Work Text:
Matt didn’t pick up the phone when Owen called. Owen thought that maybe he just needed time, that maybe leaving him alone was what was best for now, but… he had a bad feeling. There was a nagging sense in the pit of his stomach that something bad was about to happen.
Matt wouldn’t actually do anything, would he? He wouldn’t actually kill anyone. He wouldn’t actually hurt himself. He wouldn’t. Right? Bothering Matt would probably just anger him further. It was getting late. He had every reason to just do nothing, to just go to sleep and hope for the best. But the bad feeling persisted.
Finally, Owen decided he needed to check on him. He snuck out, hopped on his bike, and set out into the chilly night for Matt’s house.
He arrived at Matt’s house and knocked on the basement door. He waited a minute, and when no one answered he knocked again.
He heard footsteps inside, and then Matt opened the door. His expression was flat, slightly tense, and he examined Owen through tired, narrowed eyes.
"What do you want?" He asked.
Owen could see into the room behind him. The walls were bare. There were boxes on the floor. His stomach sank.
"I just wanted to see you." He said, trying not to panic. "I’ve been worried about you. You didn’t pick up when I called."
Matt smiled, his lip curling sarcastically as he glowered up at Owen. "That’s all?"
"I-" Owen could feel his palms starting to sweat. "I also wanted to say that I’m sorry. I should’t have said what I said. I was being a dick."
"It’s a little too late for that." Matt said grimly. He started to close the door.
"Wait!" Owen grabbed the door and held it open, fighting against Matt trying to shut it. "Matt, whatever you’re about to do, please don’t do it. Please. I’m sorry."
Matt looked at him, face twitching with rage. "Fuck off. Go hang out with your stupid girlfriend."
"No. I’m not leaving." Owen said firmly. "If you lock me out, I’ll just- I’ll camp out here all night."
Matt’s face seemed to soften slightly, and Owen started to feel hope that maybe he was getting through to him.
"Matt, you have every right to be mad at me, just please don’t hurt yourself. Please don’t do anything stupid. Let me in, please."
He watched the cogs turn in Matt’s head, his dark eyes flicking around before he finally stepped back and let Owen in.
Owen stepped inside and looked around. The room felt unfamiliar and hostile with Matt's things all put away. Matt was planning on being gone, soon. Jared was there, curled up on the floor, asleep and clutching his camcorder in its case.
Matt flopped down onto the couch, and Owen sat down beside him nervously. For a moment they just sat in silence. Matt stared blankly at the black TV screen, mouth slightly agape. Owen stared at Matt, trying to anticipate his next move.
"Is this real?" Matt asked quietly.
"What?"
"Are you really here, or is this a dream?"
"Of course I’m really here, Matt."
Matt looked at him. In the dimly lit room, his eyes looked almost black. He stared into Owen’s eyes as though caught in a trance.
"I’m going to do it tomorrow." He said. "There’s nothing you can do to stop me."
"What are you going to do?" Owen asked quietly.
"I’m going to go and kill the Dirties." He said.
"And then what?" Owen asked. An image flashed in his mind of Matt, dead on the floor in a pool of his own blood, missing a chunk of his head, half-lidded eyes staring uncomprehendingly up at the ceiling.
Matt shrugged. "It doesn’t matter."
"I’m not going to let you do it." Owen said firmly.
"I told you, you can’t stop me." Matt said, agitated. Then he went flat again. "You’re probably not even here anyway."
He leaned back into the couch and shut his eyes.
Owen realized he was trembling so hard his teeth were starting to chatter. He felt sick to his stomach. Matt was clearly in a worse place than he had thought. He could run now and call the police, but… If Matt got arrested, or tried to goad the cops into shooting him, then Owen might still lose him.
Owen scooted closer to him, and hugged him tightly, burying his face in Matt’s neck. He ran a hand through Matt’s slightly greasy, unkempt hair. He smelled like he'd been taking less care of himself than usual.
