Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

This time I am truly awake. I don’t remember last time the sun fell on my skin. Feeling of touch… and the skin against me. Golden locks are messily shivering with the wind, honey brown is dripping slowly on my face as you tear up and I can feel your breath still on me. Your lips are the softest thing I’ve felt and your deepest eyes that I felt drowning in. I am awake for the first time.

War started a long ago, I wasn’t even born when my dad got summoned to join the slaughter. My mom was the only person I had left, she raised me in those conditions that we could afford, which wasn’t much. By the age of 10 I had to become a man, I needed to protect her, my one and only light in this fight. I started stealing. Little things at a time, lying became my second nature. Rich people had it good, they weren’t summoned on front rows of the battle, they had status, honor and most importantly guaranteed safety from any weaponry that people have started coming up with. None of them tried protecting us, they watched poor drop dead from cold on the streets while wearing the warmest coats. I held no guilt while stealing, they deserved it and we needed it more. More than anything we needed to survive.

By the age of 19 we could afford to move to a better neighborhood, further from the war, further from death that was slowly catching up to everyone. Mornings started to feel warmer, nights lighter. I got a new job, an actual job. Now I could protect my mom. Hope started to blossom; our lives were actually getting better.

On one of such mornings I woke up to the sound of sirens. My mom was already standing at the window. I rushed to her. There was a lot of people outside, a truck with beautifully dressed men drove through the street with posters. Any commotion on the streets couldn’t have been nice news, especially after long silence from the front lines of the war.

“you need protection? You need guaranteed income? Join us! We, ex libris, guarantee safety to you and your family! We introduce you to the future! a better stronger men! Invincible! Indestructible! All you have to do is sign this form!”

The crowd was cheering. New Invention? Could it be the end of the war? Could it end the years of our suffering? It could grant us safety, it could -
- I don’t like it…
- W-what?
- Do you see that men darling? They are doing it for free. There is a catch to it they aren’t admitting.
- But people need hope Mom… couldn’t this be it?
- Look at that man they are presenting dear. He isn’t moving like a human. Do you think it can be a better man?

I couldn’t respond to that. The man standing with others looked quite stiff. He was wearing simple clothes and had parts of armour on him. No… no not the armour! It was his skin. They made him metal. That was against the nature, against any laws of life, it could potentially be the greatest demise of us all, but it could be our safety too. We wouldn’t ever have to go back to how it was, I could really guarantee my mom’s safety! This way I wouldn’t lose what I fought for! Days could continue to be this nice.

- I’m going to work mom!
- Oh wait a moment Honey, I made lunch for you.
- Mom you don’t need to, they give us bread on the break. And you need to eat more.
- You know I don’t trust those company foods; they try to save every penny.
- So are we ma.
- Don’t compare us to them dear, mwah, have a good day Nox.

She kissed my cheek like she used to do every time I left the house. This habit of hers didn’t ever change. Her warmth and love never ever changed and I needed to protect them. I needed to protect her no matter what. Back then I didn’t realize what kind of mistake I would be doing.
That day instead of working, I followed the crowd. I ended up at quite a big building. Men were slowly entering and leaving. I managed to sneak to the doors quite easily but I was stopped by a man.

- Are you here for the new invention?
- uhm.. y-yes?
- Did you go through examination?
- Yes sir – there is examination? I thought.
- Alright, just bring in the documentation to the room 10A.

I quickly walked in. that’s when I saw the man from before. His half metal skin was unmistakable, eyes cold as rocks stared at me.

- Perfect.

With that he grabbed my arm and dragged me deep into the building. I couldn’t struggle, his hand was cold and wouldn’t budge at any movement. He set me down in a small room filled with books. It looked like someone’s cabinet. Few men came to greet me.

- Welcome to ex libris! I hope our lovely assistant didn’t scare you. Here, we ensure your safety and guarantee your satisfaction.
- I’m sure this counts as kidnapping!
- Excuse me but didn’t you try to sneak in here yourself young man? We can easily sue you for this.
- I… I... I wasn’t sneaking in…
- Don’t be concerned now! You can count yourself lucky, you actually are the perfect candidate for our work! We can ensure your safety and help you become a better man. No more hunger or cold will bother you, no fear, you could become a real hero of our time.
- Hero?
- Yes! Hero! You can be the one who saves us from the war, all you have to do is sign this and we will take it from here!

