Archive of Our Own

"Are you absolutely sure it's okay?" Buck asked, looking over at his friend as he pulled up to a red light.

"Yes, Buck, you know it's not a hardship for you to stay the night at my place, plus, Chris and I get breakfast out of it," Eddie said with a smile that never ceased to make his chest feel warm.

"Oh, I see, so you have an ulterior motive," the blue-eyed man teased.

"Maybe I do, but the main reason is that I care for your safety." The brunette paused as the rain seemed to come down even harder, "No one should be driving in this weather if it can be avoided."

The curly-haired man looked back through his windshield and found that he could barely see the traffic light that had now turned green. Eddie was right; he really shouldn't be driving in this rain for any longer than absolutely necessary. He drove carefully through the intersection, the pounding rain concealing the sound of the other car approaching until it was too late…

When Buck came to, he was disoriented and panicked. The last thing he remembered was grabbing Eddie's wrist and the fear in his best friend's eyes as he lost control of the Jeep. It was only then that the blue-eyed man realized they were upside down. He looked around, dazed, as the rain continued to pound outside. He tried to look out of what was left of the window, but the rain was coming down so hard, and it was so dark that he couldn't tell where he was.

The curly-haired man knew he had to call 9-1-1 right away, but he needed to… his hand was still around Eddie's wrist, so he checked his pulse; it was there, but the man was unconscious. Okay, now he really had to call 9-1-1 because Eddie being unconscious was a bad sign.

Thankfully, Buck could feel the phone in his back pocket. Thus far, he assumed that the adrenaline coursing through his veins was the only reason he wasn't in pain. That was until he reached into his back pocket for his phone and felt like nearly every nerve in his torso was lighting up all at the same time. The curly-haired man almost threw up from the pain, and it was then that he also realized that breathing felt like he was being stabbed, so he'd definitely broken a rib…

He waited until the pain died down enough that he could speak without wanting to cry, but his hands were still shaking as he dialed the number. And of course, the one person he didn't want to answer the phone was the one who answered.

"9-1-1, what's your emergency?" Maddie asked, his sister's voice ringing through his ears.

God, of course it had to be Maddie… he wasn't going to dial again, though; they needed help now. "M-maddie," he said shakily.

The woman recognized his voice immediately, "Buck? What happened? Can you tell me where you are?"

"I uh, I don't know exactly… I-I think someone clipped the back of the Jeep when we went through the intersection." he paused for a moment to wrangle his thoughts. God, his head was pounding. "W-we spun out and flipped, we're upside down now."

"O-Okay, Buck, can you tell me where you are?" Maddie repeated, as she tried to keep her voice steady and professional over the phone.

The curly-haired man strained his eyes, making his head feel like it was spinning. He couldn't make anything out in the darkness; it only made him feel more disoriented. "M-mads, it's too dark. I-I can't… I-it was raining so hard when the light changed that I could barely see it. I-I can't see anything from where I am."

"Hey, Buck, hey, it's alright. I can ping your location from your phone." She reassured before going silent for a couple of minutes, "Okay, I found you, sending help your way now."

"Maddie, m-make sure you send 2 RA units. Eddie's with me, H-he's still unconscious, he for sure has a head injury, I'm not sure about anything else though."

"Another unit is on the way for him. They should only be a few minutes away… Buck, can you tell me how long Eddie's been unconscious?"

"I don't know how long Eddie's been out. I just came to a few minutes ago. I've probably got a concussion too." Just as he finished speaking, Buck heard a groan from the seat next to him. The sound caused a little bit of his anxiety to dissipate.

"Wait, Maddie, he's waking up. I'm gonna put you on speaker so I can check on him," the curly-haired man said as he put his phone on the roof of the car, shifting all of his focus to his best friend.

Buck watched Eddie's eyes flutter open and saw a pained grimace spread over the man's face as he tried to move. The brunette looked around, seeming to be as panicked as Buck had felt earlier. He squeezed the other man's wrist again, and he immediately winced as he seemed to let out a very heavy sigh of relief and squeezed the blue-eyed man's wrist in return.

"Buck, you okay?" Eddie asked, his voice raspy and weak.

That tone in Eddie's voice… that pained, worried, slightly panicked tone brought him right back to the day of the shooting. Back to that damn ride in the 133's engine to the hospital, keeping pressure on the gunshot wound, trying to keep his best friend awake. That had to be one of the most traumatizing days of his life thus far. It was years ago now, but Buck would still have nightmares about it. On those nights, he'd wake up with the phantom feeling of his best friend's blood drying on his skin and his mouth tasting of metal.

He could almost feel that phantom feeling now… Except the sensation wasn't just his mind playing tricks on him, there was actual blood drying on him, only this time it was his own, though that thought really didn't help the panic rising in his veins.

Buck was shaking now; he didn't realize that the tone and Eddie's voice would trigger him so badly like this. His ears started to ring as his mind tried to pull him back into one of the worst moments of his life. This timing couldn't possibly be any worse for a panic attack. Seeing as you're usually supposed to breathe deeply to calm yourself, but right now that felt like being stabbed, so that was very unhelpful.

The curly-haired man could barely register Eddie and Maddie's voices, even though Eddie was right next to him and the phone was close. They both sounded garbled and far away. At least he could help his friend last time, but this time he couldn't. His best friend was hurt and he couldn't do anything to save him…

Before Buck could spiral any deeper into his panic, Eddie pulled him out, the man squeezing his wrist as he called for him, "Buck, hey, come back to me. I'm right here. Come back to me."

The brunette's voice sounded stronger, still pained, but stronger, and that was enough for now to help Buck calm down.

"That's it, just breathe," Eddie said, guiding him to breathe, pausing before addressing Maddie on the phone, "Don't worry, Maddie, he's okay. I've got him."

Buck took a deep breath as he was guided to do and very quickly regretted it as pain tore through his chest once again. "Fucking hell," he groaned loudly, feeling his chest seize up from the pain.

As soon as he didn't feel like he was going to throw up from the pain, he spoke weakly, voice rough, "Mmm… I'm okay, I'm okay."

Buck and Eddie just stared into each other's eyes for a beat, silently checking in on one another, the brunette squeezing his wrist as if to tell him they'd be okay, and he squeezed back.

Soon Maddie spoke again, her voice sounding worried over the phone, "Buck, Eddie, you're still both with me, right? Still awake and alert?"

