Chapter Text
At first, you didn't like him.
Phainon from Aedes Elysiae.
You liked his best friend.
Dear Diaryᝰ.ᐟ I Think I'm In Love?
It's the start of spring, indicating the start of a new school year. As you settle in your new seat in a new class, you scan the room for any familiar faces. While doing so, you grow anxious. Why is it that you don't recognize anybody? A frown tugs down your lips as you mentally note each person you glance over. By the entrance of the classroom, which is to your left, there's a short girl with pink pigtails that fade into blue; her hair reminds you of cotton candy. Beside her, a tall guy with white hair holding a large, white stuffed unicorn. The two of them are engaged in a conversation. They're talking about courage because you can hear her passionately cheering him on — with whatever he needs support with. In the middle of the classroom, right in front of you, a pretty girl with blonde hair argues with another girl with green hair — or guy.
"I cannot believe I got paired with you again." The blonde girlie mutters in disbelief.
The guy scoffs. "Three years in a row," he bitterly comments. "I'm starting to believe you're behind this."
His seat partner looks deeply offended. "Now, why would I personally request to be with you?"
Definitely not excited to sit in front of these two, but at least you sit two tables behind them. Though, you pray to whoever sits around them.
Your eyes continue their journey, hoping to meet with someone you know. Then, a guy strawberry blonde hair that fades into red blesses your eyes. Without even realizing, you find yourself unintentionally staring. Your eyes wander from his half-up half-down hairdo to the bold, red tattoos peeking out from his dress-shirt. The shirt doesn't do much to hide his tattoos anyway. He sits exactly two seats across from you. Time feels slower and the room appears brighter, highlighting his face in a way that makes you melt. The song that plays in your ear gets louder and louder.
Suddenly, a name calls out to you from across the class. You make eye contact with him — or in other words: he caught you staring and decided to stare back. He had turned to look at you when your best friend, Stelle, aired out your name. Thankfully, you break eye contact to face Stelle, hoping to play it off as a casual 'Oh, sorry. I spaced out.' Had you been staring any longer, you would have combusted on the spot from embarrassment.
"I can't believe we're finally in the same class!" Stelle beams, embracing you in a bone-crushing hug.
Another familiar voice speaks, although this time, to the left of you — which just so happens to be the direction of that handsome guy that just caught you staring in 4k. Thankfully, he isn't looking anymore. Though, you can't tell whether that makes you sad or relieved. Maybe it's a mix of both.
"It's been a while." Danheng greets you with a small smile before sitting beside you. He's a little different than you remember; he seems happier and more expressive. Either way, you thanked whatever Aeon blessed you with Danheng as a seat partner for your last year at Honkai High. Now, you had a chance at passing the entrance exams.
You happily greet the two, no longer feeling as lonely. The new handsome face that has been engraved into your head, sits in Danheng's direction. Should you ask Danheng something random to steal a glance at the handsome stranger behind him? No, you have more self control than that, and you're not about to throw away your dignity to—
"Partner!" An unfamiliar voice interjects. It sounds close, a little too close. When you turn, you find yourself staring up at an unfamiliar man with silver, almost white hair, blue eyes, and a goofy grin. He looks familiar and unfamiliar at the same time; have you seen someone like him before?
Stelle raises a brow, looking at you as if he's talking to you before greeting the bundle of sunshine. "This is Phainon." She explains, looking at you expectantly.
You awkwardly introduce yourself and he extends a hand. His hands are much larger than yours. While shaking your hand, his grip is far gentler than you imagined, handling you like porcelain. You take this opportunity to turn to Danheng and glance over at the handsome guy behind him — so he could introduce himself to Phainon.
"Ah. We already know each other." He simply says, giving Phainon a distant wave before tilting his head, likely wondering if you're spacing out. Meanwhile, you're fixed on the stranger behind Danheng. It's silent afterwards. Odd. Once quick glance to the three, and for whatever reason, all of them look at you.
"What?" You raise a brow, confused. "Why are you looking at me like that?"
"Aren't you going to ask how both Danheng and I know this handsome man?" Stelle leans in, wiggling her eyebrows.
Phainon, who's nervously rubbing the back his neck, makes you wonder if Stelle is actively guiding you into a trap. The directed questions, the mysterious, tall student that supposedly knows your two close friends. There's a small smile at the edge of his lips, and it almost looks as if he's trying to suppress it when his lip quivers. It's all too suspicious.
"How do you know my friends?"
Stelle facepalms, sighing aloud. "Less accusatory."
"Why do know my friends?"
"Again." Stelle groans.
This time, you turn to Danheng. Your hands settle on his shoulders before aggressively shaking him. "Danheng! You know this handsome man too?!"
From behind, you hear faint laughter — likely from Phainon, and a quiet, "Good enough" from Stelle. However, before Stelle could tell you anything about this stranger she so eagerly wants you to know about, the homeroom teacher walks in. Phainon says his goodbyes along with a small wave before walking off to sit next to the handsome stranger with strawberry blonde hair.
WAIT WAHT?!
He sits next to the handsome stranger with strawberry blonde hair!
…
"So," Stelle begins, but not before stuffing her face with cosmic fried rice. "Remember the guy I told you about when I visited Amphoreus for winter break?"
You hum in response, munching on your own bowl of cosmic fried rice while Danheng slurps on comfort food (noodles).
"Well, long story short, he likes—" Stelle suddenly chokes on her rice before downing an entire glass of water. She looks at you, and you just stare back, worried.