"I’m right here Matt, and I’m not going to let you do this." Owen pleaded, beginning to cry.
Matt hugged him back, turning his body to lean closer.
"I love you, Owen." He said.
"I love you too, Matt." Owen said.
"Not the way I love you." Matt said. "I’m sorry I’m not hot like Chrissy is."
Owen didn’t know what to say. He needed to find the right combination of words that would stop Matt from killing himself or going on a killing spree. The fact that in this moment, Matt was concerned with something as petty and small as his romantic jealousy while Owen was worrying about actual, life-or-death consequences was… very, frustratingly Matt.
"I know this isn’t just about that." Owen said nervously. "You’ve had a lot going on, and I… I’ve been a bad friend. I should’ve been paying more attention. You tried to tell me, and I was too distracted to listen. I'm sorry."
Matt trembled and made a sort of wheezing noise, and for a moment Owen thought Matt was laughing at him, and then he heard Matt sob and realized that he was crying. Matt clung to him tightly, gripping the back of Owen’s jacket as he wept into Owen’s shoulder. Owen rubbed his back, trying to soothe him. He wasn’t sure what else to say.
After a few minutes or so, Matt’s crying slowed down. He yawned, and then sniffled against Owen’s shoulder. He’d cried a wet spot all the way through Owen’s jacket and into his shirt.
"Let’s go to bed." Owen said soothingly.
"Ok." Matt mumbled.
They stood up together and Owen led Matt with a hand against his back to his bed. Matt flopped down on the bed, then rolled over to look at Owen expectantly.
"Are you leaving?" He asked.
"No." Owen said. "I’m staying with you."
He was starting to formulate a plan in his head. He took off his shoes and his jacket and joined Matt in the bed. They awkwardly shuffled the covers over them, and Matt cuddled up to him.
"I’m glad you’re here." Matt mumbled.
"Me too." Owen said.
Matt was so out of it, he seemed to fall asleep within minutes. Owen waited a little longer just to be safe before extricating himself from Matt’s arms and getting up.
He put his shoes and jacket back on and began searching Matt’s basement room for the guns, as quietly and quickly as possible. He found them in Matt’s closet, hidden beneath a pile of clothing in a case.
He tried to think of a place to hide them.
He took them apart to the best of his ability and made sure they were all unloaded, then took the boxes of bullets and ran them out to the trash outside Matt’s house, emptying them into the garbage.
Then he returned, taking the case and lugging it out to Matt’s yard. There was a shed out there with a little area beneath it. Owen shoved the case under there and then moved rocks and leaves to hide it.
He slipped back inside and went to the bathroom to wash the dirt from his hands before returning to bed with Matt as quietly as possible.
Matt didn’t seem to have woken up, but he did seem to unconsciously notice Owen’s return, cuddling back up to him and clinging to him.
Owen’s heart raced, the adrenaline rush making him feel wide awake. What he had done wasn’t an ideal solution, but at least he’d made it slightly harder for Matt to do anything bad. He wondered if Matt would be angry at him in the morning.
Unable to calm down and with nothing else to focus on, Owen took to listening to the sound of Matt’s breathing and studying his sleeping face. He looked soft and relaxed and so painfully young like this. He had a sort of puppy-like quality to him. Looking at him like this, it was hard to imagine him killing anyone. This was the same Matt he'd known all these years. The recent shift in his behavior had almost made Owen forget that. They’d been friends for more of their lives than not. Despite their recent distance from one another, Owen couldn't imagine life without him.
Crashing from the adrenaline rush and feeling weepy and mushy and emotional, Owen pulled Matt a little closer. He quietly cried himself to sleep with his face buried in Matt’s hair.
Owen woke up feeling nauseous, achy, and exhausted. It took him a moment to become cognizant of the fact that he was in Matt’s bed. Apparently they’d changed positions in the night, because he was now spooning Matt. He was pressed against Matt’s back with his arms wrapped around Matt’s abdomen, and one of Matt’s hands was resting on his, thumb gently rubbing back and forth over his knuckles. He was pretty sure that meant that Matt was awake already, but he was afraid to say anything for fear ruining the moment and returning to the terror of the previous night.
