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A strong flurry hit him sideways – cold biting at his fingers, silver hair tousled into an unbearable mess. It pulled at the school prints he’d been stubbornly holding, stripping them right out of his hands even as he clenched harder…
Hard enough to wrinkle them. To make them useless.
And yet, they slipped from his fingers. Thin paper cutting the frail skin in their quick departure; fluttering just shy from his fingers as he tried to recover them, chasing them to the empty bridge just ahead-
They danced up into the air, out of reach. Their short-lived flight coming to a swift end as they twirled into the waves below; into the merciless crash of sea and coast.
He should have returned them to his schoolbag.
Why didn’t he?
Blue eyes gazed into the world beneath the bridge.
A few spots of now-useless white vanishing slowly. Sinking into the depths of an ocean more black than blue.
He raised his shoulders and sunk his face into the soft cotton of his scarf.
The wind hurt.
His fingers stung, cold biting at them as he pointlessly held onto the chilling metal of the bridge’s railing.
So did his uncovered ears, the tip of his nose, the corners of his eyes, slightly wet…
The papers had already vanished. Gone under the raging waves of an incoming storm.
It was fine.
They weren’t needed.
After all, Leo-kun wasn’t home to receive them.
He hadn’t been home for a while now…
Days… maybe weeks-
Who knew when he’d come back.
Months---? Years?
Even if Izumi held onto them - stored them, kept them safe -, what use would there be for them, weeks into the future? Months ahead?
He wouldn’t need them.
He wouldn’t want them.
…not from Izumi anyway.
And why would he…?
It was all Izumi’s fault-
Every single thing-
He’d ruined it all-
Was there even a point to holding on?
To bringing school prints for someone who wasn’t there?
To continuing dancing along to songs he didn’t deserve, to memories he’d stained himself?
To protect a name they’d made for two, even as only one remained-?
He’d never wanted to live beyond his beauty; the one good thing about him. The sole thing anyone had ever praised of him.
Even him…
…and if he had left…
…if he thought Izumi unworthy…
…maybe it’s because he was…
Past his prime, at just 16.
Quite the joke.
He’d laugh, if the tears weren’t already biting at his throat.
His face must look hideous-
He let his schoolbag drop to the ground, a bit of effort allowing him to lift his body above the metal railing. To stand on it, school shoes balancing on the thin line of it.
The violent wind pushed and tugged at him, forcing him to shift back and forth just to keep from falling-
…he wondered how drowning corpses looked like…
He closed his eyes…
…And let himself go.
…
He expected pain.
The hit of water – the freezing cold waves beating at his body, dragging him down to the depths and stealing his breath.
There was none of it.
None of anything really…
What a shame-
It was like falling asleep.
…
…
Warm.
He shifted slightly – silky softness clinging to his legs. To his hands. Wrapped around his waist.
It smelled like pine trees and aftershave. Not clinical, nor sharp. Light but not sweet.
Not his room – not his parent’s house.
He shifted again, awareness slowly reaching the gentle weight that remained on top of his stomach. Grounding. Safe.
He stirred away from it- the comfort unfamiliar. The warmth scary.
His consciousness returning slowly, he blinked awake.
The cold white light of early morning crept past the edges of unfamiliar curtains, revealing shapes he’d never seen before.
A round light. Unknown doors. A hard-cover book on a fancy bedside table. A set of plush-dolls in mismatched patterns lining up the space by the window. A soft bed with cream-colored sheets, silky to the touch and awkwardly tangled around his body-
-a warm arm around his waist.
He jolted up, heart racing and cold stomach glued to his spine. His blue eyes shifting ever so slowly, almost frightened, to his right.
To the person sleeping on the other half of the bed.
A man he didn’t know.
Mouth dry and breath lost inside his throat, he stared at the impossible vision before him for a few slow-dragging seconds.
Handsome features half-hidden under a long fringe, black as a crow’s wing. Wide shoulders and defined collarbones standing out on his naked torso; slender, maybe even bony rather than muscular. Attractive. Vanishing beneath the same sheets that were covering Izumi’s own body-
What the hell-?
The man he didn’t know stirred slightly. His warm arm closing in on Izumi’s waist, as if trying to bring him closer…
He yelped.
Unresolved feelings and unsettled thoughts had him squirm out of the comforting restrictive hold and off the bed, squeamish and uncomfortable. His still somewhat tangled legs and clearly uncoordinated limbs having him trip right at the edge, a graceless full spin having him fall backwards, head first, back second, onto the unexpected fluffiness of a carpet-
Ouch.
“…ngah?! Izu-chan?!!” an unknown voice resounded in the small room, the loud thud of his fall clearly waking the unknown man up.
The bedsprings creaked, and the handsome black-haired guy peeked from the edge of the bed, rubbing the sleep of his half-closed eyes-
“Ya okay? That sounded pretty loud…”
Bent in two like an unsightly origami piece -face peeking between naked thighs and upper back taking the brunt of his weight- Izumi blinked through the stinging pain. A small pause as his spinning brain picked up the slack to realize, with absolute horror, that he was wearing barely a pair of boxers. Not even a shirt to hide his scrawny, not-quite-right teenage body-
…right in front of an unknown guy.
“Ahhhh! What the-?!! Stop looking at me, you fucking pervert!” He yelped, muscle reaction having him kick the guy’s face out of the way as he twisted himself into a more proper position, kneeling on the ground and covering as much of himself as he could with his hands “What the fuck is going on-? Where is this!!? How--- why???”
“Ouch! That hurt, Izu-chan…” the man complained, leaning back into the bed, just out of sight from Izumi. The odd tenderness of his voice, and the sweetness in the nickname he used, further muddling Izumi’s thoughts, tender heart racing despite himself-
“D-don’t call me that! Who the fuck are you even? Some crazed fan? A psycho stalker??!” he yelped, now scrambling through the ground in look for something -anything- to cover himself up
“Ngha? Wha-? Whatcha goin’ on ‘bout? Are’cha still half-asleep?” the man asked again, peeking out the edge of the bed to look at him – sleep kicked right out of him, he stared at him with concerned eyes, each colored different…
There was a small pause. Distress shifting into worry then confusion as the man continued to stare at him, dumbfounded…
“…Did’cha… get smaller?”
Izumi’s eyes widened at the sudden question– a slow blink holding into the air.
“…huh?”
…
Tick tock tick tock…
The repetitive click of the wall clock echoed through the silence, filling in the unfamiliar air of an apartment he’d never seen before.
“Mnn, there’s Izu-chan’s overnight oats, greek yogurt, fruit…” the man listed, leaning into the open fridge to give it a look over “Watcha feelin’ like? I can make ya a smoothy, or cut ya up a fruit salad?”
Wrapped in a soft bathrobe, offered as a quick remedy to his embarrassing nakedness, Izumi sat awkwardly in what appeared to be the dinner table. Legs crossed and arms curled around his midriff, brain still failing to follow the situation-
This guy… em… Kagehira Mika? Was apparently living with a 26-year-old ‘Izumi Sena’ in this apartment. Partners, he’d said… A couple-
Which sounded so absurdly improbable he’d refused to believe it, instead throwing a full-on tantrum, which included assaulting the guy with every object he could find, from every plushie on the window still and both the fluffy pillows on the bed, to some heavy books lying around, until his search for a projectile landed him on a single photo frame – his body stopping cold as he locked eyes with the light blue eyes smiling inside of it.
Eyes he often saw in the mirror. In old magazines from his golden years. On the big screen of DreamFes performances…
Eyes that never appeared so bright anymore.
He squinted at the photo. At familiar details like hair texture and lip-shape, as if to salvage the distance to things that had changed. A sharper jaw. Thinner cheeks. A genuine smile with no pretenses, not even an attempt of posing…
He had frozen in place, staring at the small piece of a world he knew nothing about – a himself he never even tried to imagine. Stomach glued to his backbone and legs trembling, as if standing at a cliff’s edge.