"Are you okay?"
"Yep."
She mutters something underneath her breath about being glad for selective hearing before continuing. "Anyways, he like, lived in Amphoreus before transferring here. Over the winter, he visited Amphoreus for the holiday, and I coincidentally met him at the antique shop. We bonded over our interests in antiques, and the rest is history."
You nod, itching to ask if she or Danheng also the know the hot, strawberry blonde guy with tattoos.
"So," you turn to Danheng who simply looks at you with his eyes; his head is perfectly still as he slurps his noodles. "How did you meet — uh, this Phainom guy?"
"Phainon." Danheng corrects.
"Yeah— Phainom — I mean, non."
He chuckles at your attempt before clearing his throat. "Well, as you know, I live with Stelle; I also visited Amphoreus over the winter and met Phainon."
It's now or never. "Does Phainon have any friends?" That sounds a lot sadder out loud.
"Well. He has us." Stelle proudly says, face contorted in an unusual way. No way. Is — Is she mewing?
"He has friends from Amphoreus that have been attending our school." Danheng adds, redirecting your attention to him. He continues, correcting any dramatic comments Stelle makes.
So far, you've learned that Phainon and his friends are quite popular, excluding Phainon who transferred recently with a childhood friend. His friends, who have been attending Honkai High for a while, are more popular than you thought. A few of them are presidents of some of the clubs on campus, some are a part of the student council, and one of them is the captain of the swim team. Have you been living under a rock this entire time? How have you not noticed the package of handsomeness that sits exactly two tables across from you?!
"Did you know Phainon is a farmer boy?" Stelle beams, scrolling through her photos of his hometown.
Surprised by how fast their relationship progressed, you comment, "He showed you around his hometown?"
"He's from the countryside, but he didn't mention anything about—"
"He's probably sculpted from the Aeon of Beauty. His body is so beautiful, sculpted, perfect, and beautiful."
You raise a brow. "Did you just say beautiful twice?"
Danheng almost chokes. "I don't know how to correct that. I've never seen—" He pauses, realizing the implications. "W-Wait, Stelle. You saw him shirtless?!"
"Saw who shirtless?" The topic of the conversation says, seating himself next to Danheng and in front of you. Both you and Danheng freeze while Stelle giggles to herself. She definitely knows what she's doing.
"You—"
Now it's your turn to choke and cover Stelle's mouth at the speed of light. "She means… You— Yosuke! He's this random 2nd year, and Stelle caught him shirtless while he was running down her street — to practice for some sport."
"You Yosuke?" Phainon tilts his head. "What an interesting name."
You awkwardly laugh while Danheng clears his throat. You're thankful that you don't bump into Phainon afterwards. That conversation has you feeling more embarrassed than the time you went ice skating with Caelus and his pants ripped during his interpretive dance. Right in front of you too.
The next day, you decide to make it your mission to find out about the handsome man with strawberry blonde hair and red tattoos. You thought your homeroom teacher would call his name out during roll call, but he seems even lazier than he looks. Not only did he not call roll and simply mark everyone as present — despite having a few absences — but he keeps muttering about how he shouldn't even be a teacher because he's… thirteen?
So, you're forced to think of other ways to get to know the strawberry blonde. As you mindlessly stare in his direction, you catch sight of Phainon subtly waving at you. By courtesy, you wave back and that's when the greatest idea you've ever thought of pops into your head.
Phainon sits next to him, so you should get close to Phainon.
When class ends, you had forgotten that today is fair day. So the moment you set foot into the bustling hallway, you fall into the river of students. Luckily for you, Phainon spots you in the middle of the busy hallway meant to recruit incoming 1st years, and maybe interested 2nd and 3rd years.
You hear him call out your name, enthusiastically waving at you. His hand is up in the air, peeking through the sea of people like a flag to mark his position. Thank the Aeons for his height.
"Are you looking for a club?" He leans down to whisper, but ends up yelling into your ear over the loud and overcrowded hallway. Your flinch back, rubbing your ear. You see him reach his hand out to do something, but he freezes mid-way. That hand hovers by the side of your face that he had yelled into. "Sorry." He mouths as his hand eventually falls to his side.
"Yes and no — to the club question." You respond. You're mainly looking to see what club Mydei is in. Your great and totally not obvious plan to get to know the handsome guy that sits next to Phainon is to get close to Phainon "coincidentally" join his club and maybe his hot seat partner's club, become friends, and then walk by the seaside alongside the sunset with matching rings—
"Would you like join a club I'm in?" Phainon offers, leading you to a booth. Probably.
In the distance, there's a booth with a table cloth that simultaneously serves as a banner with the words "Cooking Club" poorly written in bright red, along with a small doodle of a chef's hat. What in the low budget is this—
More importantly, you didn't expect Phainon to be into culinary arts. "You cook?"
He chuckles at your question. "Not really, but I do make great salads. It's my friend who enjoys the culinary arts."
"Your friend?"
"Yep! He might be a little… cold, but don't let your first impression scare you. He's a really great cook!" Phainon explains right in front of the people at the booth. You haven't had time to even spare a glance at the two while Phainon rambles about how great his friend's cooking is.
"Oh! Speaking of, this is my best friend — also culinary rival, Mydeimos." He extends his arm towards one of the two people behind the table. You stare at Phainon's friend, who looks oddly familiar. Strawberry blonde hair that fades into red, amber eyes, bold red tattoos, and a faint scowl on his face.
