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At first after getting the ‘Satomi’ tattoo Kyouji didn’t think about its placement too much. (Just grateful it wasn’t on his forehead.) There on his right forearm, just low enough to be seen when he rolled up his cuffs. But the clean black lines of Satomi’s name stood out sharply against his pale skin.
Soon it became impossible not to notice the tattoo. It was there when he changed clothes, when he was in the shower, when he – well any time he was naked really. When wearing a shirt it was out of sight, out of mind. The moment that arm was bare though, the kanji of Satomi’s name felt like eyes staring at him. Judging him.
Meeting Satomi that summer had felt like fate. People like Satomi Oka only came into your life once, Kyouji was sure. Especially a life as messed up and derailed as his. If the world had been just, they never would have met at all. Of the two of them it was Satomi who would have come out of their meeting worse for wear. Kyouji wondered briefly what good deed he had done in a past life to warrant such a meeting, because it couldn’t have been anything in this one.
Now four years later and Kyouji had the name of a kid he had only known for a few weeks one summer tattooed on his arm. A kid he would probably never meet again. Kyouji had to keep reminding himself that time had passed on the outside too while he was in prison. Satomi-kun wouldn’t be a kid anymore. He’d be a young man now, if fate had been kind, 18 or so, and off to do more learning at a university or college.
Sometimes when Kyouji closed his eyes he could see a small karaoke room, crowded with a select few of his yakuza brothers, a still 14-year-old Satomi clinging to his arm. The same arm that now bared his name. Kyouji had never been shy about leaning in too close, or being overly familiar with the boy, but that was the first time he could remember Satomi reaching out first. He could remember the way Satomi had trembled in fear next to him, as if he would ever have let anything happen to the boy.
Something Satomi had put to the test a few weeks later and Kyouji was forced to knock a man’s skull in with his briefcase. Messy business, that.
At some point Kyouji had started to think of little Satomi as a stray kitten he had picked up that needed looking after. He had fed him and warmed him up when he’d been caught in the rain. And just like any good stray, Kyouji had gotten scratched when he’d taken things too far.
Kyouji sighed as he made his way through the Osaka airport. He wasn’t looking forward to this flight, or the whole trip really. Since he’d been out his boss had been giving Kyouji less physically demanding tasks. Go check on business here, and go pick this up for me, he had turned into a go-for guy. Tasks usually relegated to those with less experience. This was another such task, ‘Kyouji-san go check on my girlfriend in Tokyo, you know, the one who runs the snack bar…’ ‘Yeah, yeah’ Kyouji had mumbled in reply.
He wandered at a leisurely pace, checking the gate numbers and looking for the one that matched his ticket. Suddenly he paused. He never should have been able to pick him out, in a crowd of black-haired men he was just one more. But not to Kyouji. Kyouji felt his heart lurch in his chest and for one horrible moment though he was dying. What was that? Is this what a heart attack feels like? He’s only been out of prison for a month, is this really how he goes?
Kyouji had always been told people learn from their mistakes, but if that was true why were his feet leading him towards the young man sitting by himself. He was munching on a piece of obviously homemade onigiri and staring at -Kyouji swallowed- at a crumpled up old business card. Fuck. It couldn’t be his, could it? His heart continued to do weird things in his chest. Maybe after landing in Tokyo he’d go to the hospital for a check up. Assuming he lived that long.
For the second time in his life Kyouji felt inexplicably drawn toward another person. The fact it was the same person had no bearing on the situation, he was sure. His steps never faltered once as he marched towards doom – or fate – he wasn’t sure which. But he felt an internal tremor that caught him off guard, he was nervous, why was he nervous?
Cool as anything he sat down in the seat next to Satomi, the boy didn’t even notice, too busy staring at – yes- that was definitely Kyouji’s old business card. Had Satomi kept it this whole time? Extending his arm around the other man was as natural as breathing, it felt like it had only been yesterday since he’d last done this, then he opened his mouth and said the first thing that came to mind.
“What a crappy lookin’ business card,” Kyouji said, that finally seemed to rouse Satomi from his stupor.
Satomi turned to look at him then. Kyouji likes the new smaller framed glasses. They fit his face so much better than the old large round ones. But Satomi is looking at him like he’s seen a ghost.
“Hang on a sec, Satomi-kun.” He reaches into his jacket pocket and pulls out the shiny new cards and holder gifted to him by the boss. “Look, I got new ones made. The crest is all shiny.” He angles the card to show off the holographic effect.
Satomi’s not saying anything, but he was always the quiet one and Kyouji always talked enough for both of them, a nervous habit of his.
“Pleased to work with ya.”
When Satomi still doesn’t reply he swishes the card back and forth, “hello?”
