Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

It was a hard fight. Everyone came out alive and more or less unscathed, but he felt guilt at the little bruises that Meryl and Wolfwood suffered. Of course they brushed it off like it was nothing, used to living that rough life. But for him it wasn´t. It was never nothing if it came to them.

After the adrenaline of their fight was drained and their wounds bandaged, they decided to camp somewhere quiet, needing the moment alone and away from society and their mistrusting eyes.

Milly sat on a boulder a few steps away, quietly oiling her stungun, her silhouette still and calm. Like always she managed to execute a quiet strength that instantly put everyone near her at ease. Wolfwood stood just beyond, smoking and watching the dark horizon with a half-lidded stare. His cross rested lazily at his side, both alphas being attentive to their surroundings, but not on high alert anymore.

Vash wanted nothing more than go to them, take his place among them and keep them company. Be the alpha who would take a part of their burden, able to protect them all so they could find some rest as well.

But he didn´t have the energy, his nerves feeling frayed. On days like this he felt his limitations, the weight of pretending to be something he isn´t. He was too afraid to tell the others what he really was. Not the alpha they all expected him to be, the alpha he portrayed outwardly. The alpha-status that no one questioned.

The truth was: he was an omega, someone who nurtures, someone who soothes, gently guides and didn´t give a second thought to things like posturing. But he didn´t manage to do any of that today. He was tired.

And as he and Meryl laid down to sleep he felt frazzled. His inner omega still being shaken by the fight, the too-close encounters with bullets near his precious pack mates. He wanted everyone to be safe. As he looked over to Meryl, already in her sleeping bag and her bruised hand wrapped in a bandage, he felt guilt and the unrelenting pull to be close, to comfort. Looking around him, making sure that their two alphas still kept watch and didn´t see it, he creeped closer to her.

“Meryl” he whispered, “you awake?”

The betas eyelids flutter open, her gaze still sharp – good, so she hadn´t been on the blink of sleep already. The moonlight highlights the bruises on her face and the swelling of her bandaged hand. Vash swallows, his heart pounding as he observes her.

She sits up slowly, eyes adjusting. Seeing Vash kneeling there makes her frown in mild surprise. “Vash? What´s wrong?” She shifts closer, propping herself up on one arm, quickly looking around but only seeing their alphas stand guard at the fires edge a good 30 feet away. Wolfwoods gaze remains alert, sweeping over the horizon. Milly, next to him, leans on her cleaned stungun, more relaxed but still viligant.

Vash swallows, voice barely a whisper: “I … I just … wanted to make sure you´re okay. That you are not in pain”. He stopped himself. His voice cracked on the words, something in him feeling fragile, trembling.

And Meryl catches on. She wasn´t stupid, far too perceptive and sharp to miss the shift in her friend. He wasn´t checking on her like an alpha would. Not the commanding concern, not the way Wolfwood did with Milly after a fight. Or the way Milly would do a thousand things at once when one of them got hurt, always on the move, showing her concern through actions more than through words (though she was extremely good at these too. “Thanks to my big family who values a heart-to-heart!” she exclaimed as they once asked her about it).

No, this was something quieter. More instinctual. Protective in a different way. Nurturing, asking with a soft voice, a concerned glance, hands hovering but not touching without permission.

Meryl´s frown softens into worry. She glances at his hand hovering near her bandage. It´s all hesitance and overhelming empathy – his omega nature bubbling against his alpha façade.  “I´ll surive” she tries to elevate his concern, voice warm, “You don´t have to-“

Vash closes his eyes for a breath, sensing the tightening of his chest. He ought to stay alpha – bold, unflappable, strong. But the tension is brimming over, seeing tiny, bruised Meryl in front of him. So brave, so stubborn, not complaining about the state she is in at all. Granted, they had worse, but still …

As he opens his eyes, they glisten, unable to hide his emotions any longer.

“I do. I can´t stop caring. I can´t pretend when you hurt.” He brushes the tip of his finger against her bandage- gentle, protective. Meryl just looks at him, something shifting in her expression.