Jackpot. You thank the Aeons while trying so hard not to smile in the face of a man who looks slightly… angry?
While you're filling out the new member form, you hear Mydei — which is short for Mydeimos, as you learn through their conversation that leans more towards a scolding — tell Phainon, who calls him "Deliverer" to stop recruiting people who look alike.
Alright, maybe that's just a coincidence. Either way, you've finally met the man you've been ogling in class all day. At least you know his name, the clubs he's in, and he's closer to Phainon than you thought — close enough to give him a scolding and call his fashion taste "worse than a blind person."
Phainon redirects his attention to you. "Is it really that bad?" In the back you can hear the other person behind the table quietly giggling. "Please don't laugh, Cas."
Honestly, you don't even remember what he was wearing. Though, you according to your operation: get with handsome strawberry blondie, you need to get on Phainon's good side. What's a little glazing—
Without a warning, your eyes cringe at his mustard yellow hoodie and radioactive purple pants. "Phainon…" You frown. "What is that?"
"What?"
Mydei scoffs. "See, even the new recruit is concerned for your unsalvageable fashion sense. Stick to wearing the school uniform — without an odd hoodie and destructive pants."
He acknowledged you! His words repeat in your head, and you can't help but smile.
"Okay, okay." Phainon raises his arms in defense. "My fashion sense needs some work."
In the afternoon, you attend the Cooking Club's first general meeting. Most of it is housekeeping, noting any fundraisers, and what to expect. Being the president of the club, Mydei does most of the talking.
Honestly, you don't remember half of what he's saying. In fact, you're barely paying attention at all — all your attention has zoned in on Mydei's mannerisms, the sound of his voice, and the way his arms flex when they're crossed. Though, it seems that the Aeons have given you enough blessings, and you're stuck with having to focus on the occasional questions Phainon asks randomly you. Is he testing your attention span? If so, you're failing right now.
"Sorry, what did you ask?"
"Did you like the presentation?" He nervously repeats as if he were the one presenting.
Of course you did. You got to hear Mydei speak for 30 minutes before the vice-president, Castorice, presents on the dates of the upcoming events — which you ended up taking pictures of for future reference. "Yeah. Great club."
Phainon smiles brightly, shoulders shrugging a sigh of relief. "That's good." He glances over at something behind you. "I'll see you tomorrow?"
You nod. "See you tomorrow, Phainon."
On the way out, you faintly hear your name, but you must be imagining things because when you turn around, nobody is actively looking for you.
Dear Diaryᝰ.ᐟ The Part You Know
Hang outs with Phainon quickly became a routine.
On Tuesdays, the two of you would attend the Cooking Club's weekly meetings.
On Wednesdays, you would go to a nearby tea shop and do work together. More often than not, Phainon is the one helping you. At first, you didn't expect him to be nerdy — until he pulls out his glasses and starts talking to you in an academic language you barely understand.
On Thursdays, he walks you home. Initially, you told him not to, but Stelle somehow convinced you that Phainon would never be the type to quote, 'Randomly kidnap you, take you to his basement, and force you to eat salads.'
On Fridays, you and Phainon explore the area — in other words, the two of you hang out. The first week, you watched a movie. It was supposed to be an action movie, but Phainon brought you to the wrong cinema and the two of you ended up watching a Rom-Com. The second week, you went to the arcade. This week, the two of you plan to eat at restaurant that recently opened. Chrysos Heir Activity Center. An odd name for a restaurant, but maybe the owners are going for something silly. When you arrived with Phainon all dressed up (per Phainon's request), their special as well as the menu for the day was nothing but salads. What the hell? You ask one of the waiters about their menu and learned that they changed it every few days.
"I promise I didn't plan this! Well— I did plan for the date, but I didn't think the menu was all salads!" Phainon defends himself, hands up in the air like the devious schemer he is. "Give me some credit. Are the salads good at least?"
You sigh, writing out your day at the restaurant into your diary.
Full of salad. Why is it always salad? Does he love salads that much?
Next time, I'm choosing the restaurant.
…
Saturday and Sunday. The only days you get to rest. If it weren't for Phainon's responsibility as the swim captain, you would be swamped by him everyday — as if it isn't happening already. Either he has mind-reading powers or has some crazy third-eye for you because just as the thought passes, you receive a text from him.
Stelle's Friend: Good Morning, Partner!
He used to never text you on Saturday and Sunday, but of course, those days can't stay Phainon-free forever. At some point, he'll probably insert himself into your daily life before you know it.
You: good morning Phainon.
Stelle's Friend: (˶˃ ᵕ ˂˶)
You: have a nice day phainon ദ്ദി(˵ •̀ ᴗ - ˵ ) ✧
Stelle's Friend: (˶◜ᵕ◝˶)
Stelle's Friend: You too!! („• ֊ •„)
Since it's your day off, you indulge yourself into a semi-secret guilty pleasure of yours. Fan fiction. Only your closest, most trusted friend you know, knows about this semi-secret of yours. Semi in the way that you can't keep your mouth shut about the stuff you read, and secret in the way that only Stelle knows about the kind of stuff you read.
Like any weekend at the Stellaron siblings' place, you lounge on Stelle's bed, scrolling on AO3, reading another Phaichan fic. Only a few inches away from you, your trashcan-obsessed best friend attempts to crochet a trashcan on Yubtub. You're having the time of your life, laughing at some funny dialog until she ruins the mood.
