Chapter Text
Something in the way Roman looked at him. He made him feel like somebody finally understood him. Even with the constant teasing, he knew it was Roman's way of showing his love, so, most of the time it didn't bother him much.
His heart told him he was the one, but his mind told him otherwise. Partly related to his feelings towards Roman, he hated himself. He felt worthless. And his mind twisted his heart, manipulating it into thinking him and Roman weren't meant to be.
He spent most of his nights lying awake, repeating over and over all the reasons why Roman didn't like him at all. The teasing turned into hate comments, backhanded compliments and insults.
He tried to find a way to escape from the pain, and he did it mostly through self-harm. He'd seriously considered multiple times killing himself, but he couldn't bear to be in a world without the love of his life.
But as mentioned before, sometimes his self-hatred won over his love.
The wind seemed different, colder, harsher today, or maybe it was Virgil's anxious mind playing tricks on him because he knew what would happen later in the day.
He hardly ever went outside. If it wasn't for Roman, he would live trapped inside of his room his whole life. This time, though, he decided to go out for a walk for a change.
The forest calmed him down; no people to judge him, no one to have to talk to. It was a great place to calm himself down in moments of heavy anxiety just like right now.
It seemed to do the trick for now, but his mind kept tormenting him. He could feel his heart pounding on his head. He closed his eyes but images of distorted memories played over and over again.
He couldn't make the pain stop.
He felt nauseous and his vision was blurring quite a bit. He felt vomit starting to build in the back of his throat, great. Last day on earth and my body is making it a nightmare, he thought. He would do anything to have Roman by his side right now.
Roman. His mind went back to his memories with him. No matter how many displays of affection Roman showed him, he still believed that it was all a lie, that he didn't love him back.
He arrived at the spot where they would regularly hang out together with zero interruptions from other people. The feeling only got worse and suddenly he couldn't do this anymore.
He fell to his knees and threw up under one of the trees. His head hung low as he wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. He looked down at the mess he'd left on the ground with disgust for both the vomit and himself.
He returned to his house, locked the door and decided to make the pain stop once for all.
Just, maybe… he dialed Roman's number, no answer. He was done with trying.
This was the right decision. To finally stop the curse of breathing.
He closed his eyes, hopeful that he would never open them again.