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Fixer stood in Jamaica Plains, staring at the contraption Tinker Tom swore up and down would take her into the Institute. Her face was ashen, and had been that whole morning. Deacon's breakfast wasn't sitting well on his stomach, either - he trusted Tom, he did, but the non-zero possibility that this thing would just turn Fixer into so much irradiated dust had kept him awake ever since they'd hatched this batshit plan.
"Five minutes," Tinker called out, and Deacon watched her somehow get paler.
"Deacon." Her voice was a soft whisper that he had to step closer to hear. "I need a favor."
"I already said I'd watch the dog." She shook her head hard, dislodging her glasses to where she had to resettle them on her face.
"I need - this is stupid - I want - "
Casting a glance around the courtyard, Deacon pulled Fixer into the shadow of a building, holding her wrists lightly in his hands. "What's up, Fixer?"
She caught his gaze, turning her hands over so she could grip his arms in turn. "I need you to tell me the truth."
Deacon's heart skipped a beat, though whether it was from the look on her face or the request he didn't know. "What do you mean?"
Her fingers dug into his skin. "I'm about to head in there without - I don't know what's going to happen or what I'm gonna find, and I need - I need something true I can carry with me. I need something I can come back to. Besides the dog," she added as he opened his mouth to respond.
"Fixer, I - "
"Two minutes!" Tom's voice reached them in their little alcove and Fixer squeezed her eyes shut.
For one second, the actual truth flashed in his mind, an almost overwhelming impulse that he had to fight back with both hands.
He took a deep breath, pulling Fixer in by the shoulders for a rough, awkward hug. "You're gonna do amazing," he said in her ear. "Because you've always been amazing. And I'll be right here, the whole time."
"One minute!"
"I'm in your corner," Deacon said quickly, even as she pulled away. "Even if I can't be there with you."
Fixer wiped at her face, nodding rapidly.
"Thank you, Deacon." She squeezed his hands before letting hers drop. He almost clutched at them, almost told them to shut the machine down, this was all too much, a step too far. Insanity beyond the pale.
"Anytime, Fixer."
She knew what he meant. Right?
She knelt quickly, pressing her face into the dog's fur and getting a couple of reassuring licks in return. When she stood she had a smile plastered on her face, confidence that clashed with the way her hands were trembling, even when she clenched them into fists.
"Five! Four! Three!"
"Back in no time," she said, too brightly, too loudly.
She never had been much of a liar.