"Yeah, y-yeah, still both here, we're good… or at least as good as we can be given the situation." he paused momentarily before continuing, "Mads, the ambulances are gonna be here soon, right?"

"Yeah, it should just be a few more minutes; they're going as fast as they safely can. They're taking it a little bit slower because of this rain," his sister explained.

"Right, that checks out." Eddie hummed.

"You guys let me know when you hear those sirens, all right?" Maddie said softly, "I'll stay on the line until they get there."

"Got it," Buck answered quietly.

Eddie cleared his throat and spoke in a tone that was unmistakably him, trying to lighten the mood even if his voice was still raspy as he asked, "So who you got coming for us?"

"Not sure you guys will be happy with the answer to that question." She answered, voice light now.

"It's the 118, isn't it?" Buck asked.

Maddie's silence in response spoke louder than words.

Eddie gave a pained, weak chuckle. "Just our luck, huh? Of course, Hen and Chim are there tonight," He paused, "At least we know we'll be in good hands."

"Yeah…" Buck responded distractedly. He wasn't sure whether the faint sound he was hearing was his ears ringing or the distant sirens of approaching ambulances, masked by the rain. He strained his ears, thankful that Maddie and Eddie were quiet for a moment, as he found himself relieved that his mind wasn't just playing tricks on him.

"I hear the sirens, Maddie, I hear them!" he said excitedly, "You hear that, Eds, the si—"

All the excitement in his body was drained the second he turned to look at his best friend. It turned into ice because Eddie looked like he was about to pass out again.

"Hey, Eddie, don't do this to me now, they're almost here. Just listen to my voice. Stay with me."

“Mhm,” Eddie hummed in response as his eyes fluttered.

"M-Maddie, he's losing consciousness again," the curly-haired man said, voice shaking with fear. 

Buck felt the panic run through his veins like ice as Eddie’s grip on his wrist loosened. He didn't even hear what Maddie said next, because for the second time that night, he was teetering on the edge of panic. He couldn't even hear the sirens anymore over the beating of his own heart loud in his ears as he begged his best friend to stay with him.

“Fuck, fuck, Eddie! “No, no, nononono Eddie, you can’t fall asleep!” he yelled as he shook his best friend’s arm. “Come on, Eddie, come on! Open your damn eyes. You need to stay awake!” 

The curly-haired man couldn’t breathe; he needed Eddie to stay awake. He only dared to breathe when the man hanging upside down in the car next to him slowly opened his eyes and gripped his arm again. 

“Jesus Christ, Eds, you almost gave me a heart attack,” Buck said. 

"H-had to get you back for earlier." Eddie joked, sounding exhausted.

"Haha, yeah, very funny, Eds, seriously, you need to stay with me," the blue-eyed man said.

“Mmm, I don’t know how long I can stay awake, Buck… they- they’re almost here, right?” He asked weakly. 

“Y-yeah, Eds yeah, they’re almost here, please just stay with me, okay, keep your eyes open for me, Eddie.” He whispered, voice still shaking.

The effort of trying to yell out for the paramedics that had just arrived was painful, but he had to: "Hey, over here, help please!"

Chimney appeared at his broken window with a surprised look on his face, "Buck, you okay? Thought I told you two to stay out of trouble?" He said, trying to sound nonchalant.

The curly-haired man wheezed a laugh, "Ha, yeah, you know me, Chim, I'm just a trouble magnet."

Buck looked over and watched Eddie's eyelids flutter again, and another wave of panic tore through him. "I-I'm okay. Y-you guys need to get Eddie out, he's fading…" he paused, groaning in pain as he reached out to feel the other man's pulse. "His pulse is thready, Chim."

"We are just about to get the door open to pull him out, but can you make sure he doesn't have a penetrating wound?"

"Y-yeah… do you have a light?" The curly-haired man asked shakily as he tried to hold himself together.

Chimney nodded and shone his flashlight into the Jeep, and Buck did the best look over that he could, "F-from w-what I can see it doesn't seem like it."

"Okay, good," he said softly before calling out to Hen over the radio, "Hen, get Ravi over here with the jaws, we've got to pull Eddie out stat!"

A moment later, Hen and Ravi arrived with a paramedic he didn't recognize on the passenger side of the Jeep. Hen was carrying her medical bag, while Ravi carried the jaws, and the other paramedic had the gurney and a C-collar ready.

Hen bent down to the window, "Hey, Eddie, you still with us, big guy?" She asked softly while checking his pulse.

She shook her head as she pulled her fingers away from his neck, "Okay, you too know the drill. First, we'll get the C-collars on you, and we're gonna cut off the door with the jaws, then we'll get you both out and to the hospital."

Buck watched as the unfamiliar paramedic passed the C-collar to Hen, who fastened it to Eddie's neck. And just a moment later, Chimney was at his side, putting one on him too. Although it felt a little embarrassing to be saved by his own friends, the curly-haired man was happy that it was them because the familiar faces were comforting.

"You guys ready? We're about to start with the jaws over here." Ravi called from outside.

"Go ahead!" Buck said, God, he was so ready to get out of here.

The grinding sound of crunching, breaking metal was painful and in more ways than one, there's obviously the physical aspect… Buck had known that the jaws were loud; he'd worked with them many times. What he hadn't expected was how much louder they sounded from inside the vehicle. The noise only made his already pounding head pound even harder. It felt as if his brain was trying to escape his skull.

It wasn't only physical pain he was feeling from this; it was emotional, too.

The Jeep had been through a lot with him when he first left home; it was his saving grace. He had so many memories connected to it —good, bad, and in between. Having to let it go was gonna be difficult. But there was no fixing her after this. Knowing that he wasn't gonna be able to drive this car until it completely died on him hurt his heart. The blue-eyed man felt a tear slip down his cheek involuntarily as he thought about this being the last memory he'd have of this Jeep. He quickly wiped it away, glad no one had seen.

Soon enough, they were able to cut away the passenger-side door, but as they carefully pulled Eddie out after unfastening his seatbelt, the man gripped his wrist tighter. His best friend had a look in his eyes that he didn't recognize, but it was also one that said he didn't want to leave him behind. It was the most alert he had looked in the past 10 minutes. As it turned out, that's exactly what it was.