In the distance Wolfwood is perking up, sensing a shift in their camp. He just starts towards them as Milly gives a hushed cough, catching his eyes. He raises one eyebrow, a silent conversation being shared between the two alphas before Wolfwood turns and sits down again, back facing the two other members of their pack.

Meryl shifts to lay back, letting Vash´s hand rest over hers. “You don´t have to pretend with me, Vash.”

He swallows. “I can´t … stop thinking. About you getting hurt. All of you.” He blinks, not willing to let the tears fall. Trying to keep at least a bit composure. “I pretend I am okay with it, like I can handle it, but …” he exhales, a tremor shaking through him. "I hate it. Every bruise. Every close call-“

Meryl turns and squeezes his hand, just slightly, ignoring the sting on her bruise. “I know.” She says, and it´s true. Vash was always more openly loving, more worried than other alphas she knew. She didn´t think any less of him because of this.

But Vash shakes his head. “I can´t be what you think I am, Meryl. I try, I´ve tried for so long. But it´s not who I am. I –“ he stopps himself, afraid of saying too much, of being too gentle, too omega-like. But at the same time he couldn´t – didn´t want to – pretend anymore. The need to be there and nurture bubbling up in him stronger then ever before.
Meryls eyes widen a bit. There was something else, she understood now. Something was different. This wasn´t just about her being injured. Something else was eating Vash and she felt the need to reassure him, be the steady presence that a beta always brings into a pack. “You can tell me.” she quietly says, as soft as she can manage.

Vash leans forward, voice trembling.  “I am not an alpha.” He whispered, throat closing up. “… not even close.”

She doesn´t pull back. She doesn´t laugh. She simply holds his hand, searching his gaze. The wind whistles softly past them. Meryl´s mouth parted in slight surprise – but there was no shock. Just a dawning sense of understanding. The gentleness. The way he always soothed instead of commanded. How his need to protect came not from dominance, but love. It all made sense.

“You´re Vash. That´s who you are. That´s all that matters.” Her steady, beta calm wrapped around him like a shield. Letting him breathe for the first time that day.

He exhales, tears pooling. “I am scared. Scared you´d all see me as weak. Scared i´d put you in danger. But … I am exhausted … not telling anyone.” he says, as if he was apologizing for being so open with her.

Meryl shifts to cradle his hand with both of hers. “Wolfwood and Milly … they will understand” she whispers, “And I … I see you, who you truly are.” Before Vash can answer, a low whistle echoes from the fire. The omega quickly rubs over his face, as if on instinct, composing himself.

Wolfwood´s silhouette appears behind Meryl, leaning down slightly, eyebrows raised. He had tried to temper his alpha instinct down but it hadn´t worked out for long. In the end Milly had let him go to do his little control-check, checking in with the rest of his pack to make sure everyone was okay and safe. Vash couldn´t help but smile a bit at that. He truly was what you would expect from an alpha.

“You two good`?” he asked, curiosity in his rough voice. Vash meets his eyes, voice firm but soft “Yes. We´re good.”

And he means it. He may still feel frayed at the edges, but he was calmer now. Talking with Meryl had helped.

Milly turned her head slightly, pretending to inspect her ammo. She undoubtly couldn´t hear anything from the distance, espially with how quietly they spoke, but she still tried to satisfy her own instincts by subtly keeping them in her peripheral vision. She had heard the whispering and saw the hunched silhouette of Vash next to Meryl. Her heart swelled in recognition. He wasn´t posturing anymore, she realized. The way he was holding himself right now had changed, but it felt good. Seeing Vash less-rigid was right. Whatever it was – it felt more like him. She quietly watched from the corner of her eye, observed the quiet way he spoke with Wolfwood, the way he and Meryl held hands.

There was a calmness, a serenity in this little moment. And Vash looked as if he belonged there, in this soft scene. More than Wolfwood with his too-loud laugh, posturing unthinkingly with his broad shoulders and big frame, trying to appear larger and making his pack feel safe.