He was older… somehow prettier…
…happy…?
How-? He wasn’t supposed to- he…
Memories of cold waves flashed once more before his eyes.
Hadn’t he jumped-?
…where was the punishment he’d longed for? The hell left for sinners? For quitters? For people undeserving of the very space they occupy, the very air they breathe? Who hurt everyone around them? Who don’t deserve a single fucking thing---?
Instead, he was… happy?
Lovingly hugging a raven-haired guy he’d never seen before in front of an endless ocean, painted warm by the orange hues of a soft sunset.
He felt his stomach twist inside his body, his eyes scrunch together into a mild grimace-
Not a pretty girl like his mama would have wanted…
Not even Leo-kun…
…someone else entirely.
Some… guy.
Had he run from everything? Left the broken pieces for someone else to pick while he –the coward, the bastard, the piece of shit that he was–, ran off to be happy-?
“…maybe ya’d like sum’ else entirely?” the warm voice pulled him back to the present. To the dinning table and the guy standing across the table with a troubled smile.
He seemed to have failed to answer the breakfast question, a bit too distracted by the whirlwind of his own thoughts.
“…yogurt is fine…” he sighed the words, dropping his eyes to the wooden table as to escape the unfamiliar warmth of those questioning eyes. Nails scratching at the tender skin of his own fingertips.
“A’ight”
It took a few seconds of movement across the kitchen, but eventually a flower-shaped bowl, white with blue edges, was placed before his eyes. In it, a small serving of plain Greek yogurt topped with a mix of berries, granola and coconut flakes; the different colors cleverly placed as to resemble a very simple and unnecessarily cute bear.
He blinked a couple of times, eyebrows knitting in the center of his face-
“No worries, it shouldn’t be more than 250cals~” the man sing sang warmly, like he knew exactly what was crossing his mind “I make this for Izu-chan all the time~ I made it smaller than his usual servin’ since I figured ya’d have less of an appetite.”
Izumi’s shoulders raised defensively; his gaze once more escaping to the table in front of him – to the pretty bowl with pretty food.
He felt too seen. Too known…
It made his insides itch.
He heard a small sigh, not necessarily judging but maybe out of things to say, and with that, the guy was back to the kitchen; rummaging through shelves and drawers as he -most likely- fixed his own breakfast.
He let out a deep sigh, shoulders slumping slightly as he did. With the pressure of the man’s warm gaze finally lifted, breathing felt a bit easier.
He heard the small hum of a toaster, soft taps against a cutting board, the buzz of the fridge every time it opened. Mundane sounds of everyday life.
Calm. Stretching through time, eating out the silence.
The fancy plate still in front of him and nothing else for him to occupy himself with, he awkwardly reached for the silver spoon left on its side -the handle also decorated with a cutesy bear for some inexplicable reason- and ventured a bite.
The granola crunched under his molars and the citrusy bittersweetness of the berries filled his mouth, mixing into the creamy softness of the yogurt.
Good.
He chewed slowly, taking in the flavor.
Delicious.
Nothing like the bland diet-meals weaved into his every morning -his every meal- for as long as he could remember.
Way too good for him-
He felt his eyes burn, his throat sting.
Barely swallowing the single mouthful of breakfast, he rested the spoon down on the bowl and lowered his hands to his knees. The faint sting of his nails past the fluff of the bathrobe felt oddly comforting; his eyes drifting across the room as if looking for a distraction-
A sewing machine. A folded ironing table and a mannequin stashed to a side. Scraps of fabric. A well-organized shelf, full of fashion magazines. A sizeable tv and a small collection of Blu-ray boxes with names he didn’t recognize. A cat shaped tea-pot. A box half-stuffed with Halloween stuff – a few decorations still hanging tiredly from the walls and windows. Knitted coasters and gloves and scarves, all in pairs of two. A hanger full of jackets and bags, almost perfectly half-and-half between fancy brand pieces and colorful alt-fashion ones.
Many photos, all carefully placed in nice frames. An older him smiling wide and unreserved in all of them.
A selfie surrounded by greenery, side by side with the raven-haired, both of them dressed in windbreaker jackets and bucket hats, smiling despite looking terribly sweaty and tired – a hike somewhere?
A candid photo; swimming shorts and colorful summer shirts. The two of them played in the waves with big toothy grins despite the dashing sun -uncaring of it even-, apparently unaware of whoever was taking the photo.
A clearly planned photo. Kagehira kissing his cheek and hugging him tight as he smiled; behind them what by all measures appeared to be the Eiffel tower.
They even went to France together…?
A group photo with mostly familiar faces – five in total, all dressed in knightly apparel, navy blue and white. Holding an anniversary banner with a big 5 on it. Laughing.
He felt his heart sting, somewhere deep inside his chest. Just where he’d forgotten it, sharp and full of edges, unable to move-
Leo-kun was back… Looking both a bit older and just as childish as ever, hopeful eyes just as bright as emeralds-
He should be glad.
Leo-kun was fine.
Fine without you- of course without you-
…it hurt…
He sucked a breath through tightly clenched teeth. The unexpected burst of cold pain stabbing at his chest somehow threatening to overflow and drown him all at once, victim of a broken dam.
So, he wrapped his arms around his body, tight like a straitjacket. Like a container. The soft bathrobe bunching between his limbs…
“Mn? Aintcha gonna eat?” he heard from across the table.
The soft voice had him jolt – eyes frantically escaping the photos as if he’d been caught doing something wrong. And yet, too much of a coward to meet the man’s gaze head on, his eyes remained confined to the table. To the breakfast before the stranger- A glass of juice, a simple salad and a single honey and cinnamon toast resting on a rectangular ceramic plate, decorated with protruding little cat ears.
…why was everything in this house so…
He heard a small creak- The tiny salad, comprised of some chopped greens and a single diced tomato, now being pushed to his side of the table by long bony fingers.
“Here, maybe ya’d like this better?”
He blinked.
The silence filled with unasked questions and swallowed answers. Unwittingly hungry he conceded; the soft wooden texture of borrowed chopsticks settling nice on his fingers as he carried a bite of salad to his mouth.
Chew.
…it didn’t taste like much. Not even a dash of dressing on it.
That was more familiar.
Eyes still downcast, he continued to chew at the salad, only making a brief stop as a glass of water suddenly appeared in his range of vision- to go along with his meal, he assumed.
Molars digging slightly into the empty chopsticks, he let his blue eyes skim up, daring an awkward look at the man before him. At the easy smile on his lips and the messy bed hair, curtaining intriguing double-colored eyes.
Still not judging him. Not hating him. Even though he was being such a nuisance-
And not at all bad looking…
…thinking back on it, there might have been a guy like that in Yumenosaki. A backup dancer for the former sovereign; that highly praised unit that shattered right as Fine started hunting heads.
Itsuki and Nazuna were the shining stars then, so he hadn’t detailed too much on the silent dancer; and yet, the handsome appearance of that boy remained fresh on his mind, now overlapping with the sight before him-
Not a baby-cheeked first-year anymore, but a handsome man with devilish good looks and a well-shaped body, currently hidden by an oversized graphic t-shirt, flashy in all the wrong ways.
He tensed up at his own thoughts, shaking his head in an attempt to vanish them before they could fester- and instead, focusing back on the salad, flattening the small plate in between long sips of clear water.
The too-delicious-for-him yogurt was eventually pulled back by the guy, who, to his dismay, cleared it in a couple of bites, not even bothering to clean the used spoon before doing so-
…though he guessed sharing a spoon would be rather normal if they were really together…
“Wonder how this happened…” the man suddenly spoke, warm voice cutting through the gentle silence, the spoon still on his mouth “Like…didja get younger? Or is it more of a time-slip kinda thin’?”
