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Age 16 - Slytherin Dorms
“And then I said, ‘Mate, if you love her, just tell her!’
The crowd of Slytherin boys laughed, all but Draco, of course. Instead, the fiery blond stared at Theo with a glare of a thousand vengeful souls, his lips thinned to clearly show his disdain.
Theo’s smug smile was just the cherry on top, nearly begging Draco to erupt into a piss fit - just as the egotistic, snooty teen often did. Rage baiting his best friend never got old - and that is why Theodore Nott consistently did just that.
“So funny, Nott.” Draco sneered, his upper lip raised in a snide curl. “You’re so hilarious.”
“That I am, thank you, Draco!” Theo finally broke, snickering at himself. “And that is exactly why you keep me around.”
Draco rolled his eyes, shaking his head in disagreement. “You should've said it louder. Maybe Granger would have heard your little joke, and think it so funny as well - you know, funny enough to warrant an upper hook.”
”You would know, eh?” Theo snapped back with a crooked smirk.
Draco was nearly rampaging at this point. Theo thought it was hilarious and the people surrounding them did, too. Draco Malfoy was easy to piss off and maybe that’s exactly why Granger often did it. Something about the satisfaction of ramping him up lit a fire in Theo’s soul and he just knew that Granger felt it, too.
His day had been long. It had been exhausting. It had been… emotionally deregulating, to say the least. Upon a not-so-fantastic wake up in the shape of a howler first thing in the morning, Theo found out that his parents were divorcing.
After the shock of that had worn down, he had found himself tripping over a sneaky step he swore had never been there before, toppling to the floor with a grunt. Students around had laughed, Theo had remained in his state of humiliation for approximately two minutes, and Draco had come by to poke fun, reminding him ‘how embarrassing that must’ve been’ and absolutely was.
Later, Theo had spilled an entire cup of piping hot tea on his trousers (right onto his crotch) during Divination. Draco, again, laughed and prodded while Theo seethed a hiss, his groin feeling burnt and scalding as he casted a low drying charm to rid of the piss-like stain that he certainly needed no one to see.
So, no, Theo did not feel bad in the least as he tormented Draco about what had transpired just half hour prior. Draco, being the arrogant twat that he normally is, had apparently felt extra spicy on this day and decided to pick yet another fight with Granger.
Granger, who had been so innocently doing her homework in the library, proceeded to devastatingly school Draco while Theo watched with rising amusement. Draco had snarled an offensive comment, Granger had replied with some smart-ass argument, which caused Draco to scoff and offend her again.
The whole thing was mighty entertaining, Theo found.
Apparently, Granger knew exactly how to strike a nerve. While Draco stuck with offensive tactics, making sure to let her know just how much he despised everything about her, Granger argued defensively. She knew how to blame his seething hatred on a sick societal standard (which, was true), reminded him that he was acting a bit like his father (also, very true) and finally… she had struck the last chord.
Actually, she tore that damn chord with no mercy.
“At least I don’t go around picking fights with girls just because they piss me off,” Granger had said. “Truly shows how much of a man you are.”
And Draco roared. Not externally, of course, they were in a library! But even from the outside, Theo could see the internal rage sparking. Theo covered his mouth with a hand that held back a snort as the deafening silence allowed Granger’s words to sink in.
She was irrefutably right.
Draco growled out a low and rather pissed off “Whatever, Granger.” Before he turned swiftly around and stared at Theo for only a mere two moments, his cheekbones tinted red with fury and pupils dilated to hell. “We’ve got somewhere to be, don’t we, Nott?” He asked, teeth clenched as if stopping himself from chewing Granger right out - or, to keep himself from throwing up at the sheer amount of hatred coursing through his veins.
“Sure, mate.” Theo agreed helpfully, dropping his hand to reveal an entertained smirk. He looked past Draco and saw Granger staring at the back of Draco’s head, burning deadly holes in his skull with her murderous glare. Her chest heaved with deep breaths, surely trying to keep her cool in such a protected space (the library, you know. It’s Granger we’re on about.)
Looking back at Draco, Theo’s grin grew sharper. He stood up, reaching out a hand to signal Draco to go on, let’s get out of here, and made sure their eyes connected once more as he leaned in, dropping his voice to a low mumble. “Mate, if you love her, just tell her!”
Draco smacked his gut, Theo doubled over, and Granger huffed from her spot a distance away.
Age 17 (and a half!) - Nott Manor
”Ah,” Blaise lifted a finger at Theo, “Now, you know you’re too young for the hard stuff.”
Theo squinted his eyes, reaching for the bottle of tequila anyway. “Oh, just because you turned 18 last month does not mean you are now my father.”
