Chapter Text
Alicia has just finished nursing Jack in the one beam of winter sunshine she can find when the phone rings. Jack’s almost asleep and she just can’t be bothered to stand up, so she lets the answering machine get it.
Hi, you’ve reached the Zimmermanns. Please leave a message after the tone.
“Alicia, honey? It’s Susan. I need you to get a copy of this week’s People Magazine, look at page 35 and then let me know what you want to do. I guess you’ll want to put out a statement? Or contact them? I’m honestly not sure. Talk to Bob and get back to me, OK? Talk to you later.”
Jesus.
She pulls on jeans, a sweater and a baseball cap, gets Jack wrapped up and makes the ten-minute drive to the nearest grocery store. They need a few things, so she takes the opportunity to pick up some apples, a bag of lentils for soup and a loaf of bread, then grabs a copy of the magazine as she heads through the checkout. If it’s as bad as her agent made it sound, she’s not going to look until they get back home.
It sits on the passenger seat, catching her eye every time she glances at the rear view mirror. There’s a story about Princess Diana on the front cover, some by-line about Days Of Our Lives, and Linda Evangelista’s latest alleged fling.
Alicia makes it home in record time, gets Jack situated on his play mat in the living room, and then braces herself. Turns to page 35.
It’s just a puff piece within a magazine of puff pieces, based on total speculation, one page in the gossip section, and yet –
She skims the article, sits down heavily at the kitchen table and bursts into angry, helpless tears.
Zimmermann baby reveals plastic surgery secret? Experts weigh in!
By Jessica PattinsonWhen Alicia Zimmermann’s son made his photo shoot debut in Vanity Fair last week, we can’t have been the only ones who were … surprised.
Not by the ever-stunning Zimmermann, star of catwalk and screen, or her husband (Robert ‘Bad Bob’ Zimmermann, captain of the NHL’s Pittsburgh Penguins). The actress, clad in timeless Balenciaga, was the epitome of glowing motherhood; her husband, in the middle of a Stanley Cup campaign, looked tired but happy.
But experts are suggesting that their son’s appearance hints at a dark past that no-one could have predicted.
When Alicia Zimmermann burst on the scene at the age of 24, she was Alicia Hooper, small-town Californian girl with a head of hair that would rival Cindy Crawford and an ambitious streak that wouldn’t quit. Her legendary 1985 walk for Vivienne Westwood saw her rocket to fame, and she hasn’t left the limelight since then. She has modelled for Levi’s, Calvin Klein and Dior. She has a perfume named after her, for crying out loud.
However, Jack doesn’t appear to have inherited any of that. Or, indeed, his father’s looks. The only similarity that we can see is eye colour.
To put it lightly, their child is … strange-looking. And experts are suggesting that the only logical explanation is that Alicia Zimmermann’s legendary looks aren’t as natural as we first thought.
According to plastic surgeon Nathaniel Rodrigues, it is not an unusual state of affairs. “People often forget that plastic surgery doesn’t affect their genes, and that their ‘old face’ will be passed onto their child. It’s possible that even her husband didn’t know about this before their baby came along.”
We hope that we’re wrong – that he’ll develop his mother’s cheekbones and grow into the dynasty in which he has been born.
Until then … good luck?
There’s a diagram of her face, arrows pointing to each feature which it is possible to operate upon. She can forgive the attack on herself – she’s spent ten years in the limelight, is as used to it as anyone can be. It’s almost funny. But a five-month old?
It’s a bridge too fucking far.
Alicia looks over at her gorgeous son. Jack is lying in the middle of the floor, sucking his toes through his socks. She walks over and sits cross-legged next to him, poking him gently in the leg when he doesn’t immediately look up. He smiles at her, two perfect teeth poking through his lower gum.
“Hi, baby,” she murmurs softly. Early in her pregnancy, she and Bob had agreed to speak French with Jack, but she’s upset and furious and – well, it’s hardly going to hurt.
He burbles happily, reaching out to wrap a tiny hand around her fingers.