"B-Buck… I don't—" he whispered, panic and worry seeping into his wary voice.

"Eddie, it's okay, don't worry about me. I-I'll be fine, you need to go let them take you to the hospital." Buck reassured, giving the other men's wrist and another comforting squeeze.

"O-okay, Buck," Eddie responded, squeezing the blue-eyed man's hand once more before they let go, hands sliding off each other's wrists.

Once Eddie was out of the Jeep and rushed to a gurney under Hen's watchful eyes, he let himself relax a little bit. It was only then that Buck realized that maybe the shortness of breath and chest pain weren't just because of his panic and broken ribs. Luckily, as the thought went through his head, Chimney showed up at the window to check on him again.

"Hey, Buck, we're about to get you out. How are you feeling?"

"A bit short of breath," he winced as he spoke with a slight wheeze, "chest hurts a bit too."

Some of his friend's cool, calm, paramedic exterior melted away for a moment, revealing the concerned, worried family member hidden underneath. It was only a second before the professional mask was back on, "Mind if I listen to your lungs real quick before we get you out?" he asked in a serious tone.

"Do whatever you need to, Chim," the curly-haired man said raspily, feeling worried this meant there was really something worse going on than just a couple broken ribs.

Chimney quickly found his stethoscope and did his exam. The man pursed his lips and shook his head before pulling away and calling out, "Ravioli, double time it, we gotta get Buck out!"

Ravi hurried over with the jaws to the driver's side, but for whatever reason, Buck's door wasn't jammed as badly as Eddie's was. They only ended up needing a crowbar to pry open the door, much to the curly-haired man's relief. He was pretty sure that his ears were still ringing from when they used the jaws to get Eddie out.

Buck groaned as Chimney and another paramedic pulled him out of the car. He was dizzy and everything hurt, but his sole focus was still on Eddie, who had already been wheeled away and loaded into an ambulance, being prepared for transport. Part of him wanted to let go, give in to the pain that was settling deep in his bones, let the darkness at the corners of his vision take over. 

He couldn’t, though. Buck couldn’t let himself; instead, he strained to hear what Hen and the paramedic from the other ambulance were saying. It was hard to hear and understand the medical jargon, with how fuzzy his head was, and the commotion of Chimney checking him over and relaying his visible injuries to another paramedic. 

The curly-haired man barely caught that Eddie had now lost consciousness, and something about his pulse being thready (which he already knew) before the unmistakable, piercing tone of a flatline rang through his ears clear as day. The sound shot pure ice through his veins once again. 

No, no, no, NO! This CANNOT be happening! He HAD to get to Eddie.

Buck tried to push himself up so he could see what was happening. The ice-cold fear of losing his best friend and the love of his life overrode any better judgment he had in that moment, though. He was almost sitting up when Chimney stopped him and gently pushed him back into a supine position. 

“Buck, what do you think you’re doing? You have broken ribs, a possibly collapsing lung, and could have a neck or back injury; you need to stay still.” He said firmly, still looking towards the ambulance where Eddie was still crashing. 

“Ch-Chim,” Buck stuttered, feeling like he couldn’t take a full breath in, panic gripping his chest with an iron fist. He couldn’t hear anything anymore over the ringing in his ears and the beating of his own heart, “I-is Eddie…”

He felt his brother-in-law grab his hand and squeeze it, grounding him a little bit, “Buck, hey, breathe for me. He’s okay. Hen got him back; they’re getting him to the hospital now. And it’s about time we get you there, too.” 

The fear was still there, but at least he knew that Eddie was alive. Buck tried to take a breath, but his chest was too tight, and it wasn't just from the panic; the pain was getting worse, too… He felt like he couldn't breathe at all without all his nerve endings lighting up as all the last dregs of adrenaline left his body, and the heaviness and pain took a front seat. The curly-haired man groaned as he was lifted into the ambulance. 

“Chim,” he said, getting the man’s attention as he looked at him weakly. 

“What is it, Buck?” Chimney asked worriedly, his professional mask slipping again.

“Mmm… hurts.” Buck groaned. 

“I’d be surprised if you weren’t, you were just in a car crash,” the man joked, trying to lighten the mood. 

The curly-haired man wheezed as he let out a weak, pained laugh. Yeah… that didn’t feel great, that poor attempt at a laugh kind of wasn’t worth the pain it caused him. Buck’s breath hitched at the pain, and he continued, “M-my chest… worse” 

He could feel himself fading a bit as the ambulance started moving, and Chimney's voice shifted into a more serious, almost professional tone, “Your chest hurts worse? Are you having more trouble breathing, Buck?” 

“Mhm,” he hummed, “Chim…” 

Buck reached out for his brother-in-law. He hated the feeling of passing out; everything felt heavy and light at the same time, and it always felt like he was losing himself. The man grabbed his hand, and it grounded him for a moment. “Hey, Buck, stay with me, man, come on.” He said urgently. 

The blue-eyed man’s eyelids fluttered; he felt like he was hanging onto his consciousness by a thread. Breathing hurt, keeping his eyes open hurt, and not knowing Eddie’s status hurt, and Buck just wanted to let go. Everything felt like it was spinning around him. He couldn't fight anymore as he just drifted off. Unable to stay awake any longer, he barely registered the break in Chimney’s voice as his eyes slipped closed and everything went dark. 

When he woke up again, Buck wasn’t sure how much time had passed, but he did know that he was in the hospital, evident by the smell of isopropyl alcohol, the too-bright lights, and the uncomfortable bed. 

He let out a whimper as he tried to open his eyes; it hurt, and his whole body felt sore. He heard someone get up from a chair and dim the lights. Buck tried again to open his eyes; it felt easier this time. He blinked a few times, trying to get his vision to clear. It took a minute before he could see Maddie standing over him, smiling with tears in her eyes.

“M-Maddie,” he rasped, weakly reaching for his sister. 

The woman grabbed his hand with one of hers and cupped his cheek with the other. Buck couldn’t help but lean into the comforting touch, just like he did as a kid. 

“Oh, Buck, you have to stop scaring me like this,” she sniffled before asking, “How are you feeling?” 

“Mmm, not great… hurts.” He paused, looking at the water. Maddie seemed to get the cue, helping him to take a drink. He hummed, and the cool liquid sliding down his throat felt good. 

