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Falling in a dream is different than falling in real life. In a dream, the worst part can be experienced over and over. But then again, what is the worst part about falling?
All he knows. Is his back hits the rocks. At the end. And he’ll have to experience that every. Single. Time.
///
The new hotel is stressing Charlie out. She’s dealing with too much, just like him, and when she asks… when she asks how he deals with it, he doesn’t know what to say. He’d done this to her. Given her this power, just by being her father, and she has to take that on like it’s an inevitability. Of course he comforts her.
Of course.
But he’s falling because what does he say? That everything turns out okay? That you get used to it one day?
He fiddles with his cane after she leaves, looking at the ducks surrounding him, and sighs.
///
His back hits the rocks.
///
There’s other people in the hotel who he is forced to interact with. Alastor is a dick and an asshole, but at least he can bring some variety into Lucifer’s days. At least that’s something, right?
It does stress Charlie out, he thinks. Maybe.
He flips the pancake he’s looking at, an unhappy thing with burnt edges because he’d gotten distracted all over again, and wonders --
Let’s not.
///
His spine breaks when he hits the cold hard rocks on the ground.
///
She cries in the room with the Sir Pentious memorial.
He WAS late to the battle. Even she’d gotten hurt.
///
The wind is knocked out of him when the rocks pierce his flesh.
///
Vaggie doesn’t really talk to him, so he can’t even offer the name Valorie. She tends to dip and dodge conversations with him, her awkward smile something he can’t quite avoid. She knows him as The Morningstar.
The person who--
///
The stars above him are gone. He cries out in pain, the rocks digging into him and leaving him bereft.
///
She thinks her mother could run the hotel better. Be better. She thinks of her mother first and thinks of him as a fun side thing to add to the whole thing. That’s fine. He deserves that. He was gone for so long. He can just be there for her now.
///
Flesh and bone melt from the heat of the impact against the rocks.
///
He can be there for her now.
It hurts.
His back hurts.
///
When they cut his wings off, it hurt his back and made it so much easier for the rocks to tear him apart.
///
He reaches out to her, and she’s falling apart. Just like he has. Just like he did. Just like-- Just like--
///
It would be easy to slip into the void, wouldn’t it? To not fight the rocks and instead embrace them.
///
“Charlie?” He whispers and sits down by her in the library where she’s finally allowed herself to break down. Away from Vaggie. Away from Angel. Away from everyone. “Talk to me.”
“How do you deal with it?”
///
Rocks. It’s always the rocks.
///
He sighs. “I don’t think I deal with it, kiddo.”
She leans against him and sniffles. “Does it ever stop hurting?”
“Do you want a gentle lie or a harsh truth?” It leaves his lips as they look out the library window over the gardens. It’s nothing. He shouldn’t say it. He shouldn’t speak it into existence.
“I think I’m done with gentle lies.” She whispers, and he nods. She’s old enough now. He’d never really told her before… how it felt. How the rocks hurt. How the falling was only half the battle, but waking up with nothing and no family but Lilith left… that was the other half. He never told her. Maybe if he had, she wouldn’t be dealing with so much. Maybe she’d be more prepared.
Some days he wonders why he strapped her into the role. Why did he give her this? The roles and responsibilities? Immortality and its grandeur.
Can’t take it back.
“No.” He whispers and wraps an arm around her. “It doesn’t.”
The rocks always hurt. Always.
“But--” He pauses and pulls her closer, unable to look at her without the guilt weighing him down. How could he do this to her? “It does get easier to handle. Even if it's just a little bit. It doesn’t go away, but it does get easier.”
“Okay.” She curls up, letting him hold her, and he gently runs his fingers through her hair while humming. “Promise?”
“I promise, kiddo.”
After all, she doesn’t have the rocks to face.
He didn’t give her that. That’s just for him.