“Do you know what an asshole is, beautiful? It’s someone who writes an article about a baby and sells it to a magazine. It’s someone who gets paid to say unkind things about a child. I cannot fucking – I just –”
Jack, seemingly sensing her frustration, reaches out to her. She scoops him into her arms and hugs him tightly, only loosening her grasp when he lets out an indignant squawk. “Sorry, sweetheart. I’m sorry. But I cannot believe that –”
She peppers his face, his head, his hands with kisses, doing what she can to get as close as she can to this tiny person, who she has sworn to protect with her life. He squirms, disgruntled, but allows her to love on him for a few minutes.
The phone rings, and she plants one more kiss on Jack’s cheek before clambering up to answer it. “Hello?”
Her husband’s voice comes down the phone. “Hi, Alicia, it’s me. Did you see the article?”
“Of course I saw it. Susan phoned while I was feeding Jack, I ran and got the magazine the second I was done. I cannot believe the nerve of these people – where the fuck do they get off? I just –”
“I know.”
“What are we going to do about this? Susan was wondering about a statement, but do you think we can sue? I don’t know if it’ll pass for defamation, but we might be able to get a misuse of the photo? Although, if Vanity Fair licensed it, there’s nothing we can do. And I guess they could talk about him anyway, but it’s not right, he’s –”
“I don’t know what the answer is, honey. I’ll be home soon, OK? We just wrapped up here.”
She breathes deeply. “Yeah, sure. Drive safely. I love you.”
“Love you too.”
Alicia hangs up the phone and turns back to Jack, who is trying and failing to reach the toys hanging above his head. She watches for a few minutes, before picking him up and sitting down on the sofa with him. She softly hums Carole King songs to him while he attempts to chew her fingers. She’s so caught up in trying to avoid him swallowing one of her rings that she barely registers the sound of the car outside before her husband bursts through the door, startling Jack who contemplates panicking until he notices who it is. Before Alicia knows what’s happening, Jack is happily in his father’s arms, one tiny hand reaching up to grab his hair. Bob looks like he’s about to burst into tears.
“I just can’t believe that they –”
“I know, sweetheart,” she says, as calmly as she can. “Don’t worry. I know.”
This is something Alicia can do. The two balance each other well – she’s all righteous indignation, he’s raw emotion. She moves through tears to productivity at a pace that can be, quite frankly, frightening to the uninitiated. He’s quicker to anger, but takes longer to process. He listens to her shouting, she soothes his nerves in the best way she can.
“He’s just a baby, and I – He doesn’t deserve any of this.”
“And that’s why we’re going to fuck them up,” she says with a smile. “Can John handle this, or will I ask Susan for a recommendation? He’s more contracts, yeah? We might need someone with experience dealing with actual scum.”
“May be better to ask Susan,” Bob says after a minute of bouncing Jack on his shoulder. Jack is nuzzling into Bob’s shoulder, sighing calmly and pushing his nose into Bob’s neck. “Anyone who messes with this little ray of sunshine deserves everything they have coming to them.”
“Damn straight,” Alicia says, crossing behind her husband to poke Jack in the nose. “We’re going to fuck them up, baby,” she coos. "They're going to regret the day they crossed the Zimmermanns."
Jack grins happily at her.
Official statement from Alicia and Bob Zimmermann regarding the publication of ‘ Zimmermann baby reveals plastic surgery secret? Experts weigh in!’ in People Magazine
We have been hurt, upset and offended by the publication of this article. Although we have both decided to involve ourselves in professions which inherently open us to scrutiny, our child has not. People Magazine should be ashamed to be selling sensationalist magazines by insulting infants. We are seeking a formal apology from the Time Inc. organization and have donated all money from the original photoshoot to Save The Children USA. Furthermore, we have applied for an injunction to restrain the publication of any article mentioning either of us until this apology has been achieved. We look forward to a time when news organizations choose to show moral integrity in publication, rather than struggling to reach the lowest common denominator.