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they already know how to exist around each other, so they learn to take care of one another in small ways. faye lounges on the deck in the sun and passes him tools while he tunes up the swordfish II. spike brings artificially flavored sweets that faye favors and gives them over to her without too much of a fight. neither of them takes credit for helping out - it happens organically and they don’t question it.
the both of them learn to care for each other in different ways too - usually twice a night in faye’s bed until one of them is too tired to carry on. tonight is no different, and once the both of them are sated they lay beside each other comfortably on the small cot. spike’s legs tangle lazily with hers and she rests her head against his shoulder, breathing slowing and her sweaty skin growing cool to the touch. faye hums under her breath, a song that she might have heard on a passing radio but she still can’t place it.
“that sounds like…” spike raises a brow for a short moment but then shakes his head. “nah. can’t be.”
“hmm?” faye glances up at him then, curiosity lining her features.
his right eye changes slightly and faye’s words catch in her throat. she knows that he’s picturing the past then, something that he doesn’t talk about. his face is soft for a passing moment and she turns her head away from him, dread building in her stomach. there’s a ghost that hangs over them in these moments and faye can remember her like it was yesterday…
and she’d only met julia once.
faye wants to question him, wants to know what about her compares to his other woman. she wants to know why he’s in her bed instead of someone else’s. mostly she wants to know how different things would be had julia not died that day. the thoughts hurt deep in her chest and faye is completely too used to this empty feeling of dread that she carries around.
he leans over her then, his chest brushing hers as he reaches for the crushed pack of cigarettes that rest on the floor beside the bed. faye breathes in sharply, her body and mind alike craving this closeness to him that he’s not even offering.
when he moves back toward the bed, she catches his face in her hands and stares at his eyes and spike doesn't fight her. he’d said once he saw the past in his false eye, and she wonders if he realizes how lucky he is to have a past that he can see. but for a moment she feels the jealousy grow inside of her.
"do you still see..."
the word 'her' almost falls from her tongue but she swallows it down, not wanting to start something that she isn't ready to finish. spike sighs and drops his head against her chest and Faye knows she hasn't saved the moment.
“i see you. right now," he mumbles against her collarbone and Faye bites her tongue and closes her own eyes. she can't argue with that and she doesn't want to for once.
he falls back into his spot beside her on the bed and lights a cigarette that he immediately passes over to her. faye holds it between her fingers and watches spike light one as well. she does her best at brushing the thoughts from her mind but when she looks at spike she can’t help but think of the ghosts that haunt them both.
or better yet, the one ghost they have in common.