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Even now, there are still cases that rub him the wrong way. Of course there are.
Not because it isn’t clear what happened – on the contrary, it is all too obvious, from the moment they arrive.
There is nothing but to accept the suicide note left by the elderly couple – well into their Eighties, the husband terminally ill – they wanted to go together.
There is something – well – they were in Oxford after all – there is something like that story – he believes it was Greek mythology – he read it in that book he received while they had were working on the Fury case –
Philemon and Baucis, he thinks, that was it, and they look peaceful. He hopes that whatever they had, they found it again in the great beyond, or wherever they have ended up. Who knew.
James saw things a little bit differently, but then, it was Jaems, so he probably should have seen this coming.
“Why would they do this?” he exclaims, and Robbie suddenly recalls that for Catholics, suicide is even worse than for the many others – he himself has never thought it a good option either, but live and let live, or in this case, die, since, well, the alternative would have been…
“The letter says that they wanted to go together, and she didn’t wish to watch him die –“
“But life is supposed to be sacred…” And of course it reminds him of James’ former friend who committed suicide because how could it not.
It’s all so – well, depressing really, and for someone who already has a rather worrying tendency to be maudlin like James, it’s quite a lot.
And so, Robbie takes him to the pub. It’s probably not the best idea – thinking of Morse, he’s really rather sure that it is not – but by God, if this is all he has, if this is how he gets him to talk… one drink won’t kill him, and he makes sure to get them so it’s beer instead of something stronger.
After they have sat down he says, “This kind of thing always gets to you. Should have thought it would get better after a while, but no. That’s just a lie they tell the young coppers so they won’t feel so bad, and by the time they’ve figured it out, they’ve already been there for so long that they don’t think of quitting.”
“Spo you never did?” James asks. “Think of quitting?”
“Are you kidding me, man? Of course I did. Never forget – first week on the beat – I was still green behind the ears, oh so proud of my new uniform. I had big plans, of course – Commissioner at the very least, but if they had made me Prime Minister, I would not have wondered at it” at least James smiles at that, even though it’s just a pale imitation of his usual smile “and there I am, strutting down main street, of course I know everything now that I’ve graduated, you know how it is, and then – well – this nice old lady, she stops me and asks if I would mind checking on her neighbours because they won’t answer her knocks. Now, as someone who had never been old and didn’t quite believe he ever would – you know, that age – I just assumed they were both hard of hearing, that kind of thing – so I of course told her I would take a look. They didn’t answer, and then she allowed me to call them from her phone – we’re still talking about those old days – and there was no answers, so I thought…” he trailed off.
“You thought you would use some unconventional methods, sir?” James inquires.
“That’s one way of putting it – you know, I hung around a lot with the older colleagues, and to this day, I don’t regret it – taught me all there was to know about being a copper. But well – I opened the door and – there was something – back then, I didn’t recognize that – stillness.” James just nods because he knows what he is talking about. “So I just went ahead and found them in the bedroom. They were holding each other – had done so to the last – there was a letter – quite like in our case now. Neighbour knew what had happened when I came out, and she saw it coming, I am rather sure. Gave me a cup of tea with something stronger than that in it – you know how it is – then a mint – she really did know quite a bit, that old lady. I contacted the son personally. Wouldn’t let anyone else do it.”
“That was kind of you, sir.”
“It was all I could do.”
They are silent for a moment.
Then, “Thank you, sir.”
He shrugs and smiles, as well as he is able to.