“You wish I was your father.” Blaise told him with a teasing grin, “I would certainly treat your mother better.” While he found the joke quite distasteful, Theo hummed a short laugh anyway.
Popping the top of the liquor, he took a long swig straight from the mouth of the bottle while staring at Blaise. “I’m sure you would, mate.” he said with a hiss as the alcohol burned in his chest. “On the topic, I’m sure you’ve heard. My father’s scored himself a cell in Azkaban for his last little stunt.”
Blaise’s eyebrows shot up in surprise. So he had not heard.
“I beg your finest pardon?” Blaise asked, snatching the bottle from Theo to take his own slow sip. He licked his lips after, eyes casting down as he asked, “Did he hurt her again?”
“Tried to,” Theo responded shortly. He sighed out, leaning his hip on the kitchen counter. “I was there, thankfully. I stopped him. But if I hadn’t been there-“ he cut himself off, letting the absence of words tell its own story. And Blaise understood, as he always did.
A crackling poof sounded from the floo, alerting that Draco had arrived. Almost instantly, he began rambling in a quickened cadence that practically screamed that the subject was about to be: Hermione Granger.
“She thinks she knows everything.”
Draco and Granger had been paired up just before Christmas break in their Advanced Potions class. Of course, the ironic fate had been chosen by random draw but Theo secretly suspected that Snape had simply wanted to see what would happen. And truthfully, Theo could bow down to the professor for the endless entertainment he’d be given since Draco had heard the news.
“She does know everything.” Blaise decided to contradict as Draco entered the kitchen, slinging off his overcoat in annoyance and glared towards Blaise. Theo snorted, silently agreeing.
Draco’s look could quite literally kill and Theo decided to save his good mate, Blaise, by pushing the tequila bottle towards the enraged, near to losing it Draco. The blond took the bottle and side eyed Theo, “So..young Theo is joining the big dogs today with the liquor, eh?”
”I’m just a half year younger than you two twats. Merlin, you act as if you’re middle aged!” He said with a roll of his eyes, crossing his arms at the same time. “Pray tell, what don’t you think Granger knows?”
Theo secretly (not so secretly) lived for the adrenaline rush he got from that exact murderous gaze which appeared in Draco’s eyes over the tequila bottle as he drank from it. There was a sloppy popping noise as he pulled it down and he jumped to explain, “Potions! The swot claims to be well versed in just about everything, doesn’t she? Well not potions, apparently. She’s wrote me a letter-“
”Ooooh,” Theo coo’d, “A love letter?”
Blaise smacked Theo’s head and Draco snapped a quick, “Obviously not,” before continuing on, “She’s trying to justify her measurements that were atrociously incorrect, downright laughable, even. She tried to say that we’d need thirty-seven drops of horklump juice for an everlasting elixir - thirty seven!” He let out a venomous, hateful chuckle before taking another long swig of tequila.
“Have you considered the fact that she - I don’t know…may be right?” Blaise asked, snatching the bottle away from Draco with a mischievous grin.
“She isn’t.” He replied shortly, but Theo did not believe him.
“When is she wrong?” He chipped in, moving to tap his finger on his jaw in thought. “Perhaps when she punched you? No, no,” a smile crossing Theo’s face at the thought, “You deserved that. How about when she called you out for being immature? No, I do think she was right about that one, too,” he paused, giving Draco a condescending look. “And you know what they say, Draco. Third time’s a charm, she must be right!”
“How is it that my two very best lads are siding with Granger? Granger, the most insufferable swot of our generation.” Draco sneered, shifting to the side to begin preparing himself a drink amongst the liquor and mixers they’d gathered for their night together.
“We’re not blinded by lustful hate,” Theo told him, putting a hand on Draco’s shoulder. “I’ve heard that it can be quite the maddening situation to be in. Are you doing alright? Wanking enough to starve off the unrelenting hormones?”
”Sod off, Theodore.” Draco shrugged him off, mixing a drink that was 80% vodka and sure to knock him on his arse by the last sip. “Never use the term lust in a conversation about me and Granger.”
”You and Granger?” Blaise cut in, resting his own hand on Draco’s other shoulder. “Mate, I thought there was no ‘you and Granger’?”
Another swift shrug of his shoulders, Draco knocked Blaise’s hand off as well. “There isn’t.” He snarled with clenched teeth. “And I hate you both.”
Age 20 - Hog’s Head Pub
Theo had gotten himself in some… trouble, you see. It was a Saturday night (and aren’t all Saturdays meant for trouble?) Theo had found himself in a rather tense game of haunted billiards, a game he’d only played a million times. His father had taught him very few things in life; how to hunt (but of course, Theo hated killing animals), how to make a mean pot of coffee (alas, Theo hated the bitter taste) and how to crush every single wizard he met in a single game of haunted billiards (this skill he found that he adored most)
However, a trait that Theo’s father had also passed down was the universally loved act of hustling. And just as his father, Theo was good at it. The skill came in handy while at Hogwarts, where the stakes were as low as Seamus Finnegan giving him a black eye once. The skill was not as useful when he came to find out that the grown men in Hogsmeade were much older than him, far more fit than him, and certainly more intimidating than him.
