Chapter Text
They'd agreed that this was the best choice for both of them, to be as separate as possible before they destroyed each other. However, this wasn't the easy task that Charlie Dalton was hoping it would be.
Seeing Richard Cameron again was always a shock to the system; he spent every spare moment he had trying to convince himself that the man didn't exist, that what had happened between them was all in his head. They'd still been in school and that felt like a million years ago now they'd all graduated college, but it couldn't excuse the random hookups throughout every semester, the primal need they had for each other the minute they got close, the way Charlie was ready to devour his own soul for even a second with Richard. Of course, he'd never admit any of this. On the outside, he was his normal cool, go-with-the-flow self. On the inside, he was burning so hot he worried he might combust.
Their problems had never been physical; in that department they fit like puzzle pieces, perfectly made for each other. The issues they had were because they were too opposite, too different as people to ever work as a couple. Charlie had convinced himself long ago that the sex was worth the aching Cameron left after he was gone, but he was starting to doubt his own convictions. They were both too stubborn and stupid about each other to even try to make things work.
Todd and Neil's engagement was a joyous occasion for everyone. Both the boys' mothers were there, which had been a shock to everyone; no one said anything but they all knew Todd's mother wouldn't fare well when she went home. Of course, Mr Perry and Mr Anderson had point blank refused to come but, thankfully, they hadn't been invited anyway.
"What's eating at you, Dalton?" Meeks asked, his voice low as he swilled the rum in his glass.
"Why would you assume something's wrong, Stephen?"
"Oh come on, Charlie! You're watching the door like you're expecting Death to come riding in on his pale horse."
Charlie snorted a laugh and shook his head, throwing back the rest of his whisky with a wince. Meeks had no idea how accurate that was to how he was feeling. Running a hand through chestnut locks, Charlie kept his gaze on the floor. He knew the minute Cameron walked in, he was going to unravel in front of everyone. It had been six months since their last tryst and Charlie thought about it constantly, probably more than he should. The image of flesh on flesh and the noises Richard managed to tear out of him had heat pooling in the pit of his stomach; he was never going to get through tonight.
He was stood with Todd when it happened, the thrill of making the man blush fading the minute the door closed.
"Sorry I'm late, guys. Work was crazy!"
Charlie forgot how to move, how to breathe, as everyone went to greet Richard, the brunette squeezing his eyes closed as he attempted to prepare himself for the inevitable. He felt Stephen squeeze his shoulder as he passed, the pity in the gesture making Charlie cringe. He wasn't sure how long it had been when he was finally pulled back to reality.
"Good to see you, Dalton."
Lifting his head, he offered Cameron the most sincere smile he could manage, holding out his hand to the man. His skin seared as Richard took it, his fingers tightening unnecessarily around Charlie"s fingers. Their gaze caught, green on hazel, and he almost forgot where they were, that they were surrounded by their friends and friends' families. In that moment, all he wanted was for Richard to pin him to the wall and ruin him. From the heat the flickered across Cameron's eyes, the feeling was mutual.
"What you drinking, Rich?" Pitts called from the other side of the room, Richard snatching his hand back too quickly. "The usual?"
"Yes please, man."
With a brief nod, he left Charlie standing alone, staring at his hand and contemplating how deep this emptiness was going to fester.
"I still can't believe you did that to him, Puck," Charlie grinned and shook his head, the others laughing as poor Todd's cheeks flushed brighter and brighter.
"What?" Neil's feigned innocence fooled no one. "It was the last performance of the show!"
"You didn't have to ask me whilst you were on stage, Neil," Todd muttered, pulling his sweater over his head to hide his face.
Neil beamed as he kissed his fiancé's cheek as best as he was able to through wool. Charlie was so happy for them, especially after they'd almost lost Neil the night of the play. If Todd hadn't suddenly grown a set of balls, who knows what might have happened?
Cameron's gaze was piercing a hole in his head, no matter how he tried to ignore it, tried to ignore him, but it was near impossible. It's like Charlie's eyes wanted to betray him, to look back and let Richard consume him. He was suffocating and if he didn't get out of the damn room soon, he was worried he might choke. He finished his drink in three chugs and slammed the glass harder than he intended onto the coffee table as he stood.
