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Chapter Text

I woke up in my room. The light immediately stung my unprotected eyes. I quickly shut and rubbed them until I could see clearly. It was my old designed room I had when I was a child.

"Did you have a good nap?" Someone asked.

I turned around to see very young Lloyd, lying on my bed on his stomach and he was drawing something. In fact, I was drawing something too, there was unfinished sketch on my table I slept at.

Why was I sleeping at a table?

"Yesss....?"

"I don't mind, that you fell asleep. I could finish my drawing before my mom will pick me up"

I stared at Lloyd.

Why am I here?

"What are doing, again?"

"We were drawing. I draw my house with my family and you. That nap was not good for you. It made you forget!"

How am I in my childhood room?This must be a dream

"I have to use the bathroom." I said as I quickly stood and went towards my door. But there was no hallway beyond my door.
Instead a bright flash followed. I shielded my eyes form the brightness and once it disappeared, I was sitting in a.....classroom? It was the same classroom I had in elementary school. Lloyd was sitting next to me and....I think that was Nya and Skylor in the front, but I wasn't sure. Other children were being loud and chatty, so it must have been a break.

"Look at this origami swallow i made Y/N!. Do you want me to teach you?"

My focus went back to Lloyd and to his swallow.

"Yes! I would love to"

I said as I turned around for some paper, but I turned around into yet another blinding light.

Ow, it hurts my eyes.

The light disintegrated and I found myself in a hallway beside line of lockers and faced a very cheery and older Lloyd.
"I'm seeing someone, Y/N. Her name is Harumi....I would like to untroduce her to you sometime. I think you will get along so well!" Lloyd said cheerfully.

Harumi... This must be a spring semester of sophomore year. From now on, my friendship with Lloyd will slowly be non-existent. I closed my eyes shut and shaked my head, hoping I'll wake up from this dream. But there was no flash of light, instead the scene warped. I was in the same locker hallway, but Lloyd was faicing away from me, rummaging through his locker and saw Harumi standing little further away.

"Lloyd?"

He didn't look at me.

"Lloyd?" I asked again, more demanding.

"What?" Lloyd snaped back.

"Why are you not talking to me anymore?"

"There is nothing to talk about. We have nothing in common anymore"

"That's not true, Lloyd. I can think of plenty-"

"That's not who I am anymore, Y/N, Why can't you just accept that?!"

"I CAN'T....I won't. It's Harumi! She's changing you, why can't you see that?!" Tears threatened to spill. 

Lloyd din't say anything. He shut his locker and stormed away towards Harumi.

"And what about Kai, Cole, Jay and others?! Do they mean nothing to you??!!"

Lloyd still didn't say anything. He grabbed Harumi's hand and walked away with her. Harumi gave me a sly smirk. 

Tears now flowed down my cheeks.

I hate you, Harumi, for taking Lloyd away from me.

Chapter Text

TW: Mention of almost drowning

Lloyd and I were friends since childhood. We met in kindergarten and bonded through mutual artistic hobbies. Lloyd was a quiet kid. When everyone was sharing toys or chatting about various topics, Lloyd was the one being further away. Excluded. Sometimes not willingly. I thought he could use a friend. And he did, it was instant *click*.
My dad was preparing me for our friendship's "unavoidable end" once we leave kindergarten for elementary school and highchool but we stuck together. We shared our secrets, our fears, our happiness and trusted each other. I distinctly remember, Lloyd was excellent with making origamis. He taught me, but never got the grip. I still have origami swallow bird, he made me one time in elementary school, it's sitting on my nightstand, currently next to my phone, wich was now buzzing, blaring a dull, monotone melody.

I flinched, not realizing I was awake for some time, lost in memories. My hand instinctively went to shut the alarm as I let rest of my muscles to stretch out.
Be quiet, phone. Not long after, a notification sound rang.
What now!? I looked at my screen.

Skylor:
Picking you up at 7:30, be ready.

Nice.

15 minutes went by, browsing social medias, untill I got up and almost on autopilot, my steps took me to the bathroom. 

A quick shower would do.

Skylor and I met in elementary school, she later introduced me to Nya. Actually, I met most of my friends in elementary school, exept Jay and Cole, but we really took off in high school.We created a solid friend group, of course, Lloyd was having hard time warming up to them, but he got there. In the end, I think he was happy he finally belonged somewhere.

I let the warm water hit my skin, my muscles instantly relaxing and I could feel myself almost falling asleep again. 

Okay, focus Y/N, there is a school to go to.

----------

"Good morning, Y/N."
My dad was leaning against a kitchen counter, sipping on a coffee.
"Mornin', dad." I replied.
"The pies are really good."

Oh yeah, me and my brother were baking mini fruit pies yesterday as a goodbye activity before he went to start his last year of college. I took a few pieces for breakfast myself with hot tea.
"Are you exited for your senior year, Y/N?"
"Yeah....really excited." I replied dryly.

"Oh, come on, Y/N. Don't condemn it yet, It hasn't even started. Try being a little positive about it. Aren't you excited for prom?" He asked with forced enthusiasm.
"Dad, that's far away for now. I don't want to think about it yet." My eyes were intensively scanning the floor.
My dad sighed. "Y/N....You have to just accept it. It is how it is. Friends come and go, you can't wallow in it forever." My frustration immediately arose.
"I know! I'm trying! I just want to understand! He was my best friend.....for so long. And he cut me off just like that....like it was nothing! I just know, Harumi made him, but he just couldn't see it and it makes me so mad! I feel like some....useless thing thrown out the window-"
"I know, you are hurting, Y/N, but that is what life is. These things will happen and you need to be strong." Silence was lingering between us for few minutes.
"I know." He was right, I just wish he would understand just a little bit.
"I have to go. I love you Y/N, have a good day." Dad muttered a quick goodbye as he busied himself tying his shoes, then shut the door behind him, leaving me alone.

I headed up to my room and changed into my outfit. Halfway through doing my hair, I heard a distinct car honking.
Damn, she's here already? 

Skylor was honking with specific style, so I didn't have to confirm. I quickly finished my hair, grabbed my bag and took off towards the front door, not even tying my shoes, I can do it in the car, praying I won't trip. Successfully, I made it to Skylor's car.

"Hey, Sky!" I grunted as I swiftly sat into the passenger's seat and shut the door.
"We picking up Nya?" I asked, bending over my shoelaces.
"No, she's going with Jay."
Skylor took off. There was silence for a few minutes.
"Are you ready for our last year?" "Heh...ready as I'll ever be." I chuckled
"Now, that you mentioned Nya, she asked me, if we want to accompany her to her swimming practice today, I agreed, do you want to come too?" Skylor suggested.
"Yeah, sure"

Nya joined swimming team in freshman year and stuck with it. Now she's hoping for a scholarship. She and Jay met also in freshmen year, incorporated him in our friend group, but started dating at the beginning of sophomore year. They're still going strong.

"HEY! Earth to Y/N!" Skylor shouted. I flinched in confusion.
"What?"
"I was asking, if you heard of Lloyd?" What?
"What? No? You know, he doesn't talk to me anymore for like.....year and a half. I told you multiple times." I stated slightly annoyed.

"I know...I thought he would reach out to you, since he broke up with Harumi."

"WHAT??? You kidding right now! Skylor, I swear to god, if you joking- "

"No! I'm not joking! He told me....and I told him he should reconnect with you. Guess he didn't."

Harumi.

She and Lloyd started dating in second semester of sophomore year. I never really liked her and she never liked me either, she didn't even hide it. Always giving me nasty glances, leaving insultfull messages. She can always get her way, master manipulator. Even with teachers. The way she talked, sickly sweet and always appealing. She wrapped Lloyd around her fingers, I bet she never truly loved him. She just liked the way they looked together. Blonde hair, strinking green eyes. Lloyd was considered handsome by almost entire high school. Perfect for Harumi. She slowly stripped Lloyd of his free will and had him like a dog on a tight leash. But he couldn't see it and if he did, he didn't do anything about it. Although, sometimes, when I saw them in hallways, he looked....lifeless.
Rest of the ride, I was lost in thoughts.

Skylor parked her car in her favorite parking spot. Upon closing the car door, I heard a familiar voice.
"Hey, Y/N! Hey, Skylor!" I turned around and saw Cole walking to us, already streching his arms to an inviting hug.

