Chapter Text
As soon as Hoshina heard the news, he couldn’t help but fall to the floor, doubled over in laughter.
Even though the person on the other side of the line was none other than his previous captain Ashiro - ever professional as she is - Hoshina could clearly make out the distinct noises of muffled snorts even over his own tearful wheezing.
“Yes… yes of course, I have no problem with it,” Hoshina said after recovering enough to speak full sentences. “As you know, I am always happy to help out another member of the defense force. Even if we may have… differences.”
“Good. Then it’s settled.” They hung up the call, and Hoshina wondered if Ashiro had specifically requested to be the one to make this call, because matters of housing were typically handled by a separate committee. Hoshina couldn’t blame her though; he would absolutely have done the same.
The rundown: Narumi Gen, former Captain of the First Division, “Japan's strongest combatent,” and exalted war hero of the final battle with Kaiju No. 9, was getting evicted from his housing—government-subsidized, by the way—due to failure to pay rent for the entire past year. They couldn’t exactly kick him out him entirely, but they also couldn’t afford to keep him in a solo luxury penthouse with their diminishing funds. So, in a move that could only be called diplomatic mercy-slash-pity, the committee decided to reassign Narumi to a shared unit.
And there, on the very short short-list of ex-military housing with available occupancy, was Hoshina’s 2 bedroom apartment.
Suffice to say, Hoshina found the situation to be absolutely hilarious. The even better part was that Narumi seemed to have been kept completely in the dark about the details of his future roommate. It’s a blow to the ego enough to be forced to room together like cadets again—not that Hoshina minded too much, but it’s absolutely the type of thing that Narumi would never live down—but to also find out on move-in day that your roommate was none other than your worst rival who you could never properly get an upper hand on?
Abso-fucking-lutely hilarious.
Hoshina must have been cackling to himself, because soon, a booming voice rang through his apartment.
“Hoshina. What’s so funny? You must tell me now.”
From around the corner, the source of the voice walked—no, bounced—in. A Pomeranian, groomed into the shape of the roundest fluffball, with the most innocent and cute looking face. Under the fur on its forehead, a plus-shaped crevice with a singular red eyeball was just barely noticeable.
Yes—in another turn of events worthy of comedy gold, Kaiju No. 10 was now living with Hoshina inside the body of a one foot tall, yapping mass of dog fur.
“Wouldn’t you like to know,” Hoshina sing-song'ed, as he got to work clearing out some of the boxes and random items that had accumulated in the otherwise unfrequented 2nd bedroom.
“Someone is moving in,” No. 10 deduced, as he tap-tapped alongside Hoshina’s footsteps. “Who is it.”
“An old friend,” Hoshina simply said. He went back to pick up another box. “In fact, last time we met, you said you wanted to fight him. You’ll finally get your chance!”
At the sound of the word “fight,” No. 10 immediately perked up. “Oooh, yes! A fight! I will fight him!” But Hoshina was teasing, which No. 10 only realized belatedly. He growled in embarrassment and let out some shrill barks, which really didn’t do much to prove his point.
“You’ll have to be on your best behavior when our new friend moves in, okay?”
“Save it, Hoshina. You should tell those words to the newcomer instead.”
“Oh, don’t worry, I plan to,” Hoshina replied. “But I suspect that he won’t listen to me, either.”
No. 10 bristled. “Sounds unpleasant. Why did you agree to this arrangement, then?”
“Hmm… For amusement?” Hoshina chuckled. “And besides, with all the money I’ll be saving, you could be eating wagyu every day.”
No. 10’s drool immediately started dripping out of his mouth. “Why didn’t you say that sooner? Hurry up! I can’t wait to have this guy move in.”
Hoshina only smiled. “Me neither.”
One week later, Narumi Gen, armed with one suitcase of daily necessities and 2 moving truckloads of gaming consoles, anime merch, gundom figurines, manga, etc, arrived in front of his new apartment.
When he received notice of the housing change, Narumi thought back to all the times he had been shuffled around orphanages and foster homes as a kid. But things have changed, he reminded himself. Instead of being given a ratty duffle bag to pack whatever measly belongings he had before being shuffled off to the next set of faceless adults, Hagesawa had personally shown up to provide him a white-glove moving service and see him off. And complain as Narumi did about not wanting others to touch and move his stuff, he found that his old wounds didn’t prickle as they once would have.
And now, here he stood, in front of the next chapter of his life.
The outside of the apartment looked fine enough. A slight downgrade from his previous place, which admittedly was the highest tier of available housing and only offered to the ex-captains, but this will do. He was told that he’d have his own room, which was 95% of his criteria anyways. And though he’d never admit it out loud, Narumi knew that going splitsies on an apartment was probably the rational choice for a chronically broke degenerate like him.
As for the other 5% of his criteria, Narumi just hoped that his roommate would be someone un-annoying, un-intrusive, and unbothersome. Someone normal, and wholly forgettable.
He rang the doorbell. A few moments later, the door opened.
“Ah, you finally made it! Welc—”
Narumi pulled the door shut with all the force that he’s ever fought the toughest kaiju with, nearly breaking the doorframe.
No… this couldn’t be. He was seeing things, surely…
The door swung open again.
“Hey, rude! I was just try’na say—”
“NO!” Narumi yelled, with absolutely no regard to volume levels nor the fact that every other resident on the floor could hear his outburst. “No, no , no, NO!!”
The neatly trimmed locks of hair all falling in a straight line, eyes so small you could barely see the irises, that annoying, infuriating snaggletooth grin…
Narumi fell to his knees. This was it. This was his end. This was the universe telling him: Boy, you fucked around. And now you’re about to find out.
His previously calculated worst-case scenario of the apartment meeting 95% of his criteria quickly shattered to dust and plummeted straight into the negatives, because his stupid, video-game-rotted brain had failed to consider the highest priority criteria above them all: that his roommate would not be the worst person on earth, his sworn rival and nemesis, the biggest joke of a Joker to his Batman: Hoshina Soushirou.
The moments ticked on as Narumi’s brain continued to malfunction, nearly emitting steam as his brain cells fried one by one. Finally, he felt something fluffy brush past his leg, followed by a low, demonic voice:
“How long are you going to sit there? Hurry it up already! My premium meals await.”
Narumi looked down, still shell-shocked, to see a tiny, rust colored Pomeranian. The dog then proceeded to lift up, with its tiny jaws, a moving box five times its size (and probably ten times its weight) and take it inside the apartment.
“Don’t… don’t tell me… No. 10…?” Narumi managed to croak out.
“Bingo~!” Hoshina replied with a grin. “Now, like he said, let’s hurry it up already and get you moved in!”
Narumi could barely move an inch while Hoshina and No. 10 stepped past him repeatedly to carry all of his luggage and boxes into his new room. Time passed and words were said, but Narumi hardly registered it at all. By some miracle, Narumi did eventually manage make it inside, unpack his futon, and crash directly on top of it.
Alright gods, you got me... I will accept my divine punishment, Narumi thought, as he relinquished his fate to the hell that was undoubtedly about to come.