He felt himself frown, eyes shifting up to meet the man’s gaze-
“Hah?”
“Ah, no, its just-” the man suddenly stammered as if taken off guard, his eyes swimming around for a second before settling down in his own plate “I reckon if we find out more ‘bout it, we might find a solution? Or sumthin’? Like… is there anythin’ ya remember? Anythin’ unusual that happened?”
He tensed, breath caught in the back of his throat and blurring eyes escaping back to the table as well – the sharp cold of the metal railing still fresh in the tips of his fingers…
“…not really…”
“Ah… I see” the man sighed, the cadence reading as disappointment.
And why wouldn’t he be disappointed?
Surely, he had to prefer the 26-yo him that apparently knew how to smile and wasn’t a constant pain in everyone’s side.
“Mmwahh, that’s though” the guy suddenly spoke, head cradled in his hands and voice despondent, as if to confirm Izumi’s worries “I ain’t confident I’ll be able to keep my mouth shut like this… w-what if this is some time-slippin’ thin’ and sumthin’ changes ‘cuz of me?! Ah! Maybe it’s already changed since I toldja we’re living together! Waahh, no way, no way, that’d be terrible!”
…or maybe not. His rant not as much about how annoying current Izumi was, but about…
Actually, he wasn’t sure he understood the contents of his rambling. But he seemed distressed, judging by the raising pitch of his voice and the not-so-cool demeanor he was now portraying.
“What are you going on about?” he asked, brows furrowed deep and lips pursed.
“Ah!” The guy jolted up into attention, his eyes back to Izumi’s face “Emm, ‘s just that… if this is a time-slip kinda thin’, and ya go back to yer time knowin’ about the future… it may change stuff… like make a different future or sumthin. I-I mean, at least t-that’s what Nakkun’s sci-fi magazines say!”
Eyes closed, Izumi let a sharp sigh out of his nose. The little sci-fi rant so absurd he would have laughed it off as impossible if the situation was any different-
But here he was. Arguably in the future.
Was he to believe then that he had jumped into the future? And his 26-yo self was what? Left to brave the waves that should have killed him? That would be unfortunate-
“Nghaa… what if we don’t get to meet ‘cuz of me…?”
His eyes opened almost by reflex as the words reached him; icy blues fixed on the increasingly pathetic sight before him - the guy now completely curled on himself, head almost touching the table and arms wrapped around it.
“…would that be so bad…?”
“Huwah?” the guy lifted his head, just enough for their gazes to meet midair.
He didn’t know a thing about the 26yo that lived in this house, but at least 16yo him was moody, arrogant, bitchy, bad with people and good at nothing. A walking time-bomb. An annoyance. A waste of time…
Even he wouldn’t want to meet himself-
“…whatcha mean by that?” the question came as if prompted by the prolonged silence, blue and gold eyes completely serious. Earnestly confused by Izumi’s small slip of tongue “Why wouldn’t I want to meetcha?”
He flinched, thrown off balance by the unexpected question; body shrinking into the protective layers of warm, fluffy bathrobe wrapped around him like an armor.
Because I ruin everything-
Because I’m no good-
Because-
Shoulders raising and head ducking between them, Izumi once more escaped from the confrontational odd-eye by looking at the table. At the empty plate and glass left there-
Silence extended as the man patiently yet meaninglessly waited for an answer. Heavier with each passing second and every echo from the wall clock. The words he would never be brave enough to say coiling around his windpipe, inside his chest-
He wanted to hide- to run, to sink into a hole and never be seen again-
“I know. Let’s go out”
The words came so suddenly he even doubted his ears for an instant, head whipping up and jaw falling slack-
“Huh? Out?” he repeated, whiplash forcing his thoughts to spin aimlessly inside his head.
“Yep! It’s a bit early but it’ll do us good to take a walk!” the guy shrugged with ease, getting up from his chair and carefully picking up the plates “Nothin’ good ever comes from stayin’ inside and sulkin’!”
“I’m not sulking” he snapped, catching onto the single piece of information he actually understood “And where do you even expect me to go on a goddamn bathrobe? Are you out of your goddamn mind?”
“Uwehh? What? No, no! I’ll fix ya up a proper outfit! Ya’ll need somethin’ fancy for our lunch reservation anyway~”
“HAH?!” the shock was enough to make him jump right to his feet, the chair behind him dragging and spinning for a bit before settling back down with a loud thud.
“Uwah?!” apparently just as surprised by Izumi’s sudden jump, the guy also jolted back, the slightly unstable pile of dirty dishes in his hands wobbling dangerously in his grasp, forcing him to move back and forth in order to help it settle “Wah, oh! Phefw, saved by a hair.”
“Don’t ‘saved by a hair’ me! What do you mean ‘our reservation’?”
“Oh, ah… sorry, I misspoke? I guess? I made a reservation at a fancy restaurant like a month ago for Izu-chan’s birthday, so I guess it’d be Izu-chan’s and mine?” he explained, eyes moving up and right as he thought of his words, before lowering back to meet Izumi “But I mean, it’d be a waste to miss on the reservation and it’s still Izu-chan… I mean…Izumi-kun?… So-”
Izumi blinked, eyelashes fluttering softly…
Right…
He let his gaze return to the few Halloween decorations still hanging from the walls and the open box where most of them had already been stored away. The almost empty bowl of Halloween candy by the door-
Right past Halloween… barely starting November…
…It was also a couple days past Halloween when he held onto the bridge - the biting cold of the late-autumn breeze scratching his nose and sinking into his fingers...
His birthday…
He’d forgotten all about it…
It just…
Didn’t feel relevant anymore.
“Izumi-kun?” the deep voice he was slowly warming up to, called from the side, forcing him once more to return to the world before his eyes rather than the one he’d tried to forcefully jump out of “We don’t hafta go if ya don’t wanna… but I do think it’ll be better if we at least take a walk. Ya seem… on edge.”
He jolted. Once more feeling terribly seen – right past his facades and his poses and his bravado. In a way he’d never been seen before.
“I’ll clean up and fix ya some proper clothes so why dontcha go get ready? All yer favorite products should be in the bathroom” the man smiled, shifting the precarious pile of dirty dishes so he could hold it in a single arm- his free hand darting up to meet Izumi’s fluffy head for a pat.
He frowned a bit more, sinking into himself as to escape the warm touch. Unknown fingers. The composure of an adult, far more mature and experienced than himself, treating him like a stupid child-
Which he may as well be-
“Don’t patronize me” still, he slapped the hand away, scurrying into the bathroom before he could be offered anymore unknown comfort…
…
The guy wasn’t lying.
The bathroom was filled with many skincare and makeup products he enjoyed, a few he’d always wanted to try but were out of his budget, and a few more he’d never seen before but appeared to be high-quality, all organized in exactly the way he liked.
He poked at every bottle and closed pack, as if confirming they were all real- then took a small detour by scavenging a brand-new toothbrush from the drawer under the sink and washing his teeth.
A bit calmer now, he grabbed a makeup-headband from the drawer and pulled his hair back for his usual routine– the small bow and little fluffy bear ears stitched to it, making it another of many unnecessarily cute objects in the house.
Never mind that.
As he lost himself to the familiar scents and textures, soft and comforting on his skin, he felt the tension of being in an unfamiliar environment slowly easing from his knotted shoulders and hardened hands. The lack of eyes to judge him further allowing him to enjoy the process-
…
When he finally dared step back out, hair set and makeup on point, the dining table was already clean –washed breakfast plates all properly lined on the drying rack– and the guy he apparently lived with sat on the couch –hair now properly brushed– as he worked a needle through fabric-
“Welcome back~” probably having heard the bathroom door opening, the man turned around to greet him with a golden-retriever smile “That was fast! I ain’t done yet with ‘em darts, mind a lil’ wait?”