"Hi, Cole!" I grinned and accepted the hug.
"Enjoyed the summer?" Cole asked.
"It was mostly calm, but it was fine. However, your parties were the true highlight." I chuckled.
"I'm honored Y/N." Cole jokingly bowed.

"What's your first class?" Skylor asked.

"English. With Lloyd. He should be waiting for me by the entrance." Cole looked over his shoulder, looking for Lloyd. He didn't have to look long, he was umissable. For me at least. He wore his signature green hoodie, like he always did - always something green. His color, I guess.
"Lloyd came to his senses, actually, over the summer he started talking to me. I think, he wants to reconnect again." Cole mentioned as we started walking towards him. So, he was talking to Skylor and Cole.
Don't tell me, he's now friends with everyone but me.
Oh boy, here we go.
"Hey, Lloyd!" Cole cheered. "I'm actually going straight to my locker and then to class, I'll wait for you there?"
"No, it's fine. I'm coming with you." Lloyd stated, then briefly turned his gaze to me and Skylor. "Hey, Skylor, Y/N." Then he took off with Cole.
At least he acknowledged me.
"Come on." Skylor chirped. "We have math class to attend to, let's go."

----------

Rest of the classes went by uneventfully and now I was getting ready for my last class of the day. Art class. I was actually panicking inside.
If Lloyd wasn't dating Harumi anymore, there is a chance, Lloyd would want to reignite his passion for arts, wich would mean, he will be there and......Okay, stop, you are overthinking. So what? If he'll be there, he'll be there. 

A bell rang, successfully pulling me out of my panicked state, only to reinforce new state of panic.
Oh shitt, I'll be late.

I stormed into the classroom.
Ms. Harper is not here yet. Thank God.
I scanned my all too familiar classroom. Every student has his own table and neighboring classmates were separated by empty space, making a corridor. Speaking of neighbours....Lloyd was inhabiting his table next to the only one remaining empty.
Oh boy.
"Hi." He mumbled as I was claiming my spot.
"Hi." I replied, getting my things ready and sorted as Ms. Harper entered the classroom. Everyone was quiet, only clicking sound of her high heels were heard. Ms. Harper set down her things and scanned her students for a brief moment before she spoke.
"Welcome to your first class of this year. Today, we'll be doing something simple. I will give you free range of your brush. However, there will be a theme. I want you to depict your emotions. Of anything. Maybe you feel overwhelmed by this years expectations, or you might feel excited for this years challenges, it can be a form of letting go of your negative feelings. That's all from me, get started now."

I felt all sorts of feelings. Nervous, because of Lloyd sitting next to me, but hopefull....maybe we will be friends again?
Secretly happy he ditched Harumi and scared our would-be friendship is lost forever. I was constantly, quietly, inconspicuously looking over to him. Whatever he was feeling, he didn't show it.

I got my things ready and just painted. I dipped my brush into water and then purple paint, closed my eyes and just started doing....something. This went on for what felt like hours, changing colors and letting my emotions lead me. Lloyd stopped being so distracting after a while and I got lost in my whirlwind of emotions. It actually felt therapeutic.
I opened my eyes, feeling I was done and admired my painting. It was very chaotic, however, I saw a-

"Tornado of emotions" Lloyd finished what I was thinking.
I didn't look at him, but felt his gaze on me. My shoes were all of a sudden very interesting, so I averted my gaze to them.
"Yeah....I got carried away." I finally looked over to Lloyd and glanced at his picture.

He painted a glass bottle where various colors were trapped. Actually, it was similar to mine, but meanwhile my emotions are running wild and creating a tornado, his were suppressed and closed off in a bottle. Maybe ready to break free?
Is this a message, or am I imagining things?
My gaze went back to Lloyd as the bell rang, our eyes briefly connecting. There was something in his yes....sorrow and....hope? Lloyd put on a smile before swiftly taking his things and taking off, while I was just sitting there watching him leave.

----------

I always felt uneasy around water. Ever since the incident as a small child, when I happened to fall into our pool. I don't remember how it happened, but the feeling is unforgettable. The sudden change in temperature hit me instantly, rendering me unable to move, it felt like someone dumped me in a freezer. Luckily, my brother was nearby, otherwise, I doubt I would be sitting here....in our school's swimming pool. Imagine my anxiety each time Nya entered the water, my breath caught and couldn't exhale until her lap was over and she emerged again, safe. Obviously, I had a chance to learn how to swim, however, once I understood I would have to enter a pool, I flipped out. Not even a teacher could calm me. Eventually, they'd give up. From then, each swimming lesson I spent on a bench by myself. World spread fast and soon, all of high school knew Y/N L/N couldn't swim and is afraid to.

"And that's how it went." I finished recounting how my art class was to, mostly, Skylor, while simultaneously checking on Nya's well-being. Jay was half listening, half cheering on Nya. The smell of chlorine was hitting my nostrils constantly, making me on edge. Yeah, maybe my fear of water is a bit irrational from just one almost drowning incident, but I couldn't care less. As long as it keeps me safe.

"Maybe it really was a message. If you think about it, you know him wayyy before any of us. It affected you the most."Jay said.
"Maybe he just wants to be careful about it." Skylor added.
"I guess so." I mumbled. "I thought that.....that if he reconnected with you, guys. He would at least text me or something. And we'll be meeting in art classes now, he's sitting next to me. Oh my god! Am I too obsessing over it?" Skylor placed her hand on my shoulder, making me look at her.
"Y/N. It's gonna be fine, and it's alright that you're obsessing. Okay? I believe, he's taking things slow with you. Just give it some time. Alright?" Her eyes looking into mine. Reassuring, comforting.
I nodded. "Alright."

Chapter Text

TW: Alcohol usage

I was having art classes twice a week. Mondays and Thursdays.

A few art classes passed by for me to get comfortable again around Lloyd to have some coherent conversations. Today's Thursday was murky and rainy, though I didn't mind. I let the raindrops hitting the window soothe me as I was finishing the painting I had started two Art classes ago. I painted equally murky and rainy landscape, with no meaning behind it other then just liking the grim scenery. A quick glance to my left, Lloyd was painting a landscape after a rainstorm with a rainbow.
Whas it me, or is he always drawing something paraler to mine?
The bell rang too soon, ending the school day. I had been so close to finishing, which left me frustrated - but that feeling quickly faded when Lloyd came up to me with a question.

"Hey.....do you have a ride by any chance?"
"Yeah, dad's picking me up." I answered.
"Oh..that's nice." Lloyd averted his gaze to the ground, I could tell he was working up to say something, finding courage by staring at his dark green Converse.
"So.....um." He brought up his gaze to me at last.
Gosh, when did he get so awkward?
"My parents are away for the weekend and I'm organizing a house party. I would like you to come, if you are free....and if you want, of course." Lloyd declared.
I pretended to consider the invitation, although I already knew the answer.
"Party at the Garmadon's?" I jested. "Sure, I'll come."

I flashed Lloyd a smile and I noticed he was holding his breath in anticipation, thouh I pretended not to notice.
Lloyd smiled. "Great. It's Friday night. I'll see you there."

----------

Friday went by painfully slow. Downside of being excited for anything. But at last, final class of the day came. Social studies. Apart from Art, Lloyd and I were in the same Social Studies class, but the difference was in Lloyd sitting at the front with platinum blond guy, whom I don't know, yet Lloyd was obviously familiar with. It was the middle of the class when I noticed in the corner of my eyes, Lloyd turned around to face me. While the teacher was giving attention to a projector with a presentation, Lloyd sent me an awkward wave. Before I could return it, a girl sitting next to me sheepishly waved back, to which Lloyd embarrassedly smiled and turned back.
The girl turned to face me. She had a golden blonde, long hair and black glasses.

"Oh my god! Lloyd Garmadon just waved to me! And I thought he doesn't even know about my existence!" The girl whisper-yelled.

I nodded with fake enthusiasm, I don't even remember her name and I'm not in a mood for conversation right now, so I let her be in her fantasy.

----------

Evening rolled by, eventually, clock was showing me 8:50 PM, sun will soon fully set over the horizon. I was almost done with preparing and Skylor will be here soon. I decided to wear something stylish, yet casual, since I wanted to dress up, but also be 'house party apropriet'. I was sitting at my small cosmetic table, giving myself some finishing touches.

My gaze almost automatically went to a framed photo of me and my brother. It was a selfie in front of a movie theater taken after the movie. I don't even remember the name, but it was something about knights protecting a kingdom. It was an okay movie, though my brother absolutely loved it.