"Have you ever thought about — probably not — how similar Phaichan and Phainon are?"
Horrified by this revelation, you throw her Lordy Trashcan pillow at her. "Stelle. Please do not group my beloved Phaichan with that guy from our school. They are not the same!"
"The Nile is a river in Egypt~" Stelle hums, amused by your reaction. "Plus, you've practically been going on dates with him. You go somewhere nice on Fridays while I'm stuck in the library with Caelus."
You ignore her comments, returning to your fic. Every now and then, your brain would mix Phaichan and Phainon up. As much as you want to deny it, you're starting to realize that, yeah, they do act… very similar. Too similar. Dear Aeons, how are you supposed to read romance with Phaichan now?
…
You attend the Cooking Club's weekly meetings on Tuesdays, hang with Phainon almost everyday while simultaneously juggling your own relationships with your friends. Two months have passed, and summer break is right around the corner, but how have you not made any progress?! Your name has yet to leave Mydei's lips. It hasn't happened yet. Why? What are you doing wrong? Why isn't he personally seeking you out? Is he not interested in the cute friend that hangs out with Phainon so often?!
At your usual table with Stelle and Danheng, a prominent frown plagues your expression as you depressingly chew on your fruits. The two exchange knowing glances, and after a few silent, "You start." "No, you." Stelle decides to break the ice.
"Why so gloomy?"
"Do you not like the fruits today?" Danheng pokes his strawberries with unused fork before offering it to you. "Do you want mine instead?"
A long, depressing sigh escapes your lips. "Guys. Be for real." You dramatically accept Danheng's offer of a single strawberry, wiping a few invisible tears as you cherish the sweetness of the fruit by chewing once per three seconds. The two have no choice but to watch.
Finally, you break the secret crush you've been hiding behind closed doors — which might as well be made of glass with how obvious you probably are; the constant staring, ogling, and daydreaming isn't fooling anyone but you. "Do I have a chance with Mydei?"
Danheng drops his spoon into his bowl of soup, and Stelle's mouth hangs wide open. The water she drank during your interpretive dance now pours into her empty tray (she ate all her food). Their reactions are far from what you imagined. Where's the common delusional encouragement of blind leading the blind?!
"Guys, that doesn't make me feel any better, you know." You shrink into your chair. "If you're trying to act shocked, that is not—"
"YOU LIKE MYDEI—?!" Stelle exclaims for the entire cafeteria to hear.
"WHAT THE— SHHH!"
It's life or death with the way you're racing to cover her mouth. Hope, pray, and everything in between. Dear Aeons, please say Mydei isn't in the cafeteria.
Stelle suspiciously looks around for the strawberry blonde. "At least he isn't here — Oh, look. He just walked in."
Like a criminal hiding from the cops, you duck your head, bringing Stelle with you. Meanwhile, Danheng sits across from the two of you, stunned by… everything, really. "What did I just witness?" He wonders aloud.
After safely escaping the cafeteria, you let out a breath you didn't know you had been holding. Stelle clicks her tongue, bitting her bottom lip. "So, you like Mydei?"
Embarrassed, you nod, looking off to the side. "Yeah…"
It's silent as the three of you walk back to class. The entire time, you can't even find it in yourself to look at Mydei — not even in his general direction.
...
On the way to the station, Stelle has been fidgeting with her garbage can-shaped key chain. "Yes, Stelle?" You begin, hoping she'll spill whatever has been bothering her this entire time.
"It's probably bad timing, but I was planning to tell you during lunch." Stelle begins, biting her lips before rambling about how she didn't know how to tell you while you were sulking. "But, It'll be Phainon's birthday soon, and his friends are planning to take him to the new Chimera Theme Park. Mydei told me to invite you too, since he noticed how close you and Phainon have gotten."
Shoot. You didn't even think to ask when Phainon's birthday was — not only that but, Mydei noticed you too. Though, you don't feel as happy as you thought you would. It's been two months since he's directly mentioned you. For two months, you've tried. Frequent hang outs with Phainon, attending the Cooking Club's meetings and sitting in the front so he could see you. Even during your hang outs with Phainon, where Mydei is present, the strawberry blonde doesn't seem you notice you all that much. Is he playing hard to get? Is he shy? Should you make the first move?
"Of course I'll come." It's Phainon's birthday. It would be rude to hang out with him 24/7 and not attend. "Also, sorry if I came off as upset or angry at you."
"No, no." Stelle waves her hands dismissively in the air. "Don't worry about it. I'm sorry I aired out your crush like that."
Along the way, you tell her about your operation: get with handsome strawberry blonde. Despite her laughing at the title, she gives you some genuine advice.
"If he gives you a compliment, take it and say thank you. It might sound obvious, but I know you; you're definitely gonna lag during the dialog."
You scoff in response. "Wow, thanks. That makes me so confident, Stelle."
"Just looking out for you."
"Because you said that, I'm going to remember the second half of that advice."
The bus ride home feels warm as you rant to Stelle about your feelings for Mydei. Occasionally, she would giggle at your silly antics like the time you met Mydei for the first time at the booth.
"It's like the Aeons were on my side, you know?"
"Uh-huh, and while we're at the theme park meant to celebrate Phainon's b-day, somehow you're making out with Mydei in the backseat."
"What?! We're missing some steps there, Stelle."
"You told me after becoming friends you'd walk on the beach with a ring in hand. I think we've been missing steps."
