Chapter Text
Sometimes, Suguru likes to imagine the moon is chasing him.
Hung lowly in the sky, it scrapes the darkened trees as the scenery blurs, full and round like some disembodied eye.
The window pane is icy where he rests his temple on the glass, the rhythmic bucking of the train rattling through his skull. The speaker clicks overhead before the conductor announces the next stop.
Suguru leans away from the window and pulls his backpack tighter over his shoulders.
The chime of the opening doors blends into the distant hum of life that surrounds him-- constantly, now, he's lost in the hazy sea of it, a grey speck enveloped by endless movement.
Details of the small crowd wash over him and then vanish, forgotten, unimportant. He trudges out of the brightly-lit train station and down a darker road.
Suguru walks to the edge of town. Sore and tired, he crosses the street and is enveloped by deeper shadow. On his left is a chain-link fence. It marks the property line for an old, abandoned mansion surrounded by overgrown forest.
He sticks his hand out and runs his fingers over the cold metal as he walks. It makes a satisfying noise, like rain on metal chimes.
His fingers catch on the broken section. Suguru pushes it back. The metal bows inward just enough for him to squeeze through, but his backpack catches on the broken ends as he ducks past. He yanks once, freeing it, and then he drops the cut chain-link back in place.
It takes only a few paces in before the trees start to block out the streetlights. He pulls a flashlight from his coat pocket and clicks the bulb on.
Bugs dance in the yellow cone of light. Suguru takes a moment to orient himself, sweeping the light over the trees, and then continues forward.
Soon enough, he reaches the lake. It sparkles with moonlight, pushing the darkness to the edges of the trees, so he puts his flashlight away. His eyes quickly adjust to the shadowed haze.
A willow tree hangs over one side. He goes to it and tucks himself among the silvery leaves, sitting on his knees in between bumpy roots.
"Hey, Satoru. I'm here," he says as he pulls off his backpack. His voice sounds hoarse. He hasn't talked much today.
Suguru unzips his bag and pulls out what he needs: the tupperware of rice, some sweets he picked up from Mrs. Yoshita's shop, the incense.
"Worked a long shift today," he murmurs, taking the lid off of the rice. He places it in front of the framed picture leaned against the roots. "Broccoli-head called out, as usual."
The fluid in his lighter is getting low; his thumb hurts by the time he manages to get a flame. "But it's more money, I guess." He sighs, lights the incense. "Good for the hospital bills."
He sticks the incense in the rice. The smoke curls up, tracing over the curves of the face in the photo. Satoru stares back at him, mouth frozen in that winning smile of his.
The color's faded. Dirt has collected over the glass and in the corners of the frame. Suguru wipes it away with his fingertips.
"Oh, Shoko says hi," he remembers to say. "Haven't seen her in a bit, though. Going to school has been..." Suguru trails off, his voice stuck in his throat. The quiet lapping of water against the bank fills his silence.
As he breathes in the rich scent of the forest, the air changes. A shiver runs down his spine, and the temperature chills him to the bone. He frowns as his breath begins to ghost out in front of him, puffy white in the moonlight.
Suguru pulls his jacket tighter around himself. Then, a soft crackling echoes on his left.
He turns towards the lake. The water grows paler, somehow-- Suguru blinks.
The entire lake is icing over.
Is this... what a cold snap is?
The hair on the back of his neck stands. He clasps his hands together and breathes over them. "Satoru, hah," he laughs uneasily. "Have you ever seen this before...?"
He looks back at the photo. A blue glow reflects off the glass.
His throat closes. God, if someone found this spot-- the last thing he can deal with is losing it--
Suguru whips around, but it's not a person he sees. A blue orb floats just a few feet away. It dips with the wind, shaking as it fights to stay in place.
Suguru is speechless. The light, however, is not.
It starts as a whisper, the consonants a hiss in the air. Then the vowels fill in, and Suguru starts to understand. Starts to recognize the happy lilt of that voice.
"S- ch... isn't me. Suguru!"
Suguru's breath rushes out as his chest collapses. "Satoru?" he whispers, voice punched into the air.
The orb shines brighter. It's shaking looks more like dancing, now. "It's me!" he shouts, grin evident in his voice. "Wait-- I'm not done yet."
A pale outline forms around the orb. In a matter of seconds, the glimmering image of Satoru appears, blue glow strongest in the center of his chest. He seems pleased with himself as he looks down. He splays his hands out and says, "How's that?"
