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Obi-Wan can see the darkness creeping in. He can almost feel the tendrils coiling along their bond. Can see the shadows creeping in his beloved padawan. Can see it so clearly as if he where the one being dragged under.
He can feel Anakin waring with himself, as if baring a weight so heavy it was pulling him underneath it all. Dragging him down and down and down. Dry drowning him, even as he walked the halls of the temple on Coruscant.
Obi-Wan can sense it, can feel it, as if he were the one anchored by whatever it was.
But he felt so blasted hesitant to broch whatever it was with Anakin.
Feels as if he would be walking into a fight, at the very lease.
The unknown of it all made him cautious in a way he hadn't been in some months now.
Even though he can see the way his dear heart so desperately seems to need someone to confide in. To spill whatever this great, grand dark secret that seems to be tied around his neck like a noose.
Obi-Wan finds himself stuck in like this for weeks, wanting to reach out and be a safe space for his former padawan but griped by fear of whatever could tumblr for Anakin's pink lips.
Eventually, surprising Obi-Wan more than words could express, Anakin finally takes the indecision from his hands and approaches Obi-Wan one early evening after a day spent arguing with Senators and Council members alike in the wake of Palpatine being unmasked as the Master of the Sith, thanks hugely in part to Master Windu's sleuthing skills, when Obi-Wan is heading back to his rooms after sharing a meal with Masters Plo, Luminara and Mace himself.
"Master?"
It is only hears of honed combat and years training Anakin into knighthood, that keeps Obi-Wan from jumping like a startled domesticated loth-cat.
"Dear one," Obi-Wan called, left hand clenching at his side beneath his robe's sleeve, while he swiftly tucks his right away to hide the way it jerked towards his belt. "I was not expecting you, this evening."
Anakin ducked his head, left hand going up to rub at the side of his neck, as he gave an almost sheepish nod. "I. I wasn't expecting to come find you. Tonight," he mumbled.
Obi-Wan hummed, more stalling for time to find words but once again Anakin surprised him by beating him as he rushed out to ask if they could go speak privately in Obi-Wan's rooms. blinking in surprise, Obi-wan gave a quick, firm nod, inclining his head for Anakin to join him.
While normally Anakin would chatter on and on about whatever thought had popped into his head, or inquiry he had about the current state of affairs —not that he ever did, especially in light of finding out a dear friend of his was master minding the downfall of the Jedi— Anakin kept quiet during their journey.
Obi-Wan felt his emotions spike at the quiet. Felt his anxiety over whatever was plaguing Anakin damn near feel like it was choking himself from within.
But as they walked, he took deep breathes in a vain attempt to wrestle himself back under control so that he was calm and of peace of mind, so that he was able to lend and ear or advice, whatever it was needed to his dear one.
Once behind his doors though, he could feel Anakin's own anxiety spike, as he paced around Obi-Wan's sitting area, as Obi-Wan himself paused, watching him for a long moment before turning on his heel and heading to his small kitchen area and put the kettle on. Because while Anakin wasn't much a fan, Obi-Wan felt as if he needed something that would keep his hands moving.
Once the water was on, Obi-Wan turned back to stare at Anakin for a long moment. As he went to open his mouth, to prod or nudge Anakin, he was once again surprised by his former padawan.
"I'm leaving the order," Anakin blurted out, nearly yelling the words out, spinning on his heel as he locked eyes with Obi-Wan, as if staring him down. As if daring Obi-Wan to debate his words. As if halting Obi-Wan like he was about convince him not too.
Obi-Wan blinked, feeling himself freeze at the words. Can feel his whole world tilt as he slowly processes what Anakin's just told him. Can feel the words slide over him like they're branding him.
"Oh," Obi-Wan breathes, mumbles really, as he stumbles over to drop heavily into the nearest seat. "Oh," he says, lost.
He feels as if his whole world has just shifted. Like the truth of his universe is no more.
All Obi-Wan can do is blink, staring without seeing as Anakin fidgets in front of him for a moment before he rushes over as he slams to his knees before Obi-Wan.
"Please, Master, Obi-Wan, please don't hate me. Please," Anakin begged, hands clamping down around his knees.
No they were more like cupping where his thighs met knees, Obi-Wan corrected himself feeling almost detached from reality the longer he lets himself get wrapped up in the words. But it's the pleading, the begging, for Obi-Wan to not be mad, to not hate Anakin that seemingly feels like it snaps him back to the moment.