Car honking informed me that Skylor is here. I took a last fit check in front of my mirror to see if anything was off, took my essentials and went.
"Be carefull Y/N and enjoy!" Dad yelled from the living room.
"Will do!" I replied as I exited the house.
Kai was in the passenger seat, with Nya and Jay in the back. Jay had moved to the middle to make space for me.

"Hello" I greeted and recieved hellos and hums.
"Let's get this party starteeeeed!" Kai shouted.
"Party is on for two hours at this point and we're not even there yet." Skylor retorted.
"That may be true, but it's not a real party without Kai! I'm just warming up." Kai mused with fake egoism.
"Man, I'm excited for this since I woke up." Jay said.
"Me too......there will be sooo many people though." I replied with a hint of anxiousness.

I'm not an anti-social person, but large crowds give me a slight anxiety.
Most of the ride was spent in comfortable silence, though I could very well sence the excitement it the atmosphere.

Lloyd's house was on the same street as mine, but way more down the road. It was about three to five minutes by car and about 20 minutes by foot. Our street was on one of the main roads leading away form the city with Lloyd's house being possibly the very last, in the more foresty part, where houses are more and more far away from each other untill there is nothing but a foresty landscape.
Skylor parked outside Lloyd's place, right next to a bunch of other cars. We could hear the bass pounding before we even got out.
Oh god, I hope my ears will survive this night.

The front door opened without a single squeak and we welcomed ourselves in.
The large, spacy, normally calm and quiet house was now buzzing with life, music from the TV conected to speakers was playing loudly, I could feel every bass reverbarating in my chest. I could very well imagine how my every single organ was rattling with each beat. Before I could shake the beat shock, Kai was dragging me to the kitchen, while others followed close behind.

"Let's get some drinks!" Kai yelled, immediately succumbing to party mood.
The kitchen counter had possibly the entire inventory of a liquor store - I figured they could make just about any drink.
I just got here, I don't want to drink yet.
I excused myself and went to look around.

There were a lot of people, but not enough to be squeezed from every possible direction. I could move freely. I guessed the majority of it was taking place in the backyard. My steps took me to the basement entrance, I tried the door and thankfully, it was locked.
No basement monster jumpscare today.
I haven't been in this house for so long it made me feel a little nostalgic.
In the living room, people were dancing and singing. Some of them formed small groups, trying to talk over the music. Almost everyone was holding a cup with their drink of choice, which made me feel out of place.
Fine, I'm getting a drink.
I turned around and bumped into someone.
Lucky me!

"Oh, I'm so sorry!" It was the girl from Social studies I'm sitting next to. Luckily, I didn't bump into her hard enough, so the drink in her hand only spilled a little on her hand and the floor. My outfit was unharmed.
"No, I bumped into you, I'm so sorry." I apologised.
"No, it's fine, that happes in places like this." The girl hastily checked herself for any liquid damage, before attempting a conversation with me.
"This is the first time I'm seeing you here, have you just arrived?" She asked.
"Yeah, I just got here. Well....we just got here. I separated from my group. I wanted to look around, but I saw everyone was drinking something and I felt awkward, so I'm going to make something too."
"Cool....hey, don't get pressured into drinking just because everyone here is. If you don't wanna drink, don't drink. By the way, I'm Nina." The girl offered my hand, which I accepted.
"Y/N and lesson accepted." I replied jokingly, but immediately regretted my joking tone, thinking it was insensitive. So I quickly changed the subject.
"Have you seen Lloyd anywhere?"
"Yeah actually!" I caught a glimpse of him like fifteen minutes ago, he was heading to the backyard, but he dissappear before I even had a chance to approach him."
I nodded.
"Anyway, I gotta go, my friends are waiting, it was nice to meet you and enjoy the night!" And with that, Nina blended into the crowd.

I sighed to myself, my journey continuing to the kitchen despite the moral lesson. My knowledge of drink mixing wasn't advanced by no means, but I poured myself some cinnamon whiskey with apple juice. Before the liquid even made it to the top of the cup, another known soul has found me.

"Y/N!!" Cole shouted and bearhugged me, which was so significat of him to do, to me at least, but due to this aggressive and sudden action, I spilled everything from the cup all over the kitchen island.
"Cole! My drink!" My enthusiasm from meeting Cole was beaten down by frustration of wasting the liquids.
"Shit, I'm sorry!" Cole released me. "What did you have? I'll do it for you."
"Cinnamon whiskey and apple juice."
Cole waisted no time and re-did my drink, sadly, he put too much whiskey into it, but I didn't have the heart to let him know.
"Here, let's go." Cole gave me said drink and took my free hand to guide me wherever he was going.

My initial thought that this was happening in the backyard was, in fact, correct. It was crowded in here. More specifically - it was crowded by the pool. Drunk students were launching cannonballs and messing around in the pool. A completely different track was blasting from another set of speakers - it almost felt like a whole other party was happening out here, separate from the one inside. We regrouped and Nya nudged me to dance with her and others.
I wasn't much of a dancer, but the students around me were probably too drunk to notice or care. So I drank, danced, sang and before long, the alcohol kicked in. I was tipsy. That was a stop for me.

"Excuse me, I need to use the bathroom." I excused myself, feeling my bladder would explode at any moment.
I passed many familiar faces, including Nina and the platinum blonde boy from Social studies dancing with silver haired girl. At last, I made it to the bathroom. A flash of light came from the light switch. It was momentarily blinding, and I had to compose myself. I caught a glimpse of my reflection: I was panting like I'd just run a marathon, my hair was sticking to my forehead, and my eyeliner had given up on me.
But God,
I hadn't had this much fun in ages with my whole group together.

Nonetheless, I did my business and headed back to the others. I pushed through the crowd, somehow making my way back to the pool. The alcohol in my system, combined with the noise and pressure of the crowd, was making my head spin more than usual. Still, I managed to maintain some sense of direction and tried to walk as straight as possible - which, unsurprisingly, failed. The crowd kept pushing me closer to the edge of the pool. Even in my drunken state, I was painfully aware of it, and a creeping sense of anxiety began to rise. Then I felt sudden pressure on me, making the world spin and flip in a swift motion. I instantly knew what was happening, but all I could do was panic. Then - everything went into slowmotion. I instinctively braced for the impact... which never came. It felt like an eternity before I opened my eyes, not even realizing I'd shut them. All I could see were stars shining above me, and for a moment, it almost felt like I was ascending. Then my ears picked up the sound of commotion - and suddenly, I was thrust forward. In reality, it probably all happened in less than a minute.

"What the fuck?!" It was Lloyd yelling, that got my attention, he was close to fuming on a guy who raised his hands defensively.
"Are you fucking blind?!" Lloyd seethed.
"I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to, I didn't see her!" The guy genuinely looked sorry and frightened. For a moment the two held a stare contest before Lloyd backed off.
"Consider this your warning. " Lloyd reprimanded before turning to me and shifting his demeanor.
"C'mon." Lloyd nudged me softly. I was stunned, amazed, and maybe a bit flattered all at once, forgetting how to even respond as he guided me along.

I was once again led through the crowd, but I was looking at my shoes, somewhat feeling ashamed, like I did something I shouldn't. This incident sobered me up so fast and now, the loud music and intense beat was giving me a headache.
Lloyd led me to his room. Once we arrived I wasted no time and sat on his bed.

"Are you alright?" Lloyd asked sitting down next to me and putting a hand on my shoulder in comfort.
"It's fine, I'm fine," I replied, partly zoned out. I couldn't stop replaying it in my head. But I wasn't focusing on the moment when I almost fell into the pool. Instead, I kept thinking about how Lloyd prevented it and stood up for me without hesitation. Of course, Lloyd always stood up for me, and if he didn't, I could stand up for myself. Still, I had never seen him this furious before.
"Well...at least it sobered me up." I said jokingly, trying to loosen up the heavy silence. Though it didn't help. Lloyd still looked grim.
"What's going on in your head?" I asked worriedly.
"This could have end up much worse." Lloyd mumbled. "You could have fallen badly, hit your head or something. God, If I wasn't there-"
"The others were there too, I would've been fine." I reassured. "Please, stop spiraling."
I didn't want to think about 'What if'. In fact, I couldn't think about anything, due to the throbing pain in my head implified by each muffled beat. It felt like I was having a heartbeat in my head and my skull felt too much tight for my brain.
"My head hurts so bad." I whimpered, placing my head into my hands.
"Here." Lloyd said slightly alarmed, waisting no time to take out a blister pack of pills from his drawer.
"I'll get you some water." Lloyd said caringly. I watched him carefully exiting the room, to find nearest source of water.