Then he sees the problem, a grain of rice has stuck to the side of Satomi’s mouth. Without a thought he reaches out and plucks it right off his face. “Ah, some rice.”
Satomi has that same wide-eyed look that he had at 14.
“I thought you’d be dead by now.” Satomi said, dry as ever.
Kyouji can’t help but laugh, “That’s the first thing to come outta your mouth?”
Satomi turned away from him and looked at the floor as he said, “I-I mean, you completely stopped messaging me so -”
Kyouji hadn’t expected to meet him again, he hadn’t thought about what he’d say if their paths crossed a second time. He makes the split-second decision to exclude that fact he was in jail. The lie tastes easy for all the truth that it hides.
“I just figured it’d be a damn shame if some old fart messed up your youth any more than he already did.” But then, because he doesn’t know when to stop running his mouth, he adds, “But I really did want to see you. A lot.” He sounds more wistful than he meant to but quickly shakes out of his revere.
“Oh yeah, wanna see something funny?” he asked. Kyouji doesn’t wait for an answer, he never does, as he begins to unbutton his cuff and pull up his sleeve. “I ended up becoming the sucky-song king.” He doesn’t clarify the timeline, let Satomi think the tattoo is four years old. He doubts the kid could tell the difference between new and old ink.
“And he tattooed ‘Satomi’ on me.” Kyouji hold’s his arm aloft, no shame at all as he lets the world see the name tattooed there.
He’s beginning to think that maybe that name isn’t only tattooed on his arm, but also somewhere less visible. A place where no one else can see it, only him.
“Remember how you said, if I told the Boss something I hated was actually something I liked, he’d tattoo that on me?”
He can feel Satomi’s eyes burning a hole through him as he asked still so innocent, “Y-you like my name?”
“Your name…” Kyouji hums.
“Well, I figured if I’m gonna get one anyway, I’d rather it be a word than a picture. Then again, I don’t particularly like any words. But the Boss did improve a bit. Just a bit, though. Still, this tattoo’s pretty cringy, huh?”
Kyouji had always thought couples who got each other’s names tattooed on them were doomed. But he and Satomi aren’t a couple, and besides this ink has grown on him. For just a moment he tries to imagine Satomi with ‘madness’ tattooed somewhere hidden on his slight frame, but the image doesn’t stick.
Satomi is no longer looking at him, like he can’t bare the sight.
At last, Kyouji catches sight of Satomi’s boarding pass, “You on the flight to Haneda too, Satomi-kun? I’m headed to Tokyo on business, myself.”
Their seats are no where near each other, but that’s an easy fix.
Satomi still isn’t looking at him.
“Oh, Satomi-kun, are ya starting college this spring?” he asked leaning further into the gap Satomi has placed between them. “Look at you, big boy.” He teases.
Still Satomi ignores him. Kyouji taps his shoulder, “Satomi-kun. Look at me,” he whispers into his ear. He really wants Satomi to look at him. He doesn’t know why.
There is a flush high on Satomi’s cheeks and Kyouji doesn’t know what to make of it. All he knows is he wants to take that stubborn chin in his hand again, cradle it in his fingers like he did four years ago, and turn Satomi’s head towards him. Kyouji resists, but just barely.
“I can’t look at your face right now, Kyouji-san,” Satomi admits, his voice cracks a little.
Kyouji leans back, giving the boy some space at last, he thinks he might be starting to understand how Satomi feels.
“Oh yeah? You hate me now, do ya?” Kyouji laughs, falls back on his humor to get him through. “I need you to teach me how to sing again.” He goads, “If you don’t, I might get your face tattooed on me next time, Satomi-kun.”
He cracks an eye open to see if that gets a reaction out of Satomi.
“If that happens, I’m cutting all ties with you forever.” Satomi bites out, still not looking.
Kyouji appreciates the sullen teen act though. Maybe Satomi is under duress, but it just sounded like he agreed to spend time with Kyouji in the interim. He’s not sure what he did in this life, or a past one to meet with Satomi Oka a second time, but Kyouji feels it in his bones. He can’t let Satomi go this time. He’ll hang around as long as the younger man will let him. Because when Satomi is in his life everything is brighter and there is music.
“Yeah, so once we get to Tokyo let’s go karaoke!”
***
The grandmother who was supposed to sit in the seat next to Satomi is surprised when a handsome young man in a suit and tie approaches her with a charming smile and offers her his ticket in exchange for hers. It’s in business class. She accepts without hesitation. Her faith affirmed in the kindness of strangers. 84-years-old and she will be flying in business class for the first time. Won’t that be something to tell the grandkids when she lands in Tokyo.
Kyouji proceeds to talk Satomi’s ear off for the full hour and 25 minutes of the flight.