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Buck was usually a heavy sleeper, but that changed once he started sharing a bed with Eddie. The two were so in tune with each other it was a marvel that they hadn’t figured out how to dream share yet. Needless to say, when Eddie was having a nightmare, Buck woke up immediately. If he hadn’t, the vice-like grip on his wrist, thumb pressed to his pulse point, would’ve done it.
“Eddie?,” Buck called gently, reaching out to him in the dark.
A quiet sniffle is the only response he got. Turning onto his side, Buck frowned at Eddie, but then understood when a bolt of lightning lit up the room.
“I’m here Eds. I’m with you, I’m okay. Never better actually, because you’re here with me,” Buck promised, pulling Eddie into him. “You’re okay. I’m okay. We’re both okay.”
Eddie’s hand slid up to press into the pulse point on Buck’s neck, and Buck’s hands rubbed up and down his back.
“Okay, let’s try this instead.”
With his arms still around Eddie, Buck rolled them over so Eddie was laying on top of him. He gently maneuvered Eddie’s head so it was resting over his heart. He replaced Eddie’s hand that had been holding onto his wrist, and the other remained on his neck. One of Buck’s arms was around Eddie’s waist, and the other was carding through his hair.
“Three points of contact Eds. Very OSHA safe of us.”
That seemed to snap Eddie out of whatever funk he was in, and he laughed, his face buried in Buck’s chest.
“There you are,” Buck said softly.
“I’m sorry.”
“I’m not, I love to cuddle. Besides, I love being this close to you.”
“Yeah?,” Eddie asked, turning his head so his cheek was resting on Buck’s chest so he could look at his face.
“Yeah. It’s like when you’re a kid and you hide under your blankets from monsters. Nothing’s getting me when I’ve got Eddie Diaz around.”
“I’ll protect you,” Eddie agreed, “the same way you protect me.”
“It’s settled then. We’re both safe.”
“I don’t think I've ever been held like this,” Eddie remarked after a few minutes of silence.
“Their loss. I don’t understand how people could have you and not want you this close all the time.”
“They didn’t see me, not like you do.”
And isn’t that the truth? Eddie doesn’t think anyone has ever looked at him the way that Buck does. No one’s ever held him like Buck does. It all comes back to Buck doesn’t it?
Oh.
Oh.
Yeah, that will do it.
“I would live inside of you if I could so we’d never have to be apart,” Eddie blurted out, eyes wide with his revelation.
Buck cupped Eddie’s cheek, thumb brushing over it. He reached into Eddie’s shirt, pulling out his Saint Christopher medallion, pressing a kiss to it before tucking it back in and pressing it to Eddie’s chest.
“We can put Christopher inside of you, and then the three of us would never have to be apart ever again,” Buck replied, just as earnestly.
“We’re insane.”
“We are, but that’s just us. We’ve always been more than other best friends, other partners. We’re BuckandEddie, no space.”
“I wouldn’t want to be more with anyone else. I’m glad you’re okay Buck.”
“I’m sorry that you still have nightmares about it.”
“I’m fine, as long as you’re here to remind me that they’re only nightmares.”
“Always.”
“Hey Buck?,” Eddie murmured quietly, a few minutes later on the verge of falling asleep again.
“Yeah Eddie?”
“I… I don’t want you to move out.”
“I don’t want to move out either,” Buck confessed with a heavy exhale, hand back in Eddie’s hair.
“So it’s settled then, you’re staying?”
“I’ll stay as long as you and Chris will have me.”
“Forever sounds really good,” Eddie replied, falling back asleep.
Buck was living in his own personal Saw trap. He thought maybe, just maybe, Eddie was looking at him like how he looked at Eddie, but it was probably just the nightmare. Still, he would take what he could get, and falling asleep with Eddie in his arms wasn’t a bad trade off.
He couldn’t say he wasn’t upset when he woke up to an empty bed the next morning. With a sigh, he grabbed Eddie’s pillow, buried his face in it, and went back to sleep. The next time he woke up, it was to a hand running through his curls.
“Hmm?”
“I’ve got breakfast.”
“Would’ve made you those pancakes you like,” Buck said, rolling over and looking at Eddie.
“I know. I wanted to do this for you. Come on, Chris is waiting.”
“You wearing my shirt Diaz?,” he teased, stretching as he got out of bed.
Buck was searing the image of “Buckley” stretched across Eddie’s back into his mind.
“You’ll have to rip it off me if you want it back Buckley,” Eddie teased, smirking over his shoulder.
Was Eddie… flirting with him?
Tentatively, Buck made his way to the kitchen.
“Hi Buck.”
“Good morning Chris, sleep well?”
“Yeah. Dad said you’re staying now?”
“If that’s alright with you.”