Buck took a breath, and it didn’t feel as bad as he remembered it. It still hurt, but at least breathing normally didn’t feel like being stabbed anymore… “Mads, h-how long was I out?” 

The hazel-eyed woman looked at him, gaze soft as she began running her fingers through his hair gently, “About two days. According to Chimney, you passed out just before making it to the hospital. You had a collapsed lung, a few broken ribs, a couple of cuts that needed stitches, and some pretty nasty bruising. You’re really lucky, Buck.” 

The curly-haired man’s eyes widened. Two days? He’d been out for two days? If he’d been out for two days, then how was Eddie? Oh god, Eddie… the last time he’d heard anything about his best friend, the man was flatlining while being put into the ambulance. All he knew was that the man had been revived before being transported. 

“M-Maddie… h-how’s Eddie?” he asked, fully aware of how panicked he sounded. 

Maddie was quiet for a beat too long, and that scared Buck; he didn't say anything, but he didn't have to. His heart rate monitor betrayed him, beeping faster to match the nervous flutter in his chest.

"Whoa, whoa, Buck, breathe okay. Calm down, Eddie's alive…" she paused, the 'but' hanging in the air.

"Maddie, what's wrong?" he asked. "Please tell me that he's gonna be okay."

"They don't know for sure, he's got all the same injuries as you, plus a broken wrist and some internal bleeding. The doctors think that he hit his head harder than you did because he hasn't woken up yet," his sister explained carefully. "They're hoping he'll wake up in the next few days."

"W-what do you think?" Buck asked, voice shaky.

"I think that he's strong, and his body just needs some more time to heal. We just need to stay hopeful for him; he'll be okay."

"O-okay, Mads… will I be able to visit him soon?"

The woman ran her fingers through his hair to comfort him, and he pressed into the feeling. It made him feel like when they were kids again, when Maddie would run her fingers through his hair to help him fall asleep. In fact, Buck could feel his eyes drooping; he wanted to sleep, but he wanted to stay awake for his sister.

She could see him fighting to stay awake, "Buck, you're healing too. Sleep if you need to. I'm not going anywhere, and when you wake up again, we can ask the doctor when you can get up and visit Eddie."

But before his brain could entirely drift off, another worry reared its head in his tired mind. “Mads,” he said tiredly. 

“Yes, Buck?” She answered softly. 

“Chris, h-he was waiting for us at Eddie’s house…d-does he–” 

“Chris knows Buck; he’s staying with Hen and Karen, he’s a bit shaken up, but he’s being strong about it.”

“W-we were supposed to take him to the Griffith Observatory,” Buck sniffled and winced as he yawned, “M-maddie, he was actually excited to do something with us for once.” 

“Well, you’ll have to reschedule for when you and Eddie are all healed up. I’m sure Chris won’t mind,” she paused as he yawned again, “But you shouldn’t be worried about that right now, you need to rest.”

“But,” the curly-haired man protested weakly.

“No buts, Evan, if you get some rest now, I’ll see what I can do about getting Chris in here to visit you.” 

“Mmkay, I’ll go to sleep… I wanna see Chris,” he said, pretty sure that he sounded like a little kid who was being bribed into going to sleep. 

The last thing he heard out of her mouth before falling asleep was “That’s what I thought. Sweet dreams, little brother.”

Maddie delivered on her end of the bargain the next afternoon when she came back from getting a coffee with Christopher in tow. It was emotional to say the least. Buck was surprised that he wasn’t the only one crying. The teen was teary-eyed with relief that the curly-haired man was okay. He and Chris talked for a while about what happened and how they were both hopeful about Eddie’s recovery.

Buck was sad to see the kid leave at the end of the visit, but he was glad to know that the kid seemed to be handling it pretty well. At least Chris was allowed to visit him, but the looming question was still: when could they visit Eddie?

It ended up being a week and a half… A week and a half in that damn hospital bed before his doctor deemed it safe for him to visit Eddie on the other side of the hospital. Buck hated being stuck in the hospital in the first place; he felt like he was going out of his mind. They wouldn't let him up earlier because Maddie had warned them that he had a habit of pushing himself too hard. And as frustrated as he was with how careful the doctors were being, he also knew it was safer that way, because he could have hurt himself more if he had been up and about earlier.

Anyway, Buck was on his way to Eddie's ICU room now, being pushed in a wheelchair by one of the nurses who had been taking care of him the whole time he'd been here. Both he and Maddie had apologized for how bad a patient he could be multiple times, but she insisted that the curly-haired man was far from the worst patient she had ever taken care of.

Buck was still going to send the nurses a big basket of baked goods for dealing with him, though.

He was jostled from his thoughts by the nurse's voice, "I'm so sorry. Could you repeat that?" he asked, not having heard what she was saying.

"Of course," she paused, "I was just telling you that as far as visible injuries go, your friend wasn't much worse off than you, just some bruising and a few scratches which are healing nicely."

"Okay, so can we go in now?" Buck asked impatiently, just desperately wanting to see his best friend with his own eyes.

"Yes, we can, one more warning though… just try to prepare yourself because no matter how much you think it won't bother you, it can be a bit overwhelming to see a loved one in this state. Just know he is getting better.”

Buck took her words into account, but didn't want to say out loud that he was pretty sure he would be fine because he'd seen Eddie with a breathing tube before. As they walked into the room, he realized he was wrong. He was so incredibly wrong. Because the sight of his best friend in that bed hit him like a truck, as if he were standing, he would've fallen to the ground. Last time was different. It was scary, but Eddie hadn't had any visible external injuries; this time, though, he was bruised and had minor cuts and a cast.

And he looked so weak, so small in that bed with the tube coming out of his throat and the IVs and machines and wires surrounding him, it punched the air right out of Buck's chest. The curly-haired man felt like he couldn't catch his breath, as if he was about to have a panic attack. God, he couldn't catch a break with these things. He could feel his heart racing in his chest, the sensation punctuated by the sound of the heart rate monitor they had traveled with, beeping faster.

He didn't realize his hands were shaking until the nurse was kneeling in front of him, holding them and giving him a concerned gaze. "Mr. Buckley," she started, only to have the man cut her off.

"B-Buck, please…" Buck requested to be called by his chosen name, shakily, as he attempted to control his breathing.

"Okay, Buck, can you focus on the feeling of me squeezing your hands for a second?" he nodded. Feeling the woman squeeze his hands, almost rhythmically. "Good, now I want you to follow this breathing pattern to the best of your ability."