I looked at the paper, the amount of numbers on it were quite concerning. All I could think was, I can protect my mom, I can save us from the fate that will reach us, I can save us. I signed it.

The man quickly took the paper away and asked me to follow him.

They took my clothes off, t put me on operating table and in a moment I took my last breath. Weird feeling, one moment my heart was beating and next complete silence. Everything became peaceful, no worries, no more pain. That’s when I really fell asleep.

I opened my eyes in the dark room. It was filled with likes of me. How long since I was… I… was…what was I… name… I had a name… I had a purpose…
- Sir! He’s awake!
- What?! already? Didn’t you program this batch on the next month?
- I did!

I stood up straight, looking around the dark room filled with metallic men connected to the wall by wires. Wires filling their lungs, their nerves and veins. I stepped away from the wall and few cables fell off. I walked to the entrance where two men were discussing something.

- Hello 0151, how are you functioning?
- …
- Is his voice box broken?
- …
- Anyway give him clothes and put him with others.

I walked next to the scientist I was instructed to. They gave me similar clothes as to others like me. They send me off to another building filled with functioning machines just like me. For next 4 months they taught us how to hold a gun, how to use all the weapons. After that they gave us the final test. On the last day they sent in a few humans. They were declared guilty of disobeying the rules and ordered to be exterminated. The test was made to see if we could get rid of the remains of the human thought left in us and become the weapon they desired.

Screaming filled the empty halls of a usually silent building that day.

Next thing I knew, I was sent as a guard in a small city nearby. I was granted the status of an active protector and got permission to get rid of anyone disobeying the law.

Few weeks later, I witnessed a woman trying to buy some apples. She didn’t have enough money and was trying to lower the price. I approached the stall with mission to get rid of her. But as soon as she saw me she ran to me and..

- NOX! NOX you are alive!- she was crying, screaming,
- Ma’am you were trying to lower a price, by the law you are getting a warning before we will take action.
- NOX, MY NOX! WHAT DID THEY DO TO YOU! NO NO NO! NOX!
- Ma’am I must warn you to lower your voice while talking to a guard, disrespecting a guard will be punished by law.
- NO… MY BOY… MY POOR POOR BOY…

An apple... single apple fell from her bag as she touched my cheeks. Once warm filled with life eyes, now gone blankly cold. Guards nearby saw the apple.

- Ma’am we must take you for committing crime of stealing. You will be judged by amount of warnings you have.
- No..NO..don’t take my boy again! No don’t! PLEASE! I BEG YOU! NOX!

Her warm hands left my face as she got dragged away by other two guards. I stood straight up and got back to my position. Sound of the single gunshot. Shivers went down my spine. Safety of people must come first…

Chapter Text

Years passed since then. War was over faster than I could have ever predicted. My mission to protect people felt fulfilled yet I missed something. Have I forgotten my real purpose? Wasn’t this what I swore to protect?

Guards were no longer needed, we all were getting disposed of, shoved away. New government thought we were danger to society. Ex libris faced lawsuits after lawsuits, apparently there were a lot of misfunctions in guards. Some kept attacking innocent people and we gained bad reputation. People feared us. And with that, it was the start of new ex libris generation. New people were as greedy as old ones in charge but they were reckless too. With the amount of dept they were in, they were grasping onto any opportunity they could get their hands on. And they didn’t have to wait much for that opportunity. Soon they discovered that likes of me can be used to create something bigger. More powerful. Right after that, they announced to the world that they would come back with their invention and disappeared fully.

They ordered us all to go back into institutes we graduated from, when we were created. Everyone else followed the order, ones that didn’t, were taken by human reinforcements and taken down fully. Ex libris gave everyone permission to destroy any of us that were left, they didn’t need misfunctioning ones. That was the first time I had thought. Not ordered, not forced but actually thought. Hiding wasn’t my mission, I had a purpose, from the very start I had a purpose to protect! But… there was no more war, no more to protect, people were free and days were going well for most of them. Most families could afford a house and a car and a good education. With my first thoughts I decided to follow my main purpose that I had set for myself. I needed to protect something important and until that day would come, I would be staying in shadows. People no longer needed our service but there surely was something I was missing and I would find it.

