all the dust in the air. Panic seizes their chest, making it even harder to breathe. Oh… Oh, no… You’ve really done it this time, Jongler… C’mon, you’re so close, not now…!!

Okay, okay, no, don’t panic. Panicking expends energy faster. Energy you do not have. Just… move, damn it!! Even using every last dredge of energy left in them, they can only manage a full body shiver. They’re so overwhelmingly tired… Everything is starting to feel numb and far away and so, so cold…

Their last thought as their muscles fully seize and their sensors shut down is that they hope beyond hope that someone finds them out here, but doubt clouds that final second before everything goes dark.

…

…

…There are voices in the dark… They can’t make out any words, it’s as if they’re in another room, but someone’s talking nearby… Just hearing someone else’s voice again is so nice…

…

…Hm…? They’re starting to warm up again… And someone’s holding their hand, maybe…? They can barely even think enough to register the sensation, but it’s a nice feeling… A tiny bit of relief from the dark and the numbness…

…

…They drift in again, and the pleasant saxophone(?) they’ve been vaguely hearing has gotten louder, along with that other little voice they first heard… They still can’t process any words, but it sounds like the two voices are yelling… Are they arguing…? They really hope not… Those little voices are one of their only comforts in this dark place…

The voices go quiet again… No, come back…! Please… its cold…

…Something warm and soft rests against their side, holding their hand again… They wish they could just curl up around that warm presence, but they still feel numb… They’re drifting off again…

Maybe just… five more minutes…

A whole ten seconds pass, letting the two Mikes feel a pit of dread form in their stomachs, before the Zapper’s entire body seems to relax. The rigidity plaguing their muscles quickly fades, and they turn over onto their side, curling up into a sleepy ball with some of the blankets. The white sensor band that is their face presses into a thin line as if they’re squinting, trying to keep their “eyes” shut just a bit longer.

“Mmph… five more minutes, please…”

Pluey can’t contain himself, letting out a victorious sax honk and crushing Battat in a big hug. Battat laughs, breathless, feeling a rush of relief that would have knocked him off his feet if Pluey weren’t already carrying him. “Haha, ha!! We did it! We did it!!” Pluey vigorously nods, cheering and jumping up and down with the Pippins in his arms, nearly rolling the little guy’s head.

While the two celebrate, the drowsy Zapper next to them sits up, rubbing at their sensor band with a gloved hand. “What’s all the commotion about…?” They mumble. The Shadowguy plays another elated note, dropping Battat to the floor, and practically tackles the Zapper in a hug of their own. “Whoa, whoa! Hey, bud…! Youse okay…?” Confused, but more than happy to hug someone, the Zapper embraces him back. Pluey excitedly nuzzles up against them like a cat who hasn’t seen his favorite person in a whole week.

Battat gets to his feet, rubbing his hip from Pluey dropping him (ow), but he’s still smiling. “We should be asking you that, big guy! We thought you were dead!!”

The Shadowguy in their arms nods with a weepy minor chord, and they look back and forth between the two a few times. “Dead…?”

“Yeah! You weren’t even breathing!! Out cold, completely unresponsive!” The Pippins exclaims, waving his lime green arms in exasperation.

Their hug buddy squeezes them even tighter. “And youse both… found me…? Fixed me up…?”

Battat nods, “Brought you back to the studio and changed out your batteries. Turns out just those were dead!”

Ah… That would explain it. That dead-on-their-foot exhaustion is still lingering slightly, but they can already feel those brand-new batteries doing their work, electric energy flowing through their circuits again.

They’re quiet for a moment, looking down towards the floor, before sniffling and curling up around Pluey. The two Mikes panic as their new Zapper acquaintance starts crying TV static tears from their sensors. “H-Hey, what’s wrong?! Are you hurt?!” Battat asks as he rushes to their side, and Pluey repeats the sentiment in Shadowsax, pulling away just enough to look at them.

They shake their head, “No, no, I-I’s fine— I’s just… I’s thought no one was e-ever gonna find me out dere…! No one’s ever gone lookin’ for me before…!” They softly sob, causing Pluey to start crying too, hugging them tightly and muttering some comforting musical words.

Battat’s heart drops into his stomach. Never…? Did… did this guy get lost often…? And no one’s ever gone looking for them…?! The Zapper whose first reaction after waking up and being hugged by a total stranger was to ask if he was okay and hug him back? No one’s ever gone looking for them?!!

If those two all-nighters weren’t rapidly catching up with him, Battat would’ve gone on a rage-fueled rampage through the studio on behalf of their new friend. (Friend?? Acquaintance. Guy they just met. Stop being weird Battat--)

The Zapper scrubs at their sensor band with their sleeve. “Geez, I’s been asleep so long, I’s forgotten my manners…! Name’s Jongler. It’s a real pleasure meetin’ youse boys.” Jongler tips their hat, still holding onto Pluey with their spare arm.

“Well, I’m Battat, that’s Pluey.” Battat introduces himself and gestures to Pluey, who excitedly nods and gives a note of confirmation. “Guess we’ve all got nonsense for names, huh? Fun coincidence.”