And then it clicked – why she always felt protective of him. Why his sadness cut deeper than anyones. She blinked. //Huh// she thought, halting her movements, thoughts coming to a stop.

He wasn´t an alpha with a quirky streak. He was something else. Something soft.

She didn´t say anything. Didn´t look for too long. Instead she looked at Wolfwood who seemed none the wiser, still joking in the rough way with Vash like he always did, trusting Milly to alarm him if something unusual should come close to the camp.

She exhaled. That was going to be interesting. For now she decided to keep quiet, allowing Vash to reveal what he wants to each of them at his own time. Not a minute later Wolfwood was at her side again, grunting as he sat down next to her. "All good" he reported and Milly held back a smile.

Yeah, it seemed like everything was really okay for them now.

Chapter Text

The suns rose reluctantly, like they too were recovering from yesterdays fight. Pale light spilled over the desert, painting the horizon in soft colours. A stiff wind kicked up some dust, but the camp remained still for now.

Meryl sat cross-legged near the small morning campfire, quietly re-bandaging her hand with practiced efficiency. Her brow furrowed more from concentration than pain.

Milly, ever the early riser, returned from fetching water, cheeks rosy from the wind. She placed the canteen down, then sat beside Meryl with a heavy thud.

“Morning Meryl!” she chirped happily, her tone light. “Hand any better?”

Meryl glanced at her, lips tugging into a small, appreciative smile. “Still attached, so yes.”

Milly laughed, humming quietly as the relaxed atmosphere settled around them. She looked out toward the far edge of the ridge, where Vash stood, arms wrapped around himself, gazing out at nothing. He looked calmer than usual. Lighter.

Milly´s gaze lingered, and then she turned to Meryl with a warmth only they shared – the deep bonded understanding of two women who had been through enough together to stop pretending.

“So” Milly said, voice softer now, private. “Something changed last night.” Meryl didn´t look surprised. She gave a tiny nod, eyes following Vash´s distant form.

“Yeah.” she simply said, trusting that Milly would understand the meaning behind this simple word. Despite being born an alpha, Milly proved time and time again that secondary genders did not decide how good you were at deciphering emotions or how well-attuned you were to the people around you. And she proved it again today, her bright smile showing that she clearly understood what Meryl didn´t want to say out loud.

“That makes so much sense.” Her big hands folded in her lap and she let out a long breath as Meryl looked at her curiously. “You knew?”

“Not really”, Milly said, shaking her head. “but I felt it. Something in me just said … >he´s carrying too much<, y´ know? Even when he was doing all the loud alpha stuff. Like he was trying to be a mountain when he was really a river.”

Meryl´s smile grew, slow and proud, at the description her alpha-friend used. “That´s exactly it.”

And as they sat and watched, Vash turned to them, smiling as he catched their eyes. They saw his expression turn into confusion as he observed them both closer, his eyes widening the tiniest bit as they landed at Milly and her beaming smile.

“Wanna sit with us?” she asked and padded the sand next to her. He blinked, clearly trying to figure out how much Milly with her scary perception already knew, before huffing out a quiet laugh.

Milly and Meryl shared a small smile as Vash made his way towards them.

Just a few minutes later Wolfwood dragged his boots through the sand , rubbing his sleep from his eyes with the back of his hand. His hair was messier than usual and his jacket hung lopsided from one shoulder. He blinked at the group, lips parting slowly as he looked between them. Something strange was unfolding before him.

Vash: unsually quiet, but soft-eyed and relaxed.

Meryl: calm, borderline serene.

Milly: beaming like the sun had risen just for her.

Wolfwood was confused as hell. “Ooookay” he muttered, coming to stand next to the girls. “Who slipped what into my food last night?”

Milly turned toward him with her usual cheer, handing him a cup of coffee, “No one! Isn´t it nice when people are honest about who they are?”

Wolfwood stared at her, brow twitching. “What – what does that even mean?” She tilted her head, trying to subtly catch Vash´s eye to gauge his reaction. He froze for a moment before letting out a long breath, giving her the tiniest, subtle nod.