Months after months have passed as I lied in one of the corners of a calm street. I watched people pass by and not notice me. Before, they would glare at me every time the saw my metallic skin proudly visible in my uniform. Now, colthes covered me enough to stay unnoticable in the crowd. On a usual day like this I saw him..

- Ha.. ha.. guys, guys hiiii… ha… isnt it just lovely to see your faces?- said golden-haired guy, trying to catch his breath.
- Yeah? Then why are you running away from us?- a guy followed him, three others joining him right after.
- Cause I don’t want to be punched in the face? I thought you guys were smart enough to not ask stupid questions.
- Oh you think you are the smart one?
- Yes?

With that, the guy in front swang his hand but the punch never landed on the blond guy. I stood in front of him taking the hit in the stomach. I didn’t feel a thing, guy on the other hand..

-aaaaghh! What the fuck man ?! are you wearing an armour underneath your clothes? Why are you protecting him?!

-yeah man, its none of your business! Get out of our way!
-dude I think you hand is broken!?
-sh SHUT UP

While guys were arguing, the blong guy tried to slowly escape the situation. He took a few steps to my right and wanted to run for it right when the guy with now a broken hand tried to grab him. before that could happen, guy was hanging in the air as I held him by his shirt.

-h HEY MAN LET GO!
Others tried to help their pal but I easily pushed them away.. but suddenly
-AAAAA HIS H.. HIS HAND!!
-LETS GET OUT QUICK!

I felt something went missing but didn’t put mind to it. guys started to run off, except the one I was holding.
- YOUR HAND!- blond boy screamed!- ARE YOU OK?
- …
- Say something!
- … protect… mission…

With that I let go of the guy I was holding and before I could continue my attack blond guy grabbed hand that was still attached to me.

- You did enough you can stop!

Guy ran off and I stood there. After a moment of silence, blond guy started poking my hand, laying on the ground realizing its metal.

- What are you?
- …
- Answer me!
- Guardian 0151
- G..Guardian?! I thought they didn’t make any of those!
- They don’t
- Aren’t all of them supposed to be gone? Disposed of?
- They are
- But you are..
- I am.
- … ok come on!- blond guy took my hand and tried walking but I didn’t budge – come ONNN ill get you to safety! – he tried pulling me but only managed to slip and almost fall -You saved my life!- he pulled – SO- pull -COME – pull- OOONN!- he pulled harder than he probably intended to, because now he was standing there with my other hand. - …. Shit…
- …
- Ooook… so what do I do to make you follow me?...
- …

Golden boy suddenly grabbed both of my hands, put them around his neck and…

- Oh noooo~ im being attacked~

I started to move quickly, I needed to protect ! I needed to make shure that she… she?...safe… I must make sure of his safety. We had to walk a few streets. People were looking at us.

- What? never seen a cool cosplay? Haven’t you heard of halloween? I know it’s June DIANE!

Blond has some kind of power to convince people… lie…he was lying!

- Sir I must warn you lying will not be tolerated, I should give you warn..
- Im saving your ass here! And its not lying !- blond said while continuing to walk. – I am just altering truth a little.
- Which is considered l-
- Oh shut it buddy!
- …

We walked in some house. It looked like most of the houses I’ve seen throughout most of my service years, not as new ones I witnessed nowadays but much better then back in my days... back in my days…

- Ok sit down right there and ill think of something from here – golden boy closed the door behind him. – ok… so lets do this!-he approached me and took my face in his hands. His hand felt warm- I didn’t get to see your face well before. He sat next to me. -your eyes are like sapphires. Hmm your skin if I may call it that, is quite skinlike except the metal right under it makes it all look like metal- with that he grabbed one of my hands I tried to put it in place, but as soon as he let go it dropped on the floor.- yeah ill need some help with this…

He got his phone out. It didn’t look like what I was so used to seeing. It was block shaped and looked quite broken too. Boy tapped the screen a few times and...

