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“Are you into warm milk, Rui?”
“Hmm yes, please.”
That night is a chilly one. Dim light, soft noise from the television, while his dearest friend is now busy at the kitchen counter to prepare their snack in the middle of sleepover. Tsukasa's parents aren't here, similar to how Saki is also having her own business with her bandmates and caused them to be only on their own even though none of them mind it. It's … just another Tuesday.
A subtle sweet smell coming from the kitchen when two slices of cake are placed on the plate. Meanwhile, the steam from the milk is visible even with the lack of proper lighting. Tsukasa's eyes seem almost half-lidded, probably from the sleepiness, but at the same time it doesn't seem like he can fall asleep anytime soon. Rui wonders: 'is he conserving energy?' Whatever it is, Tsukasa seems like he's used to act guarded like this at nights, as if anticipating something even though they're not preparing for any grandeur events for tomorrow morning.
“How about our next show? You already got that ‘enlightenment’ you seek?” There's a certain kind of sharpness from that tone, but not necessarily the unfriendly one.
Rui smiles, noticing the footsteps getting closer. “I'm working on it just fine.”
Blinked twice, Tsukasa placed the snacks on the table. He's visibly confused, but he doesn't stop walking here and there to make sure they got all the ‘comfortable necessities’ Rui demanded from him, including to make sure the temperature of the room is perfect enough for the sake of their director who whined specifically to Tsukasa about how he really wanted a comfort in order to get an ’enlightenment’. Both of them knows Rui is simply looking for an excuse to have a sleepover, but Tsukasa doesn't mind it at all and just play along because nothing is wrong or even troublesome about it. At least for him.
It could be said that Tsukasa is already used to Rui being demanding like this and, yes, Rui is indeed being too comfortable at it on the other hand as can be seen from his constant smile where the only significant change is just from different kinds of emotion that can be displayed from it.
“Seriously, if you need someone to pamper you, you can ask Nene or even Emu. I'm not seeing the point of this at all!”
Rui chuckled. “And yet you still agreed. Did you know a comfortable environment can increase our mood thus making productivity more enjoyable? I seek the momentary peace like this to prove it, so let's say I'm in a little experiment as well.”
“What a nonsense. I mean, yes, I can see your point if you frame it like that.” Tsukasa rubbed his chin, visibly deep in thought. “But why me?!”
Letting out a breath, Rui turns away while shaking his head that definitely makes Tsukasa even more frustrated which is exactly what he seeks. To see the older boy react is always fascinating for Rui because of how exaggerated and dramatic it is. He's so fun to tease. There's no ‘boring day’ in his dictionary with Wonderlands x Showtime, and for a teenage boy like him, someone from his gender is easier and more comfortable to get closer with which is a role Tsukasa fulfilled in Rui's life. And if Rui dared to hope, it applied to Tsukasa as well to consider him his best friend.
His smile is getting bitter.
“… are you trying to play around?!“
Rui didn't hear what Tsukasa previously said or whatever it is when he finally cares about what's going on here.
“You see, I just think of you as the perfect one to execute this wish of mine.”
What is he talking about? He knows to suddenly being so sentimental like this isn't going to make Tsukasa comfortable. Knowing that in the middle of his sentence, Rui gulped.
“You're like a perfect housewife.”
“WHAT?!”
Yes, this is what it should be. This is the proper relationship they should have, and not whatever that could make things awkward. Tsukasa is also showing an appropriate response as well today where he overreacts as usual and not trying to dig any deeper than what's needed. Rui almost said something he definitely would regret—or at least that's what he's very sure about. Even though Tsukasa said something about how being Rui's wife must be a chore and the purple haired man almost insulted, but he decided to take it as what he deserves instead after what he said to Tsukasa before.
“Your room is a mess, you don't eat vegetables even though it's necessary for you health, and you can be so immersed in works to forget even the essentials like eating! You wouldn't know where the potential of diseases hide in a messy room, and you have to find a way to keep your body still nutritionally balanced through other means. At least that person needs to prioritize your needs over your wants, right?”
Rui laughs awkwardly. He didn't expect to get scolded like this, by Tsukasa no less. But, there's no need to act like that if he's not even sure about getting married. He wouldn't have time for such a thing anyway, if that person doesn't share the similar or related interests as him that would give them a chance to encounter. Or he could marry someone, and to let that person suffer from the lack of constant affection in the process due to his nature that he definitely wouldn't compromise. But he obviously can prevent from intentionally hurting others like that. Marriage is something controllable.
“Okay, so why is this suddenly about me? Let's enjoy the cake with a smile, Tsukasa. If the sugar here isn't enough to make you smile, you must have developed higher needs and that's not a good sign for an actor like you. A healthy body is also an asset for people like us.”
Tsukasa flustered from anger. Again.