The breathing pattern she had wanted him to do as a box breathing technique, Buck had recognized it pretty quickly. He had done it before, and it had worked well for him in the past; he just wasn't sure how well it would work when he couldn't exactly take deep breaths without wincing. Alas, the blue-eyed man followed along to the best of his ability, and eventually it began to work.

When he finally opened his eyes again, the nurse was still holding onto his hands while looking at the heart rate monitor. "Good, that's much better, your heart rate is down and you're breathing at a normal rate. You feeling better now, hun?"

Buck nodded again and squeezed her hands in return, quietly responding, "Um, yeah, I am, thank you."

"You're welcome, that's what I'm here for. Now I think it would be best if we took you back to your room. This seemed to be a little bit too much, and the stress isn't great for you. But we can try again tomorrow."

While he did understand the nurse's concern for his stress level, a near panic attack wasn't gonna stop him. He's been in this damn hospital for a week and a half. He needed to be here with Eddie, even if it was just for a little bit; he couldn't wait anymore.

"No, no, I'm okay now… please, I-I don't wanna go back yet," he said in a rushed tone.

"Okay, we can stay, but only for a little bit, just calm down for me, okay? Do you wanna go closer?"

"Yes, please," Buck whispered.

She wheeled him closer, and he looked over his best friend appraisingly. He hovered a hand over the other man's but hesitated, "C-can I touch him?"

"You can hold his hand; it won't hurt anything," she reassured.

Buck reached out and grabbed Eddie's hand. It was warm, but limp in his own. He wanted nothing more than for the man to wake up right then and there. Of course, he didn't, but the curly-haired man was happy that he'd gotten to spend some time with him before the nurse said he had to go back to his room and rest.

Eddie had been steadily improving over the last week, and Buck had been in the room holding his best friend's hand like a worried spouse until the nurses kicked him out nearly every day. He couldn't bear to leave the man, but every day that went by, that he didn't wake up, the more worried the blue-eyed man became.

Buck’s lip wobbled, and a tear ran down his cheek as he looked down at the floor. He closed his eyes so tight that they burned with unshed tears as he tried to rein himself in. A moment later, Maddie’s soft hands were on his face, wiping tears away gently, just like she used to when he was a kid. 

“Buck, look at me.” 

He did as his sister said, but the soft look in her eyes didn’t help; it only made him want to break down even more. He was trying to stay strong, telling everyone he was alright when he was really breaking on the inside. Of course, Maddie always knew better.

“I know you’re not physically smaller than me, but you’ll always be my little brother… and I’ll always be here for you, okay, you don’t have to hold all your feelings in with me.” 

“M-Maddie,” Buck stuttered, voice breaking on a sob that physically hurt him to let out because of his ribs and the fact that he’d been holding back so long. 

“Shh, it’s okay, Buck, it’s okay to feel this, just let it out, I’m here, I’ve got you.” His sister reassured, pulling the man into a hug that he didn’t know he desperately needed.

He let out another pained sob as his sister held him, “I-I can’t lose him, Mads… I- I already lost Bobby, I can’t lo-lose him too.” Buck whimpered as Maddie petted his curls. 

"I-I should have told him." He paused, letting out another sob.

"Told him what, Ev?" Maddie asked, her fingers now gently combing through Buck's hair in an attempt to calm him as she continued holding him close.

"Th-that I love him, I love him so much, Maddie, and now he could—" Buck paused again, unable to let the word fall from his lips. His sister knew what he meant without him saying it, though, "he might not wake up and I-I might not get the chance to tell him I love him, and it hurts… it hurts so bad, Maddie, I don't know what to do with it."

Before Maddie could speak, he continued in a quiet whimper, "How am I supposed to survive without him? I need Eddie in my life."

The silence, apart from the beeping of the machines and the sounds of Buck's sniffling, spoke more than any words the woman could say to him. She just quietly held him for a few minutes before she finally spoke.

"Buck, look at me." The woman said again, lifting his face softly with her hands. Buck looked up, not realizing that his eyes had drifted down to his lap once more.

"Eddie's strong, Buck, you know that. He's not gonna give up, he's a fighter. I know it's hard, but you need to be positive for him, you need to believe that he'll pull through."

"I hope you're right, Maddie, I really hope you're right." Buck whimpered as he held on to his sister like a lifeline.

A few days later, Buck found himself alone with Eddie once again. It was late, way past visiting hours, but the nurses were taking pity on him at this point and letting him stay overnight in Eddie’s room, as the brunette had been in stable condition. Usually, Buck would want to get out of the hospital as quickly as possible, but this time was different—the thought of leaving the other man’s side since the accident sent panic through his veins. 

That night is blurry in his memory, but something that he recalled very clearly was the death grip they had on each other to make sure neither of them fell unconscious. Buck remembered sitting there upside down in the Jeep waiting for help to arrive as he did everything in his power to keep Eddie awake. And now, at his bedside, he talked and talked in hopes his best friend could hear him. 

It pained Buck beyond belief that it took nearly losing Eddie to realize the true extent of his feelings for him. He could still hear the piercing tone of Eddie’s heart monitor flatlining that night, ringing through his ears sometimes. The memory made his chest feel tight until he put his hand over the other man’s heart and felt it beating. He loved him, he loved him so much it hurt, and he tried not to imagine a life without Eddie Diaz because the mere thought made him want to break down. 

So he just sat in the dark room with an unconscious Eddie, and he talked until he was nearly asleep, holding his hand and resting his head on the side of the bed. 

“Please don’t leave me, Eds,” Buck whispers tiredly into the darkness of the room, “I need you, Chris needs you…” he paused, “you know, he'd come to visit every day if they'd let him. God bless that kid; he stays so positive, but I can tell he’s scared. Eddie, don’t let him lose you, too, please.” 

Buck could feel his tired brain drifting as he continued to speak, “As much as Chris wants to be a teenage boy about it, I can see in his eyes when he looks at you how much he loves you…” 

He paused again, yawning as he rubbed the pad of his thumb across Eddie’s knuckles. “You know I love you, too, Eddie. I love you so much it hurts… and I just needed you to know that, okay? I love you, Eddie, and I don’t want to imagine a life without you… I really need you to come back to me.” Buck whispered as he let sleep take him, hand still in Eddie’s. 