- HEY DEACON!
- Chase you don’t need to scream I can hear you. whats up?
- Deacon~ brooo~ pal~ my best friend~~
- Ehhhhh… you very well know im not your best friend but it just means you want something.. what is it?
- Deacon you are a doctor right?
- Yes? Did you make aluminium foil sculpture and burn yourself by forgetting it in the sun again?
- NO AND THAT WAS ONE TIME!
- Then what is it?
- You know how to fix… a broken.. hand?
- DID YOU BREAK YOUR HAND?!
- Noo… YES! YES YEAH I DID… can you come and help me?
- Sir I must warn you lying is – I coudnt finish sentence as guy named chase put a pillow on my face
- Is someone with you chase?
- No no! just TV! Please. Come. Help. bye.

He quickly pulled pillow away from my face.
- We have to work on your manners man!
- Sir I must warn you disrespecting a guard is punished by-
- What guard are you if you are only one?
- …
- Without actual orders from that crazy company who are you serving?
- …
- See your rules don’t work anymore here. And stop calling me sir! My name is Chase! Chase Hollow.
- Chase… Hollow…
- Yes. Now whats your name?
- I am guardian 0151
- I know that but you don’t have a name?
- I am guardi-
- I GOT THAT! Ok buddy… we will work on it.

He went to another room as I sat still.
- Do you need any food? Can you eat?
- I have no requirement of any of such sort.
- Huh… well more for me I guess. Could you come here and sit here instead?

I slowly stood up and followed his order.

- Oh good thing I didn’t have to play being in danger this time. Here~ - Chase put a pancake in front of me
- I don’t require food.
- I know, I know, but I feel bad eating in front of you without offering some. Sayyy how much of new world do you know? Did you sit on that street for years? How did you survive without getting noticed? Oh and Buddy can robots use skincare? Assuming you are a robot and oh you do need some good skincare…

We spent talking for less than an hour before a taller man with bown hair and freckles came. He was wearing a white uniform and had a bag with him. As soon as chase opened the door, he ran in and started checking chases hands.

- What did you break chase?! Where?! Are you alright?!
- Yes Deacon I am alright – chase rolled his eyes- I need your help with something else but I didn’t know how to tell you.
- Ugh Chase I skiped my work for you! It better be important!
- Well… ta daa?

Man’s bag fell on the floor. He looked scared, concerned and surprised at the same time

- IS THAT A GUARDIAN IN YOUR KITCHEN?!

Chapter Text

- I AM A DOCTOR NOT A MECHANIC!
- But he is…
- NO CHASE NO! this is just… this is just WHY? HOW?
- Deacon please! Could you at least give it a look?
- No Chase, you don’t understand how scary the situation is! You don’t know, maybe its one from the front lines of the war back then and he will remember, mulfuction and attack us! Or what if...!
- Deacon look at him!

While they were arguing I was staring at the pancakes chase had put in front of me with a warm feeling that was inside me. Maybe I was misfunctioning, but the feeling wouldn’t go away. It was like something I had felt once and had forgotten like a dream.

-why is he looking at them like that?

- dude I don’t know, but he helped me today and I just want to help him back ok? I won’t ask you anything else just please fix him up if you can Deacon!

With that, man named Deacon came closer to me and started looking at my arm.

- Fascinating, all the wires are identical to human muscles and veins. They are all perfectly aligned and the skin fabric! This is to much scientist’s work. The density of this material is..
- Deacon stop fangirling over him and help him please
- Alright, alright. Do you have any instruments?
- Yeah wait a second ill be right back with ya!

Me and Deacon were left alone in the room.

- So do you have a name?
- I am guardian 0151.
- Well that’s a no. what mission do you have?
- I must protect.
- Protect who?
- Protect Chase.
- What?! why Chase?
- I … I don’t know…

Chase came back with a box of additional materials and instruments. For the next few hours deacon worked on my hand, reattaching each and every wire, adding new ones and stitching them together. Chase kept walking around me asking questions and trying to give me a name.

- Ok so how about Edward?
- Chase don’t you dare name him as a twilight character- deacon intervened as he pulled up some wires.
- Fine but he liked that name ! didn’t you?
- No – i disagreed.
- Woah he can have opinions and valid ones, I didn’t know they could do that. History books are filled with lies.
- I was not programmed to have an opinion but our models were human based.
- Huh? So you are like based on particular human?- chase asked as he leaned on the table next to us.
- No, I was a human.