Suguru stares. He feels a bit like he just finished a rollercoaster-- all buzzing nerves and numb nausea and floating excitement.
Satoru dims a little. "Suguru?"
When he hears his name again, it finally sinks in. It's really him.
A thousand questions burn in his mind: What took you so long; why are you in your school uniform; did it hurt?
He struggles to pick one, but he eventually asks, "Why... are you back?"
"Well," Satoru's nose scrunches. "I don't know. 'Guess it happens when you're murdered."
His veins turn to ice. The truth is a knife in his heart, and hearing it spoken so casually by Satoru is a brutal twist. Suguru blinks back the heat behind his eyes, the metal pain in his throat.
Never one for silence, Satoru quickly follows with, "It's in the past though-- I can admit I lost. I'm just glad that you made it."
Suguru breathes in deep, the frigid air numbing his chest, his turbulent mind. For a moment, he catches on that one little word, lost. Lost, what? Lost his chance at life?
But the topic frays his composure even more. Suguru can hardly look at him and bows his head-- looks at his hands absently resting over his thighs. "Oh," he exhales, mechanical.
Satoru steps forward. He seems to float in the air; the grass doesn't move as he walks. It only passes through his transparent shoes. He sits in front of Suguru, their knees almost touching. "You look different," he says.
Suguru doesn't know what's more shocking: to see Satoru after so long or for him to be so calm about everything. "It's been a while... since you died," he answers. "Almost a year, actually."
"Really?!" he says. There's excitement in his eyes-- he's always loved a puzzle.
"Yeah," Suguru hugs his knees to his chest, the chill growing worse now that Satoru's gotten closer. He shivers as they stare at each other, just... taking him in again. All the memories that have haunted him rush forward, growing brighter with the reminder of his face. "I missed you," he murmurs, a rush of fondness filling his heart until it breaks into a million little pieces.
The corners of Satoru's lips tug upward. "I missed you, too, in those last moments," he responds.
Dread eats at his stomach, but he can't help himself when he asks, "What was it like? Being... gone?"
His eyebrows furrow-- Suguru can tell he's thinking hard. "It was like... I was underwater, and then I heard you talking. I followed your voice, but there was this film between us. I couldn't really see anything, and you couldn't hear me. So I just... focused my energy on breaking the barrier. And it worked!"
"Is that why it took you so long to come back? Like... this?" he asks, gesturing.
"I don't know," Satoru says, then scratches his cheek. His voice grows softer as he adds, "I don't remember being away. It was like falling asleep, and then I found you."
Suguru looks away, jaw clenching.
A chill shoots through his knee. When he looks down, he sees Satoru's finger skimming the edge of his jeans. He pushes forward, but instead of touching him, his finger just goes through his leg.
Satoru might be back, but he can't even touch him.
Tears collect in Suguru's eyes-- he doesn't have the strength to hold them back any longer. He covers his face with his hand as they begin to fall.
"Wha-- hey!" Satoru's panicked voice is overtly loud in the quiet forest. "Does that hurt?"
Suguru stifles a sob. "Just-- cold," he manages to murmur.
"O-Okay," he stutters. "Then what...?"
"You're dead, Satoru!" Suguru shouts, hands thrown in the air. "I kept telling myself that at least you were at peace, but now--" his throat closes around another sob, and it takes all of his will power to quietly wrestle it down. He covers his mouth with his hand, shakes his head.
"Oh," Satoru exhales, looking a little admonished. "I'm sorry."
Self-loathing coats his chest, thick as black tar. "You're not the one that should be saying that," he says. "I'm sorry, Satoru."
"It wasn't your fault--"
"Don't."
They stare at each other. Satoru looks on-edge, like he's not sure about something. Suguru doesn't want to argue with him, so he keeps quiet and wipes his face.
"Hey... how late is it?" Satoru asks.
Suguru furrows his eyebrows. "What?" he asks, even though he heard the question just fine. He looks at the moon through the tree crown.
"Well, it's late, right? How late?"
"I don't know," Suguru mumbles. He pats his pants for his phone, finds it in his front pocket.
"1:32."
"In the morning?!"
"No, the afternoon," Suguru quips.
Satoru's face snaps into a fake glare. "Why aren't you sleeping?"
"You of all people--"
"Yeah, me of all people would know that you need sleep," he says. His face turns serious, a rare thing. "You look tired, Suguru. Are you-- have you been okay?"