"Everything good, Ace?" Neil's brow furrowed in worry as Charlie swayed.
"Just hot, need some fresh air." Charlie gave his best friend a tight smile, his eyes finally finding Richard before he made his escape through the front door.
The cold winter air was a welcome relief, smacking the heat and delirium out of him, Charlie sucking down a lungful as his head cleared. This had been the right call; distancing himself from Cameron was the best thing, that way he could get his thoughts straight. If he wanted to get through tonight unscathed, he needed a plan. More than just avoidance, he needed to put up clear boundaries. He wasn't to be left alone with Richard for a moment, especially not somewhere away from the others; god knows what might happen if they stumbled into the bathroom at the same time or something. He needed to talk to Meeks or Knox; they'd make sure he kept to the promises he was making to himself. His wing-men; he wasn't bothering Neil with this at his party.
Unfortunately, all of his planning went out of the window as he turned around, Richard standing mere feet away from him. The tension filled the space between them, Cameron unable to look at him, neither of man wanting to be the first to break the silence. It was almost painful.
"Is this how it's gonna be between us now, Dalton?"
"Now? It's away been like this, Cameron. Don't expect it to change anytime soon."
Charlie pushed past him, hands in his pockets, but Richard grabbed the top of his arm, fingers gripping painfully against leather.
"We can't keep doing this."
"Doing what?" Charlie spat, desperate to be away from him.
"I need you, Charlie. Has that really not sunken into that thick fucking skull of yours yet?"
The world stopped turning. Time meant nothing to him anymore. This is exactly what he hadn't wanted. This is why they couldn't be alone together. The minute they were, Richard started making ridiculous claims like this and Charlie almost swallowed his tongue denying he felt the same. It wouldn't work; they were too different.
"You don't know what the fuck your talking about. Now, let me go."
The threat in Charlie's tone was normally enough to get anyone to back off, but not Cameron. Cameron knew him too well, knew his ticks and what ate at him. Knew that the way he was holding onto Charlie was like a lifeline for the smaller man, Charlie's fingers twitching against the urge to grab the redhead the same way.
"Why are you so afraid of your own feelings?"
"You think that's my fucking problem?" Charlie retorted, probably louder than he ought to, his eyes shining with fury as he turned on the man. "You think I'm scared of my feelings? Get over yourself, Richard."
"Then what's the problem?" Cameron asked, his voice cool and level. "Why don't you grow up so we can finally have an adult conversation?"
Fighting back tears, Charlie laughed, an ugly, raw sound that dragged itself out of him.
"An adult conversation. Okay, Cameron, let's do this," Part of him relished the glimmer of shock that flashed across Richard's face, Charlie too riled up to stop himself spilling his guts. "My feelings aren't what I'm afraid of; you are."
Silence encompassed them again and Richard stood, dumbfounded. Charlie refused to give him a second.
"So, yeah. That's why I can't do this. Because feeling like this is destroying me. I am begging you, Richard," Charlie swallowed his pride, struggling to form his next sentence. "Please… please don't make me chose between loving you and surviving you."
The weight of those words hit Cameron like a truck. He felt winded, like he might keel over if he tried to comprehend what Charlie's statement meant. How was he supposed to take that? That Charlie couldn't love him without… what?
"What… what do you mean? I don't understand."
"Who's not getting shit through his thick skull now?" Charlie snapped, hands on his hips as he paced. "We can't work, Richard! We both know that!"
"No, you're making assumptions because you're scared-!"
"Of course I'm fucking scared! Don't you get it? We're fire and ice, up and down, right and wrong. We don't work together. You can't force magnets together if they're polar opposites!"
Cameron was amazed that Charlie had remembered that; it was something he'd taught him whilst they were studying for their science exams. The way Charlie spelled it out, bluntly and to the point, left Richard with a hollow feeling, because he knew the man was right. They couldn't work; they'd destroy each other eventually. They already had so many times.
But if that were completely true, why couldn't they stop this?
"Magnets aren't always forced apart, Dalton. Not if you do it right."
"What does that even mean, Richard?" Charlie's fingers brushed through his hair in frustration, Cameron unable to stop the fluttering in his stomach as he watched; god, he'd missed grabbing Charlie's hair.