Jongler chuckles, “ Heh, yeah,” and finally seems to take a good look at their surroundings. “So, uh… Quick question. Where… are we??”

The two Mikes both freeze up. Oh, shit, right. They’re still in the Mike Room. Battat scurries over to his theory board on the other side of the room, rushing to take down anything incriminating. He put together a whole board for this guy, this is so embarrassing!! “Uh, n-nowhere!! Nowhere at all!! Just our room! Nowhere important, nothing here that you need to worry about!!!”

The Zapper gives him an incredulous look as he hides some papers behind his back. “Dis definitely ain’t nowhere, pal… I’s real thankful, but if youse both doin’ somethin’ shady, I’ll have to report it to Ten—”

“NO!!” Both Mikes yell, interrupting them and causing them to flinch back.

Battat gives a heavy sigh, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Okay, okay, fine… Look. We aren’t doing anything necessarily… bad, but it’s really complicated, alright?” He waffles around with the wording for a bit, before deciding that keeping things simple is probably best. “We’re… standing in for Mike. Pretending to be him so Tenna doesn’t freak out again. Just until I can figure out where Mike went!! Tenna can’t find out Mike isn’t here anymore!! We keep him happy, and everyone keeps their jobs! So you can’t tell a soul about any of this, capiche?!”

…Jongler is quiet for a long moment as they think all this over, then slightly tilt their head. “Doesn’t Mike do… just about everythin’? And youse both do all dat on your own…?”

“Yeah!! And it sucks!! So don’t blow this for us, okay?! We already have a hard enough time keeping everything afloat!!” Battat exclaims with another panicky wave of his arms.

Pluey gives a withering note, begging them to keep this a secret. He really enjoys being Mike…

They consider for a long moment. “…Okay. I’s can keep it quiet. If,” They hold up a finger, “…youse let me in on it.”

Battat blinks a few times, pausing with his arms still in the air. “Huh.”

“I’s want in! Look, youse boys seem like real upstandin’ fellas. Youse helped me, youse helpin’ everyone by bein’ Mike, now I’s wanna help youse! Bein’ Mike’s a lotta work, right? Surely havin’ an extra set of hands ‘round here will take some of the weight off of youse both.”

Pluey seems ecstatic about the idea, playing a trill of notes to show his approval while Battat’s jaw hangs open. “But don’t you have like… a real job to get back to?? Zappers usually work in groups, right, someone has to be at least wondering where you are! A-And doing this job, you have no time for any of that, we hardly even leave this room out of costume!” Battat protests.

Jongler awkwardly rubs at their neck, “Oh, nah, I’s don’t have anythin’ like dat… I’s work alone anyways, no gang, just doin’ odd jobs ‘round the studio. The big boss never found a good place for me, I’s guess.”

Battat’s eye twitches. Yeah, he’d kill for this guy. “Well, screw them!!” Pluey and Jongler  both look up at Battat’s outburst. “You’ve got us looking out for you now!! Your place is here!! If that’s, y’know. Something you’d want, of course. I mean, if you’re going to be a Mike, you’ll be hanging around us a lot, so you’d better get used to it!!”

If Jongler had eyes, they’d be blinking at him in shock. “Youse… really mean it?”

Battat blushes a bit green, crossing his arms with a huff to look more aloof. “Well, Pluey’s already gotten all attached, that much is obvious. He needs more friends to bother aside from me! And besides, we’re not going to just kick you to the curb after all that! N-Not just ‘cause you basically died!! Just, can’t have you blabbing to anyone about this, that’s all--”

Jongler’s sensor band tilts upward in some semblance of a faceless smile. They like these guys already~ They’re strange and fun and have real big hearts. Sticking with them is going to be real interesting, to say the least. “A’right, boss! If dat’s the case… when do I’s start?”

Realizing something, Battat breaks into a wide smile and runs off momentarily, dragging in a big corkboard as he returns. “As soon as I tell you all about Mike!!”

As the Pippins begins what would turn into a long-winded, enthusiastic theory ramble, Pluey and Jongler settle in for the long haul, making themselves comfy on the couch.

Pluey continues to be extremely cuddly, never leaving Jongler’s lap, smiling fondly at Battat for the entire rant. He’s heard all this before, but he’s more than happy to hear it again.

Battat, excited to have a new, rapt audience, emphatically gestures to his board as he walks them through it. Answering Jongler’s many questions and seeing Pluey nod along to each point makes his heart do flips. The feeling is new and foreign, and he’ll absolutely be devising some theories on what that could mean later, but that’s later. After he goes through maybe two or three more boards. And maybe a nap.

Jongler soaks in the warmth and the pleasant company like a touch-starved sponge. This Mike stuff is really complicated, it seems, but they have a feeling everything will turn out alright. They finally made some friends! Friends who really care about their well-being, despite never even speaking to them up until now. They’d like to think someone who would save a stranger’s life would make a pretty good friend.

Jongler has a feeling they’re going to be real happy here.