Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

(Note within a note: I typed this up before I started posting "His Beloved" but I was in a hurry start posting for that story and this note needed a bit of polishing)

I'm going to be doing something a little unorthodox that goes against fanfic posting etiquette by properly beginning this whole endeavor with a long ass author's note as a chapter (properly tagged of course so that I don't disappoint all of you with the promise of new fic). The reason that I'm doing this is mostly so that I can kick my ass into gear in order to finally start posting fics again after a hiatus of 5 years. I feel like if I post this then I will have gained enough momentum to turn the outlines and scattered notes that I have into something more substantial and will be able to run with this for as long as I am able because I'll feel committed to not leaving you hanging with only an author's note. I also feel that I need to explain a few things before I start posting properly.

Let's get some important details out of the way first. First off: this is going to be crack that will be taken seriously, semi-seriously, and not at all seriously depending on how the mood happens to strike when I'm writing different parts of this series.

Second: I am living with unmedicated Turbo ADHD (no, Turbo ADHD is not real thing but this shit feels like it's on steroids without medication to help manage things) so I have to warn you right now that I cannot promise regular updates, everything depends a great deal on how I'm managing depressive episodes and issues with executive dysfunction. This second point takes us directly to two other related points: 1) out of necessity AND inclination the way this whole thing is going to be structured is that it will be a series of connected vignettes and stories that are 2-3 chapters long (and possibly other types of fics, their common factor being that they won't be long 4+ chapter pieces) that won't be published in chronological order of when they are set but will be organized in order of when they are set and 2) purely out of necessity I will not be doing thorough in-depth research on everything that I write about because doing so would be the fastest way of completely derail me since I have a tendency to research things to death, to the point that I end up not getting to the writing stage, on top of this I have original fiction that I'm currently working on that takes up a lot of the time that I could be devoting to research for this series (IRL I pursued a degree in history and really could happily spend the rest of my days doing absolutely nothing but research). I will try to get most things as close to correct/accurate as I can but there is going to have to be a lot of suspension of disbelief (basically a requirement since this is after all crack involving mpreg and sexually active queer priests that make their way into the upper echelons of the hierarchy of the Catholic Church which is about as implausible as it gets) and just letting some things slide (IF you feel that there is something that really really needs correcting please feel free to let me know in the comments!). I will not be going into the details of how mpreg and mpreg birth works in the universe of this series because, as with doing extensive research, this is also likely to just derail me. Therefore, in this universe mpreg works however you want it to work which shouldn't be a problem since I will be leaving most (but not all) of the parts of the story dealing with that intentionally vague.

Moving on. 

I've seen a lot of writers in this fandom add the tags "author is/is not religious"/"author is/isn't Catholic" and it's something that I would like to address right now as well because I know it will be impacting what and how I write.

I think the term "religious" is a very loaded one that leads to a great many assumptions, one of the first often being the assumption that x person that writes that they are religious is Christian, and usually a very traditional one and possibly even politically conservative, and if they are not assumed to be traditional Christians who are conservatives then at the very least x person is assumed to be a deist. I'm a hard no on three of those counts and a kinda sorta on one of them so when I say I *am* VERY religious I don't really fit the picture that many conjure up when they see that word.

About 100 years ago one of my great-grandfathers was excommunicated from the Catholic church and that sort of got the ball rolling on my family's religious and political journey and certainly had an influence on my own personal journey. Since this great-grandfather was very vocal and actively participated in attempts to secularize his country's government and was excommunicated because of this it sort of started to loosen the hold Catholicism had on that part of my family, his daughter would go on to convert to Mormonism in her early/mid thirties, her daughter (my mom) was raised Mormon and she went on to marry my dad who was raised Catholic at first but was baptized into Mormonism as a child (and as far as I know he was never confirmed Catholic). I would then go on to leave the Mormon church in my 20s (the Mormon church was a terrible fit for someone like me who was queer, didn't believe the doctrine, and a leftist raised by lib parents) and began the process of converting to Judaism while remaining agnostic/atheist.

The thing with Judaism is that it is extremely compatible with atheism/agnosticism in a way that Christianity isn't. The rule when it comes to belief in God is essentially this: if YOU are Jewish then YOU either believe in and worship the JEWISH God or NO god (basically the formula is # of gods worshipped is X and X ≤ 1. If X =1 then X is Jewish. Formula only applies if you are Jewish). Because Judaism is a closed practice ethnoreligion that can only be entered into via a very particular process of conversion laid out by the community, the rules, commandments, etc etc etc we have are for the in-group, NOT out-groups. This DOESN'T make out-groups less than/inferior to the in-group, it simply means that we as Jews signed a particular contract with THE god we do/or don't believe in and because unlike other Abrahamic religions we don't do any proselytizing/don't believe in salvation through conversion to a one true faith we don't require out-groups to follow religious rules that are part of our contract with God.

