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Dennis Whitaker has a pretty good life. He passed his boards, successfully applied to residency, and has grown into his own as a first-year emergency medicine resident. He spends his evenings with his begrudging roommate turned best friend Trinity Santos, who so graciously offered him the spare room in her apartment. What was meant to be a few weeks into months of laughter, take out meals, and commuting to work together every morning. All of this would be plenty for the Nebraskan farm boy turned doctor, but the best part of it all was something he never would’ve expected.
Dr Robby.
The senior attending at the PTMC had become a second home for Dennis. After a long shift or when Trinity had plans, Dennis found comfort wrapped in the older man’s arms, rough and sweet all in one beautiful package. It all started a few months after his rotation in the ED and they had been together ever since.
Well, at least he thought like they had been.
Robby never formally asked to be his boyfriend, and Dennis hadn’t really minded, but he would be lying if he said it didn’t weigh on his mind.
Nobody knew about them. “It was better this way,” Robby had told him once. “Too many people find out, and it turns into a whole…thing.” Dennis understood but if one thing was true about the PTMC emergency department, the rumor mill is always active.
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“So, Huckleberry, did you hear?” Santos said with a mischievous smirk on her face on an atypically slow day. Dennis had, of course, heard what she was about to say: Doctor Robby was seeing someone.
Dennis thought to himself for a moment before softly replying, “about Doctor Robby, Yea I heard he’s seeing someone.” He hoped she couldn’t hear the panic in his voice.
If she did, she made no mention of it and said “Yea, I feel bad for whoever that is, wouldn’t wish that on my worst enemy “.
oh Dennis thought, taking a deep breath. He wondered why Santos would feel that way about the doctor. He knew he had to be careful about how he probed for more information. “Oh, and why-why would you say that?” Dennis stuttered out. He was making a complete fool of himself, Santos was sure to comment on his behavior.
She shot him a suspicious glanced before saying “oh come on Huckleberry you’re smart, you know a guy like that has serious commitment issues. He’s just going to string them along before he gets bored.” Picking up her stethoscope before leaving she turned to say “but, as always, you didn’t hear that from me”
Dennis felt his world shatter. That couldn’t be true, could it? Robby cared about him. He wouldn’t do that to him…
A small part of him wondered, if that were true, wouldn’t he want to show you off? Take you out on dates that occurred not at his apartment after nightfall? He must have his reasons. He’ll talk to him about it after work tonight and everything will be fine.
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For the past few months this was their routine. Dennis would meet Robby in the parking garage after work, they would go over to his apartment, spend the next few hours sweating through his sheets, and then Dennis would home. Then they would do it all again the next day.
Today was no different, at least that’s what Robby thought. Dennis spent the car ride to Robby’s apartment in silence. He had hoped that Robby would comment, making some statement to show that he noticed the younger boy’s unusual behavior. Robby continued driving with his hand on Dennis’s thigh, taking no notice
Once they got to the apartment Robby unlocked the door, turned on his radio like he always did, and pulled Dennis in for a kiss. It was rough and hungry, as Robby reached his arms around Dennis holding him tight.
They broke apart as Robby pulled him towards the couch. “You have no idea how badly I’ve needed this after today,” he said bringing Dennis into his lap.
Dennis knew if he was going to say something he would need to do it before things went any further. “Robby wait.” He said putting space between Robby’s face and his. Dennis smiled innocently at his attending before standing up. “Dance with me a little while, it’ll make you feel better.” The song playing on the radio was more dad rock than a ballroom waltz, but Dennis wanted to set a more emotional scene rather than a sexual one.
Robby tilted his head in confusion as he looked up at Dennis and asked, “Come on Whitaker can’t we dance after I’ve had a long day and need to blow of some steam.” After Dennis gave him a look and appeared to be unwavering with his request Robby sighed before standing.
They awkwardly fell into places with Robby leading and Dennis smiling up at him. He wasn’t sure how to start this conversation, so he let himself get lost in the music playing His head on Robby’s chest.
Eventually the air grew thick, and Dennis knew he would have to end this charade sooner rather than later. “Robby?” He said looking up at Robby. “Yes Whitaker,” Robby said softly, Dennis felt his confidence grow seeing the older man in this state that one could maybe mistake for being loving.
“What are we doing,” Dennis asked hoping the question would be met with the answer he needed to hear. “We’re dancing,” Robby replied plainly. Dennis faltered a little before continuing “no not just the dancing in general, are-are we dating?” Just as he finished the question Robby stopped swaying. “What? Dating? No, we’re just, we’re just,” he sighed. “I don’t know but I thought we were on the same page about this.” The pair had stepped apart, and Dennis now looked up all of his fears and anxieties from today coming true. “So, you mean that all this means nothing to you?” Robby paused before stepping closer to Dennis and saying “no of course not it’s just. It’s that. Jeez kid you’re half my age. I’m not one to settle down, if you wanted that with someone there’s better out there for you. I thought you knew. I’m sorry.”
Dennis could probably pinpoint the exact moment his heart shattered. If he wasn’t in the moment, he would say the patient presented with cardiac failure and needed a furosemide bolus stat. How he wished that were the case, a failing heart has guidelines, medications, and data on fixing. A broken one was not so clear.
Robby reached out to touch Dennis on the cheek. It appeared he may have actually felt bad about this. Not bad enough to want me the way I wanted him, Dennis reminded himself.
Dennis turned as the tears began to fall. “I have to go,” he choked out before grabbing his backpack and turning to leave. He wished Robby would tell him to stop. Wished he would say “don’t leave I love you I’m sorry please stay,” but that was a foolish wish for someone that knew better. Robby stood silently as Dennis walked away. Dennis couldn’t even muster a goodbye before closing the door behind him walking out into the cold moonlit street as he sobbed softly to himself.
As he approached his apartment, he saw the lights were still on indicating Trinity was still awake and would be waiting for him. Dennis took a deep breath and mustered all the courage he could find as he unlocked the door.
Before she could make a snide comment about him coming home after her she Trinity turned and saw her teary-eyed roommate set down his keys.
Dennis looked at her and said “it’s true you know. Someone is seeing Doctor Robby. Well, I guess they weren’t really seeing him the way he thought.” Understanding flashed in her eyes as the weight of what Dennis said hit her. She walked over to him and gave him an uncommon but not unwelcome hug. After they parted, she looked at him in his sad eyes and said
“Oh huckleberry.”