Yet, Theo had done it anyway.
Now, he found himself pinned under the (massive) arm of a wizard in his 50s, spit flying from his mouth as he cursed Theo out in every language he knew. Which was a few, unfortunately. Theo’s mouth was thinly shut, his eyelids smashed closed as well to ensure that none of the rogue spit was entering into any of his orifices.
“Hey!” A shrill voice, girly but stern, called out from somewhere nearby. Theo refrained from opening his eyes, fearing that the droplets of saliva running down his forehead would travel right into his corneas. “How about you pick on someone your own size?”
And Theo could've been offended - but considering his predicament, he chose not to be.
“And what do you think you’re doing?” Another voice, the angelic sound of Draco Malfoy had chimed in from somewhere else. On Theo’s other side, he believed.
Suddenly, Theo knew exactly who had come to his rescue. Hermione Granger’s voice popped back up, “Trying to save your friend!”
The pressure on Theo’s chest from the big, burly wizard lessened and he let out a harsh breath, finally feeling the freedom of breathing once more. “Not until this prick gives us back our money.”
Theo let go of the wrist that was holding him captive, wiping away any bodily fluids on his face that wasn’t his own and opened his eyes to see Granger standing nearby and Draco just a few steps from her. Both were glaring at each other, nearly forgetting Theo’s predicament altogether.
“Whatever he’s done to be put there probably warrants his situation.” Draco told her with a ferocious smirk, “He’s not exempt from learning lessons, Granger.”
Theo looked back at the giant face in front of him which seemed to be mere seconds away from tearing Theo to shreds, then dropping both Granger and Draco over his shoulder to eat for dinner.
“Hey!” Theo called, suddenly looking over at them. “You two can argue until you shag later.”
Granger gasped while Draco crossed his arms.
“That’s disgusting!” A shrill complaint.
“Shut the fuck up, Nott.” A zesty snarl.
The large wizard loosened up further, letting Theo’s feet finally touch the floor as he released him. “Merlin, do they always do this?” He asked Theo, his anger slowly disappearing into sheer annoyance. “That’s insufferable.”
“Tell me about it.” Theo sighed out, reaching into his pocket quickly. “Here. Your money back. I’m sorry.” He shoved the hand of coins towards him, “I’ve got to stop them before they fuck right here.”
“They do that?” The burly man asked with wide eyes.
”Not yet.” Theo shook his head, “But they will.”
Free of trouble, Theo rubbed softly at the growing bruise caused by a large, wide forearm with the strength of thirty fire oxen holding him above the ground just by pressure against a wall. He walked towards the sparring duo and reached out, grabbing a hold of Draco’s shoulder to begin pulling him away.
“You don’t have to save his life. He’s a grown man. You act like you’re some martyr just because you're little friends with Potter.” He was saying, his eyes dark with hatred (or lust… Theo definitely thought it may be lust)
Granger responded without a beat, “I wouldn’t have to come save his life if you and your friends weren’t such scoundrels!”
”Scoundrels?”
”Yes. Scoundrels!”
Theo began pushing Draco, trying to get him as far away from Granger as possible. The undying tension was so thick that Theo worried he might just drown in it - along with every other innocent bystander in the Hogs Head pub. “Draco, let’s go.”
”She called us scoundrels," Draco told Theo, a serious and deadly look in his eye. He turned his head, throwing that look straight at Granger. “At least we are not snobbish swots. You’re enough of one that there’s no more swot openings left!”
“Swot openings?” Granger screeched, stepping forward to diminish all and any space Theo had created between the two.
”Yes. Swot openings!”
Theo groaned, dropping a hand over his eyes as the arguing continued. And continued. And continued.
Age 21 - Pansy and Neville Longbottom’s Wedding
Attending your ex’s wedding is never a delight. Theo had (somehow) received an invite to the ‘wedding of the season’ just a few months prior. In bold cursive lettering, Theo had read the words ‘Pansy,’ ‘Neville’ and ‘Marriage’ and nearly threw up in his mouth. Since when were people his age getting married? And since when were his ex and Longbottom going steady? Merlin, he felt so out of the damn loop.
Draco had merely laughed at Theo, telling him that the clock was now ticking on his own marriage timeline. “Remember, Theodore, you always said you wanted to marry young.”