A few hours later, he woke up to a nurse checking Eddie’s vitals. She gave him a sympathetic smile, “Sorry, hun, I didn’t wake you, did I?” 

Buck shook his head and winced as he tried to sit up, and the nurse shot over to him and helped him sit back in the chair, “Th-thank you.” 

“Of course, you know, you should be sleeping in a bed too, you’re still recovering.” She suggested softly. 

Buck looked up at the nurse, eyes watering out of his control, “I-I know… I-it’s just I don’t wanna leave his side.” 

The woman grabbed a tissue and wiped the tears from his face gently, “Oh, sweetheart, it’s okay, I wasn’t saying you have to leave, but if you don’t want to rest in a bed, you should at least sit back in the chair to keep pressure off of your healing wounds.” 

The curly-haired man nodded, but the thought of letting go of Eddie’s hand stressed him out. He knew the nurse could see the hesitation in his face as she said, “How about I move this chair so it can be reclined a bit and you can still hold his hand while being a little bit more comfortable?” 

The curly-haired man nodded and quietly said, “Y-yeah, that sounds good, thank you.” 

Buck stood from the chair, still holding Eddie’s hand. He knew he had to back away to give the nurse the room to move the chair, but he really, really didn’t want to. He looked back at the nurse, and she nodded at him with a soft, encouraging smile. Buck took a breath and began letting go of the brunette’s hand, only to be met with a feeling that he wasn’t expecting… Eddie’s hand tightened around his. 

His eyes widened in shock, and he gasped, “H-he, he–” 

“Is something wrong, Mr. Buckley?" The nurse asked, concerned. 

“Wh-when I went to pull my hand away, h-he squeezed it,” Buck said, breathless from his shock. “Eddie squeezed my hand,” he whispered again. 

“Well, we’ve been weaning him off the sedation for the past few days. That’s a good sign… but you still have to let go of his hand so I can move this chair for you.”

Buck nodded, “Eds, if you can hear me, squeeze my hand again.” Please, please, please, he thought. He just wanted to know if Eddie could hear him.

A second later, Eddie squeezed his hand again. Thank god. “Okay, I’m gonna let go for a second, but I'm here, I promise I’m here.” 

He squeezed his hand again and then let go. Buck let go and stepped away, watching the nurse move the chair for him. His heart was racing. 

She finished moving the chair and reclining it slightly, “Okay, hun, do you need help sitting down?” 

Buck thought about saying no, but he was feeling pretty sore and ultimately decided that it would be better to just let her help. He winced as she helped him sit, and it was just now that he realized that maybe he was in so much pain because he hadn’t eaten or taken pain meds since yesterday. That was definitely an oversight on his part… 

“Thank you for all your help. Do you mind if I ask for one more favor?” Buck asked shyly.

“Of course, what can I do for you, hun?” she asked with a soft smile.

“I just realized that I haven’t taken any pain meds since yesterday.” He admitted quietly, and the nurse’s face got serious. Eddie would definitely not be happy with him if he heard him say that.

“I’ll be right back with a little snack and some pain pills, you know what to do if anything happens,” she said, pointing at the call button. 

He nodded, and the nurse walked out as he slipped his hand back into Eddie’s. The man squeezed his hand a little bit tighter, and Buck smiled, “You heard me say I forgot to take my meds, huh? Two for yes, one for no.”

Eddie squeezed his hand twice, “I know, I should take better care of myself since I’m recovering too… I’ve just been so worried about you, Eddie,” he whispered as his friend squeezed his hand twice again.

The nurse came back brandishing a bagel, a bottle of water, and pain medication. She put it on the table and wheeled it closer to him, “Here, eat this, then take the medicine.”

Buck nodded, his hand still in Eddie’s, “Thank you again, I’ll stop hogging you from your other patients.” 

“Of course, hun, I don’t mind – but if anything changes with Mr. Diaz here, don’t hesitate to use the call button. I’ll be back in a couple of hours.” She said with a soft smile as she left the room. 

“Eds, I’m gonna let go of your hand so I can eat this, okay? But I’m still here, I won't leave your side.” Buck said softly. 

He waited for an answer from Eddie, the man squeezed his hand twice for yes, and let it go. The curly-haired man turned away to eat. The bagel was rather unsatisfying, but he just needed something in him to take the medicine, though. He finished it quickly, then took a swig of water with his pain pills. He barely managed to swallow the second swig of water he took, narrowly avoiding doing a spit take on Eddie because when he turned around, his best friend’s soft brown eyes were open, and god did Buck miss that sight.

The blue-eyed man coughed and sputtered on his water, unintentionally putting his hand in Eddie's again. The feeling of his best friend squeezing his hand distracted him from the pain that the coughing was causing him. When he opened his eyes again, the man in the bed was giving him this wide-eyed, concerned look.

He cleared his throat, "I'm okay, Eddie, I'm okay."

Eddie just looked at him and blinked slowly, as if to question him, squeezing Buck's hand twice again. "I'm fine, really, I promise."

His best friend gave him a skeptical look as he rubbed his chest. "Come on, Eds, don't look at me like that… I broke a couple of ribs in the accident, so coughing and sneezing still hurt like a bitch."

He was given yet another unconvinced look. Eddie's face was still expressive as ever, even with a tube still down his throat. "Come on, man, you don't believe me? I'm as okay as I can be."

Eddie blinked slowly, eyelids fluttering like he was getting tired. He hadn't been up for long, but Buck was sure that being awake for any amount of time after being in a coma for three weeks was exhausting. He could tell that his friend was trying to fight it.

"'Sleep Eds, I'll be here when you wake up again, okay. I'm not leaving you," the curly-haired man said softly as he watched the brunette drift off once again.

Another few days passed, and the doctors closely monitored Eddie as he continued to recover and gain strength. When he was finally entirely weaned off the sedation, his oxygen levels were looking good, and he'd started breathing over the tube, it was decided that it was time to extubate. He was even moved out of the ICU and into a standard room, which meant more than one person could visit him at once. It also meant that Chris could finally visit his dad again once they removed the breathing tube.

They were conducting tests all day to ensure the brunette was fully ready, so by the time that was all done, it was evening. Buck was excited that he'd finally get to have a proper conversation with Eddie soon, that didn't consist only of him talking and the other man nodding and squeezing his hand to answer. This was probably the longest he had gone without hearing his best friend's voice, and he actually missed it a lot more than he'd like to admit.