When he finally mustered up the courage to speak, it came out as a hoarse whisper.
"Matt?"
"Hmm?"
"Let’s skip school today."
Matt shifted and rolled over to look at him, smiling. "Ok."
Owen exhaled, relieved. He managed a little smile, too.
Matt reached over and put a hand on his face, and caressed him gently. He grinned, almost like he still couldn’t quite believe Owen was really there, as he moved his hand to feel over Owen’s facial features. When his thumb grazed over Owen’s lips, Owen shivered involuntarily. Matt exhaled a laugh.
"I should let Jared know." He said.
"Sounds good."
Matt got up and Owen followed him over to where Jared was sleeping. Matt reached down to shake him.
"Hey, Jared."
Jared groaned and blinked blearily. He looked up at the two of them.
"Me and Owen are ditching school today. Go take the day off." Matt said.
"What happened while I was asleep?" Jared mumbled as he sat up. "Did you at least get it camera?"
"Shit, no." Matt said, like he had just realized their conversation would’ve made a great addition to his film. Owen grimaced.
"I’ll give you two some privacy." Jared said, grabbing his camera case and putting his shoes on. "Nice seeing you, Owen."
Jared slipped out the door. Owen was pretty sure he was going to linger around filming them through the blinds.
"Do you think he thinks we did it?" Matt said with a laugh.
"Did what?”
Matt even harder laughed at that, and Owen realized Matt was suggesting that it looked like they had fucked. He rubbed his face with hand exhaustedly.
"We need to talk." Owen said.
Matt tensed and his smile faltered.
"I need to know that you’re not going to hurt yourself or anyone else." Owen said.
Matt’s face fell and he looked at the ground.
"Matt, if you died, or went to prison, I… I don’t know what I’d do."
Matt thought about that.
"Ok." Matt said. "I won’t do it. For you."
Owen felt relieved. "Ok. That’s good." He hesitated, "Do you want to talk about what’s been going on with you?"
Matt shrugged.
"I think you should talk about it eventually. Not just with me, but with a therapist, too. And your parents. You don’t have to tell them what you were planning, but you have to talk about what you’ve been feeling."
Matt grimaced.
"I mean it, Matt. This is serious."
"Yeah, yeah, I will." He muttered. "I guess I should get rid of the guns."
"I hid them." Owen confessed.
Matt raised his eyebrows.
"Last night, while you were sleeping. We can get rid of them together, just… not right now. I’m too tired."
Matt grinned at him and chuckled. He lightly punched Owen's shoulder affectionately. "Owen, you little sneak. You sly dog!"
Owen smiled, relieved that Matt wasn’t angry at him.
Matt’s grin softened to something oddly sincere and he stepped a little closer. He hesitated a moment before kissing Owen’s cheek.
"Thanks for, I dunno, saving me or something." He mumbled.
"Any time." Owen said quietly.
They were so close together. Acting on impulse and caught up in the emotional intensity of the whole situation, Owen leaned in closer, put his hands on either side of Matt’s face, and kissed him on the mouth. It felt surprisingly natural. Matt’s lips were soft and pliant and Matt reciprocated quickly, pressing closer to him, trying to deepen the kiss. Matt kissed like he was trying to crawl into Owen’s mouth, or merge with him. There was a frantic desperation to the way he pushed Owen’s mouth open and explored inside, tightly gripping Owen’s shoulders.
It wasn’t a great kiss. They both had terrible morning breath and were inexperienced, but when they finally pulled apart Owen felt like it had managed to release some of the anxious tension he’d been feeling. He pulled Matt into another hug, resting his head on Matt’s shoulder.
"Let’s get breakfast and then maybe watch a movie or something." Owen suggested.
"Sounds good." Matt said.
They had a lot they needed to talk about and deal with, but it could wait.