I get that the incident must've frightened him, but he was behaving....oddly. Usually, we would joked about it and move on.
Is this due to Harumi-related trauma?
Oh my god, what did she do to you?
I swallowed the pill and flushed it with water. I was about to lie down, when Lloyd interfiered.
"Wait, I'll give you some spear clothes." Lloyd said, rummaging through his closet.
"Oh....I don't remember leaving here any clothes, I always took them with me." I wondered mostly for myself. Lloyd shook his head and chuckled softly, before placing a pack of clothes next to me.
"You didn't, these are mine. And before you protest...You won't be sleeping in this, it would be uncomfortable." Lloyd said, referring to my outfit. I was now truly dumbfounded. With that, Lloyd took his leaving.
"Good night....sleep well." He said with a tone I never heard before, and shut the door behind him.
The changing itself was already a battle. I couldn't be bothered by removing my makeup and brushing my teeth.
I'll do it in the morning. I promised myself.

I barely managed to get into bed before exhaustion took over, falling asleep the moment my head hit the pillow - though the migraine throbbed relentlessly in the background.

Chapter Text

Tw: Mention of vomiting

Vision came to me slowly, my gaze was met with light matcha-green wall and ligh brown furniture. Eyes darted around to took in my surroundings before memories came crashing through my mind so fast, the migraine which disappeared throughout the night might as well come back.
My eyes closed again involuntaryli, ears picking up distant sound of running shower.
My eyes registered something on the floor before, which caused me to open them again and peek from the bed to see a makeshift bed on the floor.
Was Lloyd sleeping next to me all night? Why didn't he use one of the guest rooms?
I sighed out a breath I didn't realize was holding and turned on my back to stare at the white ceiling, muscles wailing in pain.
I guess I was sleeping in uncomfortable positions.
It suddenly came to me, there was sunlight pekking through closed blinds. I checked the clock on a nightstand.
11:23. Stomach growled, forcing me out of bed.
Every step I made was unstable, but got the hang of it soon enough. The stairs were real challenge though. I'm sure even distat neighbours could hear my stomping.

Jay, Nya, Skylor and Kai were seated at the ridiculously large couch for a small family to have, but in the end, this entire house was too spacy for a three membered family.
Kai was mildly bent over himself, a cup in his hands, agresivelly humming, while laser focused on the cup.

"Hard hangover, I see?" I asked.
Skylor lazily looked over to me, nodding.
"I'm waiting for him to finish so I can take him home."
"You sure you can drive?"
"We didn't drink much, and there is an alcohol tester here. We're clear." Jay pointed forward to the small black alco-tester. The type you breathe really hard into it.
"Is that even legit?" I asked suspiciously.
"I think they do have money to buy anything legit." Cole piped, slouched in an armchair, busy on his phone.
They really did seem fine and I really haven't seen Skylor nor Jay drink. Unlike Kai here.
"You can promise her to drive slowly and then, maybe she'll stop looking at you suspiciously." A voice suddenly sounded from behind me.
I whipped around so fast, I got disoriented for a moment. It was Lloyd.
Of course, who else would it be?
"I'm gonna make some breakfast, you guys want something?" Lloyd's question targeted to everyone, but they all shrugged and mumbled dismisively.
"I swear, if you mention anything closely related to food again, I'm throwing up all over the living room." Kai threatened.
"Then you will be the one to clean it." Lloyd countered and left for the kitchen before I could say anything.

I took a seat in the armchair opposite to Cole and averted my attention to the TV, which I just now realized, was on, although, I guess just for a background noise, based on nobody giving attention. It was just a weather report anyway. Since nobody clearly wasn't in a mood for any sort of conversation and my stomach reminded me of it's emptiness, I got up and made my way to the kitchen.

Lloyd was already making second breakfast. Bread with butter and ham, very simple, yet my mouth started watering and stomach begging for it.

"How many slices do you want?"
"Four please." I eyed the breakfast in the process, I swear I will eat it with the plate.
Lloyd sent me a warm smile.
"You have a tea behind me on the counter." He added.

The cup was burning hot to my hands, so I resorted for the ear, shame.
I want a sip so bad.
I took Lloyd's cup as well while he took the plates and we marched together back to the living room.

"Dude, no, I can't even smell it. I'm never drinking again." Kai whined.
"I'll remind you next time." Cole chuckled.
"And why are you all not hungover. I swear, I took a bullet for each of you."
"That's because we know when to stop. Don't worry, you'll get there one day, bro." Nya remarked.
"Skylor, can you please take me home already? I'm not finishing this tea."
"Alright, my big baby." Skylor sighed.
"Will you take me home if I'll help you with him." Cole pleaded.
"Yeah, sure." Skylor answered nonchalantly.

Cole put Kai's arm around his shoulder and helped him walk. We said our goodbyes, and soon enough, the front door opened and closed.
Meanwhile, my bread slices were happily devoured, Jay and Nya soon followed, leaving me and Lloyd completely alone.

"I'll help you clean." I offered.
"You sure? It's just a first floor, it's not that big of a deal."
"Yeah, because in these big ass rooms, you will have everything done by afternoon. Plus, I bet the backyard is a disaster." I countered back. We'll wish we'll be done by tomorrow. Lloyd eyed me for a moment.
"Let's get started then." Determination in his voice.
"Wait!....Can I please have a shower first?" I pleaded, geaturing to my disheveled state and smeared remains of make-up. 
Lloyd inspected my state for a second, before laughing.
"Of course you can."

----------

By the time we were close to done, it was five in the afternoon. Inside it was relatively cultivated, sure, trashcans were overflowing, but it stayed in the area. Glasses and cups were everywhere they could be fit.
We combined dishwasher with hand washing, just to be a little bit faster, which I took care of, while Lloyd took care of trashcans and supplying me with dirty dishes.

Backyard gave us most trouble, it looked like an entire festival took place here, plastic cups, plates, forks, knives, spoons, paper towels, straws, anything you can think off, was scattered across. Pool was unharmed, though Lloyd cleaned it just in case.
The amount of bending and squatting for trash I had to do, I should be athletic about now.
We took a pause for mildly late lunch before finishing touches.

So here we are at five in the afternoon, with Lloyd vacuuming and me dusting. This was the first time in a long while being alone with Lloyd in his house.
Normally, it would not be such a big deal, I've been here countless times before, but now it was different.

Maybe it was because Lloyd wants to make up for everything, but his demeanor towards me is different. His tenderness and affection wouldn't be anything out of the ordinary, Lloyd was always affectionate person, but usually, he would then play it off with some joke after a while.
My mind wandered to what happened yesterday night. The way he was furious, like never before. And nothing even happened in the end. It's not like he never stood up for me, but he hardly lost his cool. It was simply different. There were different emotions behind his actions towards me.

I inconspicuously glanced at Lloyd, his back facing me. My mind drowned out vacuuming sound, while carefully studying him, like I could find out everything he thinks. That's where I sudenly stoped and froze in place.
How could I not notice it before?

Lloyd's entire build completely changed. The lean, athletic build was long gone, his tight shirt outlining his chiseled back, shoulders, and hugging at his hips. Not extremely ripped, but he sure gained loads of muscles.
I wonder why he chose to wear something tight against something loose and comfortable. We were just cleaning the house after all. There's no need to show off.
Was he showing off?
Yes, because every chiseled man want's to automaticly show off, good job Y/N.

My eyes wandered down his body, now eyeing his legs.
Oh god, the calfs. He sure wasn't skipping leg days.
I couldn't take my eyes off him, it was almost surprising he didn't sense it. Or he did and liked the attention.

Never in my life would I think I would ever be ogling Lloyd Garmadon, the boy I grew up with.
Don't get me wrong, I always thought Lloyd was handsome, and that was that. Just because you find someone handsome doesn't mean you automatically crush on them.
Lloyd wasn't my type anyway, but.....do I even have a type?
Boys and dating never really crossed my mind, I doubt I am even slightly decent girlfriend material.
My cheeks burned bright red, my heart racing so fast it could fly out of my chest.

I didn't even notice Lloyd changing his position and totally noticing me ogling him.
OH MY GOD!
Our eyes locked for what felt like eternity. The awkwardness could be sliced.
FUCK!
Lloyd raised his eyebrows while I whipped my head around and agresivelly dusted one spot, totally panicking inside.
Act, like nothing happened, please, don't say anything! I can't believe I let myself get caught like that! Why was I even doing it??!! That doesn't totally mean anything, right? God, help me.