As they were preparing the extubation tray, Buck sat in what felt like his permanent spot next to Eddie, holding his hand as he asked, "You ready to have that tube taken out of your throat, Eds?"

The man looked at him, nodded, and squeezed his hand twice. "Yeah, that's what I thought… so you can tell me to shut up when I start talking your ear off, huh?" the curly-haired man joked. Eddie huffed through his nose and squeezed his hand once.

Just then, the doctor walked in, and the nurses helped him put on his gloves as he asked, "Okay, Mr. Diaz, you ready for this?"

Eddie nodded gratefully, and the doctor responded, "Good, we're about to get started, so just hang in there for a few more minutes."

The ICU nurse who had been there with Buck when Eddie first woke up was there today. She was happy that he was improving so quickly and was glad to be there to support him through the process of extubation. Soon, everything was set up, and the nurse guided him through what he needed to do to help the extubation go as smoothly as possible. She then set up all the sterile absorbent padding on Eddie's chest and adjusted the bed's position.

"Okay, hun, while we remove the tube, either breathe out hard or try to cough it out," she explained. The brunette nodded, having been through this before. Buck hated the thought, but it was true.

Buck stood at the head of the bed, still holding Eddie's hand as they pulled out the tube. The man coughed and sputtered as the nurse moved quickly to suction the mucousy secretions from his throat and mouth and give him an oxygen mask. The brunette laid his head back against the pillow and closed his eyes when it was all over. He took long, slow breaths, and the nurses and doctor commended him for taking it so well.

Soon, the medical staff left, instructing them both to let them know if anything felt off. Then it was just Buck and Eddie alone in the room again. It was quiet between them for a little bit, with the brown-eyed man resting after that whole ordeal; even if it was only a few minutes, it seemed to wear him out. The curly-haired man didn't mind the quiet, though, after all, hearing the sounds of Eddie breathing without a tube was comforting to him.

They sat in silence for about 30 minutes before Eddie tried to speak, pulling the oxygen mask away from his face.

"B-Buck," He said, voice weak and gravely.

At the sound, Buck stood up quickly, too quickly, and his still-healing ribs were not happy about it. He winced, one of his arms automatically wrapping around his torso as if it would help.

"What's wrong, Eds? You okay?" he asked, trying to hide the pain in his voice.

"Wa-water?" he requested, giving him a concerned look.

"Water, got it, I'll get you some water." The curly-haired man turned and poured a cup of water for him, bringing it to him with a straw, "Here, Eddie, slowly," he said, bringing the straw to his best friend's lips.

Eddie hummed gratefully as he drank the water, then he cleared his throat, "Thank you," he said, his voice still weak, but not raspy.

"Of course, you need anything else?" he asked carefully.

The other man shook his head before motioning Buck to come closer. The blue-eyed man stepped up to the side of the bed and took Eddie's hand again, and the brunette squeezed it. "You okay, Buck?"

"Yeah, Eddie… yeah, I'm good," Buck assured with a nod, as he sat down slowly in his chair next to the bed.

"Better not be lying to me, Buckley," Eddie wheezed, smirking a bit.

"Good as I can be. Now you get that mask back on."

The brunette purposely moved the oxygen mask further away from his face, "Hate this thing," he muttered.

"We can ask about a cannula when the nurse comes back. For now, you're gonna have to bear with it." The curly-haired man said with a smile, as he actively fought the urge to lean down and kiss his best friend's hand.

It was silent for a few minutes, then Eddie spoke again, "Buck, how's Chris?"

"He's okay, Eds, he knew you'd pull through. I think he's coming to visit tomorrow. He'll be happy about the improvement."

His eyes looked tired, and he smiled from behind the mask, "Can't wait to see him, he's such a strong kid."

Buck nodded in agreement, noticing Eddie's tired eyes, "You should sleep, Eds, you had a long day today."

"Mmm, only if you actually go home and sleep in a proper bed, shower, and eat a proper meal." he paused, taking a breath, "You've been discharged for almost a week, and you've only been home once."

The curly-haired man was actually speechless, "Y-you… how did you know that?"

"I wasn't asleep when Maddie came yesterday to check in. I heard her scolding you for not resting properly." Eddie frowned, looking at him worriedly, his voice softening as he said, "You need to take care of yourself, Buck, please."

Buck felt his lip wobble. His sister and his best friend were right; he should be taking better care of himself… He just couldn't bear the thought of leaving Eddie's side if he didn't have to.

"I-I just d-don't wanna leave you, Eddie," he whispered.

"I'll be okay, Buck, I promise, I'll be right here in the morning, when visiting hours start, you can come back with Chris."

Buck nodded, calming himself down, "O-okay, Eds, I'll see you tomorrow then. Sleep well."

The brunette yawned again behind his oxygen mask, "Night, Buck, see you tomorrow."

With that, Buck left the room, even if it was the last thing he wanted to do.

The next morning, Buck was well-rested, fed, and showered. Despite the fact that he really hadn't wanted to leave the night before, he couldn't deny that going home and sleeping in a comfortable bed did him a world of good. Maddie had been surprised and happy that Eddie had managed to convince him to go home when he called her for a ride. The curly-haired man hadn't even thought about buying a new car yet, nor did he want to drive if he could avoid it for now.

He was glad to have Maddie and the rest of the 118 family just a phone call away when he needed them. His sister had driven him to pick up Chris from the Wilsons' house, where he was greeted with gentle hugs and well-wishes from Karen, Denny, and Mara. And Karen gave him an extra-long hug, claiming part of it was from Hen, who had already left for work. They actually ended up getting sucked into staying for a late breakfast, which was amazing after eating hospital food and takeout for the last few weeks.

Soon, they were saying their goodbyes and were off to the hospital with a plate of waffles for Eddie. The ride there was quiet, apart from the music playing softly in the background. If Buck was honest, he was feeling anxious. Had been since he left last night, and he knew that feeling wouldn't dissipate until he was with his friend again.

Eventually, they made it into the hospital, all receiving visitor tags before heading up to Eddie's room. Buck was happy to see a familiar nurse in the hall who had quelled some of his anxiety by telling him that Eddie had done well overnight and that they'd moved him down to the nasal cannula for supplemental oxygen. Apparently, the man kept pulling the mask off in his sleep.