Eventually, the conversation fizzles out with weak and tired laughs. Your head rests against Stelle's shoulder, enjoying the comfortable silence.
"You seem to really like him." She says after a long period of silence.
You hum. "At first, it was because he was handsome, but I love how competent he is. His honesty is admirable, and he's pretty funny whenever he and Phainon banter."
…
It's the beginning of Summer. Finals are over, and like usual, you're lounging at Stelle's place — which is also Danheng's place. Both you and Stelle lay on her bed while Danheng learns how to crochet with March and Caelus on the bedroom floor that the Stellaron siblings share. The five of you converse about random experiences at school, and along the way, you find that other than you, Phainon regularly hangs with March and Caelus.
"I didn't know you were, like, tied to the hip with Phainon like that!" March giggles. Throughout your rant, she would often give Caelus a look. What kind of look? No idea, but it seemed she wanted to say something. "He always talks—"
Caelus suddenly coughs, interrupting March. "He always talks about being bored," Caelus continues with a nervous chuckle. "So, it's surprising to hear that he hangs out with you everyday."
"I always thought he only hung out with Mydei." You say, playing with the ends of Stelle's hair.
"He hangs with Mydei sometimes; Phainon usually hangs out with us since Mydei's almost always busy with his clubs, and other leadership roles." Caelus explains.
Now you're beginning to wonder why you've never seen Phainon with Caelus and March.
…
Phainon's birthday comes sooner than you anticipated. You, Stelle, Caelus, March, and Danheng take the train. For most of the ride, the five of you were sound asleep. Once you get there, Mydei and Castorice are already waiting at the lobby of the train station.
You can't help but stare at Mydei. He's wearing a white tank-top with a dark overalls, and gloves. Beside him, Castorice greets you before handing you a piece of card stock. "Could you please write a birthday card for Phainon? We'll give it to him when he arrives."
Like clockwork, you glaze Phainon in your letter to him. You detail all the moments with him, the day he first recruited you to the Cooking Club, and the times he's given you a small, subtle waves in class. Of course, you make room to make fun of his fashion sense. By the time you finish writing the letter to him, you're beginning to realize that Phainon is actually a really good guy. On the bottom, you write:
Happy Birthday, my goofy dork with 0 fashion sense.
P.S. Still love you even if your fashion taste sucks balls.
Proud, you seal the letter, doodling both you and Phainon as mini chimeras on the back of the envelope.
When Phainon arrives, he receives letters in succession with tears in between. The moment he gets to you, he's already sobbing and blowing his nose. He leans in, hugging you while crying into your shoulder.
"Oh, Phainon…" You coo, suddenly emotional from his sobbing. Those before you are also crying; It seems to be contagious.
"Thank you." He whispers into your ear before moving onto Stelle who hands him a letter and a Lordy Trashcan key chain. This causes him to cry even harder. It seems to have brought up some memories.
Chimera Park is better than you thought. The cute attractions, the wild chimeras — which seem to like you, specifically the one called 'Beagle Coconut.' Source? Danheng and Anaxa; they seem to know their Chimeras. For once, operation: get with handsome strawberry blonde isn't consuming your mind, running like a program in the background. Instead, you're eating cake made to look like redsoil like a mindless droma — happy.
"Let's go on this ride!" Phainon calls out your name, pointing to one of the slow, story-themed rides about the history of dromas.
Of course, the entire group tags along especially Danheng and Anaxa. However, Phainon makes it very clear that he wants to sit next to you. It's cute. The way he actively seeks you out. During rides? Your spot next to him is guaranteed — actually, it's the only spot you can sit in. If not, he is going not on the ride; therefore, you are also not going on the ride — not by choice. On breaks, when the group is eating and shopping for souvenirs? Phainon is practically glued to your hip, showing you all the things he finds interesting.
"There's a cute Beagle Coconut key chain, do you want to get matching ones?" It's almost as if there's a tail wagging behind him. "Oh! How about we get a chimera key chain that looks like you? Since this one looks like me — we'll be together even as chimeras!"
Your name is called for the 35th time today, and Phainon comes out from the corner with a familiar white unicorn in hand.
"They sell Ica here?"
"No. I just wanted to bother you." He chuckles, booping your nose with Ica's horn. You simply laugh in response.
While shopping alone with Phainon, he suddenly holds your hand without warning. At first, you're confused, trying to get his attention to let go of your hand, but the way he looks at you makes you feel things you never knew you could feel with Phainon.
Your heart skips a beat, your face heats up, and suddenly you're aware of how close he is to you. When he looks at you, it's like you're the only thing worth looking at in the world. His gaze is gentle, soft, and filled with a longing you would never expect to find. Has it always been this way? Has he always looked at you this way, and you haven't noticed until now?
"Yes?" He simply says after you had been smacking his arm. When he looks down at you, you're staring back with the same gentle, longing in his eyes, silent and still. A small nervous laugh leaves his slightly parted lips. "Why are you looking at me like that?" He says as if he isn't looking at you the same way.
"Nothing." You quickly answer, turning away from him, but no longer intending to let go of his hand.
The two of you end up holding hands for the rest of the day.
…
"Get home safe, everyone!" Phainon and Cyrene wave as the group parts from the station. For a moment, you want to say something to Phainon, but decide not to.
As if reading your mind, Phainon chases after you. "W-Wait. I have something for you." He pulls out a small box from his pocket, and opens it in front of you. It's a necklace with a sun-shaped pendant.
