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Sirius Black has always been able to enter the girl’s dorm rooms, it has always been like that, and no one has question it.
He often would go to the girl´s dorm rooms for both lessons and supplies of makeup. Something that since second year has been so normal, since Marls wear a beautiful tone of eyeshadow that Sirius just wanted so bad, he had to climb the girl´s stairs and knock on the door after the curfew.
Sirius would always remember the surprised faced of Marls the first time she ever open that door; the reason why Sirius could go up and down was a mystery to everyone but for whatever the reason was, it was perfect for Sirius.
“I just don’t get it, why did you fight this time?” Lily was making sure the first layer of mascara was already dry before, very carefully, applying the second layer, because no matter how many times they tried teaching Sirius how, he would always poke his eyes.
“Because he´s an idiot” Lily rolled her eyes.
“Potter, he’s an idiot alright, but we all know Remus isn’t” Marls was suddenly elbowed in the stomach.
“Potter isn’t an idiot” Lily could not be redder in the face, and if it was obvious for everyone else, she was just falling in love with Potter.
“Well… you gotta agree he kinda strut in the castle like an idiot,” said Marls holding the exact place where Lily´s elbow has landed.
“Mmm… he really does struts doesn’t he?” said Sirius and Marls laughed agreeing.
“But, you like Remus don’t you? That’s why you’re so mad with each other all the time, because none of you will admit it” this time Mary came back with a skirt Sirius denied all week to been eyeing and that Mary believed to be an excellent late birthday gift.
“That’s not so true” all the girls rolled her eyes “It is NOT!”
“Denial is a river in Egypt,” said Lily making room in the bed for Mary.
“Girls, I swear I´m not, I am not a homosexual, wait, really? Is this for me?” Sirius had to stop his defense when Mary handed him the skirt.
“It’s a late birthday present, I hope you like it” Sirius started throwing playful kicks in the air making the girls to fake fall from the bed before he close the curtains and decided to try on his new skirt.
“How is it?” asked Mary after a while with no response. When time passed, Marls open the curtain, just a bit.
Sirius must have cast a muffling spell, cause Sirius was in bed, legs to her face, and it was obvious that she was crying… sobbing.
Marls jumped in the bed and the girls follow her lead. “Siri, darling, what happened?” her voiced was gentle, and suddenly the sobbing was audible for everyone.
“I´m hideous” Sirius explained how he loved the skirt, he really did, but when he saw his leg hair poking, like a jungle, in the bottom of the skirt, he felt nauseous, felt dirty, and ridiculous over ever believing he could pull off a skirt.
“Darling, is not that bad, you don’t even have that much hair… even I have hairy legs” but that was not enough for Mary to comfort Sirius “I mean… we could, remove it, forever, if you like, my mom did…maybe we can look for the spell” and that statement, make the sobbing stop.
Sirius was mad, as he always was, but this time, his anger was directed at James. “Fuck you Prongs!”
“Wait! Pads! I didn’t mean it like that! Pads!” Sirius practically jumped up the girls stairs and before he closed the door behind him, he show his tongue to Prongs.
And this was also common, every time Sirius would have a disagreement with one of the “marauders” he would hide with the girls.
“Are you serious?”
“I am Sirius- Auch” Lily´s hand hit hard in his forehead, and he recognized this was probably not the best time for a joke.
“Sirius, I´m trying to help you here, what did James said?” Sirius shifted uncomfortably on the bed before answering.
“It’s really stupid if you think about it… he just…I mean, he notice I haven’t grown any facial hair… and…well, I kinda avoid telling them about the body hair spell we did last year…for… whatever reason… it’s just that…he called me a twink”
“HE DID WHAT?”
“IT WAS A JOKE! IT REALLY WAS!” and Sirius had to stop Lily before she went to kill James. “It’s just me… I don’t… don’t get me wrong… I know I like Remus, I know it now, but since kissing with Marls…and everything after that… I just thought I would be able to be more comfortable… but I still don’t feel gay… but James has been trying to be supportive… in his own way…calling me “girl” and all of that”
“That’s not okay Sirius, James has to understand that you being gay don’t mean you stopped being a man, he can’t just start treating you any differently just based on who you liked” and Sirius went silent, avoiding eye contact, and Lily felt she just said something wrong “What’s wrong Sirius?”
“I just… I feel... but what if… what does it mean when I feel good about it?” Lily eyes were confused.
“Good about what darling?” her words were pronounced with caution.