Silence filled the room for a moment. Chase and Deacon looked at each other like they had just heard something unimaginable.

- Chase do you understand what that means?! Those reporters were right! Ex libris used humans back then! Those guardians could all have been real humans once!

Chase wasn’t saying anything. he stood there for what felt like hours, I have never experienced a feeling of time like this.

- Hey buddy, can you tell us how you were made? – said Chase finally breaking the silence

I told them how humans got an offer to become better and help protect others, how I agreed to be like this and that since then I have served in a city as a guard. I had no memory of anything before that and so my story wasn’t long. When I finished talking Chase and Deacon looked pale.

- According to your history back then, human-like guardians were created from metal only. So ex libris has covered that up. They have been laying low as company for so long, I don’t even remember their last invention. – Deacon started summarizing everything.
- You don’t think they are continuing this kind of human experiments, do you? – Chase said worryingly looking at me.
- I don’t know Chase, I will do a research on them. I’ll see what I can find.
- Do you think he can be human? – Chase looked at me as I was now checking Deacon’s work on one of my arms.
- We are not in a magical book Chase, I really doubt that.

With that, Deacon stood up and stood next to Chase. My hands were finally attached. I looked at them and back at two guys standing in front of me.

- Thank you.
- He has manners! He can be a human!
- Chase he is probably immortal and dangerous.
- So are vampires!
- Chase no!
- Chase yes!

With that I felt Chases arms around me. Warmth inside me appeared again. This time it felt even more familiar than before. I remembered being held like that once. I rememberd womans face. Mom. I jumped up unexpectedly.

- Wow Chase you can even make a robot feel unwell.
- Shut it Deacon!
- Do I not get a thank you for fixing your boyfirnd?
- He is not my boyfriend! But yeah thank you Deacon.
- Yeah ill go now, you own me big time!
- Yeah yeah don’t die!
- I should be the one telling you that !

With that, Deacon left the house and Chase came back.
- Chase.
- You remember my name that’s nice buddy.
- Buddy?
- Yeah? Ooooh!! How about I call you buddy from now on? Do you like that name?
- Yes.
- Huh but not Edward, cant say im not disappointed.
- You are an idiot Chase.
- I didn’t know you were programmed to insult me jerk! Can you believe it ! I help the guy out and he calls me an idiot… - Chase stormed out while murmuring more to himself and picking up all the wires and instruments that were on the table, putting them in their places.

This was the first time I smiled and felt warm again. I didn’t understand why I was having more and more thought, more and more feelings next to him. Chase’s house felt like something I used to know, something I used to care about, something I didn’t know I was missing. I found it again, I found my home. Before I could picture another building I had in mind, Chase came back.

- Ok we also have to clean you up in case you are staying here. You do know how to take a shower don’t you?
-Yes.
- Then, come on.

Chase held my hand and started leading me to the bathroom. He gave me new clothes. And a place to “sleep”. I didn’t need to sleep but he said I need to get used to being human. After that, I started living with him. he lived alone and studied at a university nearby. His mom lived in another part of the city and his cousin worked in a hospital close to his university. He told me about his friends and so-called enemies, who despised him for “how cool he is”. When I offered being his bodyguard, he declined. I started to enjoy his company. Something I never thought I would be able to feel or think again.

Chapter Text

Months went by. Life started to feel warm. Warmth was suddenly filling my lungs. Metal was never supposed to experience this, we were not made for this. Chase found me broken and made me whole again, he has given me purpose again. I felt needed. And most importantly, I felt!

Chase would go to university on week days and come back with books, magazines, papers filled with information about the outside world! We would sit together and read them. Deacon would come over to check on us. He wasn’t a fan of me being so close to Chase but Chase didn’t let that change his way of treating me. Day after day Chase made me more alive. He became light I needed to see and air I needed to breath. He was Chase and I needed to protect him. This was my purpose! I was made for this!

But it could never be this easy. Thoughts of purpose slowly started giving me reminders of past. Reminders that I was a human once as well.