He halted mid-step, once more intimidated by the soft warmth he hardly deserved- feet failing to give him direction. The bedroom and kitchen felt charged, the living room was now occupied, and any other empty space was filled by photos he didn’t want to detail into anymore than he’d already done-
“Hehe, don’t just stand there~ Make yerself at home.” The man offered, as if sensing his nervousness – his large body gently scooching to one corner of the couch as to offer the remaining space to him “The couch is pretty comfy if I may say so myself~”
He pondered on his options for a second, before complying to the offer – awkwardly sitting on the opposite corner of the couch, as far away as the space allowed; it’s welcoming soft cushions the type to never release a victim-
“Heh, so that’s how Izumi-kun used to do his makeup~” now exactly to his right, the man smiled warmly, fingers casually continuing the careful stitching along the fabric as his eyes detailed on Izumi’s face “Was it the trend back then? Or more of a personal style? It suits yer rounder eyes and softer cheeks real well~ Ya look super pretty~”
He tensed, head turning to the opposite side as to hide the embarrassing red spreading across his cheeks at the sincere compliment despite his every effort to stop it–
“It’s not that big of a deal” he sharpened his voice, hoping to curve the strange fluttering in his chest by being crudely honest “I just altered the makeup I used to get as a child model to better fit my age is all…”
“Heh~ I see! Ya’ve always cared a lot about yer looks, hmn?”
He tensed again, the compliment turning into a warm itch across his nape- almost pleasant. Still uncomfortable.
With nothing else left to say, the conversation lulled into a soft halt.
The sound of ruffled fabric being tensed one stitch at the time filled what would have otherwise been sharp silence. The mechanical nature of the work happening on his side and no small-talk to worry about, making for a rare moment of calm -no task to be achieved, no chores left to do. Just existing. Letting the time pass by.
Not alone.
His anxious posture eased, his worrying thoughts untangling-
“There! All ready!” the guy suddenly raised his voice, cutting the thread with his teeth and lifting the piece up as if to show it off “Here, watcha think?”
“…uh?” Prompted by the sudden movement he shifted his eyes to the piece, blinking slowly as he detailed on the simple pair of dark pants hanging from the guy’s hands – possibly part of a full ensemble, judging by the clothes resting on the couch’s arm.
“Found this old thin’ in the back of Izu-chan’s closet~ Real nostalgic and all, I think it’s one of the first thin’s I ever made for ya~” the man continued, gleeful.
Izumi’s mouth shifted open, then closed again. Judging by all the fabrics and sewing items scattered around the room it made sense that the guy made outfits, but… for him?
“Won’t ya check the fit?” the man beamed up as he offered him the whole set of clothes, carefully picked from the couch. “I sized it down and cut down three inches from the hips, one from the waist and two from the shoulders so it should be just ‘bout right. Still, gotta make sure. Wouldn’t wanna have ya feelin’ all stiff and uncomfortable~”
“…That sounds… oddly specific…” he pushed back, a bit of awkward nervousness left in his gestures as he received the offered pieces.
The fabric felt soft to the touch. Very high quality.
“Haha, ya gotta be when makin’ clothes for someone” the man smiled, rolling his eyes and shrugging up as if the answer was just that obvious.
“Hmn, and yet you didn’t measure me” he retorted, raising an eyebrow as if unimpressed – snark and sarcasm known allies.
“Haha, guess that would’ve been better, but didn’t wanna bother’cha too much. Plus, I’m rather confident it’ll be just right” the man retorted, chest puffed slightly in what he could only guess was pride “After all, I know all of Izu-chan’s measures by heart ~ Just one looksie at’cha and I can tell how much everythin’s changed!”
“Gross” he let out by reflex, shoulders raising slightly at the unexpected declaration “What are you, a stalker?”
“Haha! Ya sayin’ the exact same stuff Izu-chan says~” the man giggled, clearly unbothered by the sudden accusation - and by the sound of it, apparently used to it too.
“Hah? And I’m still with you? The fuck is wrong with me?” he let out, the words coming far ruder than he’d expected them to; a tight frown in his face. Hands tightly grasping at the soft clothes now in his grasp.
Something itched. In the back of his mind, in the corners of his chest.
“Haha, I know right?” words that to anyone else would have been an insult, were easily shrugged off with a candid laugh “I guess Izu-chan has a bit of an odd taste~”
Still not mad. Still not hating him.
Looking every bit like the center spread in a fashion magazine despite wearing the most ridiculous matchup of a graphic tee and pajama pants he’d ever seen- broad shoulders evident in the long creases of the oversized clothes and long legs gently bent not to kick the coffee table.
He surely could do better than Izumi-
“…you too…” he found himself whispering.
“Huh?” the man’s laugh eased out into a question, his dismissive cheer replaced by a sharp gaze, bright yet warm past the curtain of his hair. A long arm propped easily on the backrest of the couch- sculped features of a handsome face resting pensively on bony knuckles “Whatcha mean?”
“…because you like me…?” he swallowed down, escaping the too handsome vision by gazing at the clothes he’d just received.
Made for a him he didn’t know. Fixed for the current him to wear-
“Eeh? That ain’t odd at all~” the man claimed, his voice warm enough for him to guess a smile even without looking “What is there not to like’ ‘bout’cha?”
Izumi frowned –a thousand answers coming to mind all at once. Not a single one leaving his lips.
The guy must have realized, words tying up the pause he’d left-
“For one, I like how yer thoughtful and carin’ to those ‘round how, and how smart ya’re, not to mention yer such a hard worke’-”
“That’s not---true” he rushed to interrupt; voice shakier than intended. The praised qualities a mirage he could not find in himself- maybe accurate for the him he didn’t know, but not quite so to himself “…I’m not that… at all— I’m rude and selfish and mean- I’ve already been rude to you-!”
He felt his words lost in his own lips – the vision before him blurring as his gaze trembled.
“I guess ya can be rude sometimes.” The man finally conceded, his voice a tender rumble “Quick to get yer mood sour and a lil’ bit snappy whenever that happens. And maybe sometimes ya say’ mean thin’s ya don’t mean at all, and never quite find how to apologize for ‘em. But yanno? Bein’ bad with words ain’t mean yer a bad person. I’m terrible at speakin’ too, can’t tie two sentences for the life of me. I’d hope that wouldn’t made me a bad person.”
He tensed – the words as precise as a scalpel, digging the soft spots from between sharp thorns and heavy lead.
“Plus, ya ain’t selfish at all. I may have never met yer current ya, but I’m sure yer heart is the same as the Izu-chan I love. Always pickin’ everyone’s slack, yet takin’ all the blame when thin’s go wrong. Always practicin’ late, workin’ where no one else can see…”
He could feel his armor being stripped apart – the vulnerable spot he’d make sure no one could ever find, easily seen by those hetero-chromic eyes.
“No one recognizes yer hard work ‘cuz ya won’t let them see it, and yet ya keep tryin’. Worryin’. Carin’. Ready to become the bad guy if that’ll save others the heartache…”
…how…?
“Ain’t that being kind? Carin’? Thoughtful?”
Izumi curled on himself – the heart that’d sunken so deep he could barely feel it anymore suddenly squeezed tight. Warm.
Found-
A big thumb reached for the bottom of his eye, wiping clean a tear he didn’t even realized had appeared at its corner-
A warm smile was there to meet him – even softer under the silky cascade of dark hair.
“See, there’s a lot to love ‘bout ya” he offered, voice turning slightly playful as if to lighten the mood “Not to mention what a beauty ya’ll turn out to be in a few years~ The prettiest in the whole world!”
He felt his heart skip a beat – the praise he’d always wished for offered with such ease it felt like a dream. An impossibly, stupidly, absurdly… kind dream.