“Duh, Buck,” Christopher rolled his eyes. “I thought it was dumb that you wanted to leave in the first place, but I was told I wasn’t allowed to say that.”
Buck laughed and ruffled Chris’s hair as he weakly protested.
“Nowhere else would feel like home if it didn’t have you two in it.”
“Good. Can you make Abuela’s tacos for dinner?”
Eddie watched Chris and Buck talk fondly over breakfast, his heart full. He couldn’t believe he almost let himself lose this because of his pride. Seemingly reading his thoughts, Buck hooked his ankle around Eddie’s, smiling softly at him, not missing a beat in his conversation with Chris.
“So,” Buck began as they cleaned up breakfast, Chris retreating to his room to play video games. “Is there a reason you went out this morning to get my favorite breakfast food?”
“There is,” Eddie agreed, turning on the water to wash the dishes.
“Are you going to tell me?,” Buck asked, grabbing a towel to dry.
“When we’re done washing the dishes, yes.”
“You’re being very secretive.”
“You’re very bad at surprises,” Eddie teased, bumping Buck’s shoulder with his own.
“You meant it though?”
“Am I in the habit of saying things that I don’t mean?”
“No. It’s just the self doubt creeping in,” Buck admitted.
“Stop doubting me Orpheus, I’m right here behind you.”
“That’s what it felt like when you left for Texas.”
“If I looked back, I wouldn’t have been able to leave. I understand the musical a lot more now,” Eddie agreed.
“You came back to the underworld for me.”
“We’re not Orpheus and Eurydice because we’re not a tragedy, Buck,” Eddie said firmly, turning off the water. He dried his hands before grabbing Buck’s shoulder, his thumb resting at the juncture of Buck’s neck, where he’s sure his thumbprint is branded. “You’re not a tragedy, and I’m sorry I ever said that. If this were Hadestown though, we’d make it. No matter which one of us is Orpheus, we wouldn’t turn around. Not when we know how much we have to lose. It would be so tempting, but we would remind ourselves that we still have a chance, as long as we don’t turn around. We’d lose each other the second we turn around, but as long as we stay steadfast, we’re still there. You can have my back any day,” Eddie reassured him.
“And you could have mine,” Buck replied with a grin. “I didn’t think you liked the musical that much.”
“The things that matter to you matter to me. I don’t know how many times I have to tell you that I love when you ramble. Seeing you happy makes me happy. Speaking of, wait here, and close your eyes.”
“Okay?”
Buck leaned against the kitchen counter, eyes closed, listening to Eddie’s shuffling. The hand returned to his shoulder for a brief squeeze, before he was told to open his eyes. Buck gasped, taking in Eddie’s blushing face as he handed Buck a bouquet of sunflowers.
“Eds, I… thank you. These are my favorite.”
“I know. I had the first pick of the bunch from the farmers market this morning.”
“Shouldn’t I be getting you flowers?,” Buck asked in confusion. “You’re the one who had the nightmare.”
“We’re celebrating.”
“Did I miss something on the calendar?”
Buck leaned forward, peering over Eddie’s shoulder to double check the date.
“No, Buck, you didn’t. I… had a revelation last night.”
“Okay…”
“Don’t talk until I’m finished. I need to figure out how to say this.”
“Take your time Eds, it’s just me.”
“That’s the thing though Buck, you’re not just you. You’re everything. You’re like… like the sun, and- and you choose to shine on me. I didn’t think I was worthy of your light, but… last night something shifted into place for me. I’ve been going to confession and therapy and trying to make sense of everything, and you’re my juice. I always choose water because I think that’s what I deserve, but I’m tired of water. I want juice, and I think juice might want me too?”
“You’re my best friend, of course I want you,” Buck said carefully.
“I don’t think best friends say they want to live inside of each other.”
“Eddie, I think I know what you’re saying, but I need you to spell this out for me, very clearly. I need to be sure.”
“You’re my sun. All of my good days are centered around you, and my bad ones are the days where you’re not with me. I don’t want to spend another day without you for the rest of my life. I want to treat you the way that you deserve to be treated. I want to love you the way that you deserve to be loved, if you’ll let me.”
“You love me?,” Buck asked, eyes wide in awe, looking at Eddie as if it’s the first time he’s ever really seeing him.
“I’ve loved you for a long time Evan, but I’m not scared of it anymore. I’m only scared of a future without you in it.”
“Oh Eddie,” Buck sniffled, wiping his eyes before pulling Eddie into a bone crushing hug. “I love you so much. I never thought I could have you.”
“Have me. Keep me.”
“You’re locked down for life, Diaz. I think Buckley-Diaz has a nice ring to it.”
“Yeah, I think so too.”
“Clear your schedule, I’m taking you out tomorrow. Chris has a sleepover with Denny.”