"I wanted to give it to you the moment I arrived, but I was caught up in crying over the letters." He explains, hands going around your neck to put the necklace on for you, but you're too stunned to comprehend anything. All you see is Phainon's arms extending past your shoulders, face close to his. Sky-blue eyes, and soft, pink lips—
"I hope you'll think of me every time you look at it." He softly mutters, hands traveling down to hold both your hands. His thumb slowly caresses your knuckles. "Thank you for welcoming me into your life; thank you for being part of my life. You're the sun that shines through my rainy days."
Dear Diaryᝰ.ᐟ I'm Think I'm Falling In Love With—!
Second semester begins and you and Phainon are closer than ever. During lunch, he brings Caelus and March over to your table — somehow he knows exactly where you sit. Stelle probably told him where, so it wouldn't be that shocking. Not only that, but you notice that Stelle and Phainon like to whisper a lot. At first, you didn't think much of it, until it began to bother you.
At night, when you're supposed to be sleeping, you're tossing and turning at the thought. Part of you wonders why you're bothered at all. Why do you care? You should be focusing on operation: get with handsome strawberry blonde Mydei.
During Phainon's birthday hang out, you spent most of your time with him, and thus made zero progress. So much for Stelle joking about making out with Mydei. Usually, the stuff that comes out of her mouth becomes true like some kind of divine foresight. There has to be some kind of Aeon working with her. Maybe you should ask her to say, "Mydei will like you" or something.
On the way to class, someone else occupies your seat. Stelle sits in your seat and Phainon sits in hers. The two engage in the most serious-looking conversation you've ever seen in your life. Mutters, occasional nods, and sometimes, a comment from Danheng.
"What about platonic love?"
You raise a brow, walking up to your friends. "Platonic love? With who?"
The three look at you as if they've seen a ghost. Both Stelle and Phainon freeze. Only when Danheng clears his throat that the two snap out of whatever trance has them stun-locked. A cloud of déjà vu flies past you.
As if trying to change the subject, Stelle comments on your necklace. "Ooh, cute! Where'd you get the necklace?"
"It's a gift from Phainon."
"Ohh, cool— Wait, really?" Genuinely surprised, Stelle looks at Phainon as if she had missed important information. Meanwhile, Phainon acts like a shy puppy.
"You guys are acting weird." You say, sitting on Stelle's desk.
You catch Phainon choke on — something — before abruptly standing up. With wide eyes, Stelle tilts her head to her right, but when you look at her, she's swaying from side to side.
"Ah. Apologies, Partner." He says, now offering the chair to you.
Confused you stand, sliding off Stelle's desk. "Something's up. Spill."
Her face contorts into an ugly frown. When she turns to Phainon, he's pleading with his eyes. What are these two hiding?
Finally, Stelle groans and slams her hands on the table. "But— Fine! The truth is…"
"Please don't—" is all Phainon manages before he's closing his eyes like that'll save him.
"We were talking about this antique Lordy Trashcan figurine I saw in Amphoreus!"
Next to you, the sound of a breath of relief. Phainon turns to you, elaborating like he wasn't trying to will himself away. "Well. As you know, I enjoy appraising antiques, and Stelle enjoys… Lordy Trashcan figurines. Along the way, I found that it was an authentic piece. So, we plan to buy it the next time we visit Amphoreus!"
It made sense. Stelle like Lordy Trashcan, Phainon likes appraising antiques, and perhaps they were secretive because those are two odd hobbies to have. Right?
…
Phainon: Good Morning, sleepyhead! Better get up now or you'll miss the bus
Truth is, you're already up. You have been awake for a good hour, too excited to fall back asleep.
You: very funny, phai
You: but I've been up
Phainon: ( ˶°ㅁ°) !!
Phainon: Are you also excited for today?
You: mhm! can't wait to see you (˶ˆᗜˆ˵)
Phainon: ₍₍⚞(˶˃ ꒳ ˂˶)⚟⁾⁾ Me too
Unlike almost all hang outs with Phainon, this time your entire friend group tags along. Today, is packed with activities. First, the movies, then ice skating for an hour, and then back to Chrysos Heirs Activity Center. You make sure to check the menu before agreeing because you're not about to eat salad after a long day. Thankfully, they have so much more than just salad tonight.
Throughout the hangout, you find yourself alone with Phainon for long periods of time.
While waiting in line to order food, Cyrene, suddenly decides to use the bathroom after everyone else had left to use the bathroom — excluding you and Phainon, of course.
"On second thought, I think I need to use the bathroom too."
You and Phainon nod, and after the silence, you had an itching feeling to look up — only to find Phainon staring at you.
"What?" You say, half-confused and half-nervous. Suddenly, you're self-aware all over again. Is your hair okay? Are your clothes questioning your fashion taste? Wait, why are you worried? It's Phainon.
"I really like your outfit today." He coughs out before checking his non-existent watch, and as if he rehearsed, he adds, "You look really pretty."
Now it's your turn to glance at your non-existent watch. What do you say to that?
"If he gives you a compliment, take it and say thank you."
Right. "Thank you." you manage, tugging at your necklace, playing with the pendant. Suddenly, the air conditioned lobby feels hot. Did someone turn on the heater? Wait. Wasn't that advice meant for Mydei?
Speaking of looking pretty. You sneak a peek at Phainon's clothes. Are you blind or does Phainon actually look good today?