Milly felt her heart swell, the amount of trust he put into her in this moment not gone unnoticed. Usually she was a hard believer in speaking about everything clearly and standing up for your own self.

But she knew this was different. Vash would come to Wolfwood on his own later on. But sometimes it was … prefereable to have an other alpha help ease an alpha into something. With a quick glance at a clearly confused Wolfwood she looked back to Vash, trying to decipher the mask of indifference he quickly had put on. He looked at her, his facial expression carefully crafted into a nondescriptive smile, but his eyes spoke clearly to her. >Yes. And thank you.<

“Wanna walk with me a minute?” she asked sweetly, fully turning to Wolfwood.

The alpha gave Meryl and Vash a look, Vash quickly starting to fiddle with his breakfast and Meryl sipping her coffee without a word. Not helping.
Sighing he stood and followed Milly a few paces away, out of earshot. They didn´t stray too far, of course, their alpha instincts telling them to keep close enough so they could have their camp still in sight.

Milly turned to Wolfwood, her expression softening. She could tell that the blackhaired man slowly got irritated by the weird vibes he felt, but tried to keep calm for her sake. She took a deep breath - not that she really would need it, she trusted him and that he would not do anything stupid with this information but, y´know? It never hurts - before she simply shrugged her shoulders.

“Vash is an omega” she said simply. No reason to sugercoat it or lengthen the whole thing.

It was funny, really. She could see how this information reached his brain but then somehow just stopped there, refusing to get processed any further. God, that man was adorable when he was dense.

Wolfwood blinked, then blinked again. “… I am sorry, what?”

“Omega” she repeated, slowly. “Like, biologically. All that alpha bluffing? He´s been pretending.” Before she could say anything further she could already tell that he was NOT expecting that. ‚Huh, seems like that information is still stuck somewhere halfway through his brain.‘

“You´re messing with me.” Wolfwood said flatly. “That string bean? He acts like he owns the place. He´s louder than you some days!”

“Exactly” she said, nodding. “He acts like an alpha. Putting on a great show, doesn´t he? But he is not. He´s been holding it all in.”

Wolfwood rans a hand down his face.  ‚Oh look‘, Milly thought, ‚seems like we are slowly getting somewhere.‘  

“Holy – you are serious. ….Okay. That … explains so much.” He turned, looking back at Vash, who now stood beside Meryl, leaning down to help her repack the medical kit, smiling gently as she scolds him for folding the bandages wrong. Wolfwood exhaled long and slow.

“Guess that´s why I always felt weird calling him an alpha. Never sat right. But he´s still Vash.”

Milly nodded, smiling proudly at her packmate. Of course he was accepting of it. “Still the same. Just more himself now.” She hummed, lacing her fingers together behind her back. She happily wipped on her toes for a moment, silently watching him process the whole situation.

Wolfwood scratched the back of his head. “This means I gotta start being nice to him now?”
Milly grinned. “Wouldn´t hurt.”

Chapter Text

As the twin suns slowly began their rise to the zenith they decided to start their day – already a bit behind, considering the big revelation that made them all a bit more thoughtful and slowed their usual movements down.

But the group had travelled together long enough now that their rhythm came without thought. Packing up camp was muscle memory. Meryl folded maps, Milly wrangled the cookware, Wolfwood got their sleeping bags in order and Vash flitted between the tasks like always – too helpful for his own good. But something was different now. Not wrong. Just … different.

Vash felt it in how Milly looked at him that morning. Softer, warmer, but not pitying. She always smiled at him, but now there was a gentleness behind it that alphas usually didn´t share. He understood now and that knowing didn´t feel bad. In fact, when he helped her secure the jeeps tarp and she patted his hand without saying a word, he didn´t flinch. He leaned into it, just a little.

He didn´t say anything. She didn´t either. It was the first time he´d been seen like that … and not rejected. The next night, while Meryl and Wolfwood argued about the best route through a canyon pass, Milly handed Vash a cup of warm broth, and they sat side by side in the sand next to the fire.

