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“I liked very much how it made me feel, when you said it. And I think perhaps you’re right, that I should be looking for someone that’s overpowering because I have —“
“I should’ve kept quiet. I’m sorry. A pleasant, uneventful marriage is to be seized, I suspect. Cherished.”
He’d been here with Lizzy before.
They’d been searching for the holy grail back then, assuming the mausoleum the perfect hiding place. He’d confided in her for the first time, his wife’s unhappiness weighting heavily on his soul. He hadn’t asked for advice or her opinion. He just needed to say it, and for someone else to listen. They hadn’t found the holy grail then, but he didn’t regret the time he had spent with Lizzy that day.
Theo returned to the mausoleum tonight for vastly different reasons. The lantern illuminated the inscription: Henry William Ushant. His father. It was faint but it was still there: whom died without … . The fifth Duke of Tintagel had left Theo fatherless since his birth, with no one to model himself after. What would his father do, he wondered weakly.
With heavy steps, Theo neared his own burial vault. He was going to be laid to rest here, alongside generations of Ushants. His whole history, gathered in a single building. Direct descendants of King Arthur, as the stories say. For centuries, Tintagel embodied what English honor and nobility should be. His mother raised him to be not only a gentlemen, but a duke. This was all he’s ever known.
Theo rested the lantern inside the vault, lowering his head with a restless nod.
He did what he was suppose to do, no? He got married as his mother insisted, chose the sixth Duchess of Tintagel. He was kind to his tenants and staff. His life was all power, forced to contain it as best he could. Theo resented the role, but considered it his cross to bear. His motivation had always been to leave Tintagel a better place.
But is it more important to you than love? The words Nan had left him with. He’d been a fool, naively hoping for a love match. His life wasn’t his own, he’d always knew that, but he thought that he could at least have a wife of his own choosing, not for the Dukedom or England or anyone else.
He’d been an idiot. His marriage, Nan … it all belonged to Tintagel. Whether he liked it or not, Nan will always be his wife, his duchess. With an exasperated sigh, Theo glanced around the chamber. Suddenly it all felt the same, whether Nan lives here or not. Either which way, Theo can never be with Lizzy, not in a way worthy of her.
Love and duty cannot co-exist.
His love could only exist in the secret places, in the stolen glances. He could never love fully, not without betraying his marriage, betraying Tintagel. He made vows; and a duke must keep his word, must lead by noble example.
The answer he came here seeking was becoming abundantly clear.
If he can protect Lizzy by conceding to Nan’s demands and allowing her to live here, it was an easy choice. His life wasn’t his own. His marriage was a lie. He was still a duke.
He had very little to lose, but Lizzy had everything.
This title already claimed so much from him, constantly denying him a whole life. It didn’t have to claim Lizzy’s as well.
He’d been powerless to protect her.
‘Affair at Tintagel’. Plastered across the newspaper. ‘Betrayal within Duchess’ Close Circle’. Several newspapers, reporting the same thing. All of England will be speaking about Lizzy. Label her names he can’t even bring himself to imagine.
All because he hadn’t given in to Nan’s demands quick enough.
He’d spent half of their engagement worried that Nan’s attention was straying, that he wasn’t good enough; that Guy Thwarte - effortless charming and charismatic as he was - would expose Theo’s short-comings, his lack of social skills, his need for the quiet moments, by simple comparison. That Nan would see straight through the facade he’s perfected, and chose someone else.
Small part of him always doubted the reason why she married him, and then the truth came to light. She needed his title. Her heart belonged to Guy, always had - that she would have ran away if his mother hadn’t coerced her to proceed with the marriage.
His mother had chosen her successor and the dukedom carried on.
His marriage had started with two acts betrayal, and despite the initial feeling of anger, he still chose to show grace to all three: Nan, Guy, his mother.
He had agreed to help Nan, presenting an united front. He was learning to forgive Guy every day, having joined the tireless search for Freddie. And his mother: resentful as he still was, he missed her, their estrangement becoming easier but her presence notably felt. Tintagel had always been bigger than him. His wants and needs never mattered, as long as the institution stood strong.