Blaise had rubbed it in his face, the invite shoved in front of Theo’s eyes. “I’ll write that we’ll all be in attendance for our dear friend, Pansy. Even her dim witted, emotionally stunted ex-boyfriend, Theodore Nott.”
“My emotions are no longer stunted, thank you for your concern, Blaise.” Theo told him icily, pushing the invitation away from his face. “Please, have some decency.”
”And when, Theodore, has Blaise ever shown a shred of decency?” Draco asked with a snicker.
Truly, Theo thought to himself, he never, ever had.
And that is why Theo showed up to the wedding after Blaise Zabini, before Draco Malfoy and apparently entirely at the wrong moment.
He’d entered into the tall, lavish castle hall that was flooded with witches and wizards of all ages. Theo immediately recognized a few Slytherin girls that he’d tried to shack up with in seventh year, whispering amongst themselves in a row near the back. Just in front of them sat the Golden Trio dressed to the nines.
Harry Potter wore a dark brown suit as he sat next to a redhead that Theo vaguely understood was a Weasley. Next to her, Ron Weasley had an arm wrapped protectively around Hermione Granger and Theo wondered just what that could possibly mean.
Theo, unfortunately, found himself walking towards the group. If two of their friends were marrying, then maybe being cordial with the Chosen One, The Weasel, and Hermione Damn Granger wasn’t the worst thing in the world.
“Hello, there, Gryffindors!” Theo greeted with a mighty smile as he approached.
Not a single one of them smiled back.
But Theo persisted on. “Is anyone sitting there?” He asked, pointing at the empty chair next to Granger. “I won’t stay for long, of course. Just stopping for a friendly chat!”
All four blank stares told him everything that he should’ve listened to - but rather, didn’t care to. So he sat anyway, taking a slow (and obvious) look at the freckled hand that was placed over Granger’s shoulder before looking down the line of Gryffindors.
“Dress up nicely, you all do.” He told them, knowing that the best way to enter an unfamiliar territory is with a compliment.
“Thanks.” Weasley said shortly. His stare was unfriendly and cold, much like Draco’s normally was. However, the look coming from a redhead was much less frightening. “Theodore, right?”
”Correct.” Theo reached out a hand for a shake but not a single soul moved to shake it. “Right.” He cleared his throat, taking his hand back with whatever dignity he still held. He continued, locking eyes with Harry Potter. “I heard about your promotion, Potter. That’s a nice new title you’ve got, eh?”
“It’s alright,” Potter replied slowly. “Must’ve heard from Malfoy?”
”Oh yeah.” Theo mused, letting himself drop into the back of his chair, letting a content sigh fall out. “It pissed him right off. I love when he gets all pissy. Don’t you, Granger?”
Granger’s eyes flashed as he smirked menacingly towards her. “What?” She asked with a laser-sharp edge in her tone.
“You know, the way he gets a bit red in the cheeks? And the way he messes up his pristine hair by raking those long fingers through it? It’s quite endearing, don’t you think?”
“Oi,” Weasley interjected, snaking around the front of Granger to look directly at Theo. “I don’t know what you’re trying to do but it’s unnecessary.”
”I’m not trying to do anything, Weasley.” Theo shrugged cluelessly, crossing one leg casually over the other. “I just know that no one fights with Draco as much as I do besides Granger. She must get some kind of enjoyment from it. That’s why I do it!”
”Enjoyment? From Malfoy?” Weasley nearly bellowed, his freckles turned light against the red on his cheeks. Theo was loving this interaction far, far too much. Weasley shook his head, “Whatever weird thing you’ve got for Malfoy has nothing to do with us. Why don’t you just sod off? Go find your enjoyment. Surely he’ll be here any minute.”
”Oh yes, any minute.” Theo nodded, carefree as ever and making no movements to leave just yet. He did, however, tap the hand that was wrapped around Granger. “You better keep this arm wrapped about her, mate. Once Draco’s here, there’s no telling where you’ll find them arguing over whether or not cake should be served at a wedding.”
“Alright, Nott, that’s enough.” Granger spoke up then, using her eyes as deadly warning daggers at him. “You can go.”
”Fine. I’ll go.” Theo said then, slowly taking a stand as he looked each Gryffindor in the eye for a moment. He landed back on Granger and gave her a parting head tilt, “Until the next time I have to drag Draco away from you.”
With that, her eyes turned murderous and her boyfriend turned a filthy color of red.
When Draco arrived, Theo watched him take a shot of firewhisky (before the ceremony, mind you), make sure Weasley’s arm was still wrapped around Granger more times than he had fingers to keep track of, and explain to Blaise exactly what was wrong with the idea of Granger dating Weasley (something about ignorant red headed children and the bane of his existence, you know… casually)
If Theo were a gambling man - which… he wasn’t any more, given that the past few times had ended with injuries to the head and groins - he’d bet on Draco finally snapping, saying something a bit too snarky, and getting the shit beat out of him by two golden Gryffindors with one worried Granger trying to break it up.