You’ll become even prettier. Even kinder.
More loved.
So, he giggled…
A little spark of happiness pulling at his lips.
For the first time in what felt like forever.
“S-shut up.” He complained, voice softer than he wanted and embarrassingly shaky.
He gave the guy- Kagehira- an embarrassed push and quickly jumped to his feet, rushing to the bathroom with his change of clothes before he could embarrass himself further.
…
Kagehira was right. The few fixes he’d made had the outfit fit him like a glove – not too tight, not too loose. Comfortable like a warm hug.
It was a full outfit – a white overcoat, long enough to reach his knees, sewn with a sleeve down straight into a soft black turtle neck, and a comfortable pair of pants comfortably loose up top and a bit tight at the bottom, probably to wear with boots. It had a simple stitched pattern of blue lilies across the jacket and across the belt-line, giving it a slightly fancier aspect. Maybe even a bit unusual.
But still pretty-
Standing by the full-sized mirror in the living room, he gazed at himself. The outfit wrapping around his body as to bring attention to everything he liked of it – everything he thought pretty. The soft line of his hips, the length of his legs, even the cold blue of his eyes…
Gold and blue peeked into the mirror from behind him – a soft smile in handsome lips.
“Wah, ya look real pretty like this~” he praised with the same ease he breathed, gesture soft as he detailed on the clothes “Ughh, it is a bit embarrassin’ to see my old work like this though haha…”
Kagehira’s smile was a bit bitter this time around, clearly judging the piece with even harsher eyes than Izumi’s own- still, he shifted gears soon enough, once more fixing his attention on Izumi’s reflected gaze-
“So, how ‘bout the fit? Feels good? Need me to loosen or tighten anythin’?”
“It feels fine” he let out, underselling the insanely comfortable feel of something made exactly for his body - gaze escaping the direct contact with Kagehira’s odd-eye by skating down towards his outfit.
He was wearing a suit jacket with a red and white flower pattern stitched across it, resting over a stitched vest and a collared black shirt, splashed white at the tips. Loose trousers, more resembling of a hakama than normal pants finishing the unconventional yet clearly attractive sight-
“…did you make that too?” he asked, still detailing on the small touches of Kagehira’s outfit.
“Uweh? Ya mean my clothes?” the man jolted up slightly, expression turning meek under the words “No, no! Not at all! The jacket is from Oshi-san’s newest collection and the pants are from Ryuu-kun-san’s fall designs. The shirt is a cheap thin’ I got on discount that I painted to match the-”
“Eh?” he turned around before he could even think to stop- suddenly face to face with a shocked Kagehira, blinking right into his eyes.
“…w-what-?”
“I… no I just…” suddenly embarrassed he stepped back and away, his gaze skittering over the wooden pattern of the floor “It feels kind of… odd, is all. If you can make clothes like these…why won’t you make them for yourself?”
Instead of wasting them on me-
“…huh?” Kagehira asked, head tilted like a confused puppy, genuinely puzzled by the question “I mean, I make stuff for myself sometimes too, it just ain’t very appropriate for a fancy dinner. A bit too experimental haha…”
A small silence.
“Plus, if I’m honest, it just feels a lot more fun to make stuff when I think of how pretty Izu-chan will look on it~”
Izumi tensed again, hands inevitably clinging to be hems of the sleeves as if seeking comfort in them-
“It works great yanno? Every prize I’ve ever gotten ‘s been on pieces made for Izu-chan~” he beamed. Easily. Comfortably.
Like stating a basic principle of life.
“S-stop saying stupid stuff and let’s get going!” he dropped, defensively; the last cover of a vulnerable softness- still raw and aching.
“Haha, a’ight” the man agreed with ease.
Following his lead past the halls, they met the entrance –a nice pair of shiny shoes waiting for him to finish the fit.
Just the type he liked.
Already broken in.
Comfortable.
…
The world outside wasn’t all that different from 10 years ago. Some buildings were taller – some stores were new. The sky was blue as far as you could see it, and the wind was just as biting against the skin, warning of upcoming winter.
There was still time for their reservation, so they took a long detour across the smaller streets, side by side on the soft pavement. Barely any cars passed by, and with not many topics of conversation to bring out, there was barely anything to break through the comfort of silence-
Kagehira’s lead – casual yet comforting, eventually took them to what seemed like a popular park; Plenty of tourists and couples taking pictures along the pond and under the trees, now painted in the usual reds and golds of autumn.
Sharing a soft gaze of agreement, they followed the path along the tree-line for a quiet stroll – A few gazes gravitating towards them despite the medical masks and black caps to hide their faces. The oddly fashionable clothes clearly doing most of the pulling.
“Won’t it be bad if we get recognized?” he had asked, a bit of anxiety fluttering in his stomach.
“Mn? We’ve both kinda moved on from idol stuff, so it ain’t like we’re gonna get swarmed by fans” Kagehira answered, shrugging up slightly. Unbothered.
He must be right. Even if they drew gazes, no one seemed particularly moved to approach.
The path, golden with fallen leaves felt soft under his feet- just at the edge of his gaze he could see their shadows tangle, as suspiciously close as they walked to one another.
“…that too but…” he pursed his lips slightly.
If they weren’t idols anymore, then the rules for ‘no-dating’ no longer applied…And even before that, no one would assume a single thing from two male idols -ex-idols?- walking together. Even living together. Good friends. Nothing more.
A small bitterness – confusing, distracting- filled his mouth-
Kagehira must have noticed – his gaze warm as his mouth opened to answer the unasked question.
“That’s fine too~ We’re like, super official by now.” He hushed, the warm crescent moons of his eyes revealing the smile his mask hid.
Official…
The sun tickled his skin warmly as he looked up at one of many Ginko trees – its yellow golden leaves shimmering under the late morning light.
Did that mean his mama knew about it? About him living with a man…?
Was she okay with it?
Did she invite them over for obon and made them osechi in New Years? Send them little gifts from their extended family in the countryside?
What about Kagehira’s? Did they think of him as family…?
…or more likely………………………………….
Suddenly noticing the missing warmth on his right, he spun around on his heel -his eyes almost immediately finding the figure he was looking for, standing still by the pond.
“Look! It says ya can feed the ducks!” Kagehira chirped, waving at him to come over.
A small wooden sign and a tiny, old dispenser offering tiny bags of seeds for as little as a coin. And just past it, a small group of ducks, flapping their wings and wadding through the mud where the pond reached land.
“Hah? What are you-” he was barely halfway through a sentence when a metallic clank reached his ears. Kagehira happily bending over to pick the little bag of seeds from the bottom.
“Let’s do it together!” he said as he approached Izumi, enough cheer in his voice for the two of them.
“I don’t-”
He tried resisting, a step back from what felt like a pointless task. Childish. Contradictory to the image he’d curated of himself-
And yet, the small bag of feed was placed on his palm. Too tiny to be heavy. Already open. Vaguely warm from being in Kagehira’s hand.
…inevitable.
He squinted… then sighed.
“…fine.”
Followed closely by Kagehira, he approached the pond in timid steps, a bit of encouragement from heterochromic eyes needed before he dared throw a few sprinkles of feed to the water-
He heard some quacking – clumsy bodies wadding through the shallow water to catch the pellets.
Pretty.
The waves were sharp but small, dying out soon enough into the expansive pond.
Quiet.
Probably cold yet shockingly clear, reflecting the perfect weather right above them on its passive surface- bright blue. Shining gold.
“Aint’cha glad?” Kagehira suddenly spoke, standing a few steps away from him. Staring at the pond as he was. “They oughta be gone by winter, right? So lucky we got to see them before that.”
The breeze was chilly, but the sun was warm.
It felt nice.