He sighs, and then he hides his face in his hands. He knows. "Give me a break," he mumbles, mostly to himself. Then he adds, "I of all people, you know, if you want to be grammatically correct--"
"You pretentious asshole--"
"You had so many tutors, you nepo baby, and you can't even remember that--"
Satoru surges forward and puts his icy hands through his neck. Surguru gasps and falls back, trying to escape him, but Satoru just tumbles with him. He ends up on his hands and knees overtop of him, covering him in a blanket of frigid air.
Suguru's breath ghosts between them as he pants, the cold shocking his heart into overdrive.
"Just helping you wake up for your walk back," Satoru sneers. His blue eyes glitter beautifully, and framed by the sky like this, he looks like he's made of moonlight.
"Dick," Suguru says and shivers.
Satoru gets up. The cold dissipates gradually.
Suguru sits up and says, "So you're just here to bother me, now?"
Satoru rolls his eyes. "Who was bothering who?"
He starts collecting his things. He leaves the incense and rice-- it feels too weird to take it. "Well, I remember this rich kid who couldn't make any real friends to save his life, and then he suddenly gets it into his head that we were rivals--"
"You totally antagonized me first--"
"Because I was a better student--"
"You just sucked up better!"
"Yeah, and you swallowed."
Satoru clams up immediately. The funniest thing about it is that his face even turns red. "Wha-- you--"
"Been a while since you were this embarrassed," he says, feeling smug. Suguru throws his backpack on after taking out his flashlight. He looks at it for a moment, then back at Satoru, who's still frozen to the spot. "Feel like lighting the way back, glowstick?" he asks.
Indignation warps Satoru's face, but his cheeks are still tinted red. "I hope you stumble and fall," he mutters, and then he starts walking in the wrong direction.
Suguru rolls his eyes and starts walking the right way.
A few moments later, he hears Satoru shout in the distance, "You're gonna leave me behind?"
"Only if you don't follow me," he says. He pulls his coat tighter. "I'm cold. Wonder why."
He hears Satoru behind his shoulder: "Oh, wonder why," he copies mockingly.
It's unsettling-- he can't hear his footsteps at all. He also closed the distance in record time.
Satoru sulks a little, but it doesn't last long. "Didn't know you were so into trespassing," he mutters as they reach the chain-link fence.
Suguru glares at him after ducking through the broken section, a little taken aback. "Please. You were way more into it than me."
Satoru gasps dramatically as he simply walks through the fence. "Since when?"
"Since forever. You literally said no fence could stop you."
"That's true," he says, "But I don't remember saying that."
Suguru rolls his eyes. "Whatever," he mutters.
They start walking towards the train station.
"You mentioned Shoko," Satoru says.
"You heard that?"
"Yeah. It took me a minute to... manifest, or whatever you want to call it," he says.
"Oh," Suguru exhales. "Yeah. She's doing okay. Kept being a good student and all that. Yaga made principle, too."
"Pfft. Bet he's proud of himself." Satoru mutters.
They make it to the train station and no one else seems to see Satoru. Suguru tells him to shut up, because he doesn't want to look crazy talking to thin air. Satoru, of course, just talks more.
Suguru takes his seat and listens to him chatter. It washes over him as he settles against the cabin of the train.
His eyelids are heavy, so he lets them fall closed.
"It's weird, because I remember seeing a lot more curses around. Where'd they go? There's like, zero. And it's weird that a sorcerer could come back-- the energy's supposed to dissipate after exorcising, so I shouldn't even be here-- not even as a curse-- or what is this, as a ghost? I thought that was just what normies thought curses were--"
Can't you talk about something other than your weird video game, Suguru thinks. He doesn't understand a thing he's saying, but he's missed his voice so much.
"Really," Suguru mutters. He's half-asleep already, but he wants him to keep going.
"Yeah! I mean, it goes against all the principles Yaga taught us. And I don't think my technique could interfere with a universal rule like that--"
His words fade as Suguru falls asleep, lulled by the familiar cadence of his voice.
///
He wakes to intense cold pressing over his chest.
Suguru gasps awake. He jerks up and looks around wildly, startling a woman in the seat across from him. He can see her gaping at him through Satoru, who's standing in front of him with his hands on his hips. "You're gonna miss our stop," he says.
He coughs and rubs his chest. His skin is so cold it burns.
"Did the stop for the school change? Why isn't it on the map?"
Suguru frowns at him, which means he's also frowning at the woman across the aisle. Her eyes go wide and she quickly looks away.