Theo wondered if the Weasley girl would stand to the side and laugh along with him? She looked like she was capable of harboring a great sense of humor, like himself.
The moment actually came later than Theo anticipated. Draco had held himself together until after the ceremony, after the cake cutting (in which, Draco mumbled to him that he, again, deemed a cake completely unnecessary), and even after the first dances.
Draco was nearly imploding from the ache of holding his hatred (lust) inside. When Theo had taken glances at him throughout the night, Draco had been staring at the table with vacant eyes - a tell that Theo had come to learn meant very bad things.
Things such as wrecking the entire dorm room because he had received a low grade in Transfiguration year three and feared his father’s reaction. Things such as tearing apart every parchment of his homework the time he realized that his thesis for his Dark Arts essay was actually completely invalid. You know, angry Draco things.
Theo felt a sudden rush of adrenaline for whatever may result from Draco Malfoy’s devastating realization that Hermione Granger was dating Ron Weasley. It was about to get really, really good.
And in a blessing from the gods, Draco exploded the moment that Weasley took Granger onto the dance floor and Theo was there to right there witness it. “Weasley?” He scoffed at both Theo and Blaise, “She’s really getting with Weasley?”
Theo covered his mouth to hold back his growing amusement while Blaise took the bait and egged him on. “Obviously. It has been glaringly obvious since Potter and the sister got engaged."
Draco seemed close to losing all of it. His mind, his self control, his dignity. “It’s ridiculous! Granger and Weasel.” He huffed a mean laugh. “What a horrible pair. Gods - I don’t even want to think about it.”
”Sure you don’t.” Blaise mumbled under his breath while Theo took the reigns of conversation.
”Don’t want to think about what, Draco? You don’t want to think about them… making wonderful, Weasley love?” Theo asked with a menacing grin, causing Blaise to let out a thunderous laugh.
At the same time, Draco physically recoiled at the idea. “Fuck off, Nott. That’s gross. Disgusting, even. Don’t ever say that term again.”
“What?” Theo asked innocently. “Weasley love? I thought you’d like that one!”
“Fuck. Off.”
”Come on, Theo, grow up!” Blaise scolded but still let out his own laugh. Draco huffed in annoyance, turning his head to glare childishly at the dancing duo on the floor.
Granger looked… well, ethereal. And Theo doesn't use that term lightly.
Her dress was seafoam green, short but with a white petticoat under. She looked like some mermaid-goddess-ballerina, and Theo knew for a fact that Draco thought the same.
Okay, well maybe not the exact same.
“They look terrible.” Draco stated. “Gods awful, really.”
”Well, Granger looks fantastic.” Theo said, watching the girl spin just a bit messily with Weasley’s lead.
And Blaise continued for him, “Weasley looks homeless.”
Draco turned back to face them, his eyes fiery. “They both look terrible.”
“Is that so?” Theo asked, leaning back into his chair as he stared at Draco.
”It is.”
”it is?” Blaise continued to prod.
Draco huffed, "Certainly. And I think I’ll go tell them just that.” With that, his chair screeched as he promptly stood up. The song came to a close simultaneously and the noise was far too loud. As Draco collected the attention of more than a few wedding guests, Theo’s eyes begged his hands to cover his sight but his soul insisted on watching whatever mess was about to go down.
Blaise looked at him in that last moment, a spark of oh fuck in his eye. Theo felt himself smirk in anticipation, turning back to watch Draco book it towards the table of Gryffindors, including the trio, Finnegan and a few others. Theo braced for the worst and simultaneously prayed for it.
“Lovely dance, Weasley. Where’d you learn it? Little Scouts Club?”
Theo let out an ‘oooh,’ at the diss, knowing full well that Ronald Weasley absolutely would've been in the Little Scouts Club.
“Not here, Malfoy.” Granger, who hadn’t even had a chance to sit down yet, stood between him and Weasley. Theo adjusted himself in his seat, feet flat on the ground in preparation of getting involved - if it came down to the worst.
“What do ya mean, Malfoy? Just say it. What exactly did you come over here to say?” Weasley responded with fury, his red complexion deepening. Granger rose a hand to his chest, lowly telling him to cut it out.
Potter stood from his spot at the table, “Leave them alone, Malfoy.”
Draco chose to ignore Potter, looking down at Granger who stood just a few spaces away. He seemed to battle with his words for only a moment before spitting out, “Weasley? Really?”
“What are you on about?” Granger asked, raising her arms up with frustration. Theo rose his eyebrows, sending a glance towards Blaise who gave a similar look of ‘holy fuck’ back.
