Chapter Text
Tk was done. So fucking done. He understood truly he did, Carlos had lost his father of course he was distant. But all he wanted was his husband, all he wanted was Carlos but Carlos wasn’t there. Carlos was at the station and that was fine. It’s completely understandable.
It’s been almost a year. A year of distance, fights and begging. So much begging for Carlos to stay, to leave, to rest, to do SOMETHING ANYTHING. Almost a year of pushing through work and home with no help, everyone was focused on Carlos and that makes sense. Tk hadn’t lost his father, not really, not physically.
Slowly he did anything to survive, slipping back into drugs and self harm. It’s not like anyone noticed. Would they even care if they knew? Would Carlos care? No. HIS Carlos would care but not this Carlos, not Ranger Reyes. Thats problem really, Tk doesn’t know how to get his husband back.
Drugs were easy to hide. Just a small dose of oxy after work to take the edge off…if that small dose slowly grew it was no one else’s business. The cuts were harder to hide, deep and painful, but he managed. Changing in a separate room, long shirts and trousers. No one had to know. Soon it wasn’t just drugs and cuts, it was starving too. Now that was much harder to hide..but still Tk managed. Tk always managed. No breakfast, Carlos wasn’t around to make it, small lunch at the station so as not to arouse suspicion. Then dinner was either skipped or small, even when Carlos was home it’s not like he’s paying enough attention to notice.
Tk was just there. Not living just alive. He supposed that’s how his husband feels too, it feels selfish to harbour this anger but he can’t help it.
The door creaked open.
Carlos, sweet wonderful annoying aggravating, Carlos. Tk wondered if he could pretend to be asleep. Soon it became evident he wouldn’t have too, as his husband didn’t spare him a glance, going straight to his office. It was lucky in some ways because Tk’s arms were littered with deep wounds, at least he didn’t have to explain. He put a hoodie on just in case.
Later Carlos re-entered and actually looked at him. Shocking.
“Hi..babe..” He sounded hesitant.
Tk couldn’t bring himself to answer, or even look.
“Tk??” Frustration creeped into Carlos’ voice. Tk always hated when Carlos was angry. “Ok fine. Be like that.” His husband stormed out back to the office he came from.
He wanted to tell his husband everything. He wanted to die and Carlos feel guilty for this past year. He wanted to recover. He wanted so many things, it was easier to do the most attainable. That was suicide. Maybe Carlos wouldn’t feel guilty at all? That would be good too, he would end his burden on those around him.
He had a plan. A date. An opportunity. There was nothing stopping him.
Tk had 2 consecutive days off, technically so did Carlos but he wasn’t naive enough to believe Carlos would actually stay home.
As predicted the next day Carlos was gone before Tk awoke. Perfect. Not wasting time he grabbed paper, writing his goodbyes, he wondered if anyone would care to read them.
Dear Carlos,
Hi, I’m definitely dead by the time your reading this. I don’t know if you will read at all, I don’t know if I want you to mourn or not. I want everyone to care but I think it’s better if I leave quickly and quietly. Maybe you will go to my funeral but that’s it. Continue your life.
I hope your fathers killer is discovered, I know you can figure it out. I hope the blood doesn’t disturb you too much but unfortunately that’s the way it has to be. I deserve the painful death I will get.
I’m sorry. Not for dying but I don’t know. I’m just sorry. I love you.
And that was it, all he had to do not was cut his veins open. Tk knew how he’s a paramedic, was a paramedic.
Rather than dwelling on the fact he will never work alongside Nancy again he hastily grabbed the kitchen knife. Carlos’ favourite one, unfortunate that he will probably never look at it the same again.
Soon Tk was sitting on the floor blood pouring from his veins. At heart he was an addict so he dry swallowed his last few oxy pills, numbing himself slightly. He deserved the pain but ultimately he couldn’t deal with it. Pathetic, Tk thought.
As a final show of devotion he had carved the words “I love you” into his leg Carlos would know it’s for him.
Now all he could do was wait. Blood dripping down his arms, he kind of wished he had put in music but the high was enough for him not to care that much. Tk knew it was working when his vision darkened and blurred. Soon he wouldn’t have a care in the world. Maybe he would be a ghost, watching Carlos forever. That would be perfect. If heaven existed he knew he was not going so the best Tk could wish for was an eternity watching his husband.
Speaking of Carlos it was then that he…entered? Carlos, who was not supposed to be home?? Confusion was the only thing Tk’s high sluggish mind could feel. It was then he noticed it wasn’t only Carlos but, everyone..even his father who had shut him out all year. What the fuck was this. The hope he had that they wouldn’t notice him was shattered as Nancy screamed.
He winced at the loud unnecessary sound. Tk couldn’t comprehend what was happening anymore, hands were everywhere. His arms, legs and face all being touched by different people. The only one he cared about was right in front of him.
Carlos.
Oh what he would give to stare into those eyes forever. His beautiful husband wasn’t happy though, he was screaming tears streaming down his face. Tk has never known someone could look so perfect while crying. Carlos’ mouth was moving but all he could hear was high pitched ringing. He wished he could hear his husbands voice just one more time.
But it was then someone ripped him away from Carlos. Into…an ambulance? No. No. He was supposed to die tonight. Tk can’t go to the hospital, he doesn’t WANT to go, he doesn’t WANT to wake up.
The last thing he sees was a Latino paramedic frantically trying to bandage his wounds. He looks kind of like Carlos. At least he could pretend the last thing he saw was his husband.
That’s when his vision finally went black.