"It means this can work if we do it right. C'mon, Charlie," Richard closed the distance between them and grabbed Charlie's hips to keep him still, the shorter man freezing at his touch. "Why can't we just try?"
"Remove your hands. Now."
"No," Cameron's brow furrowed as he held on tighter. "Not until we talk about this!"
"I'm warning you, Richard-."
"Will you stop being such a-!"
Pain exploded through his nose, Charlie staggering backwards as Richard clutched his throbbing nose.
"Why can't you just be a fucking normal human being?" he shouted, glaring at Charlie as he sniffed.
"Fuck you, Cameron."
With that, Charlie stormed back inside, slamming the door behind him. Evidently, their conversation was over.
Once he was sure that he wasn't bleeding, Cameron made his way inside, closing the door quietly. Thankfully, everyone was too wrapped up in conversation to notice him approach. Loosening his tie, he skulked to the bar cart and poured himself a hearty rum and coke; he was watching Charlie talk to Knox in the corner, gesturing wildly with his arms. He couldn't believe Dalton had the audacity to be affronted when Cameron was the one who was injured in the exchange.
"Went that well, huh?"
Pitts sidled up beside him, the gentle giant leaning against the wall and circling his nose.
"Don't know what you're talking about, Gerard."
"Of course you don't," Pitts smiled at him, the same, stupid smile that meant Cameron couldn't stay mad at him if he tried. "That's why Dalton's over talking to Knoxious. Because you don't know what I'm talking about."
A sigh escaped him as he leaned beside his friend, staring at the amber liquid in his glass. He hated that Pitts was so observant sometimes; it was a trait they didn't give the man enough credit for. That, or Nathan had made him more aware of things.
"I don't know what he wants from me, Pittsie," Cameron frowned, hating to be vulnerable in any capacity; he always found he could with Gerard, though. "He wants me to be honest with him, so I am and he doesn't want it. I lie, because he makes out it'll make things easier, then he gets more fucking angry." Another sigh, a shake of the head, and Cameron took a large swig. "I swear things weren't this complicated in school."
"Oh, they were. You just didn't realise." Pitts said very matter-of-factly. Richard stared at him, an eyebrow raised, and his friend shrugged. "Steve's really good at figuring out what's going on with people; besides, Dalton told him everything, and then he told me everything. I told Nathan, just because I didn't have anyone else to talk to about it and I was confused by the whole thing."
It was Cameron's turn to blush now, his cheeks almost as red as his hair as he drank deeply. Pitts slapped his shoulder in a way that was supposed to be comforting, but it almost knocked Richard flying.
"Everything'll work itself out. You'll see."
Snorting a laugh, Cameron followed Pitts back to where the rest of their friends were talking. "Where is Nate by the way?"
"He had to work the night shift as they had an important client coming in," Pitts smile fell slightly, the giant shrugging his shoulders as if to say 'can't be helped.' "The joys of being a head chef, I guess."
Cameron chuckled, starting up conversation with Meeks as they reached him. He watched Gerard out of the corner of his, smiling softly. None of them had even realised Pitts was into Nathan; Stick as they used to call him; not even Gerard himself. The fact they'd lasted since Welton and were still blissfully in love gave Richard some kind of hope.
Hope seemed like something he was always out of these days. Days… he shook his head as his mind wandered.
Charlie Dalton had been a permanent fixture in his life and his heart since their first day at Welton. He'd hated him with the same passion that he'd loved him, but now the scales weren't as even. He'd stopped hating him a long time ago, but he didn't know how to stop loving Charlie. How do you stop loving someone like Charlie? Charlie was like the sun; burning hot and always there to brighten up everything. Cameron's whole life was drawn towards the idiot man and said idiot didn't want anything to do with him.
He still didn't understand what Charlie had meant by loving him or surviving him. Charlie had always acted pretty indifferently about the whole affair; Cameron had assumed it was just sex to Dalton. At this point he felt like he'd never know.
Before he had time to dwell on the morbid thought, Knox, Neil, and the rest came to join their conversation, Richard clamming up quickly. The moment he looked up, his eyes found Charlie's and they both know that this wasn't finished. Not by a long shot.