Nan chose Tintagel. Despite laying with Guy the night before their wedding, abandoning her role and gallivanting through Italy, and finally agreeing to live separate lives - despite all of that, Nan was still unable to let go of the power. Their union was nothing but a ghost of naive romanticism.
And now Lizzy was paying the price. Lizzy, whose only crime was seeing the truth beneath the varnish. She was innocent, a victim in this whirlwind. A good person, angelically generous and fiercely loyal.
Nan made her choice, exposing the affair with no negotiation nor consideration. She sacrificed Lizzy, his Lizzy, in her pursuit of power. Left her defenseless. Lizzy's future, once promised to be filled with joy and laughter and passion, was coming undone with every passing second.
Lizzy had no one in her corner, no one to defend her honor and her reputation. She had no brothers. Her family was an ocean's away, ignorant to the sentence that Nan just convicted her with.
Theo won’t allow it.
Tintagel meant nothing if it came at such a cost.
“What is it like, being a duke?”
Her question caught him off guard. Theo glanced down at Lizzy, tucked under his arm as they walked side by side down a long hallway of an empty Tintagel. Gold-framed grand artwork decorated their left, tall gilded windows on their right. No one has ever asked him that question before, most intimidated by the title. He respected the honor bestowed to him, acknowledged the privilege and the power and the great responsibility, but it was never a life he chose for himself.
“It’s- …” he hesitated, torn between being grateful for the role - or resentful for his lack of freedom. For the first time, he was asked to take a look in the mirror at himself - and he came to a blank. Theo felt her touch, Lizzy’s hand on his chest, taking him out of his head and centering him in this moment. Her eyes, a kaleidoscope of green and hazel, filled of sweetness and understanding, looked at him patiently, offering him the space and time he needed to take off the shroud and just be Theo. “-…Lonely.”
He couldn’t stand the idea of Lizzy looking at him with pity, choosing instead to rest his cheek on her temple while they walked. “Growing up, the other kids thought my name was Your Grace because that’s what their parents told them to call me.” Once upon a time the memory would have pained him, but wisdom and distance revealed the humor of childhood anecdotes. “It got worse as I got older, but it is what it is.” He shrugged, his attempt at nonchalance.
Lizzy remained silent. He didn’t want her pity, but the quiet was deafening. He glanced down at her, her eyes glued to the carpet beneath their feet. She’d allowed him the chance to gather his thoughts, and he would do the same for her. He felt her fingers intertwined with his, holding onto the arm wrapped around her shoulders.
“Well,” she said, to start. Theo waited with anxious anticipation. Was this the first time they’ve spoken about his title? Theo was uncertain. Surely he would have remembered if they’ve had, Lizzy’s clever mind constantly astonishing him. She turned her head, capturing his gaze. She had that glint in her eye, the one that warned him of her penchant for teasing. “I hate to be the one to break it to you, but you're not that impressive, Duke or not."
Theo rolled his eyes, his lips grinning wide in a smile he reserved only for her. They’ve reached the end of the hall, stepping into the foyer from the second floor. Theo led them toward the staircase, walking side by side with her. Her giggle rang in his ears and he felt lighter, the Real World just a concept they’ve managed to avoid.
“The title means nothing to me if it means Lizzy’s ruin.”
Theo stood across his mother. After the initial shock of the newspapers, he rode his horse tirelessly toward Dowager House. He hadn't come for her advice, standing firmly in his decision. And candidly speaking, he supposed he feared his mother attempting to change his mind if he opened himself to discussion. No, the answer was abundantly clear.
“I love her." He declared, emotions overwhelming all his senses. He felt like a stranger to his own skin, every part of him belonging entirely to someone else. Lizzy had come into his life when he needed her the most and rewrote his entire destiny. He spent all this time thinking his fate was intertwined with Tintagel’s, that he was nothing without the people that came before him, but that was before Lizzy first smiled at him, before she spoke to him, before she showed him unadulterated kindness.