So when I say that I am religious I'm not saying that am a Conservative Christian zealously trying to bring others to the light or part of any other religious movement that, however tolerant they may be of others, believes that their beliefs are a universal truth. When I say I'm religious it means that I study Torah, I study Talmud, I commemorate holidays, liturgical language is very important to me (though not in a Tedesco TradCath kind of way, this is the assumption that I mentioned was "kinda sorta" right earlier). Even though I don't believe in God and therefore don't take the Bible literally or believe it to be divinely inspired, religion is still a lens that colors MY view of the world, a framework for how I live MY life, a language for how I voice MY thoughts (on things like the nature of forgiveness, social justice, and more), others are not required to see things the way I do or follow my rules and customs, I do not see anyone as lesser people for not doing these things as I do them or not believing what I believe.

All of this to say that in all likelihood I will somehow manage to project some of this onto the characters/story simply because it's such a big part of who I am and I currently don't have the time or brainpower to scrub ALL of it out though I will try not turn the Conclave characters I play with into my brand of Reform Jews, haha.

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FINAL POINT: Formatting and language!

Anything that is not English will be italicized.

If dialogue is in bold then I need you to IMAGINE that Italian is being spoken.

• (My Italian is EXTREMELY limited. I took two semesters of Italian in college forever ago and while my Italian reading comprehension skills are ok-ish (due in large part me being fluent in another Romance Language) my conversation/writing skills in Italian don't go past very basic words/phrases (which is why I'm employing my little imagine this is being spoken in Italian trick)).

Underlining will be used for giving emphasis.

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Well, I think that's all, folks. I hope to have some updates ready for you soon and I hope you enjoy them!

Chapter Text

In fair Verona, where we lay our scene,

From ancient grudge break to new mutiny…

VERONA 1988

Giulio Sabbadin, recently ordained priest, was in Verona upon the invitation of Fr. Aldo Bellini, a longtime friend whose years at the same seminary had overlapped briefly with Giulio’s own. 

He’d wondered if Aldo had invited him to have the nerves fucked out of him. Aldo had always been tightly wound, a neurotic New Yorker who probably had a pill bottle with his name on it for an anxiety disorder. When Aldo gave him the time of the ordination without any mention of an earlier assignation Giulio knew he’d been asked for moral support from the pews, no condoms in his pocket then (he knew the Church’s stance on those but 1) he wasn’t using them for birth control since 2) he was a frocio priest already playing fast and loose with his vow of chastity, and 3) God forbid he get the clap, or worse still, HIV.)

A taxi had taken him from the station and dropped him of at the piazza in front of the Palazzo Vescovile and he’d made his way inside to the inner courtyard where Giulio now stood, smoking under the shade of a tree waiting for a brief look at Aldo before heading into the cathedral right next door for the ordination. He didn't have to wait long before he spotted Aldo rushing over to him, his vestments flapping around him due to his haste to greet Giulio.

“Giulio! I’m so glad you could make it!”

“It’s no big deal, I was in Padua visiting my mother anyway, so it isn’t like I traveled all the way from Rome.”

“Still, I really appreciate it,” Aldo insisted, his handsome face breaking out into a smile, his large brown eyes brightening.

Giulio returned the smile with his own eternally awkward one then stubbed his cigarette out on the heel of his shoe.

“Look, I know you invited me because you’re nervous.”

“I—”

Giulio shook his head.

“I know you Aldo, you’re always nervous when you do something for the first time.”

Aldo looked down and his cheeks went pink, he didn’t bother to deny what Giulio said.

“You’ll do great, I’m sure of it.”

“Yeah?” Aldo asked, looking up from thick dark lashes that rather reminded Giulio of one of the Lord’s bovine creations.

“Of course,” Giulio said, placing his hand on Aldo’s upper arm and giving it a reassuring squeeze.

Dio santo, he’s muscular, Giulio thought to himself. He hadn’t forgotten what his friend looked like under his clerical clothes but it had been a while since he’d felt him.

“Thanks Giulio.”

“Sure,” Giulio shrugged.

“Well, I’ve got to go. I’ll see you inside,” Aldo said, giving Giulio’s own shoulder a quick squeeze.

Giulio began to make his way to the cathedral via a different route from Aldo’s. He wasn’t sure how necessary his presence was but at least he’d helped Aldo loosen up a bit and Giulio also benefited from this visit apart from getting to see Aldo again, he also had a brief break from being around his parents. Giulio sat himself down on a pew close enough to the front so that Aldo would be able to look at him if he needed to but not so close to the front that he’d feel exposed. His parents really had been getting on his nerves more than usual, his father was still furious that Giulio had entered the priesthood, no heir to follow him into the political world and no grandchildren had been too much for Cesare Sabbadin. Giulio’s mother hadn’t been upset about her only son becoming a priest, exactly, though she had briefly mourned that she would never have grandchildren from the son she adored. Unlike her husband, Caterina Sabbadin had something she could find comfort in when she suffered an upset, her many dachshunds. Your little sausage dogs will give you grandchildren, Mamma, he’d told her when she’d been teary eyed after he’d told her about his plans. His mother had laughed and given him a kiss before telling him she was proud of him and that she would get over any initial disappointment, she’d just need a little bit of time.

Giulio’s mind had been wandering for a while and when he looked up he realized that the ordination was about to begin, then, something caught his eye.

Oh, Aldo, what have you done?