“You look lighter” she said softly, gaze cast towards the stars. Vash glanced down into his cup. “Do I?”

“Mhmhm. Like your shoulders aren´t trying to hold up the whole planet anymore.”

He let out a shaky laugh. “Maybe just half of it now.”

Milly didn´t press but her watchful eyes found his, gauging the state he was in. How much of this joke he really meant, how much of the hurt he hid from her. Whatever it was she found there, it seemed to ease her instincts. She just nudged her shoulder into his and said, “Keep going. You don´t have to carry the rest either.”

He almost cried then. Almost.

Meanwhile, Wolfwod was on his third cigarette that night and rapidly developing a headache. He headache from feelings.

He knew. He finally knew.

And he didn´t know what to do with this knowledge. Vash wasn´t acting any differently, really. Still cracked the same dumb jokes. Still threw himself in front of people without thinking. But Wolfwood caught the hesitation in his smile when they made eye contact. How Vashs attempts at joking with him felt kinda stilted, how he avoided lingering near him too long.

He hated that. Hated the idea that Vash thought he´d treat him any different.

So Wolfwood overcorrected.

“Hey, Needle-noggin!” he called during a scruffle with some desert punks, tossing Vash one of the punks gun that he just snitched from them. “Don´t make me save your ass again!” Vash caught it, smiled and acted like always, their dynamic during a fight being unmatched. Later, when they regrouped though, Vash kept his slight, almost not-there distance to him again. And as Vash brushed his fingers over a scratch on Millys arm, Wolfwood looked away. Not because he was weirded out, but because he felt like a clumsy ox stomping through someone else´s private garden.

He didn´t want to break anything. But he also didn´t want to pull back. Didn´t want Vash to feel like he was any less capable, any less trusted.

He wanted to say that. He just didn´t know how.

It was three days of this akward ballet. Three days of Vash skirting around  Wolfwood´s orbit like a nervous moon and Wolfwod acting like someone who´d been given a baby chick and didn´t want to crush it by breathing too hard.

On the fourth night, Meryl finally had enough. They were camped near a dried-up creek bed, the dunes free of any sign of sandworms within the next few miles. And the boys were still circling each other like emotionally constipated dogs.

She threw her bedroll down with more force than necessary and turned sharply.

“Okay, enough.” Everyone looked at her. “You two!” she snapped, pointing between them, “need to get your heads out of your asses and talk!”

Vash blinked, wide-eyed. “Wh- What?” he squeaked, already raising his hands in a placating gesture.

“You heard me.” Her voice was flat, annoyed. “The air´s been so tense I could cut it with my fork. Vash, you keep skittering away like he´s gonna bite you. Wolfwood, you´re acting like he´s made of glass.”

“Hey now-“ Vash began, but was drowned out by Wolfwood,

“That´s definitely not-!” he bristled. THAT was exactly what he tried not to do! Couldn´t she see that? His fuming didn´t stand a chance against the betas cold glare though.

“Shut up, Wolfwood. You´re both driving me insane.”

Milly, spooning stew quietly nearby, didn´t even try to hide her grin. “She is not wrong”

Meryl crossed her arms and pointed to a patch of rock away from the fire. “Sit. Talk. Figure it out. I am watching not another day of this emotional dodgeball.”

There was a moment of stunned silence.

Then Wolfwood sighed, muttering something about bossy woman under his breath as he slouched over to the rock. Vash hesitated, glancing at Meryl who shot an unempressed look back, before he followed, clearly terrified.

They sat on the flat rock just outside the fire´s glow, knees a little too far apart, backs hunched forward and a clear vision of misery.

Both pretended to be very interested in the dirt.

Silence stretched between them like an old chewing gum that lost all flavour. Wolfwod lit a cigarette, dragged deep and exhaled sharp.

“So.” Vash shifted, fidgeting with the sleeve of his coat. “Yeah.” Another pause. Wolfwood let out a grumble, scratching his head in an attempt to get rid of the jitters he felt rising, before letting his hands sink down again, carefully threading his fingers together and somehow managing to not burn himself on his cigarette while doing so.