“Gonna wine and dine me Buckley-Diaz?,” Eddie teased, wrapping his arms around Buck’s neck.
“I’m going to knock your socks off.”
“I actually think these are your socks.”
Buck laughed, grabbing Eddie around the waist and spinning him around in their kitchen.
“What’s your policy on kissing before the first date?,” Eddie asked, twirling one of Buck’s curls around his finger.
“I think it’s acceptable when you find out the love of your life returns your feelings. We’ve had 7 years of foreplay, we’re practically married.”
“We’ve raised a kid together too.”
“A great one at that.”
“Thanks, but can you stop being gross now so I can get a drink from the fridge?,” Chris asked, nose wrinkled, stepping around them to get to the fridge.
Eddie didn’t move, instead tightening his grip around Buck’s neck.
“This is okay though?,” Buck asked, biting his lip.
“I’ve been telling people you’re my dad for years. It’s about time you’ve caught up.”
“Oh,” Buck said, removing one hand from Eddie’s waist to wipe his eyes.
“Buck, I give you a Father’s Day card every year,” Chris replied, a deadpan expression on his face.
“It’s different, hearing it in this context you know?”
Chris sighed dramatically before walking over to Eddie and Buck and hugging the both of them.
“Now you’re making me be gross. I love both of you. Just don’t be weird on the couch, I sit there too.”
“My Diaz boys!,” Buck said happily, squeezing the both of them tightly so he didn’t start bawling.
“Are you going to change your name to ours when you get married?,” Christopher asked.
“Christopher!”
“As if we didn’t just agree that Buckley-Diaz sounds good before he came in. I could hyphenate it? I’ve also considered legally changing my first name to Buck, but I can’t be Buck Buckley you know? That makes me sound like a cartoon character.”
“Buck Buckley is here to save the day,” Chris said, laughing at his own joke.
“We’ve got one superhero in this house, Superman, I don’t think we need two.”
“Says the firefighter,” he retorted, finally grabbing his drink. “I’m going back to my room now.”
“The best kid ever,” Buck said with a happy sigh, burying his face in Eddie’s neck.
“Love you dads,” Chris called down the hallway before closing his door.
“He’s making me cry so I can’t kiss you.”
“You can kiss me anyway,” Eddie replied with a soft smile, leaning forward.
“I’m not crying into your mouth Eddie!”
“Then stop crying, cariño.”
“Oh. I like that,” Buck said, clearing his throat, a blush blooming on his cheeks.
“Yeah, I thought you might.”
“What do you want to be called? Baby? Honey? Sweetheart?”
Eddie tightened his grip around Buck, who smirked down at him.
“Sweetheart it is.”
“Stop embarrassing me.”
“But red looks so pretty on you. Actually, everything looks pretty on you. You’re so pretty Eddie,” Buck marveled.
Now that he could tell Eddie these things to his face, he didn’t think he could stop.
“Says you. I don’t know how it took so long for me to notice.”
“To be fair, it took me a long time, most of which was spent checking out your ass, and I thought that was normal.”
“You what?,” Eddie asked with a laugh, burying his face in Buck’s chest.
“What! Objectively speaking you have a really nice ass. Probably the best one I’ve ever seen actually. It’s so round and symmetrical. Oh my God, I can grab it now. This is the best day of my life. I-”
As much as Eddie loved hearing about all of the things Buck likes about him, he was getting impatient. If Buck wasn’t actually going to grab his ass, then he really didn’t want to hear about it in such great detail.
“You can shut me up any day like that, Diaz,” Buck said breathlessly.
“You were taking too long, Buckley. I wanted my juice.”
“Take what you need. I’ll give you everything.”
“I know, that’s why I have you. You’re my everything,” Eddie said softly, caressing Buck’s cheek before finally kissing his birthmark. “I love you.”
“I love you too Eds. So much I don’t know how I didn’t explode with it.”
“I think we kind of did explode with it. We are very well known for making a one person job a two person job,” Eddie said with a laugh.
“That probably should’ve been my first clue, but I’d never had a best friend before. Only Maddie, but that’s different because she’s my older sister. She’s more like my mom I guess. You’re my best friend first, my boyfriend second.”
“What does that mean?,” Eddie asked with a laugh.
“When we’re inevitably being stupid and fighting over something we’re allowed to call best friend time and remove ourselves from the situation,” Buck said triumphantly. “Sometimes I don’t need a boyfriend, I just need my best friend. After you, my only other close friend would be Ravi, who I know is already sick of hearing about you. I talk about you literally all of the time. I should probably send him a fruit basket as a thank you. Or maybe bake him those blondies he likes. I need to go to the store to get the ingredients for the tacos anyway. Are we telling everyone? Are we waiting? I feel like they’re going to look at me and immediately know. I think they all already knew and were just waiting for us to figure it out.”
