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"Ok, see, I know it's a party - but there's still only so much you can get away with," you laugh as Sirius keeps a firm grip on your waist, gently trying to wrestle you into his lap.
"We can get away with this, no one's looking," he insists as he tugs you closer.
"Yea, but anyone could be looking," you counter, even as you let him pull you all the way on top of him. It's true that no one's paying that much attention tonight - the great hall around you is buzzing with the annual Halloween feast and all of the festivities that come with it. Professors, on a night like this, turn the other way more often than not, content to let the students have one night of freedom.
Around the two of you, everyone else is too concerned with their own conversations, laughter and chatter bouncing off the high arched ceilings and dripping down. It's true that no one's really paying any attention other than James, who sits across the table and nudges his foot next to yours while Remus lounges next to him and looks on fondly.
"Come on," Sirius cajoles - even though he's already won, even though you always cave so easily for him. "You've been up and down all night - I've barely gotten any time with you."
You do, admittedly, turn a little sheepish at that, and you become a bit more pliant as he situates you in his lap.
"I'm sorry," you say honestly. "I know I've been spending a lot of time at the other tables, but -"
"No, love," Remus laughs fondly. "No one's mad at you for spending time with your friends."
"Of course not," James chimes in, throwing you a wink across the table. "We're just also competing for some of your attention."
"I don't think you should have to compete for it," you insist quickly, but Sirius wraps a firm arm around your waist and tugs you closer.
"He's only joking, sweet thing. No one's feeling jilted," he says softly, and you slouch into him a bit.
"I know," you send James a soft smile. "But I'd like to keep it that way. You're all supposed to be having a good time tonight."
"So are you, dove," Remus says kindly. "And I'm not sure this is the way to do it."
"You can't tell me how to have a good time," you say stubbornly, but Sirius's fingers get mean as they dig into your sides, and you can't help the laugh that leaves you as you squirm out of his lap.
"Well, apparently, you can't tell yourself, either," he chastises as he tucks you against his side, instead. Remus reaches across the table to pour you a drink, and James tucks one of your feet between both of his. "So I think we ought to help you, yea?"
"It's not like that," you dig your heels in, holding your hands up in surrender as Remus nudges your drink towards you. "I just… you know."
It takes a lot, most days, for Sirius's demeanour to crack into something tender. So you wonder, as he softens next to you and smooths a hand over the crown of your head, what the reason is tonight. You wonder, as he presses a kiss to your forehead, if the party has softened him or if you really seem so off kilter right now.
"I want people to have a good time," you insist softly, and the look that Remus sends you is so fond and knowing that you crumble just a bit.
"People are having fun, lovely," James insists. "Everyone looks it."
"People look like they're having fun when they're not actually all the time," you counter, and James smiles at you with a patience that you're not sure you've earned.
"I know," he says kindly. "You especially."
You press your lips together, your gaze flickering over to the Slytherin table where Evan and Barty are roughhousing and jostling each other about, and Dorcas sends you a sharp grin when she catches your eye. Somewhere further down the Gryffindor table, Peter and Marlene are shouting at each other about something that doesn't really matter, little bursts of laughter cutting off the noise every now and then.
Something cold against your hand startles you out of your trance, and you take the drink that Remus has once again shoved towards you slowly.
"Maybe I shouldn't have made so many friends," you say tiredly as you peer into the glass and watch your wavering reflection stare back at you. Sirius barks out a laugh that jostles you and distorts it beyond recognition.
"Yea, babe," he says solemnly. "What a burden to bear."
"Shut up," you laugh. "You know I don't mean it like that."
"How do you mean it?" Remus asks kindly, but the quirk of his lips tells you that he already knows.
"I just think, sometimes…" you start slowly. "That I have too many things and not enough time."
"You do stretch yourself quite thin," James agrees, and you frown - because you didn't really want anyone on your side about this. You didn't really want anyone to acknowledge that it's true.
"I'm just trying to fit it all in," you explain, your eyes trailing after Lily as she giggles her way over to the Hufflepuff table to chat with Mary, the two of them beaming at each other. Just past them, Regulus has sulked away from his house to trail after Pandora to the Ravenclaw table.
"I don't like when people feel forgotten," you murmur, and Sirius's arm around your waist tightens as he catches who your gaze has landed on. "Or unimportant, or… I don't know." You pull your gaze away from Regulus and let it land on Sirius, nudging him gently to distract him, as well.
"I don't want people to think I'm unkind," you continue, and that's enough to have Sirius's attention zeroed in on you once more.
"Sweetheart, no one could think that," James says, the shock colouring his voice loud and apparent.
"Or, I don't know - selfish, or like I'm not paying attention," you continue on, and Sirius peers into your drink thoughtfully. You follow his gaze down in question, but it's only your reflection that stares back at you.
"What are you doing?" you ask.
"Just wondering if maybe we should've snuck in the firewhiskey like we talked about," he explains thoughtfully. "Might help you actually relax and have a good time."
"Oh," you laugh. "That's mean."
"He doesn't mean it," Remus says, shooting Sirius a long-suffering look. The kiss that Sirius presses to your temple is so gentle that you can't really find it in yourself to truly be upset.
"I know," you soften.
"You know what I think," James starts thoughtfully.
"Not usually," Sirius murmurs against your hair.
"I think your friends love you very much," James continues on. "And they know that you're only one person who can only do so much."
"And," Remus chimes in gently. "I think it's probably their job to tell you if they miss you or want to spend time with you - I don't think that needs to all be on you, dove."
"And," Sirius takes over, and Remus nudges his foot against your calf under the table lovingly as you start to press your lips together in that way you always do when you feel like they're ganging up on you. "I think, perhaps from some prior conversations, that your friends also worry that you put a bit too much on your plate sometimes."
"What, you're all talking about me?" you ask, but the accusation in your voice is so obviously fake that Sirius just grins down at you.
"Well," he insists. "You're a lovely topic of conversation. Very loved - incredibly kind."
"You're not subtle," you point out.
"I don't think any of us were trying to be," Remus counters. You click your tongue and drop your gaze back down to your drink - mostly empty at this point. The bottom of the goblet shines through, distorting and blurring your reflection until you can't really see it - and you only recognize it, you think, because you've known it before.
From the Slytherin table, Evan whistles loudly enough that the four of you turn to him. When he beckons you over, though, Sirius's grip on your waist tightens.
"Get your own, Rosier," he shouts across the tables. "And learn to share."
And Evan glares at him, yes - shouts some sort of insult that has a couple of the professors frowning and turning their heads. But the smile he sends you is real - warm and genuine in a way that he doesn't often look. It reminds you, you think sort of softly, of when you'd told him that you and the boys had gotten together - of when he told you how happy he was for you.
By the time you look away from him, your drink has been refilled, and you send James a sweet, private smile as he nudges it towards you again. He's filled it enough that it nearly spills over the sides of the goblet, and as you take it in your hands, you see the glassy surface staring back at you quite clearly now.
"See," Sirius murmurs into your hair as he plants another kiss there. "No harm done."
"He's going to knock James off his broom at the match tomorrow," you counter, a teasing little tilt to your voice. James starts rather loudly professing that he couldn't if he tried, and Remus lets out one of those rare, uninhibited laughs of his.
"Maybe," he agrees. "But I think it's rather worth it, don't you?"
"Yea," you murmur as you sink further into Sirius's side. "I think this is probably worth it."