“You mad at me or something?” he finally managed to ask, his voice low. He sounded unsure. Vash´s head snapped up. “What? No! No, I- I´m not mad.”

Wolfwood nodded, almost absendmindetly, fingers of one hand now tapping a fast rhythm on the back of the other. “Then what´s with the weird avoidy thing?” Vash looked down again, shoulders bunching up. “I just …. Wasn´t sure if you were mad. Or weirded out. Or if I ruined something.”

Wolfwood stared at him, confused. “The heck? You ruined- what? Being yourself?”

Vash gave a sad, lopsided smile. “That´s not always something people want.” Wolfwod made a face at that and tossed a pebble at his boot. “Tch. That´s bull.” Vash snorted.

“Milly and Meryl were just … so okay with it.” Vash continued quietly. “They didn´t blink. They didn´t change how they looked at me. I guess I hoped you´d be the same. But … I wasn´t sure.” Wolfwood stiffened at that. Someone would barely able to tell, if you didn´t know him as well as his pack did. He moved slowly, flicking the ash. He didn´t speak for a moment.

Then, “You ever think maybe I´m just dumb and didn´t know what to do with it?”

Vash blinked. “…Huh?”

Wolfwood let out a frustrated huff, rubbing the back of his neck. “Look, man. You´ve been the same guy this whole damn time. Saving people, getting shot at, making terrible jokes, acting like a goddamn puppy who somehow got hold of a gun. I trusted you then, I trust you now.”

He looked sideways, something almost sheepish in his expression.

“I just didn´t want to step wrong. Say the wrong thing. Treat you like glass or something. That felt worse than saying nothing.”

Vash´s chest tightened, and his voice went soft. “You´ve been trying to protect me. From yourself?”

Wolfwood looked away, chewing on the inside of his cheek. “Yeah. Maybe. Instinct, I guess. You know how it is. You find out someone´s an omega and it´s like something in you says >keep them safe<. But you´re not some damsel, and I ain´t your knight. You´re still the guy I count on when things go bad.”

Vash swallowed thickly. “But you do want to protect me.”

Wolfwood exhaled again, like he hated admitting it. “… Yeah. But I also don´t wanna take something away from you. You´re strong, Vash. Just because you´re an omega doesn´t mean I stop needing you in a fight. Or stop thinking of you as the pain in the ass who gets us out alive.”

Vash chuckled softly, and it broke the weight in the air.

“I want to protect all of you too,” he said, finally lifting his eyes. “But sometimes I need to … not be so tough. Not pretend I don´t feel everything ten times as much. I don´t think it will happen often. I am too used to it. But … just sometimes. I want to be able to let go when it´s safe. With people I trust.” His voice slightly trembled, but he send a shaky smile at the alpha. “And I trust you, Wolfwood.”

Wolfwood´s chest ached. He didn´t have the words for how that landed. So instead, he grunted. “Well, hell. Now you´re making me feel like I kicked a puppy.”

Vash laughed – really laughed – and leaned into him with his shoulder, just a little bump. “You´re not that bad. Just … a little rough around the edges.”

“You wound me.”

“You´ll live.”

For a moment neither of them said anything, then Wolfwood squared his shoulder a bit, as if preparing for something. “So, uh … I can still make crass jokes in a firefight, right?”

Vash gave him a look. “If you don´t, I´ll think something´s really wrong with you.” Wolfwood smirked, bumping his shoulder back. “Good. Don´t want people thinking I went soft.”

“We both know who the soft one is” Vash said, smug now.

“Yeah yeah, omega-boy, don´t push your luck”. Vash leveld a glare at Wolfwood and the alpha shrank back, thinking he finally managed to cross a line. But then Vash laughed, tension evaporating like smoke and before long they were jostling each other so much that bruises were inevitable.

Milly peeked over once, saw them shoulder to shoulder, and smiled before turning back to her mug. She catched Meryls eyeroll, but the smile on the betas face said all she needed to know.

Their family was finally okay again.