…
The restaurant they eventually reached, already past noon, was quite a bit different than he’d expected; soft instrumental music rolling past well-decorated walls and fancy leather chairs right as they left the elevator. A fully stocked side-bar and dazzling chandeliers refracting the light into a dimming warmth, giving it the appearance of a more late-night kind of place. And also, clearly far above his meager high-schooler budget.
Lead along by a waitress in a well-fitted suit, they eventually reached a small private room at the end of the walk – cozy and pretty, a full window for them to enjoy the high-building view.
“Ya can order anythin’ ya want.” Kagehira assured him once he peeked at the menu, his eyes glossing over what felt like a bit too many zeroes under ever single plate-
He looked up, shock probably seeping into his expression.
Kagehira just laughed, leaning back onto the soft leather of the chair with the ease of someone used to this-
“’s fine, ‘s fine~ I’ll have ya know I make quite a bit of cash from my fashion line” he offered, chin raising slightly and chest puffing up. It seemed like he was enjoying the chance to boast off.
“…but…” he hesitated on how to explain his own uncertainty – how to word the small unsettling knot, coarse and tight, lodged inside his throat. “Are you sure? I mean I don’t…Wasn’t this supposed to be… a date for you and---?”
Not me-
Kagehira’s smile softened a bit – once more looking a bit troubled.
“Haha, more than a date a celebration.” He explained, head tilting towards his shoulder as he gazed into the slightly tinted window – far enough into the sky to catch the yellows and reds of the park they’d just walked through “A day to say ‘I’m glad Izu-chan was born, I’m glad I got to meet him, I’m glad I get to celebrate this day with him’.”
He blinked. Slow. Led by the soft cadence of Kagehira’s voice-
“So ya’know, it’s also meant for ya.” His gaze slowly pulled away from the window, sliding across the empty space until it met Izumi’s own frozen eyes “I’m glad ya were born. I appreciate all the hard work yer doin’ to become the person I’ll love. I’m glad I got to see that today. Let me celebrate it?”
Izumi shifted slightly, his face once more heating up despite himself.
He wanted to hide into his clothes, but their warm embrace, perfectly comfortable against his skin, smelled just a bit too much like Kagehira.
“Mn, if it helps, think of it as borrowin’ a lil’ bit from the future ya. He ain’t gonna be mad, so why should ya worry, yanno?” he smiled, an elbow on the table as he leaned in with the conspiratorial tone of a shady seller, his tone a bit too playful to be taken seriously “And if I may be so bold, a suggestion… The seafood here is superb. The prawn salad and the angel shrimp with foei gras specially so~”
Then he smiled, snaggleteeth and all. The imperfections only adding to the handsome build he was getting more and more smitten by-
Escaping the sweet smile, he lowered his gaze back to the menu, his eyes easily finding the plate Kagehira had suggested.
It did look good…
…
It took quite a bit for the plate to arrive, but every second of wait was worth it. The fresh shrimp, cooked to absolute perfection and paired with his very first try of foei gras made him feel like his cheeks might melt along with the soft meat. Perfectly tasty. Impossible juicy. His frown was gone in a single bite, his eyes sparkling full of life as he swallowed it down. His hands immediately reaching with the fork for another bite, and another, and another-
He was already half-way through the plate when he realized just how lost he’d been in the food, an embarrassing blush painting his cheeks as he pulled back just enough to get a proper look at Kagehira across the table.
He was smiling – their eyes meeting with a small spark almost instantly.
“’s’t good?” Kagehira asked; a warmth he couldn’t quite read softening his smile.
He gave a small nod, as if to not look too needy. But the insisting chewing he couldn’t quite stop must be giving him away. Kagehira’s smile widening gently.
“Want seconds?”
He jolted up –
“N-no, that’s fine” he rushed to say, even as he kept carrying piece after piece of shrimp into his mouth.
“Oh, ‘kay…” Kagehira’s smile tightened, eyebrows pinching up for but a second before another wave of charm washed over “Then how ’bout dessert?”
Kagehira glanced over as if to gauge his reaction, hands elegantly digging at his own meal. A carpaccio something. The name was in Italian so he wasn’t really able to remember anymore than that. It was kind of amazing that Kagehira could remember every name so well-
He wondered what reason he could have to know Italian… maybe his work, since he seemed to be a designer?
He lowered his gaze back to the meal before him.
Almost done with.
Delicious-
Didn’t make the indulgence feel any less bad though-
“I don’t…” he paused, gaze flickering up “…really eat dessert.”
“Oh… That’s a shame. It’s always nice to get a lil’ treat fer a special occasion” Kagehira answered with an easy smile, his tone betraying how dejected he really felt.
“…does he eat dessert?” he questioned, pensive. His gaze meeting Kagehira’s- odd-eye, gesture warming up as the memories of the other Izumi most certainly danced in his mind.
“Sure he does~ Not terribly often, but he might get a piece of tart or a small parfait on special occasions”
Izumi settled into silence, and, unable to picture such a thing in his future, returned his attention to his current lunch- fingers spinning the fork as he tried to pick the next piece of prawn to eat.
“If it’s worth anythin’-” Kagehira interrupted, pulling at his gaze “I think ya’d really enjoy the vegan gelato. It has a mellow flavor and a nice texture that melts slowly on yer tongue. Noto to mention! Its very low in calories~ We can even share a cup if ya’d prefer~”
“You sound like a food reporter” he observed, finally picking a chopped piece of prawn.
In front of him, Kagehira suddenly ducked his head between his shoulders, a small mark of red tainting the very edges of his cheeks, as if embarrassed.
“Ah, d-do I? I guess it must’ve stuck from doin’ too much of it” he gave an awkward laugh. A bit dorky. Rather cute.
“Aren’t you in Valkyrie? I pegged you guys for a more… mn, refined? ‘Holier-than-thou’? Kind of unit. Not the ‘we’ll do food reporting for tv’ kind of unit.”
Kagehira perked up slightly, his eyes shining softly.
“Oh… ya know ‘bout that?”
Izumi frowned.
“Huh? Why wouldn’t I know about it? Do you think I’m dumb or something? You guys were Yumenosaki’s sovereign unit. The Valkyrie.”
“Ah, no, that ain’t what I meant” Kagehira jolted, hands waving in front of his face as to deny the claim – his posture softening slightly, yet remaining meek as he continued talking “I mean… yer like, ‘round yer second year of high school, no? I used to be real irrelevant back then. Didn’t even get to sing on stage. Feels a bit embarrassin’ to thin’ ya’d know about me…”
“…well yeah, but…” Izumi bit on the tip of the fork, trapping it between his lips as he let his gaze raise up, shoulders raising along with it “Your face isn’t exactly forgettable, you know? I might have only seen Valkyrie on stage once, but that doesn’t mean I wouldn’t remember how you look-”
By the time his gaze returned to Kagehira, he was blushing. Eyes awkwardly nailed to the meal in front of him- his fork not even moving.
“Hah? What’s with that reaction? Gross” he spat, more reflex than anything else. A slight tingle of embarrassment appearing on his own cheeks.
“Oh, ah! No, it’s not… I mean. It’s just, hehe” with an awkward chuckle, Kagehira scratched his nape “’s kinda nice to think ya noticed me back then…? Even if just a bit. And is also kinda embarrassin’, since I used to be such a mess!”
Izumi blinked slowly, awkwardly taking in the sight of a man 10 year his senior -who apparently was in a rather committed relationship with his older self no less!- acting like a smitten highschooler after hearing his crush acknowledge his existence.
It was… absurd. So silly in fact, it turned back around to be amusing-
Before he’d noticed, he was snickering… then chuckling. The little bit of absurd joy growing and growing until he could feel himself laugh out loud.
Had his words ever mattered this much to anyone…?
He couldn’t remember.
Probably not…….
…it felt lonely, and a bit empty… and yet, he couldn’t stop laughing.