He's wearing a black turtle neck, an open white button up, a dark blue coat, white pants, and that thigh strap you always see him wear. Aglaea must've helped him because there is no way Phainon chose to wear this. Not only that, but why does his outfit make your stomach turn — in a good way. Your legs suddenly feel weak, and you can't stop staring at his outfit.
"Is there something you want?"
His voice startles you. "No." You peep, hoping he doesn't press you on the fact you were staring.
"Then, why are you looking at me?" Quick! Come up with a believable response. You've done this before—
"Sorry. You just look so hot—"
Oh shit.
"I mean— what? Who said that? I didn't—" It's time to dig yourself into a hole and never come out. Better yet, change your name, move countries, and live undercover as an old grandma that likes to give candy to children. Known by all for her kindness and—
His soft, slightly nervous chuckle tickles your brain. It grounds you to the reality you're living in: Phainon looks hot. He probably knows so, too.
All you can do is laugh awkwardly alongside him as you wait for your friends or finally reach the counter to order your snacks. From the corner of your eye, you notice an oddly familiar group of people waiting on the side. Wait. Are those your friends?! Stelle waves at you, giving you two thumbs up and a big, goofy grin.
"They've been there all this time?"
Phainon hums. "I thought you knew."
Once you get your snacks, you smack Stelle on the arm. "You betrayed me."
"You'll thank me later."
...
On the way to the ice-skating rink, you and Phainon take a detour because the two of you accidentally board the wrong subway. Thankfully, the two of you didn't have to wait long to reroute yourselves.
"Are you having fun?"
You nod. "Aside from the fact we boarded the wrong subway? Yeah." Then you take back your words. "Actually, I don't mind. It was fun navigating with you."
In the time that you're in the subway with Phainon, he tells you about his hometown.
"Aedes Elysiae," he whispers the name of his hometown like a quiet melody. "I used to hide in the wheat fields whenever I didn't want to be bothered." There's a small smile on his lips as he recalls the memory.
"One day, I want to show you around — show you my cute, fluffy, white puppy, Snowy."
You smile, listening to him talk about how he used to swim with his dad — and that's why he joined the swim team because it reminded him of those days. How, one of his favorite foods is fish because Aedes Elysiae had the best fish in all of Amphoreus.
After a while, he lets himself sink into the seat with you, resting his head on top of yours. "I feel complete when I'm with you."
…
"You don't know how to skate?"
"No, do you?"
The way he sounds like he expects you to say yes makes you cry on the inside. All your other friends have already gone on the rink, glued to their skating partner. Meanwhile, you're stuck with Phainon — or maybe he's stuck with you. You couldn't tell which was worse.
"We're gonna bruise our butts." You frown, reluctant to take Phainon's hand as he steps into the rink.
He lets out the most genuine laugh you've ever heard. "Don't worry. I got you."
"How?! You just said you couldn't skate—" Your words are cut off by a loud yelp. Your loud yelp.
Not even a second after stepping foot on the rink, the two of you fall. Surprisingly, Phainon kept his word. His hand wraps protectively around your waist, and your head rests on his chest.
"Are you alright?" He semi-yells over the rather loud rink.
"Yea, but what about you?!" You say, trying to get off him but fail horribly. Each time you try to get up, you fall back onto his chest. "How— How do you get up?!"
From the distance, a smug Caelus glides by, holding Danheng at a choke hold. It looks as if one wrong move — from Caelus — Danheng will be going down with him.
"What's up, loser." Caelus laughs in your face, and for some reason, you have a feeling of what's going to happen next.
The moment Caelus steps forward, he loses balance and falls dramatically. Along the way, he brings Danheng down with him. "Hey! What are you doing— Don't take me down with you!"
You've never laughed so hard in your life.
Stelle stops by with March. "Cae, lift your pants up. Don't show it to the world."
…
Dinner at the Chrysos Heir Activity Center is much better than last time, but you couldn't help but order the only salad on the menu as your appetizer. It reminds you of the first time you went to the restaurant with Phainon.
"The salad is good, right?!" Phainon smiles. He also ordered some salad before anything else. Because of course he did. Where there is salad, there is Phainon.
That night, under the soft glow of your lamp, you write a particularly long entry.
For the first time, Phainon appears in your diary under romantic context. No longer does your feelings regard him as the friend of the guy you like.
Now, he might just be the guy you like.
Dear Diary,
I think I'm falling in love with Phainon.
…
It's been a week since you've hung out Phainon — actually, it's been a week since you've spoken to Phainon.
"Stelle."
"Hm?"
"Have you heard from Phainon?"
Upon hearing this, of course Stelle jumps to the conclusion that you're missing him. Which is true, but you're not about to sign yourself up for a lifetime of teasing.
"No, why~?" Stelle lifts both brows before moving them in a suggestive manner. "You miss your boyfriend?"
"What? He's not even my— First of all, we're just friends."
"That's what they all say." Stelle sighs. "Don't you see the way he looks at you?"
"I'm just worried for my friend. He usually texts me 'good morning' on the weekends."
"Was my 'Good Morning, Bae' not good enough for you?"
You roll your eyes. "Not what I said."
March makes herself known by rolling onto the bed where you and Stelle lay. "It's swim season."
"Really? Swim in the fall?"
"Dunno." March shrugs. "Maybe they don't wanna get sunburns in the summer."