----------

It was six, by the time we were really, really done.
Now I was changing back into my old clothes and planning to go home. I was, in fact, totally escaping this embarrassing situation I found myself in.
I changed with speed of light, packed my essentials, and basically teleported to the front door, where Lloyd was waiting, playing with keys.
"I'm walking you home." He stated like he wouldn't take my disagreement as an option, so I didn't push it.
"Okay." I could not help feeling flattered. Luckily for me, he acted like I didn't almost drooled over him an hour ago.

September will soon end, air was still warm, yet not burning hot. It's descending slowly but surely everyday.

"How would you rate your houseparty hosting experience?" I asked playfully, breaking the silence while we took our sweet time walking to my house.
"To be honest, I will not host anything like this ever again. It was too much stressing to keep an eye on everyone. I'm so glad nobody broke anything. And the cleaning after that was totally not worth it! I swear, people have the mentality:
I won't be to one to clean it, so what?
I  should've made everyone stay and clean it themselves." Lloyd complained, then softened his expression.
"I'm glad, you stayed behind and helped me. I appreciate it."
"Ah, forget it, it's the east I could do." I replied bashfully.
"I appreciate you took care of me after that incident."
Lloyd placed his arm around my shoulder, pulling me into a half hug.
"Always."

I let myself be hugged like this, my cheeks burned red, though part of me was enjoying it.
After a while, I forced myself to pull away.
Rest of the walk was spent in comfortable silence, while here and there poiting something out on our walk, the biggest highlights being a chilling hedgehog on somebody's frontyard.

Chapter Text

TW: Verbal bullying, anxiety, inappropriate suggestions, cursing

On Sunday evening, I found myself at my desk drawing into my sketchbook to clear my head. That's what I always did. Whenever there is something on my mind that won't go away, I draw.
I hate to admit it, but I just can't stop thinking about Lloyd. So, yeah. I'm drawing Lloyd, and trying to be meticulous with the details.

How his golden hair frames his face. Sometimes, it seems like a halo when under direct sunlight.
How his bright green eyes are piercing, they can see right through you.
How they can hold so much love and so much hate.

This isn't enough, I wish I could study his face more.

How his tight shirt highlighted his muscles....okay, I'll admit, I didn't draw the shirt.
Oh god, I'm so hopeless, I'm giggling like some highschool girl with a massive crush.
I huffed.
I am a highschool girl....and a crush? I doubt that.

I was used to Lloyd looking a certain way for almost my whole life, of course, this drastic change will astonish me.
I just need to get used to it.
It's just a phase, it will fade soon.

Although.....along with external change, I can't help but notice an internal change as well.
The pool incident at the party.
How he reacted....he totally lashed out, like somebody destroyed something too dear to him. Of course...Lloyd always stood up for me, but he hardly lost his cool.
Yes, I believe he would make some threats, but this just felt different, too extreme.
Protective.
Then, how attentive he was after. How he slept on the floor next to me instead of taking a guest bedroom. Instead of moving me into a guest bedroom.

How he made me breakfast without me asking. I didn't even thank him for that.
How he held me, while walking me home.

How he said "always", like it was a promise no harm will come to me as long as he lives. It was the most reassuring, comforting thing anybody ever said to me.

To be honest, I do crave affection. Morro's brotherly love can only do so much.
I do crave something deeper, but I don't think it's right to look for that in Lloyd.....at least not now, it's too soon.

A knock on my door snapped me from daydreaming session, snapping the sketchbook shut.
"Come in!"
The door opened to reveal my dad with a styrofoam box.
"Here is the takeout.....what are you doing?"
"Practicing. I'm drawing anatomy. It's actually really embarrassing, I don't want to show you." I lied.
"Okay." He flashed a smile and left the room.
I sighed.
And my dad's limited love did close to nothing.

----------

I've decided to walk to school this morning by myself.
It would be a forty minute walk, so I got ready earlier.
Now, my legs were carrying me through bustling streets of Ninjago City. A route which I took a thousand times before.

The morning light created a beautifull scenery, which made me pull out my phone to take a scenic picture with every intention of painting it, either in class or at home.

I decided for no earphones today, instead choosing a symphony of cars rustling mixed with bird chirps from a park across the road and passers-by talking.

"SLUT!!!!!!!!!!" Someone shouted.
A car quickly came to view.

Harumi's group, consisting of: Harumi Jade herself, Violet Ultrix, giant and puffed up Axel Killow and Ethan Erickson.

Harumi's cabriolet quickly disappeared from view before I could fully realise what just transpired.
So I stood there, completely stunned, embarrassed. People around me were giving me weirded out glances.
What was that about?
Shaking my head, I took off to school, eyes glued on the pavement.

I was more weirded out, when everyone at school was giving me curious glances, snickering, watching my every move.
What is going on?
I felt so surveiled, my chest began to tighten.
Where are the others, when you need them?

A sticky note was taped on my locker, to my discust, it was nothing cute nor romantic.
'I've got a big lollipop to try for you *wink*' with a phone number underneath.

My eyes watered slightly from embarrassment and confusion.
I felt out of place stading by my own locker, I could feel the stares piercing through my body.
I couldn't do nothing, but stand there, frozen in place.
What the fuck is happening?

"Y/N!" I knew that voice, thank god, I really need him right now. My head followed Lloyd's voice and he hugged me tight with no hesitation.
Few tears involuntaryli flowed down my cheeks.
"Can you please tell me, what is going on? I've walked to school and met Harumi's group and they shouted 'slut' at me and now I got this note on my locker and everybody is looking at me weird and I have no idea why!" Panic echoed from my voice.

I broke Lloyd's hug and handed him the note, discust and anger flashed across his eyes upon examing it.
By the time I was done ranting, others joined us.

"You will not like this." Kai started  explaining.
"Somebody took a photo of Lloyd taking you to his room. And posted it on this 'Ninjago High gossip group' on Twitter and now everyone thinks that.....that.....well, that you did unholy things with Lloyd." Kai finish explaining and showing the photo with a plethora of discussion.
My jaw dropped so low it reached earth's core itself.
I was left speechless.
"I didn't notice anyone." Lloyd said "But from the view it looks like.....there is a cupboard, so he or she must've been hidden behind it."
I took Kai's phone and studied the photo. There was Lloyd mid walk, pushing his room door open with me behind him, holding his free hand and head facing the floor.
I studied our expressions. Lloyd's brows were furrowed, he looked angry, meanwhile my face wasn't visible.
"I don't get it. It looks more like Lloyd is about to beat me." I said.
"Topics we various, but you two doing breeding activity was most popular." Nya added.
"Did you invite Harumi?" Cole asked.
"Of course not." Lloyd said, offended.
"And how many people did you invite?" Cole pressured.
"Well, I invited you guys, and some people I alone know and told them to bring a friend or two. I wasn't expecting so many people either." Lloyd defended.
"And we're home! That 'bring a friend or two' snowballed around and Harumi might as well been brought as a 'friend or two." Nya exclaimed.
"Yeah, I could have worded it better, but it was my first time doing a house party! Besides, I only did it because of Y/N."

The group went silent, eyes wide. Lloyd looked mortified, he surely didn't mean to say that.
I just looked surprised.
"I....um." Lloyd scratched the back of his head.
"That is the worst excuse to invite someone ever." Skylor managed to say before the bell broke our discussion.

Schoolday wasn't exactly nice to get through. But at east people stuck with glances and taunts for today, now it was time for some therapy by painting in Art class.
I was so thankfull for Lloyd seated next to me, he was probably the only one who could calm me, since the situation involved him too.
"What did you mean by 'doing it because of me'?" I asked.
Lloyd took his time to answer.
"Honestly, this is not the right time nor place to discuss it."
"I'm free wednesday after school." I stated.
Lloyd froze for a moment before answering a simple: "Okay."

----------

At the end of the schoolday, I found myself trailing through a school library, since I needed a book for my Biology assignment.
Lloyd didn't acompany me, since he promised his uncle to help him with business for today, and others probably were home already.
Each step I made echoed through mostly empty library, some astray student here and there.

It all gave off creepy vibes. A sence of being watched crept up my spine. I shuddered and glanced over my shoulder.
No one.