Tears of unknown origin spilling from the corners of his eyes.
-…
As he slowly settled back, he carefully tapped the wetness at the corners of his eyes dry with the pads of his fingers- his slightly blurry gaze soon finding Kagehira in front of him. Just watching him. Content.
“…A smile really suits ya’ the best” he observed, as if it was the most natural thing in the world.
“Shut up” he spat, his throat a bit tight. His face completely warm.
Kagehira just smiled back, quietly continuing with his meal-
…
Even after their plates were cleared, Kagehira made no move to leave, instead asking for a drink. ‘Ya want somethin’?’ his gaze seemed to ask as he turned to Izumi.
“Just water” he tried to sound assertive, even as his fingers dug into his slacks- and Kagehira just nodded in agreement.
The waitress wrote something in her notepad, and gave a small bow before making her leave - The spacious and mostly empty interior of the restaurant, visible past the open door for those few moments, reassuring him that they were in no rush to leave.
Which was fine by him.
He liked the instrumental music. The crystal decorations reflecting on the outside light. The comfortable seats.
…not to mention, for once in- probably his entire life- he didn’t have any plans for the day. No practice, no jobs, no tasks… no reason for any of that. Suspended in borrowed time.
Just sitting there. Looking at the sky.
Kagehira didn’t say anything either- his gaze also lost in the view outside the window, as if savoring the moment.
He extended his legs under the table and curved up his spine, settling deeper into the cushy seat; enough to make a bit of a lazy stretch, like a cat on a patch of sun, hands slipping into the pockets of the jacket Kagehira had made for him, apparently years ago, as he stretched them too…
…?
Pulling his hand from his pocket, he lowered his gaze to it-
“Oh that’s nostalgic!” Kagehira beamed from the other side of the table, looking at the bright-red loop of thread Izumi had fished from inside his pocket.
“Huh?”
“Haha, here, gimme” Kagehira chuckled, easily taking the thread from Izumi’s hands, tensing it out of any knots or twists before tying it on his fingers “When I was young I did cat’s cradle quite a bit. Even put it as my special talent in the agency profile thingie~”
Threading his fingers through the red loop, a bit of tensing and turning soon transformed it into a bridge, then a butterfly. A bit of trial and error was required to get a spider-web, and then, quite a few more for the thread to show what seemed like a pup moving from one side to the other.
“Haha! Got it~” Kagehira chuckled, proud at his success.
“Hmn, didn’t even know you could do that” he conceded, observing the pup reach the end of the thread path “How do you even remember how to do all that?”
“’s just practice~”
“Hmnn.” He hummed again, gaze still caught in the thread “Well, then tell me how to do it”
He asked, voice sounding a bit more demanding than he wanted it too. His hand outstretched forward as he asked for the thread back.
Kagehira’s gaze raised from the thread to meet him – soft and endeared. No movement made to return the thread.
“What?” he found himself spitting, a bit annoyed.
Kagehira just shook his head no softly, untangling the walking puppy back into a simple red loop of thread-
“Was just thinkin’ Izu-chan is really Izu-chan, ‘s all” he hummed, gently returning the piece to Izumi’s hands “Ya asked me the same thin’ when we started datin’”
“…did I?” he asked, awkwardly tying the thread around his fingers as he did. An awkward tingle of unknown origin making its way through his chest.
“Mnhm” Kagehira nodded with ease, gently correcting the position of the thread “Here, pass your middle finger through here… then this through here.”
Izumi nodded, trying to follow the instructions, the thread tightening and loosening around his fingers – its shape changing slowly. Now shaped as two x’s.
“Before, ya were sayin’ how selfish and mean ya’re, but yanno? Yer one of the only people that never scoffed at the thin’s I liked”
Kagehira then moved forward, pinching at the thread and tangling into his own fingers- until they were completely removed from Izumi’s, the shape changed again.
He gazed up at Kagehira’s eyes- but he gestured him to return his gaze to the thread.
“See the tiny diamon’ in the center? Pinch the top and bottom corners… yeah, like that… and pull” a six-point star was now formed in between the two “There, now open yer fingers, yeah, like that”
The thread transferred once more to Izumi- now spread in what looked like mere straight lines.
“Ya got really into cat’s cradle for a while, even got competitive ‘bout it. Maybe that’s why it was in yer coat’s pocket?” Kagehira continued explaining, his fingers once more tangling themselves into the thread Izumi held.
Held in Kagehira’s index and pinky, the thread once more resembled little more than a mess; though it didn’t last long, a bit of shifting turning it back into another shape.
“Here, wave, yer pinkie here… and here” Kagehira guided, using his chin and gaze to guide him as his hands were locked in the thread.
With a bit of awkwardness, he finally managed to complete the instructions – a big diamond pulling at two lines of thread now. Kagehira then easily slipped his fingers into it again.
The thread shifted and turned one final time- back into the first figure-
“And ta-dah! That’s cat’s cradle for ya~” Kagehira beamed, his gaze moving from the thread to Izumi’s face- their eyes meeting gently in the air. “Wanna try again?”
Izumi nodded-
…
The sun was a lower in the sky now- Kagehira’s glass, empty of everything but half-melted ice, gathered droplets of condensation on its shiny surface – reflecting the soft light into geometric shapes across the table.
It didn’t feel like so much time had passed.
Finally lowering the thread, Kagehira stretched both arms over his head. His long limbs cracking loud enough to make Izumi jump a bit.
“Haha, sorry- loose articulations. They pop a lot” he commented with a simple smile, snaggletooth caught on the softness of his lips “So, watcha say ‘bout that dessert?”
“Oh…” he hadn’t expected the dessert to make a return now. He looked at his own, single glass of water “…maybe not…”
Kagehira shrugged up, a small sigh escaping his lips.
“A’ight. Then wanna go for a bit of a walk? The roof here is like a small garden thingie~” he offered instead “Might be a bit cold, but the sight is real pretty”
He nodded – the question he really wanted to make lodged onto the back of his throat.
…
“Why…?”
He only dared ask once they were out in the rooftop. Fancy golden railings and carefully trimmed bushes of many different flowers – shapes and colors matching each other.
“Mn?” Kagehira turned towards him when Izumi’s question died into the strong wind. Chilly against the skin. Loud enough to knock your thoughts away. Making it feel like they were alone; the only two souls left in the world-
“Ah… I…” he licked his lips, as if making time for his thoughts to catch up to his feelings. “…why are you so nice to me?”
Kagehira blinked slowly. Facial features betraying none of his thoughts, instead prompting him to continue.
So, he tried.
“I’ve been nothing but a nuisance… all day. Kicking you this morning… complaining and making a big deal of stupid shit. I didn’t even…” he gulped at cold wind and nothing else, fingers tightly grasping at the comforting hems of warm sleeves. “I didn’t even eat the breakfast you made for me… Shouldn’t you be… mad? Annoyed?”
“Breakfast?” Kagehira blinked a couple times as if confused – his unreadable seriousness easily giving way to a comforting smile “Ya were worried ‘bout that? All this time? Yer far too kind~ I ain’t bothered by it. Ya asked fer a yogurt and I went and overdid it… that’s all there’s to it”
Izumi frowned –The complicated feeling in his chest growing a whole size bigger. Tangling itself a bit harder-
“…that’s not… I don’t… why…?” he gulped. Drowning in the cold. Tangled in his thoughts. Wishing for an answer.
“Ah… There’s that face ‘gain” Kagehira’s smile turned a bit softer, a bit troubled. His voice laced with a small, persistent, sting of sadness “Like the whole world’s against’cha… like yer cornered…”
Izumi squinted – hands closed hard enough for his nails to dig into soft flesh. Sharp. Painful.
Once more… He was being seen.
Far beyond any barrier he’d made, past any mask he’d constructed. Seen in such a fundamental level, such a deep way, he could only stare back… vulnerable. Scared.
