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He is a bad person. It is undoubted fact that couldn't be debated.
Tsugino Haru once was a monster, hungry for love. Cruel being who took innocent lives forever to his abyss of greed. That's being said, Tsugino Haru is indeed a bad person.
Of course, he didn't want to become a homicidal maniac who lose control every time he's in this state. Like other zeno patients, he was simply unlucky being mentally ill, wasn't he? (Sometimes he thinks about who he could have become if he hadn't been sick and comes to the disappointing conclusion that probably little would have changed.
Wouldn't he have killed his family anyway?)
Future recovery seemed unclear, as did their future life after the situation with Ushirono Kanrai, the main threat to their daily lives and humanity as a whole. At least Maeno was still with him, which was a source of joy.
On some days, Haru is especially afraid of losing him.
Sometimes, when he comes to temple to pray, his thoughts drift unwittingly to the souls of people he's killed. He can't remember them all. Most of them are not pictured in his memory at all, as if they had never existed in this world. This is a part of his regret, too.
In the end, his thoughts always return to the boy with short, sharp hair and piercing. He can't help but wonder if Maeno saw him in Haru's memories when he was there. Did he see them sharing quiet moments far away from students and teachers? His first kiss, stained with blood on the floor and the smell of death in the air. All those feelings from his failed youth that Haru kept in the distant corners of his subconscious.
It was useless to even think about. He couldn't change anything. How would his relationship with Yankee have turned out without that all-consuming emptiness in his heart that drove him to commit the unforgivable? It's foolish to think about past, Haru knows.
The past, covered in a red veil, impossible to return to, the present, shrouded in a fog of unpredictability, and the future, which doesn't even exist at this moment. Did a man like Tsugino really have right to any kind of future? He can't answer, but he knows that Maeno undoubtedly wants him to live. Not as a monster with cursed blood circulating in his veins, but as a human who can still do something good in his life.
But it will always be there. Haru would just be deceiving himself by living under the illusion of normality.
He should give up hoping for a cure, shouldn't he?
Aki can't hide the fact that they've made no progress in finding a cure for zeno forever. He can sense how depressed Maeno has been lately, even though he tries not to show it behind his usual loud behavior.
Of course, who else but his doctor should find it? For Natsu's sake, for Haru and Fuyu's sake, for everyone's sake (But sometimes it seems, of course, only seems, that what Aki wants most is justification. To lift the weight of his past and regrets from his shoulders and feel that his duty was worth all his mistakes and broken relationships.)
Neither of them were ever good people, were they?
As if his suffering weren't enough, Fate played a cruel joke on him like some mockery.
A body that Haru can't identify, a pool of blood, a disgusting stench all around. It was as if something he'd forgotten had made itself known again. Things he had diligently hidden deep in his memory, hoping that there they would gather dust and then die completely, dissolving into the prostration of his mind. A familiar, painfully familiar sight. Like deja vu.
After all his efforts... He couldn't overcome himself, could he? Returning to reality, Haru felt stickiness on his hands that made him drop the knife and pull away from his victim. Beneath him lay what could only be described as a pile of flesh, red and cut. The smell of blood was overwhelming. The exposed white bones were at strange angles, and pieces of flesh and muscle hung down like the fabric of a broken doll.
He just wanted to disappear. Run away, vanish? It didn't matter. As long as he was far away from the bloody scene before his eyes. “Not again, please, ” He begged.
But when have his desires ever meant anything?
He is alone again. Like in the cold days of his coming of age. The sound of his heart frantically pumping cursed blood laughs in his ears in this eerie silence.
Cycle continues.