“Cariño, breathe,” Eddie said with a laugh, caressing Buck’s face. “We have so much time. I think we take a week or so to settle into the new us, although I doubt anything is going to change since we’re practically married anyway. Then maybe we can have everyone over for a nice dinner?”
“Should we tell Bobby first? There’s probably paperwork we need to fill out. I don’t want to spring it on him.”
“Yeah, we can tell Bobby first,” Eddie said fondly, before kissing Buck softly. “When do you want to head to the store?”
“As soon as I find your Diaz LAFD shirt,” Buck retorted with a grin.
“I’m going to see if Chris needs anything else from the store.”
“I’ll see you in a few minutes sweetheart.”
They parted with a kiss, and Buck marveled that they could do that now. It was like finding the last piece of the puzzle that got lost under the couch. Finally, Buck was complete. He hummed to himself as he looked through the clothes in the closet, before taking Eddie’s LAFD hoodie instead. The t-shirt would look obscene on him. He’d wear it for Eddie, not the population of LA.
Eddie knocked on Chris’s door, peeking his head inside when he called him in.
“Buck and I are going to the store to get ingredients for dinner. Do you need anything?”
“Do we have ice cream? I think Buck might’ve finished his rocky road. Other than that, some Doritos please.”
“Got it. If you think of anything else, send me a text mijo.”
“I will.”
Eddie was halfway out the door when Chris called him again.
“Hey dad?”
“Yeah?”
“I’m happy that you’re happy. It’s been a long time since I’ve seen you like this. Despite what you used to think, you do deserve to be happy.”
“I love you Christopher,” Eddie replied, walking back into the room to kiss his forehead. “You’re my greatest accomplishment.”
“Yeah, I am pretty great. Tell Buck we’re playing Mario Kart after dinner.”
“I will. Have fun.”
“Alright Eds, I don’t think I’m missing anything from the list if you want to take a look? You finished that jam that you like so I added that. Chris is just about finished with his cereal, and I need more protein powder. I- hey, are you okay?”
“Oh, yeah. Sometimes it just hits me how lucky I am. I can’t believe I almost lost you.”
Buck opened his arms for Eddie, who cuddled up next to him on the couch.
“I don’t know which time you’re referring to because neither of us have a good track record. Yes, you left, but Eddie, you’re the only one who’s come back. You were gone, but we FaceTimed every single day, usually more than once. You had to get our kid back, and you did, and then you both came back home to me. I never let myself want this, but now that I have it, I’m not letting either of you go. The next time one of you wants to fuck off to Texas, let me know so I can order a hat first.”
“I don’t think either of us will be back there for a very long time. You can steal my hat, I certainly don’t mind,” Eddie flirted, grabbing Buck from the back of his neck.
“I worked on a ranch sweetheart, I know what you’re implying. We can steal each other’s hats. I’m versatile like that,” he grinned, letting Eddie pull him down for a kiss.
“Eds, we’re going to cross into being gross on the couch very soon if you don’t stop pulling on my hair,” Buck warned, lips swollen as he looked down at Eddie, whose head was on his lap.
“Fine. Give me the list, we’ll be gross at the grocery store.”
“I think we can be gross in my Jeep first. But let’s not call us making out gross anymore, please. It’s far from it. The best kisses of my life and- never mind.”
“And you’ve kissed a lot of people,” Eddie finished. “I know all about Buck 1.0. Just don’t go kissing anyone else and we won’t have any problems.”
“I’m good. I’ve already had my last first kiss, right in that kitchen. Everything happens in our kitchen.”
“Would you want to be proposed to in that kitchen?,” Eddie asked.
“I don’t care where it is as long as it’s you. Maybe I’ll propose to you first,” Buck challenged.
“I need your ring size. Do you prefer silver or gold?”
“We have time Eds. I think we should get a matching ring for Chris though. How about, we pick our eventual rings out together? We can fight over the actual proposing later, but I want them to match. And I want a handwritten inscription on the inside.”
“Do you know what you want?”
“I think you know,” Buck said softly, looking at Eddie lovingly.
“It’ll need some reworking. Maybe just ‘I have your back’ if the whole phrase doesn’t fit.”
“I’ll just have to tattoo the whole phrase then.”
“Yeah?”
“There’s nothing about you I could ever regret, Edmundo Diaz. You and me? This is more permanent than the tattoo will be. Come on, let’s head to the store now. We can get one of those cupcakes you like on the way back,” Buck finished on a whisper, grinning as he nodded towards Chris’s closed door.
Edmundo Diaz used to be terrified of forever, but when forever came in the form of Evan Buckley, he didn’t think it would be long enough.