When they made it to Eddie's room, Buck knocked on the door, and from inside he called, "Come in."

Chris went to reach for the door handle to open it fully, as Buck and Maddie sat in the chairs next to the door. He figured the teen might like some time alone with his dad, but he hesitated, looking nervous.

"Chris, you okay, buddy?" Buck asked.

"I y-yeah. I just got nervous all of a sudden." He paused for a moment, thinking, before quietly asking, "Buck, can you come in with me?"

The curly-haired man stood up with a wince, still sore from waking up sleeping on his stomach. Something he wasn't supposed to do for at least another 3 weeks. It wasn't his fault, though. Buck had fallen asleep on his back, and he must've been dead asleep when he flipped over because he didn't feel it.

"Yeah, Chris, I can come with you. I just figured you went some time with your dad by yourself," he said softly.

"Thanks, Buck." The teen whispered.

That seemed to build up the boy's courage enough for him to open the door and walk in, his crutches clanking on the vinyl flooring. Eddie's smile when he met eyes with Chris lit up the whole room in a warm light that Buck wanted to bask in.

"Christopher, mijo, come here," Eddie said, his voice sounding stronger than it had yesterday evening.

Although the teen usually tried to maintain a nonchalant, cool, and calm exterior in public spaces, this situation melted it right away. That soft heart of gold kid came out as he bolted as fast as his crutches could take him across the room to his dad's bedside. He took off the crutches and leaned them against the bed, giving the man an assessing look.

Then, in a near whisper, he asked, "Can I hug you?"

"Yeah, buddy, please. Just be gentle." Eddie answered.

Chris bent down, carefully, and hugged his dad, burying his face in the man's neck like a little kid looking for comfort. Buck watched as Eddie moved slowly to wrap both of his arms around his son. The teen had been strong throughout all of this, but it seemed that being in his dad's arms again broke down that wall.

Chris's shoulders shook as he silently cried into Eddie's shoulder.

"Oh mijo, I'm okay, I'm right here," the brunette whispered, his voice thick with emotion.

Buck watched the scene before him, Christopher crying as Eddie comforted him. He let a few tears fall from where he sat on the bench in front of the window. After a few minutes, the teen calmed down, and he spoke, his voice muffled because he hadn't moved his face from his dad's shoulder.

"I love you, Dad. I'm so happy you're okay," the teen sniffled.

"I love you too, Chris… you know, I could hear you when you came in to visit me before?"

Chris pulled away slowly and sat on the chair next to the bed, still holding Eddie's hand, "Really?" he asked in awe.

"Yeah, buddy, came back for you, and because Buck wouldn't stop talking my ear off," his best friend said fondly, as he looked over at him.

Buck huffed a light laugh at the teasing comment as Chris went on to update his dad about everything that had happened in his life for the last few weeks. He was content listening to their conversation until his brain caught up with what Eddie actually said. If what Eddie said was true, the man could hear what anyone was saying to him practically the whole time he was in the coma. Which, in turn, meant that the brunette had most definitely heard when he confessed his love, even if he was half asleep when he did it; that didn't make it any less true.

So now Buck was freaking out; he was really freaking out because what did you mean Eddie had heard him say that he loved him? The man hadn't said anything, but what if he didn't feel the same? What if his best friend heard him confess his love and didn't feel the same? What if he had inadvertently ruined one of the most important relationships in his life?

He was thinking himself in circles for how long he couldn't tell, as he sat quietly on that bench in front of the window. He couldn't get himself out of his thoughts until Chris pulled him out, "Buck, are you okay?"

"Yeah, Chris, I'm all good. Just got emotional… You know how I get when watching reunions." Buck answered.

The teen smirked, "You're a giant sap, Buck. I'm gonna see if Maddie can help me find somewhere to warm up these waffles for Dad. He wants to talk to you alone for a minute."

"I… okay," the curly-haired man said, wondering why Eddie would want to talk to him when that's all they'd been doing for days.

"See you guys in a few," Chris said with a wink directed at his Dad before grabbing his crutches and heading out of the room.

"S-so," Buck started as he sat down in the chair next to the bed, "You could hear us when you were in the coma?"

"I mean, sort of, it was in and out, a lot of the time, when people talked around me, it felt like I was listening from a room away, except for when Chris got to come in that one time, and the night before I woke up," Eddie explained.

"Y-you heard me—" he cut himself off, unable to finish the sentence.

"I heard you say that you loved me so much it hurt that you never wanted to imagine a life without me… Buck I—"

Buck cut Eddie off with an apology, "I-I'm sorry if you don't feel the same. It's okay, I understand, I don't need you in that way if… if you don't want it. I'm just glad to have you back as my best friend." Buck studdered in a rush.

"And what if I did want you in that way? What if I want more than just to be your best friend?" Eddie questioned.

The blue-eyed man felt his jaw drop; he certainly wasn't expecting that, "Wha- Really?" That was all he could get out because he was in such genuine shock.

"Really, Buck. I have big, messy feelings for you. All I want is to be with you for the rest of my life. I am so damn in love with you that I don't know what to do with myself."

"So I could do this," Buck breathed, pulling Eddie's hand up to his lips to kiss his soft skin, "and you'd be okay with it?"

"Absolutely," the brunette said softly as a light blush spread over his cheeks.

The curly-haired man stood up, only to sit on the edge of the bed that his friend was sitting on. "And how about this?" he asked, cupping Eddie's face and kissing his right cheek.

"Great, maybe try again, a little to the left though," the other man teased, blush deepening slightly.

Buck knew exactly where Eddie wanted him to kiss next. Their eyes met, and they both smiled as the curly-haired man leaned in, still cupping his face. When they kissed the first time, it was like magic, like nothing he'd felt before. It felt like everything snapped into place in a way that Buck had only seen in movies. His whole damn world shifted on its axis in the best way possible, and it didn't feel real.

Eventually, Buck pulled away, and Eddie leaned forward, chasing his lips, "Wait a minute, where do you think you're going, Buckley?"

"God, I love you so much, Eddie." he paused before smirking as he teased, "Didn't want to take too much of your breath away."

"I love you too, Buck," Eddie smiled, pulling him in for another kiss and whispering against his lips, "You could take my breath away any day."