- Hey Buddy~ how are you holding up there? Did you miss me? – Chase opened the door and walked into the house. He was carrying groceries and his backpack.
- Hi little idiot.
- Ugh! You still decide to call me that, again?! What did I do this time?!
- Yesterday was my day to choose a movie. You insisted we watch new episodes of your show. Its a payback. – I say as I take bags from him and go to kitchen to unpack it. after months of living with Chase I learn how to help in more ways.
- You are still upset about that?! Come on man! You also enjoy watching that show!
- It doesn’t change the fact that it was my turn.
- Alright alright!- Chase took his shoes off - How about we watch what you want tonight? Would that be fair?
- I assume tomorrow will also be my turn then?
- Im thinking Deacon is a bad infuance on you Buddy. But it’s a deal!- Chase went upstairs to change and came back down moments later, sitting on the couch.

This was one of the usual ways our evening would go. I sat down next to him. sun was beginning to set. I chose my favorite movie at that moment. “TERMINATOR”. Chase found it hilarious that I enjoyed it. Deacon was less impressed with that information. Chase was about to return with another bowl of popcorn, when suddenly sound of loud sirens came up. Chase put no mind to it. I found myself shivering. Chase looked at me concerned.

- Are you alright Buddy?
- Sirens
- Oh yeah, its probably ambulance or something, I hope everythings alright with whoever needs it.
- I remember sirens
- Wait what?
- Sirens, cars, men. I was… I was there!- chase put his hand on my back
- Where were you Buddy?
- I was home! MOM! I was with my mom! I needed to protect her! They gave me a choice! I took it! I… MY MOM!...CHASE SHE… its all my falt. They killed her. And its all my fault. I watched it happen. I didn’t realize… it is all my fault… all my fault! All my fault! All my fault!
- BUDDY! – Chase screamed. It made me come back to reality but didn’t make feelings go away. In years and years of no pain all of a suddan my body was crushing, my lungs were filling with sorrows, guilt, regret. It was all my fault.
- Buddy. – Chase hugged me – you didn’t know – I felt his skin against my body, his hands slowly brushing my back, his breath hitching with every word he said. – you wanted to help Buddy, you wanted to protect her.

suddenly I felt drops slowly roll on my neck. Chase was crying. I shivered. I coudnt cry, body of metal wasn’t supposed to feel, metal wasn’t supposed to be human. I put my hands on Chase’s back. Body that was never supposed to hurt, hurt more than any burn. That night we stayed like this for what felt like hours. I didn’t deserve this. I didn’t deserve any of this! Chase was supposed to hate me! He was supposed to be afraid of me! I was a killer, a machine, I was a villain! But he didn’t let go. He held me and the world seemed peaceful once again. Instead of blood I had metal running through me but even then i felt no longer machine. No I was alive again and now I knew what I would do.

- Chase
- Yes Buddy?
- Can I be human?
- You are more human than most people I know Buddy.
- You know, sometimes I really wonder if you are an idiot. – and with that Chase let go of me and I suddenly missed the warmth of his touch.
- Excuse me sir! This idiot provides roof and food !
- You very well know I don’t require that.
- But you do require this~- chase made a dramatic pose and pointed on his face
- Yes, I must admit that.
- Huh – Chase breathed and his smirk seemed to falter into something more calm and loving.

Chase slowly touched my cheek and I leaned into it. My move made him smile a bit more. I put my hand over his. His eyes were looking at mine. Filled with life, filled with emotions. Eyes were looking at soul less peaces of rocks like they were the loveliest gemstones. In slow movement he leand in. he put his head on my chest. I didn’t move.

- You have a heartbeat
- i… I do?
- Well not an actual heartbeat but wires inside you make sounds. But most importantly you have emotions, memories, you can feel. You are a human.
- … … …. You know that still doesn’t mean I have a heatbeat right?
- Way to ruin a moment Buddy! – Chase moved and was about to stand up when I gently pulled him back.
- Wha HEY?
- Stay with me tonight please… just tonight…
- Alright.

We layed on the couch. Chases head was resting on my chest as I wrapped my arms around him. I could feel his every movement, his breath warm on my metallic skin. I felt safe. Slowly my memories of my childhood started to come back to me. But this time, i wasn’t afraid to face them. for first time in years I was the one who was protected. That night I let all of my memories consume me and make me human again.