“You, of all people talking about health?! Geez, this is unbelievable. Listen, I genuinely can't tell what you're TRULY looking for from this. At least not for now. I don't know where this would lead and I don't think of myself as perfect enough to fulfill your wish. So … if you're willing to, please just be honest with me.“
Apparently Tsukasa doesn't pretend to not hear what Rui said at first and the conversation goes back to where he tried his best to leave. But, this wouldn't be something forced if he's the one who is asked to be honest, right? It's always a matter of gamble to show what he truly feels with his connections being at stake even though he knows this is none other than Tsukasa. But, exactly because this is ‘Tsukasa’ that Rui is getting even more worried. He shouldn't succumb to this kind of pressure, but at the same time it hurts to contain his true wishes.
“If you're not willing to, that's okay!” Tsukasa gives him a bright smile. “I'll respect that. But, if you ever want to talk about it, I'll be there for you. Emu and Nene can also help you if what you need is friendly affection. But, I might be wrong about it. You know I'm not good at this stuff.”
Rui’s eyes widen when Tsukasa steps closer, kneels, and pulls him gently into a hug. Normally, Rui is far too guarded to be caught off-guard by anything like this, but this time is different. The intention behind the gesture aligns perfectly with what Rui silently hoped for, leaving him helpless—frozen—watching Tsukasa perform his specialty like the actor he is. Still, Rui doesn’t dare assume how genuine the emotion behind it is.
This sweet scent from Tsukasa's neck is so intoxicating as Rui tries his best not to get caught breathing it in while the older boy's body jolts when Rui's larger hands approach his back and gently rub it—reciprocating the gesture. Eventually, they settle into a quiet comfort in each other's embrace as Rui allows himself to be more honest with his desires little by little, starting with the lack of attempt to hide his instinct to make sure he memorizes this scent.
“Hmm, so this is what you want? You seriously like to act like a puzzle to solve, man." Tsukasa's voice is deep, but lack control at the same time. “You should seek someone to love.”
Rui almost laughs, but he doesn't mind it. He can just make his intention clear enough for Tsukasa to understand. He believes … this man wouldn't disappoint him. That's also a matter of gamble. But he's not ready to ‘hear’ how honest Tsukasa can be at the same time due to the sensation on his neck. It distracts him, and Rui realizes that it would be too dangerous to keep things like this. Even as he tries to give them a proper distance, he starts to wonder: was Tsukasa always this tempting? His heart is beating faster, and it's getting harder just to take a breath.
Tsukasa seems confused, but fortunately for both of them, he's not aware of—or just ignoring—how awkward situation they were in and sit beside Rui who simply glanced from the side of his eyes. He noticed how serious Tsukasa's expression was for a split second before it changes to his usual big smile. A hand moves. Though normal, for Rui it seems like that hand is moving in a slow motion and he can't do anything to resist a gentle touch on his cheek but lean on it. Slowly, he grabs it and try to keep it in place while trying to make sure that hand is completely in contact with the left side of his face before he moves even further and kiss the wrist while keeping their eyes meet.
That adorable large eyes are blinking—without fear, without disgust, without hesitation. Just a pure shock and a silent anticipation that can be proven with Tsukasa's moving Adam's apple. This is getting interesting, but Rui doesn't know what he has to do after it to avoid himself being overly immersed and caused something to Tsukasa that he would regret forever.
“Actually, can I be something for you that matters more than anyone could ever be?”
“Hm?”
This is totally unexpected.
“I want to spend more time with you, Rui. I want to know you better. I want you to stay by my side and be my director. No matter how long our journey requires separation, I want to be the one who matters the most! In return, I'll do whatever you want from me. Whatever it is, I'll fulfill it for you. Just … just don't make me someone without you.”
Even though Rui was thinking about teasing Tsukasa for being the one who confess even after all of his painful dilemma, to hear how genuine that confession, stirs something within Rui. This is so serious and he knows it. Rui can't possibly try to ridicule an emotion that pure, but to notice how that kind of pureness is directed at him, Rui can't help but to feel worried about his own worth.
He wants to say something. Anything will do. But there's nothing coming from his mouth. For now, he's just an eighteen-year-old boy who experienced something that would be a lifetime memory when the simplest thing such as to see the flustered face from Tsukasa, now feels so satisfying. This might be the deepest point of falling in love that makes him feels ascended to the heaven on the contrary.
“I need you, Rui! Not only to fulfill my wish to become the world future star, but also to be the one constant in my life!”
To be needed by someone you already love the most is truly a blessing. Rui pulls Tsukasa's hand: inviting him for a hug which accepted without too much thinking, but due to how big the enthusiasm from the shorter man, Rui lost his balance and fall on the side of the sofa. Adjusting their bodies, it's getting quite dangerous when Tsukasa is now in between of his legs.
