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The thing is all his life, he’s never really been loved like this before. Of course, his parents loved him. He was their only son, born after many years of marriage and pregnancy complications. And Wu Suo Wei knew that, even when they were busy in the fields or working a second job at nights to pay off the loans for his tuition and the farm and the old house or tending to the dilapidated home where there was always something to fix, they loved him. He never asked for their attention or explicit display of affection when he knew all they did was for him. Especially after his father’s death.
Growing up, when his mother’s every quiet action was filled with love for him, like placing more meat or sweets on his plates claiming she had diabetes or cholesterol, waking up early to warm water for his bath and make breakfast, buying him new clothes while she made do by mending hers, working multiple jobs so he didn’t have to do part-time work and could focus on his studies and saving the warmest part of the kang for him to sleep, he didn’t ask for her to be present at school event days or drop him to school everyday or spoil and dote on him when he was sad or sick and buy him fancy toys for good scores. He tried his best to be a good and filial son, reciprocate her love and show his gratitude for her. Because he knows he if asked, and she would probably shower him with affection but a part of him felt as if he was troubling her and what if it would be out of her obligation or duty. Maybe, it’s because he taught himself to never ask for love and attention or complain but read between the lines, he never questioned Yue Yue’s affections.
When the prettiest girl in his year asks him out on the basketball court with his team watching in awe of how he managed to pull this, Wu Suo Wei felt seen, admired, wanted and chosen for the first time. He would come to realise later, that it had not felt equal. So, he nodded, took her hand and did not look back. That was probably the only time he took in that relationship. After that he only ever gave – gave her whatever her extravagant lifestyle wanted, gave into whatever demand she had or mood she was in, and gave up friends who disliked her and hiw own thoughts, hobbies, food, and outfits she thought looked pathetic or annoyed her. But, it was okay because she had loved him, right? Until she hadn’t. Maybe he had asked for too much.
Sex should have been something he was looking forward with the girl he loved, except he had been terrified. What if he was too small, too quick, or too bad? Girls told each other everything, he’d heard. He spent three years of his relationship perfecting the art, putting her first, and being careful. But, she was never satisfied. And if he’s being honest, neither was he. When they broke up, she told him he was poor, ugly, stuck in a rut, and had never really loved her, but maybe the idea of her. And maybe he had.
So, when Wu Suo Wei met Chi Cheng he snapped but he hadn’t expected this response. Particularly, because Chi Cheng was the first man he had ever dated; he didn’t even know he swung that way, he had been sure he was as straight as they come. Somehow he was now happily engaged to a man he had been in relationship with for nearly 4 years.
Where he looked at him like he had hung the moon and the stars. Where he wanted him, always and everywhere. Where he loved to simply watch him sleep, or work or blow sugar figures. Where he called just because he wanted to hear his voice or see his face. Where he changed his ways just so Suo Wei would like him. Where he took his hand or wrapped an arm around his waist every time they were outside, crossing the street or idle as if, he wanted to show everyone they were together, protect him or just feel him near. Where he listened, remembered and predicted his likes and dislikes. Where he did not make him seem less for his interests and knowledge or lack thereof. Where he killed his beloved snake to save him. Where he felt the pain tenfold when Suo Wei was the one hurt. Where he fucked him like, he wanted to show him the epitome of pleasure, brand him as his and fuse them together as one being. Where he wanted to own and be owned. Where he never got angry and stayed even when Suo Wei was being unreasonable or indecisive or annoying, especially then. Where he didn’t threaten break up when things got difficult and words they didn’t mean were said. Where he felt seen, admired, wanted, chosen and like an equal. Where he felt like coming home. Where for the first time he felt like he could ask more but didn’t have to because Chi Cheng knew better than him what he needed. And not because it was his duty but just because he wanted to.
And Suo Wei was starting to want more. Because he hadn’t had friends like Xiao Shuai before. Not in a long time. And, certainly not ones he had imagined naked or touching him or touching him naked. And, Cheng Yu was like that one friend’s older brother he thought was so annoyingly cool, that everyone and their mothers loved and compared all the neighbourhood kids to, but Suo Wei secretly relished when he choose him to join his team in dodgeball or said ‘hi’ when they passed each other in school corridors. Or, that one dimpled senior in his college basketball team who captained in his final year and gave him butterflies every time he praised him or smiled at him. He pretended not to care about his affections or attention but felt a little fuzzy when Cheng Yu would flirt with him or bring him a treat or see him with Chi Cheng sharing a cigarette or when Xiao Shuai would show him one of their sexts.
Now that he thought about it, maybe he had always been a little gay. Anyway, Chi Cheng seemed to have opened the floodgates. And now, his greed, ambition, lust and capacity to love knew no limits. Not only did he find himself wanting to expand business, buy a house for him and Chi Cheng for retirement, (buy a beach maybe), wanting to top his fiancé and make it really good that Chi Cheng would beg, or wanting to try some depraved kinks but also wanting Cheng yu and Xiao Shuai to be a part of his fantasies - both sexual and ones of retirement.
But he hesitated, let the words die in his mouth, and snuffed out the thoughts and nipped the idea in the bud. Between Chi Cheng’s jealous streak, and Cheng Yu’s heartbreak from the last time he had kissed Chi Cheng and Xiao Shuai’s history, he is not sure how he could suggest it. But a part of him just knows, they would be so good together. It felt fated. It wouldn’t be so different from the usual right?
But what if this was all he was allowed, this was his limit, as full as his cup got. And if he took a bite of the apple, would he too be chased out of his heaven. Or was he the snake offering it to the others.