Work Text:
Dear
Frank
Hi
Langdon,
I don’t really know why I’m writing this. Well, that’s not true. I’m writing it because my therapist told me to. Something about repressed feelings. Honestly, after he told me to write this letter I kinda zoned out and started thinking of reasons to get out of it, so I didn’t really listen to him explaining to me why. I do that sometimes. When I see or hear something I don’t like, I just shut down. I don’t see or hear what is right in front of my face because I don’t want to. Maybe I did that with you, too.
I actually am taking therapy seriously. It doesn’t seem like it, but I am. I’m trying to get better. I don’t know if it’s working. I still get pissed when Gloria is around, I’m still too hard on the residents and interns, I still eat takeout 7 days a week. I finally tried out that Chinese place you were always telling me about. It was pretty good. Maybe we can go together sometime.
It hasn’t been the same without you. I keep thinking of the conversation we had on that last day. You wanted me to say you were my best friend and I wouldn’t. I’ve gone over that conversation with my therapist. I’ve gone over every conversation that day with my therapist. Everything always seems to come back to you. How you disappointed me. How you let me down. How I trusted you and you abused that. How I hate you for what you did. How I love you for who you are.
I really did mean to send this to you. But I can’t. I can’t let you know everything I feel about you. I can’t let you know I still care. I can’t let you know I miss you every day. I can’t let you know that I almost threw those pills away and covered for you. If I were to relive that day, I would.