“Draco Malfoy!” The screech came from a voice Theo knew far too well, as he’d been cursed at many times by the same exact shrill.
Pansy Parkinson - well, Longbottom - was stomping her way towards the chaos in a white fitted wedding dress, her veil soaring in the air behind her. Her new husband remained in his dinner seat with wide eyes, surely stressed for the recipients of Pansy’s wrath (because Theo sure was)
Despite the pure fear he felt for Draco, he also felt excited as Pansy approached her lifelong friend, Draco Malfoy. The tea just got piping.
“What the ever-living-fuck do you think youre doing?” Pansy asked as she hurried towards Draco, immediately grabbing his ear between her pointy fingers. She looked towards Granger and Weasley as Draco barked out an ‘ow,’ and put on a fake, show stopping smile. “Pardon us. So many apologies for his behavior. He won’t bother you again tonight, I promise.”
Theo covered his mouth as he watched in awe, the entire reception being halted because of Draco Malfoy’s stupidity. It was better than any show that his mother had taken him to see, better than any book he had read. This had been a complete goldmine.
Pansy used the ear she held to drag Draco away, her face twisted in pure fury. If Theo had been in her line of vision, he might’ve totally pissed himself. Blaise was snickering before Draco had even disappeared with the angry bride and Theo couldn’t stop himself from laughing, too.
“Ah,” Theo sighed out, “It truly never gets old.”
Blaise shook his head. “I dearly hope we’re there the moment he realizes.”
”I hope we have front row seats.”
Age 24 - Draco’s flat
Theo floo’d to Draco’s flat the moment he saw the headline. He found Draco with a bottle of firewhiskey in one hand, the Daily Prophet in the other as he sat at the kitchen table.
“Ah,” Theo started, feeling his body heat adjust to the warmth of Draco’s flat as opposed to the chilly morning air. “You saw?”
”Obviously.” Draco replied, “And I’m drinking because my brain can’t handle the sheer stupidity of it.”
”Right.” Theo nodded, moving to take a seat opposite of Draco at the table.
”Not to mention, it’s an awful ring! The shape? The size?” He scoffed, shaking his head.
Theo looked at Draco then, letting his eyes linger on the liquor he was drinking at ten in the morning. “You’re drinking straight firewhiskey because… Weasley proposed to Granger with an…ugly ring?”
”Yes.” Draco stated, as if what Theo just said wasn’t completely bonkers.
“Right.” Theo said once more, slow and deliberate. “You know… this sort of looks like - I don’t know… jealousy?” He tried with a shrug.
“Jeal- no.” Draco stopped, straightening his position in his seat as he set the bottle (half empty) down and dropped the Daily Prophet to the table. “You think I’m sitting here drinking because I’m, what? Jealous?”
Theo nodded.
Draco scoffed.
“Draco,” Theo started, “you’re drinking liquor at ten in the morning. While holding the headline announcing that the girl you’ve always wanted is suddenly engaged-“
He interrupted with another scoff. “Right. Girl I’ve always wanted? And what could you possibly mean by that? You’re saying - what? That I want Granger?”
And when Theo thinned his lips, Draco barked a laugh in disbelief.
“You’re an idiot, Nott. Thinking I want Granger!” Draco shook his head before taking a long sip of firewhiskey straight from the bottle, just like the early days of the boys drinking their woes away together. For as long as they’ve been cracking open liquor bottles to share, Draco Malfoy had wanted Hermione Granger.
Draco continued, “Nobody wants Granger.”
”Obviously Weasley does.” Theo brought back up, knowing that Draco would hate that he did.
And just as expected, Draco threw him a venomous glare. “If he truly wanted her, he’d have spent more money on the ring.”
”Merlin, you’re the worst.” Theo told him, snatching the bottle of liquor away from Draco. “I didn’t judge you when you couldn’t understand at the age of sixteen, but Draco, lad, we are grown.” He took his own swig of the bottle.
”Couldn’t understand what?” Draco growled slowly, clenching his teeth as if to bite back every horrid thing he wanted to say to Theo - or simply, clenching to keep from literally biting Theo’s head off. Which, Theo recognized, was a very likely possibility in the ocean of confrontation that he’s guiding Draco into.
Theo shrugged, coming off as nonchalant and aloof to hopefully ease the blow of his words. “Your feelings, of course. For Granger.” He then moved to push the liquor back into Draco’s hand. The wizard’s eyes began to grow scarily vacant, ready to snap. ”That you may or may not have!” Theo corrected quickly, hiding a smirk that would reveal how much he thought knew that Draco absolutely had feelings for Hermione Granger.