“When James calls me girl” Lily´s eyes open wide with realization “I feel good when James calls me a girl”
Marls and Mary were called for an emergency meeting, and of course, it was about a Sirius emergency. The scene of Lily and Sirius in bed, with Sirius looking at the cover of the bed, silent, almost shy, was enough for them to worry.
“What happened? Remus or James?” Marls hugged Sirius head and combed his hair with her fingers before felling Sirius to make a negative head movement against her chest. “Oh. It’s about you.”
“Miss Black, do you think is necessary that every encounter we may had is under the same circumstances?”
“But Minnie, come on, it’s just a prank” Sirius was caught red-handed exiting the Slithering´s dorm.
“One weeks detention” Severus poke his tongue out looking happy behind McGonagall, Sirius throw his hair back with one hand, while the other rest on his hip, with an indignant scowl “With Snape”
“Wait! No! - I am sorry! I will take it all down! I am sorry! I am an attention-seeking little bitch liar!”
“It’s too late Miss Black” Snape was about to argue the decision when Sirius start to fulminating him with her eyes, and that was enough, to make him shut.
“But you have boobs now”
“I know James”
“And a Penis”
“I know James”
“So… I don’t get it, are you a woman or a man?”
“A woman… I just, I don’t know, sometime I like to wear skirts and all of that, and sometimes I just like wearing very manly outfits… but as a girl” Prongs was confused, but whatever make Sirius happy make him happy.
“Typical woman, can´t never make up their mind” Peter make the joke, and everyone when quiet.
“Peter” Said Sirius with a severe looked in her face “You’re an idiot” and the word come out mixed with small laughs “Thanks dude” Peter hugged her, and Sirius was happy to finally open up about this with them.
“I… gotta go”
“Wait, why? Moony?” Remus left the room, and Sirius felt as if her heart had become hollow and was suddenly filled with nothing but sadness.
“Remus Lupin, what the fuck is your problem?”
“Hey!, who do you think you- Regulus?”
“I know my big sister is massive twat, and a pain in the ass, but now I’m dealing with her crying at home, all I hear is, Remus hates me!, Remus doesn’t love me!, Remus this and that!, so don’t be an arse and fix this!… could you?”
“I just… her kiss with Marls”
“Oh for fuck sakes, everyone here has kissed somebody, and it doesn’t necessary mean anything”
“You kissed Lily…and James”
“Well, that’s different”
“You also kiss me”
“And you are just proving my point, yes, I have kissed a lot of people in this school, I have kissed Barty and Evan, Does it felt good? Yes. But I am not in love with them, Sirius kissed all the girls in the Gryffindor tower, but she’s not a lesbian, you gotta understand that a kiss doesn’t mean anything if you don’t actually mean it”
“But-”
“No buts Remus, we all have made choices, and sometimes we regret those choices, and sometimes we are fond on those choices, but the inevitable true is that everything you can do with another person, kisses, sex, hugs, doesn’t really mean anything unless you mean it… so don’t be an arse…an talk to my sister.”
“Yeah… I will”
“And while you’re at it, you may wanna tell her about me and James… and Lily”
“Wait what? Why do I have to-?”
“Thanks Remus! Love you Remus! See ya around!”
The astronomy tower was as silent as ever, but small and quiet sobbing interrupted the peace of the night, Sirius was wearing her black boots, hew long dark skirt and a leather jacket with a Bowie t-shirt under it. The full moon in the sky.
“Hey Siri” Sirius jumped from her placed in the floor, and was shocked to see Remus there; he looked the moon and then looked at Remus, and she repeated that motion a few times before realizing nothing was gonna happened.
“How are you doing that?”
“It turns out; Mary is very good with finding useful spells”
“Right…”
“Yeah… so…”
“About the other day” they both speak at the same time.
The air felt heavy, cold, and Sirius hands were shaking behind her skirt.
“Do you…think of me differently?” Sirius couldn’t face Moony and her hands instinctively search for her hair, she looked directly into the strands of black hair in her hand trying to avoid Remus, but when she finally tried and face him, Remus was already in front of her.
“Well, yeah of course” Remus hold Sirius hands into his own hands “Not in a bad way tough” Remus hugged her more gently than he ever has before.
“I love you Moony” said Sirius, face buried in Moony´s chest.
“I love you Sirius” the kiss was the best kiss Moony ever had, because he meant it, because it was Sirius.
“Do you love me Moony?” Remus rolled his eyes.
“Yes Sirius, I love you”
“What do you LOVE about me?”
“How… you are never able to wash your body glitter all the way off” and Sirius eyes shine.
“Okay, you may kiss me”