Chapter Text
Abbigayl looked at her leader straight in his cold, restless eyes that looked more black than brown. She observed every scratch on his chin, all the faded scars on his forehead, his bloodshot eyes that warn her that he should not be provoked - especially not today.
“Darkxwolf17” His name reluctantly left Abbigayl’s lips.
“Abbigayl. You know how to respect me more than that. It’s Mr. Red-Darkxwolf17.” The Yakuza leader attempted to grin, but it more resembled a grimace.
“Mr. Darkxwolf17” - Abbigayl almost gagged - “you KNOW how I feel about this. I am NOT marrying some wannabe gangster slave-”
“ENOUGH.” Mr. Reid-Darkxwolf17’s booming voice shattered every mirror in the room. “You are destined for this. This is YOUR canon event. Now, if I hear any more backtalk, YOU will become the wannabe gangster slave.”
Another complaint almost left Abbigayl’s mouth, but she had to restrain herself. I wish I could enslave him.
“Now go to your dormitory and pre-sign the marriage contract that Caitlin will give you, and report to the alley at the back of Lorax road. The wedding must commence.”
“Fine.” Abbigayl gritted her teeth and left.
“Tell me, why’d you have to go and make things so complicated? I see the way you’re somebody else, gets me frustrated. Life’s like this.”
Abbigayl, practically wilted, walked through the dark, damp hallway, staring at the paintings of the former Yakuza bosses. She darted her eyes to the left, only to be met by more former Yakuza bosses. It’s their fault… it’s all their fault.
“You fall, and you crawl, and you break, and you take what you get, and turn it into honesty, and promise me, I’m never gonna find you fake it… no, no, no…”
As Abbigayl passed by the Goons Squad, saluted the amazing interior decorator Uzi, and went to speak with the Yakuza/Mafia lawyer - Caitlin, she couldn’t stop thinking of how she got into this whole situation.
“How do you do, Ms.-” Caitlin started, but Abbigayl, sick of this messy circumstance, cut her off.
“Just give me the contract so I can sign it. And DO NOT talk to me, else I will have Shrek #593 beat you to a pulp.” Abbigayl’s eyes darkened. All she wanted was a moment to herself, somewhere to collect her thoughts and actually process what's happening, this -- this marriage.
“Fine.” Caitlin handed her the marriage contract with a smile that made Abbigayl sick (after all, who would actually be happy in this situation?). “But just so you know -” Caitlin tilted her nose upwards in disgust, leaving Abbigayl to wonder whether it was genuine - “my lawyer WILL be hearing about this.”
“You are a lawyer.” Abbigayl replied.
Caitlin ignored her, and left Abbigayl to reluctantly sign her luscious signature on this not-so-luscious piece of paper.
“I’m done.” Abbigayl said.
Caitlin stared off into space.
“I am done.” Abbigayl said.
Caitlin dozed off into space.
“Termino.” Abbigayl said.
“¡A! Gracias blanquita!” Dice Caitlin. (maracas and that one song from coco plays in the background). Caitlin took the document and happily skipped through the wall, humming the stereotypical Mexican music.
“Well, that was normal.” Abbigayl huffed under her breath.
Abbigayl finally arrived at her room after narrowly avoiding a beat down by an aggressive Shrek #683. Unfortunately, (however, to the joy of Abbigayl) someone, probably one of the Shreks, let Alya the autistic kid loose from her cage, and therefore, she tore up Abbigayl’s dress. Abbigayl looked around cautiously to not scare her and make her alert her Shrek parents, only to find out that she morphed into a 10ft long centipede wearing a baby doll’s head.
“Thank you,” Abbigayl whispered to Alya, the autistic 10ft long centipede wearing a baby doll’s head.
“W Speed,” Alya said very loudly.
“Quiet down! We can’t have one of the Shreks - I mean, your caretakers hearing you.”
“W Speed,” Alya said very loudly.
An hour came and passed, and Abbigayl did absolutely nothing. The torn up dress was her perfect excuse for why she couldn’t attend the wedding. Suddenly, Janet burst into the room.
“WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR DRESS!” Janet exclaimed.
“I dunno,” Abbigayl said. However, Alya, the 10ft long centipede wearing a baby doll’s head saying “W Speed,” very loudly did not help her case.
“A tuskegee a tuskegee a tuskegee.” Janet clicked her tongue. “I’m going to tell Shrek #683 to leash it again. Meanwhile, ask Ally the seamstress who happens to be a domesticated cat to find something for you to wear.”
Ally the seamstress who happens to be a domesticated cat was busy crafting maid outfits for Antonio in the Goons Squad, yet being the generous feline that she was, she made a special exception just for Abbigayl’s special -- if you could even call it that -- day.
“I mean, I feel like it’s just preposterous that the only way this stupid fight could end is… ugh. I can’t even say it.” Abbigayl decided (internally) that the only way to cope at this moment was rambling about the worst day of her life, so she almost felt bad for poor Ally having to listen to her. At the same time, Ally was crafting that wedding dress…
“You should see me in a crown… I'm gonna run this nothing town.. Watch me make em bow one by one, one by one, one by one by-”
“I’m all done TAILoring ma’am!” Allsion exclaimed. It hurt Abbigayl to think, but the wedding dress Ally had crafted was probably the most beautiful she had ever seen. “Have a purrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrfect wedding day! Or not, I sup-paw-se. Actually, whatever helps you start FELINE better, let it be so.” Ally the cat tried her best to cheer up Abbigayl, but nothing right now could put Abbigayl in any other mood rather than upset, diminished, sad, upset, upset, angry, or sad.
As Abbigayl walked away, however, she tried to look at the bright side, until she paused as she heard a feline's voice.
“I don’t even know why I have to work for that dirty, stinky, rowdy, DISGUSTING ANOMER.”
Abbigayl could barely think faster than her head, which whipped around at the mention of that slur.
I knew that pussycat didn’t like me! I can’t believe she would call me a- a- ano- an a- a- an ano- UGH! I can’t even say it! Abbigayl thought to herself. It was bad enough that people whose name starts with ‘A’ have been denied jobs opportunities, government funds, gang opportunities, opportunities to adopt-a-Shrek, opportunities to become Shrek, and good healthcare, but now they are being openly discriminated against! This day can’t get any worse.