"Well?" Satoru splays his hands out, waiting.
He makes a face, his eyes darting back and forth.
Satoru rolls his eyes. "Jeez-- just act like you're talking on the phone."
His insides squirm as he takes his phone out of his pocket, but he flips it open and brings it to his ear. "Satoru," he whispers. "This is rude."
"Don't care," he says flippantly. "Explain."
"I don't know what you're talking about," he says, twisting around to see the train's map. He looks for the light that shows what stop they're at.
Shit. He needed to get off two stops ago.
"The stop at the end of the line-- except it isn't there! Where's the one closer to the mountain?"
The train tugs to a stop. Suguru rushes to his feet as the conductor announces the opening doors. "Keep up," he says as he shoots out of the train.
"Suguru!" Satoru shouts, exasperated, but he follows right behind him. He can feel the cold chill of his presence behind his left side.
Suguru beelines for the stairs-- there's an interchange in this station. If he times it right, he can catch a train closer to home. This late at night, though, he just hopes he can catch the last one.
"Can you answer me, please?" Satoru asks, the please uttered icily.
"In a minute," Suguru pants. "Running now." He doesn't even have the phone to his ear anymore.
He leaps down the stairs once he sees a train waiting at the interchange. He checks the board quickly, the green line, before getting on. The doors close just a few seconds later.
He collapses in one of the plastic seats. This line won't take him quite as far as the other train, but it beats having to walk two stops back.
The air in front of him chills.
"Where," Satoru spits tersely, "Are we going?"
Suguru clicks his tongue as he stretches back in the seat. "Sat--" he sighs and brings the phone to his ear. "Satoru, I'm going to my house?"
A man on the other side of the cabin glares at him.
"Not the school?"
"No?"
Satoru gestures, opens his mouth like he's going to argue, and then shuts it. "Whatever," he mutters. "But-- what about the stop?"
"What stop?"
"There should have been one closer to the mountain?!" he says, hands splayed out. Under the harsh lights of the train, his form looks paler, almost watery.
Suguru blinks at him, bleary, trying to process what he's talking about.
"You're looking at me like I'm crazy."
"You are crazy."
The train pulls to a stop. The man sends one last glare at Suguru before he steps off.
He flips his phone shut with a clack. Satoru doesn't even blink at the sound; he just stands with his arms crossed over his chest and glares down at Suguru.
"Look," he starts, "I don't know what you're talking about, but even if I did, I don't control the train stops. 'K?"
"I'm not asking you to control them," he mutters, then sits in the seat next to him with a sigh.
"Did you just breathe?" Suguru asks, the question feeling inane.
"I guess?" he says. "Force of habit."
Suguru snorts, which then turns into laughter. Satoru stops sulking after a few seconds and follows along.
They fall into silence, but it's lost its charge from earlier. Suguru looks at their reflection in the window across from them. In his black coat and dark hair, he blends into the night beyond the pane. Satoru, on the other hand, faintly glows like starlight. He catches his eye in the reflection.
"I just--" Satoru starts, then scrunches his face up. "I shouldn't be here, so I already feel crazy. And then things feel different and I don't know why, so it doesn't help me explain any of this."
Suguru hums.
"Isn't it driving you crazy? Not knowing?"
"What's there to know?" he says. "I get more time with you. I don't really care about the why."
Satoru visibly softens. They stop looking at the glass and turn to each other.
"I know-- me too. But... if we never figure this out, do you really want to be stuck with me forever? Like this? I get the feeling I can't go back easily. I don't know how."
Suguru thinks, yes.
Even before the accident, he wanted to be stuck with him forever.
It's selfish. He's selfish. But he doesn't want Satoru to suffer, and being a restless spirit falls into that category.
"We'll figure it out," he murmurs. "Besides-- you're so annoying, you'd be too good at being a ghost. I can't let you get used to it."
Satoru grins. "I'm going to be the best annoying ghost. You can't stop me." He pokes through Suguru's cheek and intense cold rockets into his jaw.
"Ass," he gasps out, ducking away from him. He responds by putting his whole hand through Satoru's leg.
"That's hot!" he yells, then skitters back over the row of seats.
"Oh, so it's uncomfortable?"
Satoru dims. "No."
"Liar."
"You surprised me!"
"Then come back and let me do it again."
Satoru jumps, then actually floats towards the top of the cabin. "You'll have to catch me!"
They miss their stop again.