Kagehira held his next words for a slow moment, lips pressed together and eyebrows slightly lowered-
“Ya know…” he finally said, warm voice just loud enough to brave the punishing flurries of wind “Some nights, Izu-chan wakes up in the middle of the night. He never tries to wake me up; he just curls closer. Holds me tight. Tremblin’. Face tight ‘gainst my shoulder.”
Izumi held his breath.
“He sometimes tells me a bit ‘bout the past. Them years before we met each other.” Downcast gold and blue shimmered under the curtain of black hair “I always wish I could do sum’ing.”
Slowly, his gaze climbed up – to meet Izumi’s. Impossibly warm. Insistently soft.
‘Listen to me-’
‘Believe me-’
“Izu-chan has given me so much more than ya can imagine. That I can even make into words. So much understandin’, and sweetness, and… confidence. So many things he ain’t ever got himself… so I thought, if I could give even a lil’ bit of it back, to the Izu-chan that was alone and scared. That didn’t think he was worth it. That was always pushin’ forward past the pain-” his smile trembled a bit. So did his voice “…maybe that would balance it all out…”
The wind tugged at his collar, pulling from oversized hakama pants and tousling long black hair; a crow’s wing, gold where the lowering sunlight touched it-
“Am I too naïve…? Is it really such an odd thin’? Wantin’ to be kind to the one ya love?”
Izumi’s shoulders raised slightly- his breath slightly caught in his throat.
And he could have cried… he really could have.
So instead, he turned away from those eyes- scurrying past colorful flowers to instead gaze at the world beyond the rooftop. Long clouds, red and gold and a bit orange. The park so far below.
He held onto the golden railing. Cold under his fingers.
No storm, nor waves.
Still no gloves.
Steps approached gently, stopping short of catching up-
“The day is almost over and yer still here” Kagehira observed, standing a few meters behind him. The sky above shifting from day to night right above them.
“Ya think ya’ll be back once ya go to sleep? Or will ya stay here for a while?” he continued, words as loose as a single stream of thought “If yer still small tomorrow we’ll hafta call yer agency… probably”
He blinked, the single white dot of the first night star twinkling in between the strokes of dark blue filling in the sky-
“…what… should I do?” he asked, careful.
Like holding something frail.
“Mn?” Kagehira asked in a soft hum, offering silence for him to fill with words.
“…so I can… so we can meet.”
It felt stupid to ask. Cruel to want. Selfish to…be.
But Kagehira’s words from earlier in the morning remained in his mind.
What if the past changes and none of this happens?
None of those sweet photos. None of those smiles.
A cold bed, an empty room- bland meals and quiet regret. A life barely worth living-
“I… I just… I know, I’ll find a way to ruin everything.” He felt his voice break apart, crumble into sharp edges and fear-stricken demands “So I need to know how to do things right! Where to go, what to say- what to---”
He demanded, knuckles whitening as he tightened his grip. Cold. So cold.
“Please… You need to tell me… What exactly did I do… for you to… to…”
He felt his voice trembling. His heart squeezing.
“…to fall in love… with someone like… me?”
Someone so broken- someone so rotten---
Kagehira squinted slightly – eyes bright like jewels as small tears pooled on them.
“Ya ain’t gotta worry ‘bout that” The warm crunch of his footsteps approached, only halting as his warmth reached Izumi’s side– a soft barrier, barely a step away, as to held off the freezing wind.
“B-but I do! I… You don’t understand, this could all… if I fuck up it, it… it’ll be gone… all of it.” Forever “I’ll… I’ll hurt you or, ruing or, or… make you hate me and then-”
…cold, cold, cold…
“Izumi-kun is always so tough on himself” Kagehira replied, voice failing to properly conceal the tears. And yet firm. And yet warm. And yet comforting. “I promise, ya ain’t gotta do a thing”
“But-!”
I’ll ruin it.
I ruin everything.
Always, always, always-
A warm hand reached for his own. Grounding him slowly into the world before him.
Still no waves-
“Sorry, didn’t meant to make ya worry with my little rant this mornin’…” Kagehira confirmed, as if understanding the very root of Izumi’s worries. Just like he understood everything else.
Even things Izumi himself didn’t get – didn’t believe he’ll ever do.
“It’ll be fine. I promise.” Kagehira’s breath turned into soft white clouds as it escaped his lips-
“That’s- you can’t… you don’t know that” he trembled, frozen fingers tightening further into the cold metal-
“I do” his voice was warm, soft. His free arm, gently swinging around Izumi’s shoulders. “No matter whatcha do or what happens, I’m confident I’ll fall for Izumi-kun all over again. Every single time. Without fault.”
He frowned. His body pleading for him to sink into the offered hug, his heart crushing once more under his own fears…
He turned slightly, finally daring a gaze back at soft eyes-
“…how can you be so sure…?”
“Because lovin’ ya is the easiest thing in the world.”
…and all the tears he’d been holding. All the pain he’d been holding… it all broke loose.
He sobbed. Wrapped in Kagehira’s arms, his face sinking into the warm shoulder offered to him.
He cried, years and years worth of tears…
And it felt nice.
…
Cold…
Splash.
A single wet drop hit his face.
He blinked… eyes gently parting open to a dimming grey sky and the very starts of rain.
Confused, he propped himself up-
He was laying on an empty bridge. His schoolbag left forgotten on the side of the metal railing. The warm embers of a dream he couldn’t quite remember slipping from his thoughts…
He stood up, slowly.
The waves below crashed loud, beckoning for him…
He picked up his bag- fingers tight around the strap, and slowly…
Walked away-
…
Light creeps in through the edges of tightly closed curtains. The wall clock echoing through the silence.
I wake up slowly. To a caring warmth caught between my arms and a heavenly sight before my eyes. Silky silver faintly tangled and soft features bathed in dim sunlight. Impossibly long eyelashes softly resting over tender cheeks and pretty lips just lightly parted…
I tighten my hold, bringing his warmth just a bit closer. Just enough to press a kiss against his cheek-
He stirs, cute and awkward like a small kitten.
And then, his eyes open. Perfect pools of icy blue still dazed with sleep gently detailing on me.
“Mornin’” I greet, already smitten by the sight of him.
“…mnhm” he hums his own greeting, probably too sleepy to make a full sentence just yet. His slender body leaning in to press a kiss against my chin.
I feel my heart dance inside my chest.
“Slept well?” I hush and he smiles.
“…mnhm, thanks to you...” he hums, eyes closing as if he’s chasing the coattails of his dream, his body gently huddling against my chest, soft arms hugging me “I had the weirdest dream… Felt like… a bit of a memory too.”
“Oh?”
“It was about my second year of high school… returning from Leo-kun’s house, feeling defeated. Kind of done with myself. I think I told you once before, that I planned to die before I had the chance to become old and ugly.”
“Yeah, ya did mention that” I answer, letting my fingers play with his hair. A soft encouragement for his words to continue.
“…that day. I really thought about it. There was this bridge on the way back home and I… I thought about jumping.”
His voice is soft- a dead whisper against my collarbone. Cold like nothing I’ve ever felt before.
I tighten the grasp of my arm around his waist. He hums. Hopefully comforted.
“…and then, the weirdest thing happened.” He continues, his fingers drawing ticklish circles on my back. “I think… I was here with you… I don’t remember the details, but I think we fed some ducks and… maybe went to eat? I think… you were sewing something.”
He trails off, as if sleep is catching him again. I smile.
“…that really is weird” I concede, leaning down to kiss his hair “I think I had a very similar dream myself.”
“Mn? What was it about?”
“Mnnn, it was… about how much I love you”
“Dumbass.”
As always, Izumi's lips are sweet as he kisses me.
And I think of it again - how loving him is the easiest thing in the world.