Being a frequent visitor is benefitial to memorize the layout and sections. Though, unfortunately, the book, I needed was on the very top of the bookshelf, my fingers could only graze over the ridge.
Only if I was just a few inches taller.
Usually, there would be a step ladder nearby. My gaze scanned the perimeter. Nothing.
I tiptoed carefully to the end of the bookshelf, not wanting to disturb the peace....or maybe, because I was deeply unsettled.
Still nothing.
I swear, it has to be somewhere here, every section has at least one!

"Can I help you?"
"AHHH!!! FUCK!" My heart raced through my chest as my entire body recoiled, like it have been electrocuted.
I whipped my head around to reveal the platinum blonde guy.
"I am so sorry, I didn't mean to scare you." He looked just as startled as I did.
"Just give me a moment, I think I'm having an heart attack." I replied breathlessly, taking in some oxygen and closing my eyes.
"That would be highly unlikely at your age." The boy stated.
I looked at him confused.
"That was....nevermind. What was that again?"
"I saw you reaching out for a book, I was asking, if you need help."
"Yeah, thanks, I do actually."
I guided him to where I was standing before.
"It's the purple one." I pointed.
The boy grabbed it with no effort and studied it for a moment.
"Molecular Biology." He read the title before handing it to me.
"It's for an assignment. I'm Y/N, by the way, and thank you again." I offered my hand, which he accepted.
"I'm Zane. I actually know who you are, Lloyd talks about you quite frequently."
I raised my eyebrows in surprise.
"Does he?"
"Yes. And it's safe to say, he deeply cares about you."
I chuckled.
"Well, we are friends since kindergarten, of course he cares about me...... I care about him too."

Suddenly a fast approaching giggling interrupted our conversation. I didn't have to guess, who it was.
Harumi and Violet ran up to our isle, before stopping abruptly.
"Oh" Viloted said, surpresing her giggles.
"I think, she mistook a library for a sex shop."
The girls erupted once again with giggles, disappearing as fast as they appeared, giggles transitioning into a full laughter.
Bitches.

I pinched the bridge of my nose.
"Why?" I lamented to myself. Being a victim of rumors is the last thing I wanted.
"Give it a week or two. It will fizzle out. Every rumor does." Zane sounded confident.
"I can walk with you for a bit." He offered.
All I could do was give him a nod.
"Thank you, Zane."

Chapter Text

Tw: mentions of harassment, toxic relationship,  survivors guilt

*Looooot's od dialogue.

Tuesday went by uneventfully for now. Thank god. It seems like the person, who started all of this didn't get the result they were hoping for, yet. Smouldering often leads to fire. And the way everyone keeps stealing glances, some straight up stared, how they were whispering, boys were whistling and making obsene gestures, maybe the fire will burst out soon and that scared me. It's strange, a month before, all of them were just ordinary students to me, but now, I saw everyone as potential threat. I was scared to walk alone in corridors.
Thank god to Nya, who was curently waking beside me, chatting. We were on our way to English class, when someone tapped my shoulder.

"Y/n?"
I turned to be met by Nina.
"Can I have a word with you for a moment?"
"Sure." I replied, giving a hand gesture to Nya to wait for me, as we went afar.
"What's up?" I prompted her.
"I really don't want to sound insensitive, but I couldn't unnotice. You and Lloyd are spending a lot of time with each other lately and, given all the rumors, not that I believe them. I'm not. But I just want to make sure, so...what I'm trying to ask is...are you two a thing?"
I couldn't stop myself for bursting out laughing, which made Nina look baffled. I let the laugh die down, before composing myself.

"No, we are not. Lloyd is my childhood friend. We went through a pause, which now ended." I explained. Nina looked relieved.
"Oh. Alright. Yeah, I belive I saw you two being close before and I thought you reunited as a couple now."
I shooked my head dismisively.
"Not at all. Our relationship is purely platonic." Once the word 'platonic' left my mouth, a pinch of displease spread through my chest.
Why am I feeling disappointed?

"Okay, then I can tell you this. I'm kinda crushing on him and maybe I want to make a move."
OH.
"Oh.....that's cool." That was all I manged to say, before Nya grew impatinent.
"Y/n, I want to make it to class, before the bell rings!" She exclaimed urgently.
I gave a small wave to Nina and a apologetic smile, leaving her behind to rejoin Nya. My mood was tarnished for most of the day.

----------

I couldn't help myself, but to think about my delicate situation.
Why me? Oh, I know why. Because it's my last year of highschool, so, of course, my life's luck would want to take advantage of that.
Regardless of how much of a fan I was of the book I was currently reading, I could not focus on the story. Instead, I found myself wanting to have a talk with a certain someone.
I grabbed my phone and dialed Morro's number, while pacing around the room. It barely rang twice.

"Hey, Sis, what's up?"
"Hey, Morro. Are you free now?" I asked on the verge of crying.
"Yeah, for you, always....what's wrong? You sound sad." Morro catched on.
"Yeah....just school drama....and I miss you." I admitted.
"Aww, sis, I miss you too. It's lonely here....did you say 'school drama'?"

I huffed. "To summarize: I was at a house party and someone took a photo of me and Lloyd leading me to his bedroom and now I'm being called a 'slut', because I allegedly did....things with Lloyd."
There was a silence for a moment

"Oh shit....well, that's unfortunate. Wait......Lloyd? Fill me in, please."

"We're  on speaking terms....for a month now. I'm meeting him tomorrow to discuss something he said to me yesterday....and hopefully other things."
I stopped pacing around the room and sat on my bed.

"You don't sound too happy about that."

"No, I am. I really am." I reassured.
I huffed once again. "It's just......I don't know, it sucks! I really wasn't expecting to be a victim of rumors. Me, an unnoticable person. But once I hang out with Lloyd in public suddenly everyone is on my tail. Even if I had a thing with him, so what? It's nobody's business." I ranted.

"I don't know, what to say to you, people gossip. They're life is too boring, so they look for drama. It will fizzle out soon."
He went silent for a bit, even though I couldn't see his face, I knew he had something on his mind.
"Are you getting harassed?" His voice was full of concern.
"No, thankfully not....yet. People are sticking with stares and whispers, sometimes they point fingers and making....gestures, but I'm scared it will escalate." I looked at my window, halfly expecting somebody watching me, I closed the blinds.

"Y/n if somethings happens, report it to the principal, alright?"
"Right." I agreed.
"And please try staying around your friends, okay?"

"Okay, I promise. It's just this last year ahead of me, that makes me somewhat calm."

"About that, did you chose a collage already?" Morro tried to distract me with differentl conversation.

"Jeez, not at all, I don't want to think about it just yet."

"That's fine. You're making a decision, which will alter the future four years of your life, take your time."
"Don't tell me you regret your choise."

"Ehhh.....not really, but I can't wait for this to be over."

I laughed, feeling like the topics were dying out.
"Thanks, Morro. I feel a lot better now." I traced circles on my sheet.

"Anytime. I'm gonna visit on the Day of the departed."

"Obviously,  you think I will pay tribute to my mom alone?" I tried to lighten up the mood. Unsuccessfully.
"Is dad still doing it?" Morro's voice was stained with irritation. The mood shifted.
"Yeah....I think he will never get over it, but it's getting worse, he stopped talking to me. And the next day he acts like like no Day of the departed ever happened."

Morro sighed deeply.
"I wish you knew him then. I can swear to you, he was the best dad I could have."
"Untill I was born and killed my mum. Untill I broke this family." I fired before I could think.
"No, don't say that, that's not true." Morro said sadly.
"It's late, I should go, bye."

I hastily ended the call just in time for Morro not to witness my breakdown.

How can he say that, when we all know If I wasn't born, mum would still be alive and Morro could have a perfect happy family? How can he say he loves me, while I'm the reason this family is ruined? How can he love a mistake? All the time I lock eyes with my dad, all I could see is 'You murdered the love of my life' and Morro claimes, how dad loves me? How?
Sometimes he tries to have a relationship with me, but the next day he doesn't even notice I'm in the same room. How can I have a healthy relationship with my dad?

I sunked into my bed, not even bothering to fight all these thoughts. I cried into my pillow to muffle the sounds, so dad couldn't hear it, though, if he did, he still wouldn't care, he would never come to comfort me. He never did.
My room sudenly felt isolating, loneliness and hopelessness consumed me.

----------

The wind blew past my face, making my hair flow back as I walked. October just begun and the air was getting colder day by day. I was obsessively checking my phone for time, 18:52,  and a text message, like it would change words any moment.

