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Chapter Text

They were two weeks away from the magical day that they would meet their daughter.  Merlin was spending more time in bed these days resting than wandering around the castle. And as for Balinor and Arthur it was nearly impossible to tear them from his side.

Gwen had nearly had it out with Arthur when he missed his second Council meeting.

“But what if the Merlin needs something?” Arthur complained.

Gwen gave him her patented you must be joking look. “Arthur, Merlin has been your official royal consort for over a year now. There are dozens of servants in this castle who would do literally anything he asked. You have duties.”

“And one of my duties is making sure that my child is safely delivered.”

“You’re not the one delivering the baby!” Gwen rolled her eyes. “Whether you bring Merlin salted pork the moment he starts craving it or if he gets it when you return from your meeting is not going to make a difference.

Arthur only pouted more.

“You know,” Lancelot, ever the voice of reason interjected into the small conversation. “You really shouldn’t be so hard on Arthur. He may already be a dad, but this is his first time having a partner who is giving birth. This can be mentally stressful for both parents. In my travels I’ve actually come across many cultures that consider this time before birth sacred for the couple. Maybe Arthur really should be taking this time off to spend with Merlin.”

Gwen gave a sheepish look. “You have a point. I’m sorry, Arthur. I think I’ve just been stressed myself with everything going on. I keep forgetting this is sort of like you having your first child since you were there went Balinor was born. I’ve been too harsh.”

Though he appreciated the apology, something about her words cut him to the quick. “That’s alright, Gwen. But I think you both have a point. I’m still king, and I have certain responsibilities with that. But I’m also going to be a father and I really want to make that my priority at the moment.” He’d already missed so much with Merlin and he didn’t want to miss a second more. “Lancelot, I know it would be a terrible imposition, but for the next few weeks until after the baby is born, could I entrust you with sitting in my place at Council. Of course I’ll still be available if something significant comes up.”

“I would be happy to do that for you, my king, as I would hope for the same consideration come the day we have our own child.” Lancelot could have meant it just as some hope for the future, but the tone of his voice betrayed a familiar excitement.

Arthur looked over at Gwen. “Are you?”

She glared at Lancelot. “We were supposed to be keeping it a secret until I was far enough not to worry about losing the child.” But there was a weariness in her expression. “There is a history in my family of struggles to carry a child to term and…”

“Gwen,” Arthur put a comforting arm on her shoulder. “I am so sorry. That is a terrifying thing to fear happening. Have you seen Gaius?”

“Every day, just to be sure.”

“Gaius says she is doing well but would do better if we could find a way to help her relax,” Lancelot explained.

“Would you be willing to see Merlin?”

“See Merlin? What could he do that Gaius could not? Besides I’d hate to stress him out with this on top of what he has to already deal with.” Gwen said.

“I know Merlin would be more upset that you didn’t come to him in your time of need.” Arthur waved for them both to follow. “Why don’t you come with me to see him. I think you’ll feel better after talking to him.”

Gwen finally appeared convinced, and Lancelot releaved.

Together the three made their way up to the royal chambers. When Arthur had left Merlin to go fetch his lunch, he’d left his husband in the care of their son. Balinor, now a full year older than the day Arthur met him had grown what felt like twice in size. Really it had only been 3 inches as Merlin informed him many times. Balinor sat on the bed snuggled in next to his father and trying to read through a magical tomb that couldn’t be on his reading level.

Yet the boy hardly struggled through the text, “which is why a wise wizard should consider always keeping a prepared selection of dried unicorn excrement on their potion shelf.”

Arthur really didn’t want to know, but Merlin beamed down at his son with pride. “That was wonderful Balinor. What does it say about Ogre warts?”

Yep that was enough for him. He knocked on the door frame, to announce his presence. “Hello, love, I brought lunch and a few visitors as well.”

Merlin looked up and beamed at the sight of Gwen and Lancelot. “I’m so happy to see you! How have you both been? Anything new going on?”

Somehow his happy deminer was all it took to break through the carefully crafted control Gwen had been keeping. She burst into tears, rushing to hug her friend as she sobbed out what had been going on.

Sensing that this was something for big people, Balinor quietly crawled out from the bed and walked over to Arthur. “Is Auntie Gwen going to be alwright?”

Arthur patted his head. “She will. She’s just very worried right now. Do you think you could give us a few minutes in here for her and Daddy to talk? Maybe you can pick her some flowers in the garden?”

“Okay!” He hurried out the door. Honestly, Arthur shouldn’t have been surprised by his enthusiasm. Any excuse to go play in the dirt was a good excuse. But he paused in the door. “You’ll make sure Daddy is alright while I’m gone, right?”

“Of course I will.”

“Kay, bye!”

Arthur turned back to find Lancelot holding Gwen to his chest and Merlin holding her hand as she explained. “I’ve been having these nightmares every night that I’m going to walk up to find that that baby is already gone. I can’t sleep. I’m so nauseous I can hardly eat. At this rate I’m going to be the reason we lose this baby!”

