Work Text:
Night descended early and rapidly on these short autumn days.
On any other day, the electric lights in their house would be clicked on one after the other as darkness spread throughout the rooms, but not today.
Today as dusk filled the living room, Ed struck a match to light the candles that had been set out.
Today, on All Soul's Day, Ed and Al lit nine candles. One for Hughes, one for Nina and Alexander. One for Fu, for Buccaneer, for Greed. One each for Yuriy and Sarah Rockbell. One for Hohenheim, and one for Trisha Elric.
Then they sat, the creaking of their chairs and the occasional crackle of the candles the only noise, and watched the flames dance and cast flickering shadows throughout the room.
Ed watched the wax soften and drip along the candles‘ sides for a while, deep in thoughts of the people they‘d lost, of the empty spaces left in their wake, of the path that had brought them here.
There was an ache deep in his gut, a burning he‘d been trying to ignore all day. Now that he was here, with no way to distract himself, it demanded his attention.
He watched Al, furtively, casting quick glances at the soft sadness etched into his profile, his thoughts written on his face plain to see—at least for Ed.
He chewed on his lips until he tasted iron. Then he opened his mouth.
“Al … Do you ever hate me?“
When he cut through the silence, Al looked up so suddenly that Ed almost wanted to draw back, and stared at him with furrowed brows. “Wha—brother, of course not! Why would I hate you?“
Ed shrugged, unable to meet his eyes. “Just, I don‘t know … because it was my stupid idea that destroyed our entire childhood.“
“Brother …” Al sighed. “We‘ve been over this. We made that decision together, both of us.“
“No, I know …” Ed kept his eyes fixed on the flickering candle flames, watching their dance. “I know you‘ve said it was your choice too, but it was my idea in the beginning, and if I'd never brought it up … you could‘ve had a relatively normal childhood.“
Al huffed and leaned back in his chair to pull his feet up on the seat and sit cross-legged. “Hardly a normal childhood“, he said, picking at his socks, “growing up orphaned, alone with my older brother, occasionally looked after by our neighbour and her granddaughter.“
Ed grimaced. “A lot more normal than what our childhood actually ended up being.“
Al laughed softly. “Fair enough. But no, of course I don‘t hate you. Do I sometimes wish it could‘ve gone different? Sure, but … when I do, I wish that Mom was still alive, that Dad hadn‘t left … not that you had never brought up the idea of human transmutation. Besides“, he tilted his head to peer at Ed, Ed could see it in his peripheral vision, “if we hadn‘t tried to bring Mom back, if you hadn‘t joined the military, if we hadn‘t done all that research … we would never have uncovered what we did. The dwarf in the flask would have gone through with his plan and not only would we in all likelihood be dead, so would be everyone we know, the entire country. It was because of us, because of you that plot was uncovered.“
Ed couldn‘t hold back a doubtful noise. “We can‘t be sure someone else wouldn‘t have figured it out even if we hadn‘t. Hohenheim was already working against it.“
Al snorted. “And Dad was an idiot and didn‘t tell anyone else about it. He wouldn‘t have been able to stop the homunculi on his own. And in hundreds of years, no one else suspected a thing, I doubt anyone would have suddenly caught wind of it in those last few months if we hadn‘t stumbled upon it.“ He reached out a hand to gently squeeze Ed‘s arm. “I know you think that choice of ours doomed us, but think about how many people it saved. Millions of them.“
“I know”, Ed whispered, “but …“
“Look at me, brother.“
Ed forced himself to tear his eyes away from the candles and look into Al‘s earnest face, the flames dancing on his features, both from the bright ghosts that had burned themselves into Ed‘s vision and the stark shadows cast by the fire.
“I don‘t regret the path that took us here”, Al said emphatically. “I don‘t regret the choices we made, because I am happy now, and I wouldn‘t have it any other way.“
Ed blinked rapidly against the sudden burning in his eyes, but couldn‘t stop the tears from crashing down his face.
“Brother …” Al unfolded himself immediately, rising from his chair to pull Ed into a firm hug.
Ed shook his head against Al‘s shoulder. “Sorry, I … I think I just really needed to hear you say that.“
Al hummed softly and pulled him closer, running a gentle hand up and down his back. After a minute or so, he pulled back a little, tilting his head again to look at Ed‘s face. “Have you been worrying about that all this time?“
Ed shrugged a little, then shook his head again. “No, not … not all the time. There‘s just … this little voice sometimes, this doubt. Especially on days like this. I …” He sighed and roughly ran a hand over his face, wiping away his stubborn tears. “I know you don‘t hate me, really, but … today, I needed to hear you say it.“
Al smiled weakly and squeezed him again. “That‘s okay. I‘ll tell you as many times as you need. I don‘t hate you, brother. Not on any level. I love you.“
Ed choked back a sob and wrapped his own arms around Al, squeezing him just as firmly. His right hand came to rest against the nape of Al‘s neck, the skin warm and soft under his fingers, the pulse strong and steady. “I love you, too.“