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The Doctor entered the kitchen and paused, in shock at the scene unfolding before him.
"Susannah Jacqueline Rose, STOP," the Doctor ordered in the sternest voice he could muster in his flustered state.
Oblivious to her full name being called, Susanna smiled happily up at her father. She chirped, "I can do hair like Nannie."
And that's why Jackie never touches my hair, the Doctor thought distractedly. Then he took a full look at the scene. Brown hair clippings all over the table. Scissors in his daughter's hand. Two-and -a-half year old Jamie Noble sitting still for a change.
His twin brother Jack piped up, "Jamie gots funny hair!"
"Susannah, put the scissors down! Do it now!"
The sternness in her father's voice scared her, and since Susannah was very rarely admonished in that tone of voice, she immediately burst into tears.
It was like a line of dominoes after that. Jamie saw his Susy crying, so he started. He put his hands on his head and tried to find his hair. Jack followed his brother and sister over the edge seconds later.
The Doctor felt like crying, but he didn't. Rose was out shopping and he had assured her things were well in hand with their lovely, brilliant daughter and their spirited twins, but really, as long as they stayed busy no one would get into trouble.
Susannah had certainly stayed busy.
"I left you for five minutes," he stammered helplessly before he put down Jack and picked up Susannah and her scissors. He hugged her and shushed her, but then set her down on the table and looked her in the eyes. "Susy. What do we cut with scissors?"
"My hair!" Jamie helpfully supplied through tears. He glanced at his half- bald son. Susannah had been efficient and fast.
"No," the Doctor said with patience he wasn't feeling, "we cut only paper."
"We cutted pipe cleaners one time with Mummy," Jack helpfully supplied.
"For argument's sake, just not hair!" the Doctor interjected. "Craft supplies are okay!"
Susannah's breath hitched. "I was doing hair like Nannie! I cut Gwennie's hair too. I had time for another customer."
He glanced down to the floor next to him. Her very lifelike, very expensive doll Gwennie indeed had significantly shorter hair. "Five minutes," the Doctor repeated. Another thought occurred to him. "How'd you get Jamie to sit still for that long?" If there was mayhem, Jack and Jamie were usually in high gear, in the middle of it all. He shook his head to clear his thoughts.
"Will Mummy be mad?" Susannah asked meekly.
"I don't know," the Doctor sighed. Likely he'd be the one to catch the brunt of her anger. Oh, then she'd want to take Jamie to her mum to sort all this out. Jackie would know all about his inability to supervise three children at once. Wizard.
Maybe he could take Jamie somewhere to sort all this out. Rose's mum would know that his hair was cut but they wouldn't have to go through Jackie to get it done.
Then he thought about the ridiculousness of a Time Lord having to sneak to get his kid's hair cut before his mother in law found out.
All these thoughts went through his head in a span of seconds, but it still didn't afford him enough time to take care of the disaster before Rose returned.
"Forgot my shopping list, so I.....oh. Oh, blimey."
The Doctor turned to face his wife. Susy burst into tears again. Jamie and Jack took that as a cue that they should renew their sobbing.
Rose strode over to Jamie, running her hand over his shorn locks. "Aw, Jamie, your poor hair." He was the twin whose hair took after the Doctor's. Dark brown, and really great.
"I was doin' hair like Nannie can!" Susannah wailed.
"We discussed scissor use," the Doctor assured his wife. "Jack dumped his cherry juice all over himself and I know how it stains to I took him to change him and throw the shirt in the washer. I was gone five minutes."
"Really?" She directed her next question to Susannah. "How'd you get Jamie to sit still for that long?" Rose asked.
"Jelly babies," Susy sobbed. The Doctor saw Rose's lips quirk into a small smile. She covered her mouth to hide it. She looked down.
"Gwennie, too! Oh, no, her hair won't grow back! Jamie's will, but not Gwennie's."
"No! It will, right?" Susannah begged. The sad look on Rose's face said it all and Susannah buried her face in her dad's neck.
"So, do we use the scissors to cut hair?" he murmured.
"No," she sniffled, muffled by the Doctor's neck.
"Lesson learned, I think," the Doctor said to Rose, who nodded.
Rose picked up Jamie. "So, Jamie, about you. I suppose we'd better head over to Mum's. Bring the jelly babies, we'll probably need 'em."
The Doctor ran a hand through his own hair, puffing out a breath. "Could we take him up the road to that Happy Clipz place? I'm sure they do excellent work despite their inability to spell. I'll overlook it this time. Really, the 'Z' for 'S' substitution doesn't bother me as much as the inappropriate use of apostrophes. If it was Clip'z, apostrophe 'z', we wouldn't set foot...."
Rose was holding up her hand, as if she was trying to physically stop his words. He trailed off. Rose shook her head. "I don't have time to haul him fifteen minutes up the road. Mum is across the yard. She has the clippers and can do it right. You wanted to leave for the Moon Festival on Beta/Delta X tomorrow. I still need to shop."
"Time machine," the Doctor argued.
"The point still stands. Allons-y, Tyler-Noble family. Mum's still home," Rose declared.
"This is my punishment, right?" The Doctor muttered. Rose rolled her eyes.
"Allons-y, Doctor," she repeated. "She's not gonna kill you."
"Can she fix Gwennie too? I didn't cut real straight," Susannah sighed.
