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Akihiko and Yamato are… a lot.
Haruka does like them both, very, very much, and somehow they both like him back. It’s been too good to be true and overall manageable despite how crazy they are, until now.
Now, sitting across from them as they argue over who should get to kiss him first, Haruka is this close to kicking them out.
“I confessed to him first,” Yamato is saying, leaning back on his hands. He’s got a cocky smirk on, the one Haruka and Akihiko both agree deserves to be punched.
Akihiko’s outrage contorts his face into something ugly. “You-?! I was Sakura-san’s first friend when he moved here, the first! And I promised to-”
“Guide him to the top, yeah, yeah, I’ve heard it all before,” Yamato interrupts him, limp wrist drawing circles in the air. Haruka watches Akihiko’s eyes narrow as they follow the movement. “And yet, I’ve been romancing him better than you. Just look around.”
They all look at Haruka’s now cluttered space. While most objects and furniture were provided by his friends, Yamato’s gifts are scattered all over the room. Clothes, empty food containers, and so much cat-themed shit.
“I gave him my childhood curtains! That’s a meaningful gift, it can’t compare to a stuffed toy or fancy clothes!”
“Isn’t the thought what matters the most?”
“Have you made sure he’s eating his vegetables, then?” Akihiko asks, looking smug. “Because I have and I do, since I care about Sakura-san’s health and growth!”
Yamato rolls his eyes. “I got to feed him two times, have you?”
Akihiko’s face becomes even pinker. He shakes his head, looking constipated, then he shouts, “I bet you don’t even know about the two moles on his right armpit!”
Yamato gasps. Haruka also gasps and yelps and stiffens up, like they’re gonna turn towards him and check his armpits for moles, but they’re both too caught up in this ridiculous and humiliating fight to even remember he’s here.
“Why did you never write about that in your notebook?”
“It’s a recent discovery.” Once again, Akihiko looks smug. Haruka is only now realizing just how petty he can be.
“You don’t even know what his hands feel like!” Yamato retorts, pointing an accusing finger. “You haven’t fought him like I did, or at all!”
Akihiko gasps, outraged. “We’ve hit each other enough even if it wasn’t serious! And actually, I never antagonized him enough to get in a fight! Plus, you never held him after one!”
“We passed out together! That’s even more romantic!”
“T-That’s just messed up!”
Yamato smirks again, leaning forward, chin on his hand. “You wish it had been you.”
Akihiko pauses.
Before either of them can say anything even crazier, Haruka intervenes.
“Hey! Quit talkin’ ‘bout me like I’m not even here! What the fuck!”
“S-Sakura-san, I’m so-”
“Shut the hell up! I’m not gonna kiss either of ya!”
“What-!”
In an instant, they’re on the same page. They shout, stare at him, and crawl towards him almost perfectly in sync.
“Hey?! Stay away!” Haruka shuffles backwards, leaning on his hands, keeping his feet raised and ready to kick them if they get too close.
“B-But- we’re-” Akihiko pauses, voice shy, “We’re partners now, aren’t we-”
“You two’re idiots, and you’re fuckin’ insane!”
Yamato looks delighted, since he loves riling both of them up. Akihiko’s eyes are wide and guilty and his bottom lip trembles.
“I’m so sorry, Sakura-san,” he mutters, lifting himself up into a kneeling position, fists shaking with emotion over his thighs. He’s looking down, probably about to cry. His voice gets even smaller as he continues, “I’m so sorry, I even- I- I got so mad I forgot what we were arguing about… That was so disrespectful, I’m sorry, I truly don’t deserve to kiss Sakura-san… now or ever…”
Yamato laughs. It’s loud and ugly and annoying, and he even slaps his knee. “You’re so fuckin’ cute,” he then says, breathless, reaching out to ruffle Akihiko’s hair.
Of course, he’s right. Akihiko’s eyes are teary and his face is very pink and he’s kneeling so politely, trying to look smaller than he already is as he apologizes for getting carried away with… liking Haruka too much.
Yamato doesn’t look apologetic at all, as expected, but even if their attitudes are completely opposite, Haruka can’t deny that they’re both equally as obsessed with him, and a little too honest about it.
Fuck.
Haruka likes them both very, very much.
Haruka wants to kiss them both, very much. A little too much.
He has less than zero experience, but he does unfortunately want it to happen, needs it to happen, here and now. Doesn’t feel like denying it to them like he initially said, because deep down he’s flattered, he’s happy, and he’s fucking swooning.
(And maybe that makes him even worse than them, but he refuses to think about that.)
Something pokes his foot. Haruka slams both feet on the floor, realizing he must have looked ridiculous in that position, but those two don’t look any better. They’re both staring at him with a matching dopey expression, Yamato still on his hands and knees and Akihiko still kneeling.