“I do not have feelings for Granger.” Draco declared with a thick, dripping hate in his tone that Theo hadn’t heard from him in years.
“Then why do you care if she marries Weasley?” Theo asked politely, a kind smile on his face that hid his true intentions; breaking down the barrier that is Draco Malfoy’s ego, causing him to lose all control of himself and realize that literally all along he has, indeed, wanted Granger.
Draco shook his head, “You’re out of your mind, Nott. Completely lost it, haven’t you?”
”I’m just as sane as any day.” Theo told him, “Listen, mate. I’ve always said it. If you love her-“
”Merlin, Theo! I don’t bloody love her.” He interrupted, his voice sharp and defiant. “She’s a slimy little swot that makes horrible life decisions such as being friends with Potter and marrying Weasley. Truly, what is she thinking?”
”If not Weasley, Draco, who should she marry?” Theo asked, leaning onto the table to stare at him. “That sleazeball McLaggen she went with for a while? How about Quidditch all-star Krum - how about him, Draco?”
Draco’s eyes grew angrier with each word that Theo said, which only told him to keep going- and Theo certainly wasn’t finished.
”Oh, I know!” He continued obnoxiously, raising a single finger. “Potter breaks it off with the sister and marries Granger! Or - better yet, Draco, Granger marries the sister!”
”No.” Draco snapped, “Merlin, you’re so annoying. Why are you even here?”
”Because I somehow knew that you’d be drinking your sad, jealous life away at your kitchen table.” Theo explained in all honesty, because yes, that’s exactly what he pictured when he read the news. He hesitated, then continued. “And please, if you feel like you’re close to realizing your feelings, let me notify Blaise because he said he wanted to be here when it happened.”
”I don’t have feelings for Granger!’
”Right, right.” Theo nodded. He sighed out, crossing his leg over his thigh as he settled in. “The ring, then? I hear it’s hideous.”
”Downright pitiful.”
Age 27 - The Longbottom Estate
Sometime in the spring, they were celebrating Elsie Longbottom’s third birthday. The child of Pansy and Neville ran around in a princess dress and tiara, clumsily chasing after the Potter toddler that had just begun to walk - well, waddle.
Theo sat next to Draco, Draco next to Blaise, and Pansy across from them. Her eyes were swollen and the dark circles underneath never truly went away anymore. She rubbed her pregnant belly, the exact belly that held yet another Longbottom baby and groaned, “Being pregnant sucks.”
”Yeah, you look terrible.” Theo chipped, receiving a spiteful glare from Pansy.
“Thanks, Theo.” She bit out, rolling her eyes. She then looked towards Draco, “Hermione will be here any time. Are you going to be able to control yourself?”
Draco squinted his eyes as he crossed his arms in defiance of any (well deserved) accusations. “It was one time.”
”It was my wedding!”
He sighed sharply, “Whatever. I’ll behave. No more yelling at Weasley - got it.”
”Oh, no.” She waved offhandedly. “Ron is not coming.”
”Not coming?” Blaise asked with an eyebrow raise of curiosity.
“Is he ill? Terminally?” Draco asked, not even hiding the glimmer of hope threading in his voice.
Pansy scoffed, taking in the pathetic woes that Draco Malfoy exhaled on the daily. “No, you moron. I don’t mean to gossip,” Which, Theo thought to himself, was not true because she always meant to gossip, “But Harry let it slip to Neville that there was talk of divorce with those two.”
“Divorce?” Draco asked first and Theo wondered how he still did not understand the depth and truth of why he was so caught up on Hermione Granger’s life? He huffed a pretentious laugh, “I knew she wouldn’t last with him. The irony. It’s beautiful, isn’t it?”
And weirdly enough, Draco seemed to be happy for the first time in quite some time.
When Granger had arrived not even ten minutes later, Pansy rushed from their table to go and greet her. All three boys turned in their chairs to see the girl who showed up a lá carte - lacking a certain Weasel as her side.
”Now’s your time, mate.” Theo said, patting Draco on the back.
“Fuck off.” He responded.
“Not until you fuck her.” Argued Theo, smiling in pride at his word play. Draco nearly raged at his words, though, whipping his head to stare at him in shock. Theo held back a teasing laugh and shrugged softly, ”What?”
Suddenly, Pansy’s voice sounded near them. “I’m sure he has something very important to say. Draco, dear, don’t you have something to say to Hermione?”
All three boys looked up to see Pansy and Granger once more, this time just a couple of steps away. Theo’s eyebrows raised with surprise as Draco froze in panic next to him.
“Granger!” Blaise jumped in, “How good it is to see you.”
The witch seemed just as uncomfortable as Draco in this forced situation and Theo ate it up. In fact, he may just box this whole wedding meal up for later because this interaction will feel him plenty.