“Oh, Gwen. It’s alright. It’s normal to be worried, and I can understand why you would be even more so with what happened to your mother. The truth of the matter is that when it comes to this, sadly there is still so much that we don’t understand about what causes a child to grow or die. But I can tell you this. You are a strong woman, the strongest that I’ve ever known, and smart to. No matter what happens that will never change. All you can do is the best that you can to take care of yourself, and trust in your body to do the rest.”

“Thanks, Merlin.” She sniffled. “I’m so glad that there’s someone who understands. I’ve been feeling crazy, even though Lancelot has been trying to hard to be supportive.”

“I take no insult. Merlin is someone who has gone through this before. It’s a little different hearing it from another person who shared your experience.” Lancelot said, addressing Gwen directly. “I just hope that you know I love you, and I’m hear for you no matter how difficult or challenging the road ahead may be.”

Merlin smiled at his two friends. “See, feel lucky that you have such a great man by your side. Hell, I was scared shitless when I realized I was going to have a child. I mean, I didn’t even know where the baby was going to come out! Thank the goddess my magic just took care of all that when the time was right.”

The three of them laughed, and Arthur finally realized what it was that had been bothering him since his conversation with Gwen and Lancelot.

Though there was nothing about his life with Merlin and Balinor now, he had missed out on so much with Merlin. He had missed all of Merlin’s pregnancy with Bal. The moment he found out. The first time he told someone. The first time he felt the baby inside him. The day he decided Bal’s name. The moment he was born. He’d missed all of it, locked away in chains in his own chambers.

His feet started wandering before he even realized it. He hadn’t meant to leave Merlin with Gwen and Lancelot, but suddenly he was in the garden watching his son instead. The boy hardly seemed to notice he was being watched.

Six years. It had been six years since Balinor was born. Only one of which he had been given the joy of having the two of them in his life.

He didn’t notice the tears, but somehow Bal did. At times he was even more sensitive to others’ emotions than his father. “What’s the matter? Why are you crying? Is something wrong with Daddy?” Balinor stood in front of him. His dirty hands trying to wipe the tears away like he’d seen Merlin do before.

Arthur chuckled a bit. “No, Daddy is just fine. I’m just…feeling sad I guess.”

“About what?”

How was he supposed to explain to a child that he was mourning what he’d missed? That his father had taken away what should have been one of the greatest gifts of his life and there was no way to get it back.

“There are times I just…I wish I had been able to be with Daddy before now. I wish that I could have been with you your whole life, and not just for the last year.”

“Oh,” Balinor thought about it. “But you couldn’t because of the bad man?”

Arthur still hadn’t told much about Uther, but he knew the boy had picked up bits and pieces from his memories.

“Yeah, and it just makes me sad.”

Bal seemed to think on that for a few minutes. Then suddenly a huge smile spread across his face. “I think I can fix that!”

“Yeah, how?” He figured that Bal would do something cute like give him a hug or a kiss on the cheek or some adorable little version of a pep talk.

Instead, the boy reached out his hand and pressed it against Arthur’s chest. “Like this!”

And everything went spinning into darkness.

Chapter Text

Six Years Ago

Merlin knew Arthur wasn’t going to come. He had proved that already as the hour for their rendezvous had long since passed. Yet still, Merlin found himself unable to move from beneath their favorite tree deep within the forests of Camelot.

He knew he was risking a lot by being anywhere near the city. Rumors of Uther searching for him had spread far and wide, but still Merlin had to know. He had to know if Arthur would come.

The sunrise should have been enough answer that he wouldn’t.

Merlin pressed a hand to his stomach. The stomach that had begun to bulge over the last few weeks.

What was he going to do?

How was he supposed to raise their child alone?

It felt like a life time ago that Merlin had realized he was carrying Arthur’s child, even though it had been only a few short months. At first, Merlin had just thought he caught some bug. But as he complained about it to one of the other castle servants, she had just laughed at him and said she’d had the same problems when she was pregnant.

The idea had been ludicrous.

Merlin was a man. He biologically didn’t have the right makings to have a child.

Yet the more research he did the more he began to realize it was true.

Then he’d felt the first flutters inside him and known he was pregnant, but by then it had been too late to tell Arthur. His magic revealed, he’d been forced to leave the castle or chance losing not only his life. If it had just been him at stake he might have tarried a moment longer. Even if it was to just soak up the last sight he’d ever have of Arthur.

Tears ran down his face as he thought of the man he loved. Their romance had been a quiet affair. Little more than secret moments stolen here and there. Yet it had been greater than any love he’d ever felt before. His very soul had felt right just being by his side. He’d never wanted more than what Arthur was willing to give, but he’d thought they’d both felt the same way.

Now, he was beginning to wonder if Arthur had ever actually loved him. Or if what was between them had been nothing more than convenience.

Merlin whispered to the child in his belly, as if this small part of Arthur might hold his answers. “How am I supposed to do this without him?”

The sun had just begun to peak over the horizon. The night was gone as was any chance of Arthur coming.

More tears streamed down his face as he began to gather his magic to teleport himself back to his and his mother’s new home.

He felt him before he saw him. A stirring in the wind and a tingle in the air signaling his arrival. There before him stood Arthur. Even from far away Merlin could recognize him. How he had gotten there, Merlin didn’t care.