She showed him who he was, who he can be, beneath the title - because that was the man she loved.
Theo felt his eyes swell, overcome with his feelings for her. “I love her so much.” He murmured, still at a disbelief that one can possess so much love for someone. He turned away from Blanche, feeling restless. “She’s so …,” he took a deep breath, pacing back and forth, “…words can’t even begin to describe her. Extraordinary feels insufficient and perfect is too cliche.
“Lizzy. She’s… she’s …” Theo glanced at the sky— or at the low-hanging ceiling, in this case. “It’s like every single part of me was designed with the sole purpose of loving her. Without her, I’m left useless, left meaningless." He lowered his gaze, a bittersweet smile dancing on his lips. “She saw me, saw something no one ever has before. She’s the kindest person I know - an angel, in fact. And she's the least deserving person of all of this.”
“Pragmatically speaking,” Blanche muttered gently, fearing spooking her son but determined to protect his interests. “Are you certain that doing this is the best thing you can do for her?” Blanche challenged, wishing to understand.
“I’m the only one who can protect her.”
Blanche’s head tilted in confusion.
“It’s ironic, actually. Just last night I resigned myself to a life half lived. A love like Lizzy’s comes once in a lifetime, and she deserves better than me. She's so easy to love, Mother. It would have been a matter of time before she moved one to a better man; that is, before Nan exposed the affair, ruining any chance Lizzy had to a whole life.”
“We can protect her in other ways, Theo.” Blanche interjected, unable to resist the motherly instinct to solve this on his behalf.
“Don't you understand?!” He sneered, halting his pacing. He faced his mother, his brow twisted in disbelief. “If I let this happen, if I let the woman I love be ruined, than that means I’m the kind of man that places power above love. And I just can’t, I can’t do that. I refuse to be that man, and I won’t be.”
For the first time in his life, Theo didn’t feel like a little boy playing pretend. He was a man, and he was ready to protect the woman who meant the most to him. To hell with Tintagel. With his title and Nan. He didn’t want any of it. To hell with Power, that corrupting evil that threatened any chance he had for happiness.
He was ready to chose love, and fight for it.
“That’s actually more of a MP’s job.”
“Okay, so what do you do then, as Duke?” Lizzy asked, voice tinged with relentless teasing. They've been at this conversation for nearly thirty minutes, Theo poorly describing his role in the peerage. The sun have long gone set below the horizon, shrouding his art studio in pinks and purples and darkness. Their only source of light was one singular candlestick lit on the nightstand, painting half his face in gold as he held Lizzy in his arms. They didn’t have nobility in America, Lizzy’s only point of reference for power and leadership being the United States government.
“I’m important, I swear.” Theo replied with shaky conviction, enjoying the way he could make her smile by playing along with her teasing.
“Could have fooled me.” She said in jest. It’s been three days since she arrived to Tintagel, spending every waking moment with him. They were inseparable, and he wished he could lock them away from the world. For now, his studio was enough. He could pretend they were somewhere else, that the Lizzy he had in his bed wasn’t his wife’s best friend, but belonging entirely to him.
Theo smirked, glancing down at her. He caressed her cheek, a gentle touch of his fingertip, afraid of blemishing something so perfect. “It’s the highest rank of nobility.” He tried again, his attempt at explaining the convoluted system of Lords. “It’s more so a symbol, I suppose, a reminder that that England is still a monarchy, that our Queen is anointed by God. Others believe that England herself was chosen by God, and the peerage is here to perform God’s will and wield Their power.”
He himself didn’t believe that, not really. The premise of monarchy falls apart if one removes God from it. This past year, Theo’s experienced plenty of betrayal, but he also experienced the depth and warmth that love can provide. If there was a God, Theo couldn’t imagine that They would chose power over love. No God worthy of worship would allow this.