Later that day, you visit the school's aquatics building. The moment you enter, large, aggressive splashes of water echo from the pool to the lobby, where you are. A whistle blows in constant intervals, followed by synchronized gasps. When you enter, there are people you don't recognize on the bleachers, conversing with one another. Then, a random guy walks up to you. "Are you also here for Phainon?"
"How'd you know—"
He points at the bleachers you had just been looking at. "They are too. Make yourself comfortable."
Oh. Now you're uncomfortable.
You knew Phainon and his friends were popular, but not this type of popular. Were all these people seriously watching Phainon practice? You would too— No, you wouldn't. Okay, maybe you would. Once. Twice? Okay. Now you're just making a fool of yourself. Why did you even come here in the first place? Should you back out? But you want to talk to Phainon— wait. Talk about what? You're already here, though. Should you just stay?
You end up staying.
Majority of the time, you cannot tell the difference between Phainon and his teammates. The moment they go underwater, you're already lost. Meanwhile, his fan girls and boys know his every move — as if they've been here before, which they probably have.
When shirtless men in short, tight speedos walk up and out of the pool, you can't help but look to see if anyone else is seeing this. Are you the odd one out? Probably.
Okay. Now you're even more uncomfortable.
Just as you're about to leave, all the people around you shriek. What the hell?? It makes you panic, and rush down the bleachers. It's only five rows, but trying to go around people who have zero spatial awareness is difficult.
"Partner!" A familiar voice calls out to you. Your heart jumps before it sinks, and you immediately rush to the lobby, hoping it is random other guy who speaks like Phainon, who also happens to call people 'Partner.' Unfortunately for you, a hand grabs your wrist and you look up to see — Mydei?!
What is he doing here?!
"He's calling you." Mydei's grip on your wrist tightens when you yank back. Alright, staying where you are it is. After everything, you aren't as giddy as you used to be around him.
…
"Sorry about him." Phainon says, rubbing your slightly bruised wrist. Now that the two of you are alone — and he has clothes on — you take this time to look at his face.
Despite having hung out a week ago, you miss looking at his face.
"Don't you see the way he looks at you?"
You miss the way he looks at you.
Why isn't he looking at you? He hasn't looked up at you once since the two of you left the Aquatics building to sit on a nearby bench outside.
An unfamiliar, unsettling feeling sits in your chest. It squeezes your heart, and your unintentionally laugh aloud. What is happening to you?
"Didn't know you had fans."
Phainon's laugh matches yours. Awkward. Nervous. Anxious. "Don't mind them. I don't really pay attention to them, to be honest." He clears his throat. "So, why'd you come? You don't really visit me during practice."
"Oh. Well—" You swallow hard as heat rushes to your cheeks. "It's a little stupid—"
"It's alright. I mean, I do a lot of stupid things too—"
"You didn't say 'good morning' to me today."
Phainon freezes, and for the first time in the ten minutes you've been out together, he looks up at you, wide-eyed before gazing off into the distance with a sad look in his eyes. Is he expecting something more?
You couldn't take it any longer, any more edging and you'd be done for.
It's now or never, but you're sure it'll turn out well.
"I promise I didn't plan this! Well— I did plan for the date, but I didn't think the menu was all salads!" "Give me some credit. Are the salads good at least?"
Was he giving you signs? Were you were too blind to see?
"There's a cute Beagle Coconut key chain, do you want to get matching ones?" "Oh! How about we get a chimera key chain that looks like you? Since this one looks like me — we'll be together even as chimeras!"
He even gifted you a necklace that day.
"I really like your outfit today." "You look really pretty."
It's now or never. It's now or never.
"I feel complete when I'm with you."
Now or Never.
Now.
Never.
Now.
Never!
Now!
"I don't know when I started feeling this way, but—"
You see Phainon turn his head, and it almost makes you fold, but you continue, staring down at your shoes to occupy yourself. If it isn't now, you don't think you'll ever find it in you to confess anymore than he has. You fidget with the sun-shaped pendant on your necklace.
"Thank you for welcoming me into your life; thank you for being part of my life. You're the sun that shines through my rainy days."
He was waiting all this time for you to reciprocate, and all you've done is left him in the dark.
"You're always there for me, and I enjoy the time I've spent with you—"
After dealing with whatever demons are left in your head, you finally look up into his eyes, but what you find is not what you expect.
Why is he frowning?
Why does he look… sorry?
Yet, you continue. "Phainon, I like you more than a—" but you pause mid-way.
He hasn't said anything. He isn't jumping up and down like you thought he would.
"What about platonic love?" "Platonic love? With who?"
Does Phainon not feel the same way?
"I'm sorry— I don't—" Is all you hear before you walk away.
At first, you thought maybe you were over reacting, but he doesn't call after you.
So it's true, isn't it? There's nothing to explain. Nothing.
He doesn't feel the same way.
Dear Diaryᝰ.ᐟ
Countless memories written to preserve their memory, now lay on your bedroom floor scattered and carelessly ripped from your diary. The darkness of your room, only illuminated by a small lamp casts light over an entry that made you believe.
"Thank you for welcoming me into your life; thank you for being part of my life. You're the sun that shines through my rainy days."
Was that not a confession? You wonder, caressing the pendant attached to the necklace he gifted you.
You can faintly remember how giddy you were writing these entries about him. How you'd smile to yourself while writing late into the night, recalling and replaying certain scenes that made your heart skip a beat. How you'd dream of holding his hand while walking in the yellow wheat fields he so dearly mentioned.
What did you do wrong?