He had come.

He had come!

“Arthur!” Merlin couldn’t stop himself. He ran straight at him, barreling into his chest even as he buried his head in his shoulder. Arthur’s arms instinctively came around him. “You’re here! I thought I had lost you forever!”

Miraculously, Arthur held him tighter. “Oh Merlin? I’m so sorry. I don’t know what that child of ours was thinking using magic like that with no warning. Let’s just say he’s going to be grounded for the next year for giving us both a scare like that.”

It was Arthur’s voice, his shape, his smell, but Merlin quickly realized that something was wrong. His words were completely foreign. Their son? Magic? Why was Arthur talking so casually about something he should not yet know.

Merlin let him go taking a step back. “Arthur?”

“What?” Arthur glanced down at him. “Merlin? What’s wrong?”

“How do you know we’re going to have a son?”

Arthur froze before breaking into a nervous laugh. “I mean, we’re not. We’re having a girl, you know that. I’m talking about…” Arthur trailed off at Merlin’s increasingly confused look. “Oh. Never mind, Bal is going to be grounded forever. He didn’t just use his magic to move me across space, did he?”

Now that Merlin was looking much closer at Arthur he realized that this wasn’t the Arthur he had left in Camelot only a few months ago. There were clear signs of age no man of 26 should have shown. He had to be in his early 30s at least.

“I’m starting to think not as he’s not even born yet.” Merlin’s hand went to his stomach and Arthur’s eyes went wide.

“Well, fuck.”

Arthur was not freaking out. He was not freaking out!

But one minute he had been standing in his garden with his son and the next he was being tackled by a very upset Merlin.

Arthur’s first thought had been that Bal must have accidently sent him someplace. The boy was constantly using his magic to teleport all over Camelot. Occasionally with unfavorable results. One time he’d accidently teleported inside a wall, and since then Merlin had forbidden him to use it unless it was an emergency.

There was no telling how long Arthur had been gone which would explain Merlin’s freak out. He’d hugged him like he hadn’t seen Arthur in months, but based on the fact that he was still very clearly pregnant it couldn’t have been that long.

Oh, how wrong he’d been.

It didn’t take long to realize that he had not in fact been teleported somewhere, but to somewhen?

Arthur looked around searching for any clues to tell him when and where he was. Only there was little he could learn from the grove of trees before him. So his only option was to ask. “I hate to ask this, but what exact year is this?”

Merlin rattled off the year easily.

“Okay, that tracks.” That would place him just a few months before Bal was born. “I just don’t understand why our son would send me back in time and to this particular moment. Honestly, I didn’t even realize he could time travel.” His eyes seemed to catch onto the tree. “Wait? Are we in Camelot?”

“Sort of,” Merlin hedged. “Technically we’re in a grove in Camelot’s woods.”

They were in front of their favorite tree. Whenever Arthur could make an excuse for them to get away, this was where they would go. Judging on the fact that Merlin was pregnant this had to be after Arthur chased him away from his chambers. As far as he knew there was only one time that Merlin returned to Camelot’s borders during that time. The night of the full moon when he’d promised to reveal all to Arthur if he’d only come.

Arthur had never been able to make that rendezvous. Yet here Merlin still was even as the sun was clearly rising.

With the dawn would come Camelot’s patrols. Panic seized him at the thought of his father’s knights getting ahold of Merlin all those years ago. “We can’t be here. We have to go now.”

“Arthur?”

“I can explain everything once we’re safe, but we can’t stay here a minute longer!”

Obeying his command, Merlin wrapped his arms back around Arthur and used his magic to teleport them somewhere else.

Arthur expected to appear at his mother’s cottage back in Ealdor. Somehow that was always where Arthur pictured Merlin living during this time. Merlin had told him very little about those years they had been separated, and Arthur had done the same. They had both agreed to put the past behind them, and to relive the memories only when they were ready.

Instead, they appeared to be in some other village. The landscape was long and flat and unfamiliar. Arthur suspected they were far far outside of Camelot’s influence now.

“Alright, I think it’s about time we sit down and talk.” Merlin demanded. “You’re not my Arthur, are you?”

“In the sense that I belong to you, yes I am. In the sense of the Arthur that you know and were waiting for, then no.” Arthur answered. “I’m from our future.”

Merlin was surprisingly calm about that little reveal. Quite a smart man, it was no wonder that he had figured it out. “Yeah, I got that from all the comments about our child that hasn’t been born. I’m just a little confused why you’re here and he’s not.”

“That is a much longer story. But I don’t think I’m supposed to be here. This seems to be some sort of magic that’s gone awry.”

“I’ll say.” Merlin looked him up and down. “The problem is I have absolutely no idea how to get you back to your own time.”

“You mean I’m stuck here?”

“Until I can figure out the magic that brought you here, yes.”

But his Merlin needed him. Now. He didn’t have time to be stuck in the past. His Merlin must have been freaking out by now. At the same time, this was a gifted opportunity. He had a chance to right all the things he’d been unable to because of his captivity. Maybe this wouldn’t be so bad after all.