“It’s more of a ceremonial role, up to the person to determine how they wish to wield their influence.” He said in conclusion, his lips finding her neck and pressing a tender kiss to her skin.
“And how do you chose to wield it?” Lizzy’s soft murmur rang in his ear.
Of course she wouldn’t let this go, her inquisitive mind one of the things he admired the most about her. With a heavy sigh, he pulled back and gazed into her eyes. She had that look, the one that unraveled him and left him vulnerable. “I-….” He couldn’t say he’s given this much thought before, “I guess I …,” he shrugged his shoulders, “…I just want to do the least amount of harm with the power given to me.”
He's never quite phrased it that way before. It wasn’t regret that washed over him. He meant what he'd said: power such as his in the hands of another could be disastrous. It was just that the revelation caught him off guard, surprising even himself. Had he been living his whole life wrong? Suddenly he felt untethered, unbound.
Uncovered.
“I could be doing so much more. I’m nothing important, Lizzy.” He added quickly, his self-deprecation a shield. Race her to the realization that he was a fraud, that way he can be the one to unleash the truth. It’ll hurt a lot less that way when the people he cared about inevitably discover what laid beneath the surface.
She brought him out of his head, cradling his face. She forced him to look at her.
“Theo, you’re not not important.” A glimmer of understanding passed through them. Theo eyed her closely, a newfound sadness clinging to the air between them. She understood his title, his prison. “You’re a good man. And that’s rare nowadays.” This title might be a prison, a burden haunting him since birth, but he rather it be him carrying such burden than a lesser man. Lizzy seemed to agree with him too.
He felt her kiss his cheek and then her arms wrap around his neck, hugging him close. Theo hid his face against her shoulder, unsure how he was suppose to ever let her go. Their embrace carried grief, a lament for what could have been but that fate denied.
“You’re so much more than your title,” he heard her whisper. “I wish they would see that.”
“The Duke of Tintagel has an announcement.”
She’d said she should be looking for someone who was overpowering. Someone that would match her in passion and loyalty.
Theo wanted to be that man for her. He will be that man for her.
She’d been thrown to the wolves, with no power of her own to fight back, society deeming woman less than and undeserving of their own autonomy. Theo won’t allow it. His entire life, he’d sat idly on the pinnacle, opting for the role of silent spectator paralyzed by fear.
Meanwhile, Lizzy had been so brave, choosing to follow her heart despite the risks. Kissed him breathless, the Cornish sea their only witness. She saw something in him, deep and hidden as it was, that she deemed worthy enough to love.
Even tonight, despite the headlines and the newspaper and the scandal, she still came. She didn't hide, the masquerade doing nothing to conceal her courage. At the face of adversity, Lizzy fought back in her own quiet way. She could have ran away, sailed back to New York and saved as much as she could of her reputation.
Overpowering.
She wanted someone who would fight for her.
Theo was ready to fight, because that was the only way he can become even the smallest bit deserving of Lizzy Elmsworth.
“My Lords, ladies and gentlemen,” he said, stepping up to the platform beside Annabel. “As the papers have implied, these last few months, my wife and I have lived a lie.”
His entire life, he’d been so afraid to wield his power. He'd hated all of this, the balls and the never-ending chatter, the events and all the noise. It’d suffocated him until he couldn’t breathe, his studio his only respite.
Tintagel, the castle, it’d been his home, his family’s home, for centuries. But none of it meant anything if he couldn’t be with the woman he loved. She’d already sacrificed so much, rejecting a safe union in hopes of a great love to come around - a decision a young lady didn't take lightly, marriage seen as their only purpose.
“I love another.” He announced, making their love true and irreversible, the room bearing witness to his devotion. “Completely.”
His world had lost its color without her, every shade dimming opaque in protest of her absence. He thought he’d been ready to let her go, but in an earth-shattering turn of events, fate brought them together again, deeming him the only person capable of saving her.
He stood at a fork in the road, duty and love standing on opposite sides.
“From this moment on, I am no longer a duke.”