“You already are, my dearest star.“ His voice is almost trembling. “And besides, you should abide by your own words, right? ‘Doing everything for me’ isn't exactly what a normal person will say, and you perfectly know what I mean. Well, at the very least, ‘the normal person’ isn't here.”
He giggles, watching Tsukasa's face turns to another shock. Those amber eyes are now looking around, and he seems to finally realized what kind of position they are in.
“Stay still.” Rui whispers, pulling Tsukasa so that their clothed bodies meet. He can feel the hands on both of his shoulders are getting tighter as the distance between them disappears, the body weight is completely fall on him, and soft breath is tickling his neck. If even outsiders could see Rui's expression right now, they'll say he got the most gentle kind of gaze, as well as the most genuine smile of someone who's looking at his most precious treasure.
“I don't know what makes you interested in me, Tsukasa. I can't say I'm not happy, but if you're truly okay with this—okay with me being the constant in your life, who am I to reject? It's also a quite romantic confession coming from my dearest star such as you.”
“Don't say that.“ Tsukasa turns his head, and as he talks, every breath makes Rui can't contain his flustered face. “I choose you. I sought you. You're everything I need. You're … love itself.”
“Haha, this is so unusual, I might take it as you being drunk tonight.“ Though saying that, this is a kind of happiness that's too uncontainable to the point of being unfair. Even his smile is going on for too long; it starts to hurt him a bit. “Well then, I'll entrust my heart to you as you entrusted yours. You also … afraid of loneliness, right?”
“Yes.”
Oh, this honesty is rare. Rui amuses himself again with the idea that Tsukasa is drunk even though he knows that's not the case. Once fear no longer exists, Rui kisses Tsukasa's cheek and hears a soft whimper as a result. It's probably the effect of night that makes one feel easier to be honest due to exhaustion from the day. Warmth grows between them when they also feel the dizziness from waking up for too long, but they can't sleep like this no matter how comfortable it is.
After cleaning up together, they prepared for bed time. Tsukasa's room is unexpectedly warm even though the build is … unique. Put so many questions for tomorrow, Rui decided to only care about how Tsukasa's presence seems to warming up this place. It's definitely a neat kind of place to the point of almost boring in contrast to his SEKAI that's so colorful and crowded. He also noticed two-legged chair at the corner of this room before he chuckled in amusement—his lover is definitely a weirdo in his own weird way.
“W–wait.” Tsukasa stopped, looking back. “This setting is as if we have to do ’it’ right now, huh?!”
Rui blinked twice. Now that Tsukasa mentioned that topic, the idea of having sex for the first time is finally enter his mind. He can't imagine doing it because such a thought genuinely never crossed his mind before, but now it does. He doesn't want to hurt Tsukasa, but to imagine what expressions his lover has in private truly stirs something inside of Rui who tries his best to conceal that desire.
“Oh, you really want to do it? I can't believe our esteemed leader is this perverted, hm?”
“No! I mean … don't YOU want it too?“
Oh, crap, the focus has shifted to him again. Rui slowly walks closer to Tsukasa who stands still as if he were a sculpture and grabs him by the waist with one hand before pulling him on top of the bed. He can feels that body jolt, but he decides to ignore it and push Tsukasa's shoulder gently. To think how this blond is probably very obedient because he expected sex, is really something to tease about. Unfortunately, Rui has to gulp down any words because that vulnerable look stripped down his own defense at the same time.
After calming himself, he finally manages to speak while caressing Tsukasa's cheek. To see how the older Tenma sibling leans into the hand while closing his eyes like a cat, is only makes things worse for Rui and his self-restraint.
“We can't do it tonight, Tsukasa.“ His voice is so soft, as if talking to a wounded person. “You just have to know we both wanted it, but sleep is necessary when we also prepared for nothing for this sacred moment between us. Unless you're so horny right now. If that's the case, we can just put aside the sentiments.”
Amber eyes are slowly open, though only half. He glances at Rui's face from the corner of it before saying: “It's alright. Just sleep beside me and hug me tightly will do. I feel so … aroused, maybe. But you're correct. Come, Rui. Sleep beside me.“
Is this intentional? Rui might actually be the one who becomes too horny right now. His breath is uncontrolled and he feels the tightness that's on his pants now. All from Tsukasa's honest display of vulnerability. He tries to gulp down that desires and going to the other side of the bed before he immediately getting hugged. Tsukasa's eyes are completely closed, probably out of sleepiness, so it makes Rui feels grateful because he's capable of holding himself and let his lover rest properly.
Pulling the blanket to Rui’s side, Tsukasa speaks calmly: “I love you,” then leans in to kiss his lover again, still keeping his eyes closed.
Rui smiles faintly.
“I love you more.”
They decided to spend the rest of the night sleep and cuddling under the same blanket, as well as to share body warmth. In silence, Rui made a promise to marry Tsukasa in the future, no matter how his interpersonal insecurity still watching from the darkness of his heart.