“Right, you too.” Granger replied, sounding only a bit honest.
“Draco,” Pansy said through clenched teeth yet a forced bright smile on her face. “Don’t you have something to say to Hermione?”
Draco was emitting radioactive waves of hatred and Theo felt the passing vibes raise the hairs on his arm. Draco Malfoy was absolutely, irrefutably about to lose it. He balled the hands that were resting on his thighs into white knuckled fists and slowly cocked his head to the side.
After Pansy somehow released similar waves towards Draco, causing the bloke to shift in his seat and finally make eye contact with Granger. Theo noted that there certainly was a shift in the air the moment they locked eyes.
Okay, so maybe Theo had read one too many romance novels. Maybe even a few too many. But he was not imagining this stuff!
“No.” Draco suddenly said and Theo nearly let out a choked noise of surprise. “I’m sorry to you, Pansy for ruining your wedding. I am not sorry for what I said.”
Granger seemed to suddenly ignite like a fiery match to a dry wick.
“For what you said? What was it that you said, Malfoy? Because still, after all this time, I have no idea what you were even on about!”
Draco took this opportunity to stand up as well and Pansy pushed her way in between the duo. “No, no! We are not starting this again!”
But Draco didn’t even pay the obstruction any mind as he dished out, “Where’s Weasley tonight, Granger? Did you leave him at home? Did you break it off? Where might he be?”
“Draco!” Pansy hissed, turning towards him.
“It’s none of your business, now is it, Malfoy?”
“Hermione, stop.” Pansy turned once more to face Granger.
Theo and Blaise shared their favorite glance; holy fuck!
Draco continued over Pansy’s head once more, “Don’t tell me it’s over, Granger. Please, I’ll be in a fit of laughter all night!”
Pansy turned to scold him, but Hermione instantly sucked in a breath to go on and Pansy gave up entirely, looking towards Theo and Blaise for help. However, both were far too entertained to ever even consider putting a halt on whatever the fuck was going on between those two.
“As a matter of fact, it is over.” Granger said with a deep venom, her eyebrows furrowing with anger at him. “Go ahead, then, laugh!”
And Draco did, a hearty laugh from the bottom of his belly. Granger looked capable of murder. Pansy ducked out of the way at the exact right moment.
“You’re the worst, most disrespectful prat I’ve ever known!”
”And you’re the most aggravating swot that I’ve ever had the displeasure of knowing.”
“Well, you’re so hateful that it makes you horrid and ugly.”
”At least I know how to take care of my hair. Seriously, what are you doing with your hair?”
Pansy took a seat in Draco’s empty one, throwing pleading eyes to Theo. “Make them stop!” She requested, “It’s my child’s birthday party, for crying out loud.”
”No way,” Theo shook his head. “This is it.”
”No.” Blaise gasped. “You think?”
”What? What is it?” Pansy asked shrilly, leaning towards them.”What are you talking about? Why can’t we put a stop to this? Please, just answer-“
Then it happened.
Just like this:
Draco was there, tall and intimidating as he towered over her. He came indecently close with each word he spoke, pulling the strings of growing tension between them taught. Hermione stood firm, her arms crossed with a hip out as her eyes lit up with a passionate fire behind them. She told him off, something about disrespect and right foul git - but right before she had the chance to call him a motherfucker (well, Theo assumed that’s what she was about to call him), Draco had grabbed her face, pulling her into an earth shaking kiss that left every mouth at the table dropping in surprise.
The world stopped turning for a moment, Theo was absolutely sure of it. He cosmically felt the stars align, the timelines collapse, and suddenly, all was right in the world. Draco Malfoy had kissed Hermione Granger and the world rejoiced.
Well, Theo rejoiced.
Age 30 - Fairy Falls Wedding Venue
Theo straightened his bow tie, cleared his throat and ran a nervous hand through his hair. Finally, the fruits of his labor had bloomed. He was literally moments from officiating his very best friend’s wedding to the girl that he’d loved for over a decade - a beautiful decade where Theo had been right all along.
He’d been lucky enough to witness those two people learn to accept the feeling that they’d mistook for hatred had all along been, as Theo claimed, lust. They finally realized that the insufferable amount of insane chemistry and unforgiving sexual tension they had was far superior to anything they had experienced before (Theo was paraphrasing) He was also unlucky enough to have walked into previously mentioned chemistry and tension as it was being released on Draco’s living room couch.
And when he had those two lovebirds standing in front of him now, hands clasped as they said their vows, Theo felt pulled to take all credit. Because, well-
“And as a wiseman once told me,” Draco read from the parchment that held his vows and shared a quick glance with Theo before continuing, “If you love her, just tell her… so Hermione Granger, I love you.”
And Theo lived happily ever after.