“What,” he asks.
“Heehee, you’re-”
“Don’t say it,” Akihiko interrupts, hitting Yamato’s thigh with the back of his hand. “He’ll get all self-conscious!”
“I can fucking hear you?! Just tell me why you’re staring at me, dammit!”
Yamato looks at Akihiko, brows expectantly raised. Haruka does the same.
“Well, if Sakura-san really wants to know… I don’t know what you were thinking about, but you were smiling. And- well, you’re all red, but that happens often enough-”
“Ugh, shut up.”
Akihiko shuts up.
They’re both still staring at him.
Haruka wants to smash his head on the table, but instead he asks, “Still wanna kiss me or-?”
“Yes,” they both say. Very loudly.
“Well, I dunno how we’re gonna do this, ‘cause I’m not gonna pick between you two.”
They all stare at each other in complete silence, until Akihiko breaks it.
“Well… I have something to say!”
“We can hear you just fine, you don’t need to shout.”
Akihiko glares at Yamato, but it’s brief. He looks back at Haruka and sighs. “I think… a three-person kiss isn’t a possibility, since it seems too uncomfortable, and I know we both agree that Sakura-san- you deserve the best first kiss. And… well, between the two of us, Yamato is the one with the most experience, so I think Sakura-san should kiss him first, to ensure your first kiss will be the best memory it can be.”
“That’s stupid,” Yamato says. Akihiko opens his mouth to reply, tiny little eyebrows already angry, but Yamato continues, “I did teach ya how to kiss, so if you two kiss, it’s like you’re kissing me, in a way. And that sounds really nice. Just give me a good show, alright?”
Haruka freezes. “What- y-you- you can’t watch!”
“Hah?”
“I don’t wanna be stared at while I- while- what the hell!”
“Way to to make a guy feel left out,” Yamato mutters.
Haruka sighs. “Okay. Fine. I guess it’d be weirder if you had to look away.”
Yamato smiles that crazed smile of his, all flushed and too much. Akihiko looks shy, but he’s also smiling. They look too damn happy, like they’re really excited for this.
Haruka suddenly feels very nervous. All of this is new to him in a way that isn’t to them. But they want to kiss him, and he wants to kiss them, so it’s going to happen.
“Come here?” He tries to say it with a steady voice, but it comes out as a question.
Akihiko shuffles closer. Yamato follows. Haruka makes space for them, sitting cross-legged, and… waits.
Akihiko’s knees press into his leg. He’s really close. Next to him, Yamato is also uncomfortably close.
“Thank you, Sakura-san.”
“For what…”
It’s such a weird thing to say, but he immediately forgets about it as his jaw is cupped by damp yet gentle fingers. Akihiko’s face moves closer, so he closes his eyes, because he’s pretty sure it’s what he’s supposed to do. Then he feels a light pressure on his lips.
It’s just one kiss, soft and quick, but it’s his first. He feels it everywhere, lungs and stomach and even down to his fingertips. It’s warm. It’s nice.
He’s being held so gently, and he feels very loved. That’s all he expected out of a first kiss – more than he thought he’d ever get, really – and to know it’s Akihiko handling him like he’s fragile, Yamato of all people patiently waiting for his turn like he’s worth something big… Haruka feels soft and mushy and extremely lucky.
He leans back, and before any embarrassed panic can set in, Yamato’s hand replaces Akihiko’s. It looks shaky. Watching his body betray his emotions is reassuring, but he still looks too happy and too calm and too open.
Haruka places a hand on Yamato’s shoulder and this time, he doesn’t wait for it. He takes the size of Yamato’s nose into consideration, tilts his head, closes his eyes, and kisses him.
The combined gasps he hears are satisfying. He feels almost giddy with the power he has, feeling Yamato’s breath leave his mouth against his.
Yamato’s hand is quick to find his neck and just hold, warm and- not really steady, but steady enough. His hair is longer than Akihiko’s, it tickles Haruka’s forehead.
Haruka feels dazed as they part. He meets Akihiko’s eyes. He’s holding two fingers to his lips, looking stunned like he was the one being kissed.
“Wow. That was very smart, Sakura-san.”
Yamato hums, also looking stunned.
Sakura, feeling doubly as stunned, struggles to form a sentece. “Hm?”
“Um- you gave us both a first? I kissed you, you kissed him? Did you not do that on purpose?”
Sakura blinks. Yamato heehees. Somehow, that’s more humiliating than anything else that’s happened.
“Shut up! I’m never gonna kiss either of ya again! Fuck off! And get out of my house!”
They don’t, obviously. They lie down and keep staring at him like the freaks they are. And unfortunately, he’s okay with it.