"Bring the doll and the jelly babies," Rose ordered. The family followed.
******
It wasn't quite as bad as the Doctor had envisioned. Jackie tutted and grumbled, but she got her clippers out and started to work. Jackie still cut hair from time to time, for family and some select friends. Hairdressing was not a skill possessed by Pete's original Jackie, so they had to be discreet.
Jamie wriggled on Rose's lap, prompting a "Would you like a jelly baby?" from his father, and together they managed to get Jamie through the fear of the buzzing clippers. When it was all said and done, Jamie looked quite different. His hair was cropped close to his scalp. Jack kept side-eyeing him until Jamie leapt off of Rose's lap and started zooming around the large kitchen. Jack decided that it really was his brother, after all.
"I could take care of that mop of Jack's while we're here," Jackie suggested. Jack's thick strawberry blond curls were a point of contention between Jack's parents and grandmother.
"No!" the Doctor and Rose declared, united. Jackie rolled her eyes.
"Nannie, can you fix Gwennie?" Susannah asked in quavering voice.
"I can surely try, love. I suppose this won't be happening again?" Jackie gently asked her granddaughter.
"No, Nannie," Susannah vowed with an emphatic head shake. Jackie accepted the doll and set her on the counter.
As she began her repair job, Jackie said casually, "Well, this brings back memories."
Rose's eyebrow shot up, then she covered her face, chuckling in embarrassment. "Mum..."
"I seem to remember doing this for a small girl with brown hair...and her whole Barbie collection. Couldn't fix them. Barely fixed their owner," Jackie commented.
The Doctor grinned at Rose. Rose stuck her tongue out at the Doctor.
"Shut up," she murmured to get husband, hoping it was out of Susannah's earshot.
"We're not s'posed to say that," Susy warned.
The adults chuckled. "Do tell, Jackie, I'd love to hear what happened to the little brown haired girl," the Doctor said with a smirk.
"Well, that little girl..."
"Mummy, right?" Susannah interrupted, grinning in anticipation.
"Yes, that's right, Susy. Anyway she got ahold of my pinking shears. Grabbed her hair right here, she did," Jackie indicated a spot close to her scalp. "And whacked it off. I did what I could but she wore a side ponytail for most of 1990."
The Doctor grinned broadly at his wife, who groaned and rested her head on the table.
"I'll bet that was a picture," he said fondly, patting Rose's back.
Rose started giggling.
"It certainly was. I wish I still had those pictures to show you, Doctor. Susy looks a lot like Rose did then." Jackie smiled sadly, shaking her head. "I wonder if Mo saved all those pictures and things from our flat. I wouldn't blame her if she didn't."
Rose stood up and hugged her mother. "I'll bet she did keep it. It's okay, she did."
"And I suppose there's no use in worryin' about it now. New memories, and all. We're making some beautiful ones with all these children," Jackie mused. She eyed the doll and began to snip carefully, trying even out the hair disaster on poor Gwennie.
Tony entered the room with the grace of a freight train, exclaiming over Jamie's hair and chasing his twin nephews around.
"That we have," the Doctor murmured as his daughter crawled into his lap.
"Here we go, lovey, I think I fixed her up," Jackie told Susannah, handing the doll back to her.
"Thank you, Nannie!" Susannah exclaimed, relieved. Gwennie was now the proud owner of a chin-length bob.
"Now, Miss Susannah," Jackie said very seriously, "this is a one-time deal. No more scissors on your brothers or your dollies. Got it, Sis?"
"Oh, I won't!" Susannah vowed. "I promise!"
"Want a trim-up, Doctor? Your sideburns are a bit outta control. I could...." Jackie advanced on him with the scissors. Rose burst out laughing. He jumped up from the chair, still holding Susannah.
"Nope, no, don't think I will, thanks for asking," he yelped. Jackie snipped the air a couple of times. "That is not a good example for Susannah. We are trying to teach her appropriate scissoring skills."
"I'm just havin' you on, you plum. I can't exactly tease you about being irresponsible when I did the same thing when Rose was little. I was just gone for five minutes. Long enough to open the can of beans and put the bread in the toaster." Jackie laughed, enjoying his discomfort. She had to get a rise out of him somehow.
"Have a laugh," he muttered, still partially hiding behind his four year old.
Jackie cackled laughter as she rounded up the boys and Susannah for some snacks. Rose approached the Doctor and threw her arms around his waist. "You look so serious, Doctor. Don't beat yourself up over this. I can practically hear the self-recrimination going through your mind."
He squeezed Rose. "It was a lucky thing this could be fixed so easily. It could have been worse. It could have be something so much more serious. You sure you want to leave them alone with me again?"
"I need to go to the store, so yeah, in about ten minutes I will. Nobody got hurt, everyone's okay. You're a wonderful daddy. There's no safer place in the world than with you. All four of us know that!"
The Doctor nuzzled her hair and sighed happily.
"And y'know, Jamie's hair still reminds me of yours."
The Doctor was confused. "No, no it doesn't."
Rose kissed his forehead. "Reminds me of my first you. Loved you back then, love you so much now. So I don't really mind the hair. It'll grow back."
She gave him a brilliant grin. He couldn't help mirroring it. They both turned to watch their family, knowing they had a new family memory to retell over and over again.