"I could never, dear heart," Obi-Wan assured, promised, vowed, as he reached with his right hand to cup Anakin's cheek. "There is not a thing that would drive me to hate you, dear one," he swore. He watched as Anakin seemed to melt at his words, nearly melting into Obi-Wan's touch.
"Thank you, Master," Anakin breathed.
They stayed like that until the kettle beeped.
"I've got it, Obi-Wan, you stay," Anakin assured, climbing to his feet, almost a little reluctantly, as he ducked out of sight. By his banging around, Obi-Wan knew without having to see Anakin was making him a cup to his exact preferences. He felt a smile curl at the corner of his lips, even as his heart felt like it was breaking with Anakin's words slicing through his very core.
Anakin wanted to leave.
Was it just the Jedi?
Or did he mean to leave Obi-Wan himself as well?
Though he smothered the thought the moment the words entered his mind, shaking himself of it as he chastised himself for being selfish. Of only thinking of himself, in what was clearly Anakin's moment of need.
"Here you are, Master, just the way you love it," Anakin murmured, as he placed the still steaming cup on the table next to them, before sliding back down to his knees before Obi-Wan. Gripping his hand, he brought it up until his cheek was once again cradled in Obi-Wan's calloused covered hand.
Obi-Wan can't but stare, as if feeling like he needed to commit every second of his moment, of this image Anakin was presenting to him and burn it into his memory, so not even the force itself could remove it from his very core.
"Obi-Wan?" Anakin asked nervously after a moment of silence.
"If it is what you truly want, dear heart, you must know I will support you," Obi-Wan stressed. He needed to assure himself, just as much Anakin, that he would always be on his side. Support his wants and needs. Even if he didn't always understand or agree with them. He just needed to make sure Anakin knew that.
"I know that, I do," Anakin promised, leaning forward as Obi-Wan tilted his head down, till they were pressing their foreheads together staying there for a long moment before he pulled back as he continued on saying, "I just. I have done such horrible things Obi-Wan. Have such needs and desires and I cannot keep walking a path I can't agree with. That I cannot follow. And I know you would be upset with me, if I simply stayed in the order to follow you, Master. I know you wouldn't want me to do that."
"We have all done things we are not proud of, during the war, dear one," Obi-Wan tried to start breaking down his points, arguments. But Anakin scoffed, turning to glare down at the beige carpet of Obi-Wan's rooms.
"No, none of you have committed the atrocities that I have, Master," Anakin nearly snarled, taking a breath before he seemed to gather himself. "I can't stay and make a mockery a moment longer of the way you live your life, Obi-Wan. So I wish to leave. To help the order in anyway the council will allow me too, but to not be a Jedi any longer."
"Oh," Obi-Wan felt his brow furrow in confusion. "You wish to help but not be bound by the code?"
"If I am allowed. I don't wish to leave entirely. I just." Anakin paused, sucking his bottom lip in to nibble on it as he gathered his thoughts before letting out a slow breath. "Being bound by the code isn't right for me. I know it. And I know I should not have access to my saber. I know that. Even if I can't ever find the words to explain why to anyone. But it is best for me that I no longer am able to carry it. Or a blaster," he adds, almost absentmindedly.
Clearing his throat, Anakin swings his gaze back up to lock onto Obi-Wan's. "I know there isn't much of a need, now that the war is over and the rest of the Senate seems to be mobilizing it's own people to help with the rebuilding efforts. But I thought I could offer my services to the order as a pilot. Or with droids and maintenance, or something."
Obi-Wan blinked. Then again and again and again, for a long moment, as he stared down at Anakin, who stared back, letting Obi-Wan see the clearness of his eyes. Of levelheadedness he was not known for. "You have given this great thought."
"Of course, Master," Anakin assured. "I could not come to this choice lightly. I knew it needed to be mine, and mine alone. And with Sidious gone, I feel as if my mind is. Just mine. But I struggled how to tell you." He paused, fidgeting where he still knelt. "I needed to know you would be okay with it. With me leaving but wanting to still help."
"If it is what you feel is best for you, then of course you have my support. And even if you did not wish to help the order still, you would still have me, Anakin. Never fear that, dear heart. I shall always be there for you." Obi-Wan promised him.
Though in the force, it felt more like a vow.
Anakin beamed, big and bright, "that's good, because I'm gonna need you in my corner when I go before the Council."
"Always, my dear heart," Obi-Wan assured, swore.