Lloyd:
Meet me at the southern park enterance at seven.

That's it. No 'Are you free at that time?' or 'Do you even want to go to the park?'. That's at least suspicious of him.

Luckily, I just need to take a turn and....oh god, he's waiting there.
Lloyd stoot there, hands in his pockets, looking down and kicking some imaginary stones. I stopped dead in my tracks, suddenly feeling nervous.
I swallowed the feeling and marched across the street. It's like Lloyd had some sixth sence, because I didn't even complete the journey, before he was looking straight at me, smiling and waving.
I reciprocated.

"Right on time!" He exclaimed, but my brain went to autopilot.
"Hi!" I breathed and hugged him, like I would Skylor or Nya or Cole.
I froze.

NO! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!

To my surprise, Lloyd went for it, giving me a tight hug, which felt weirdly comforting. I pulled away, my face red from embarrassment, eyes wide. Lloyd didn't noticed, or at least pretended not to.

"Come with me." He said hastily as he grabbed my hand and lead the way. This action made me feeling stunned, but why? It was normal for us, before Harumi. How can one person change everything? My gaze was fixated on our hands, clutching to each other, like glued together.
Okay, I'll admit, it looks nice.

My thoughts were interrupted, when we abruptly stopped and my hand was left abandoned. In front of us was a picknick spot under a tree. It had chips, fruits, drinks, sandwiches, possibly everything I could think off. It left me astonished.

"Wow, Lloyd, this is amazing!" I beamed. Lloyd looked pleased. "I hope, you're hungry."
"You bet!"
"Good. Come." He made a gesture and I followed.
This whole scenery looked mesmerizing, photogenic. A blanket with various kinds of food and a yellow-ish maple tree above. It all would be topped by falling foliage.

For half an hour, we just talked about not so imporatnt things. I certainly wanted to melt the ice between us, before I approach the main topic. So we talked, laughed, even played some word games, ultimatly, we knew the time has come for the seriusness.
I took a bite of apple slices, contemplating how to approach the main topic. Ultimately, I desided to ripped off the plaster.

"I will go straight to the point..... what did you mean by 'I did this because of Y/N'?"
At first, I thought Lloyd ignored me as the Pocky sticks captured his attention.
"Will you hold me hostage if I don't tell you?" Lloyd said playfully.

"Probably." I answered with the same playfullness.
Lloyd stared at the blanket for what felt like forever, brows furrowed. I certainly didn't want to pry, so I just patiently waited with strong anticipation.

"Okay....here it goes. I wanted you to hang out at mines again, like the old times, but was too much of a coward to ask, so I instead organized a house party and hoped you will accept my invitation.....and addmiting that out loud, that plan really sounds insane."

That's it?

"....and was it worth it?"

"Every action is worth it, if the consequence is more time with you." Lloyd said this with no hesitation, which taken me aback, while feeling flattered and bashful simultaneously. I hope my expression didn't give it away.

"That's a dangerous thing to say, Mr.Garmadon." I teased.
Lloyd smiled daringly, like it was a challenge, before his expression returned to a serious one.
"And....also......I wanted to apologise. I regret letting Harumi come between us."

Silence fallen. We both turned our heads away. I inspected our surroundings. People afar were passing by, going on with their day. Couples were holding hands with history behind them or on the start of making one. Lonely girl on a bench with headphones and sketchbook. A teenage boy playing fetch with his dog. Trees beginning to turn yellow, by the end of the month, everything will be almost bare.
The one question I always wanted to ask was on my mind.

"Did you really love her?"

Wait....did I say it out loud?
I snapped my head to Lloyd, who stared at me with stoic expression. Meanwhile I was internally panicking for potentially crossing a line.
Lloyd signed deeply, making himself comfortable.
"Yes. At first, but.....I don't know... it's complicated. I was actually infatuated by a different girl, but dating wasn't exactly on her list, so I just had to let it be." He smiled sadly.

"Harumi came to me one day at the library and wanted to study with me and that's pretty much how it started. Since then, she was approaching me almost every day.....come to think about it....she was the chaser and was excellent at it. It felt good to be desired, to be publicly shown affection. She was soft-spoken, gentle, kind, well mannered and put together. Like a princess would. And I was bummed out by unreciprocated feelings. She played with them well. She played with my ego well. I met her friends, they were.....complete opossite, they were snappy even at each other. I can't find a single reason why they're 'friends' to be honest. Maybe that should have been a red flag, but Harumi wasn't like them, so I didn't question it."

Lloyd stopped for a moment, thinking how to continue. His speech turned somber.
"After some time, she started to test my boundaries, what I was willing to do for her, change for her....sacrifice for her. My biggest regret is giving up our friendship. I didn't want to, but also wanted to please her do bad. I was blind and stupid. But seeing you then everyday at school....you looked so heartbroken and betrayed. That made me miserable. I'm glad the others were there for you. She then isolated me from them too, started to obsessively control my routines, schedules, she stalked my locations. She claimed she loved me, but I never felt so unloved and lonely in my life.  That's when I started seeing who she really is, but was so frightened to end things. One day we had a huge fight....we were in a park and met Jay and Nya. I struck a quick conversation with them and she didn't like it, claiming I was disregarding her effort to protect me. That they're bad influence. During that, she slapped me and it was like a switched flipped in my brain. I ended things right then and there. I'm sure, it would escalate if I stayed. Then I patched things with everyone and you know the rest."

I didn't dare to interrupt. The fact, he confessed to me all this....he looks so relieved.
I feel like I should say something, but I don't know what. I can say, how much I understand what he went through.....but I don't.

"....Oh shit......I don't know what to say honestly." I confessed.

"You don't have to say anything. It feels good to take this off my chest, you're the first person I confided in and it feels so relieving."
The air shifted. Something between us changed. He still trust me enough to share his trauma with me.
"I'm glad you shared it with me." I send him a thankfull smile.
"I kinda owed you that." Lloyd murmured, then his whole body turned to face me. I did the same.
"Can we start over?" He asked with hope twinkling in his eyes.

"No.....I much rather start, where we left off." My face adorned by the most genuine smile.

Chapter Text

TW: Stalking, survivors guilt, dirty thoughts

Bake at around 15 minutes, untill golden.

Alright, let's do it.
I opened the preheated oven, the hot air immediately slapped my face, I put the cinnamon rolls in and let them bathe in the heat.

Meanwhile, I had a icing to make.
The ingredients were already prepared before I even started, ready to be mixed together.

Powdered sugar, melted butter, milk, and a bit of maple syrup. 

I stirred it, untill it came together. I tasted it, as I always do.   

Just a taste test, not at all for having a sweet tooth.....just like Lloyd.                                         
Everything reminds me of him lately, he haunts my head like a ghost. But this is a thing I want to discuss later, once the girls will arrive.

My dad is away for the weekend, due to god knows what. I got home yesterday after school, finding the house empty with a note on the counter.
'Away for the weekend - money for food. I'll be back sunday evening.' 

The plus side is having the house for myself, so I arranged last minute sleepover with Skylor and Nya.
Once I checked the timer to see the rolls will be baking for another thirteen minutes, I leant on the kitchen isle and scrolled on my phone, checking all of my social medias, nothing new there. Eventually, I stuck with TikTok.
Once the timer went off, I pulled out the rolls and let them cool off.

Meanwhile, I went upstairs to my bedroom and pulled out two spare matrasses, sheets and pillows from my storage space under my bed, which is, for me, the best thing ever.
Extra storage space is always worth it. I would have moved them into a guest bedroom.....if this house had any.
Yeah, the top floor is just my room, fathers bedroom, Morros rooom, second bathroom and small storage closet.  

The beds are made, but the unorganized mess was, in fact, not made nor welcoming. Nonetheless, I bit my tongue and went to work. Everything was going to its rightfull place.
Just as I closed a drawer, concluding my tidying to an end, a doorbell rang.

I checked the clock, 17:57, the girls are here.

"Hey, girl" Skylor greeted.
"Hi" Nya added.
I gave them my greetings and let them in.
"Make yourself at home for tonight."
I hurried back to the kitchen to pour the icing over the rolls, yes, I forgot them.
"Did you bake cinnamon rolls?" Nya looked over my shoulder.
"Damn, I sure be taking some."
"Not yet, let them sit for a while." I warned.
"Can't wait." She gave me a wink and left for my room to set her things.

----------

"So, are you in a mood for dinner?" I asked.
"I say, yes." Nya responded
"Sure, I'm hungry." Skylor added.
"Chens Noodle house?" I teased.
"You won't let me live this down, are you?"
"Not a chance." I grinned. "I can't help it, but yours makes the best noodles with shrimps, which I crave now, by the way."

"Some pregnancy cravings you have." Nya jabbed, sending Skylor a look, which she reciprocated.
"Whoa?! Where did that come from?.....what are you referring to?" I asked suspiciously.
"Nothing." Nya grinned. "I'm down for anything."

I turned to Skylor.
"Sure, why not, but I think it's Ronins shift for delivery, so it may take a while. What a lazy ass, I don't get it how he's still employed." Skylor rolled her eyes.

"We can play Mario Kart in the meantime. I can connect it through TV and Morro forgot his switch here, so we can use his controller."
"Well, Skylor....this is gonna be a war." Nya smirked.
Since they both loved racing games, this will indeed be a warzone.

Mr. Delivery guy, Ronin, was 20 minutes late, which resulted in absolute frustration vented on Mario Kart. Nya and Skylor were absolutely destroying each other while I was just there, casually racing alongside them.
Safe to say, I didn't leave a tip. Now we were contentedly munching on our dinner at my dining table.

"—I can't help it, but it all honestly felt like a date to me." I just finished recounting what happened on my picknick with Lloyd.
"Oh? How so?" Nya perked up.
"I wish I knew how to explain. Ever since the houseparty, something shifted between us, the relationship feels different. And the vibe between us is also different now. Maybe it's because we are not children anymore? So we don't do things with this childhood innocence? And I think, Lloyd is aware of this too. I dare to say he sometimes play into it. At least it's suspicious."
I wasn't stupid, I can confidently say, he has a crush on me, I can feel it and he's not trying to hide it. I glanced at Nya, whom flashed a look to Skylor and I immediately knew, what was up. They were both sitting across me, I had their non-verbal communication displayed clearly.

"You know something." I eyed them challengingly, sending an
'I refuse to back down, untill you tell me everything' look.
They did the stare communication again, before Skylor spoke up.
"Yn..... we do."
"Ah! So he does have a crush on me!" I screamed.
Nya lent back in her chair. "Well, since you figure it out, I guess we can tell you few thigs, but the rest he needs to tell himself."
"He, indeed, does have a crush on you." Skylor confirmed.
The first emotion I felt was a mix of excitement and please, which was briefly replaced by disbelief of feeling positive about it.
Does this mean, I have a crush too? Funny, how I can see it on Lloyd clear as day, but can't figure out, what I myself am feeling. I should be disappointed, or at least mildly angry it will never be the same again between us.
But I think I want things to be different?

"I was suspecting it, although, didn't want to admit it. Oh shit......this is getting complicated." I realized one crucial thing.
"What do you mean?" Nya prodded.
"Nina told me, she has a crush on him and wants to actively pursue him." I hid my face in my hands.
Why did I agree to that? Why was I lying to her and myself things are just platonic!?
"Who?" Skylor asked confused.
"Girl Lloyd and I have Social studies with-  Oh shit!!! No, no, no! Oh, I'm so stuid, How could I forget?" I stressed, slapping my forehead, due to leaving out much more severe matters.

"I need to show you something." My phone has been whipped from pocket as I searched for photos.
Soon, Nya and Skylor were going through my SMS messages from an unknown number, containing photos of me and Lloyd at the picknick. The girls stared in pure shock mixed with horror.
"Oh my god." Nya stressed.
"Yn, somebody stalked you." Skylor stated.
"No shit, Sherlock." I said with mild irritation.
"Did you report it to the police?" Nya worried.
"No, what would they do? They gonna accuse me I staged it, or that it was just a friend pranking me or something. Besides, I think I know who did it." I paused.

"Harumi." The name slipped from my mouth with undisguised hatred.
I waited what the girls would say to this. Upon hearing nothing and being met with raised eyebrows, I continued.
"Well, since she started all the rumors. We all pretty much agree to that–"
"Not confirmed, though, it's was just a speculation." Skylor reminded.
"Wait, there's more." I reprimanded.
"She does have some vendetta towards me. She did take the pleasure to insult me, after all. I bet the note on my locker was from one of her bully friends. She stalked me to a library, so she could make a nasty remark.
She despise me. And I bet it's because of Lloyd.
You know what's weird? I'm more frightened by the fact, she will sent it to Nina to turn her agaist me. I told her, she can pursue him, that our relationship is platonic......which, honestly, I myself doubt."

Nya and Skylor exchanged looks.
"So you saying.......you do have a crush on Lloyd?" Skylor teased.
"Oh, so me, having a crush on Lloyd peaked your interest more, than all the problem involving Harumi I just told you about?"
"Harumi is a bitch, we all know that. That doesn't mean, we don't believe a thing you said, but, do we want to give her our energy?" Nya looked at both Skylor and me.
"No, she's not woth our words nor time. But, Y/N, stalking is a serious matter, you really should report it to the police." Skylor stressed.
"Okay, I will report it, but she doesn't scare me." I crossed arms.
"We know that, you're a tough cookie." Nya put her arm around my shoulders and shook me gently. A smile formed on my lips.

"Now. You and Lloyd. Spill it." Skylor demanded.
It took a me while to speak, not knowing how to aproach this topic.
Ah, fuck it, just tell, what you really feel.
"Fine, there is something. And I'm scared to act on it." I admitted.
"Why?" Nya worried.
"Because I have non-existential sociall skills. I may not have sociall anxiety, but do you think, I will socialize with other people, than you, guys? No? I don't know, how to date people." I lamented.
Nya chuckled. "Y/N, nobody knows, how to date people. Do you know, how worried and uneasy I was, when I started with Jay? Lloyd knows you, Y/N, he knows what he's getting himself into. And he knows, what to expect of you. Nya reassured.

"It's not just that." I continued
"It's what happened to my mum. I'm living in this constant state of mind, that I don't deserve to be loved, because I destroyed my parents love. If I wasn't born, none of that would happen, my father wouldn't be broken and my brother would have a loving family. And now what's happening. I allowed Nina to possibly date Lloyd and Harumi is on my tail because I hang out with him. I basically screw up, because I reignited friendship with him. What would happen If I dated him? We would be at war with Harumi and Nina will hold a grudge and likely act on it. I can't possibly pull Lloyd into this."
Skylor sighed. "Your reasoning is sabotaging, what you can have. There is also a possibility none of this will happen. You can't play safe all the time. Life is unfair and there will always be challenges whether you like it or not. You are forgetting one thing, you have us, we will always be on your side, no matter what. All of us against Harumi, alright?"
I smiled at them. "Thank you."
"I wish we'll could help you with what you feel about your family situation, but to be true, we don't understand, what you're feeling. Did you considered a psychologist?" Nya suggested.
I looked down to my bowl and realized I've been trying to scoop noodles from an already empty bowl. Nya and Skylor have their's set aside, which I didn't noticed during our conversation. I shook my head.
"Can we do something else? What about I movie and those cinnamon rolls?" I suggested.
A worried look crossed the girls expression, but I gave them a reassuring smile. This is something I need to resolve myself.
"Transformers?" Nya perked up.
I glanced at Skylor who nodded approvingly.

----------

"Shake those hips, like you would do for Lloyd."
"SKYLOR!!!!" I shrieked in embarrassment. It was her idea to put on music. I was just vibing.
"What? You will one day anyway." She winked.
"Shut up." I reprimanded as I was close to finishing my skincare. I just needed to finish it all with cream.
Will I?

"Where did you learn to shake those hips like that?" He would say while closing the distance. And I would answer "Well, if you don't like it, I can go away." And then he would grasp my hand and pull me close, then he would say "Oh, I do like it." The he would kiss me desperately and maybe slid his hands under my pants and then—

SNAP SNAP. Skylor snapped her fingers against my face, I looked at her stunned, like I was caught doing something illegal. Skylor just laughed mischievously.
"I know, what you daydream about."
"No, you don't." I finish putting on the cream and headed into my room, where Nya was nestled under covers on the spare matrasses, scrolling on her phone.
"I heard, you daydreamed about something?" A cheeky grin on her face.
"No, I didn't." I very obviously lied, but refused to elaborate. I went straight to bed, feeling tiresome. Skylor came in soon after.
"Lights out!" She screamed as my room plunged into darkness.
I did finish the fantasy. And it felt just right.