Chapter Text
Everything was hazy in Rin’s vision. It felt like he was in an eternal bliss and the depths of hell at the same time, there was a blindingly bright thing glaring above him and he could feel something warm pressed against his side and wrapped around his waist, he was confused, his lungs felt like they had grown mold the second he took a deep breath in. Maybe this was what the afterlife was like? In that case he was wrong about what eternal damnation was like, then again he was wrong about many things even if he didn’t want to admit it…..
The more of his senses he gained back the more his eternal bliss was ending, he could now feel the plastic tubes giving him oxygen, he could feel the IV in his arm, he could feel the surprising softness of the bed he was laying in and he could hear loud machines everywhere…. He wasn’t dead… he was so god-damn pathetic he couldn’t even die when he tried to (whatever he can always try again later), Rin shut his eyes. His attempt to see with blurred vision was making his head pound but he caught a distorted glimpse of the warm thing clinging to him, that dumb fucking sprout. Rin could recognise that stupid hair anywhere, Yoichi Isagi, why was he here? How did he know he was here? More importantly, what was he doing in bed with him?
These questions plagued Rin’s mind as he struggled with the overwhelm of the situation, then there was a sharp pain in his chest that jolted him up out of his fight with consciousness, waking Isagi and making his body ache from the pull against the equipment currently keeping him alive.
“Rin!!!!!” Isagi’s grip on him tightened and he seemed terrified to let go.
“Yoichi..” His voice was more hoarse and scratchy than he had anticipated and hurt a lot more than he wanted.
“Be quieter…”
An uncomfortable silence stretched between them as Rin avoided Isagi’s concerned gaze; he knew an onslaught of awkwardness was coming.
Isagi sniffled, holding back tears and shifting the conversation. “Your parents are coming in a few days. They said that was the closest available flight or something.”
He nodded a few days would give him time to collect himself, think clearly and-
“Oh yeah and your brother is gonna be here soon.”
“...what?” Rin must be high from anaesthetics or delusional from his deliriousness. He couldn't have heard that correctly, why would Sae even be in Japan?
“Yeah I had the hospital call him to make sure he’d answer.”
A rare look of slight nervousness washed over his face, Sae seeing him like this would only confirm he was weak and that Sae was right to leave him. He’ll probably think he’s even more worthless than before, he can’t let that happen but he doesn't exactly have a choice.
“Can you let go? It feels like you’re breaking my bones.” Rin muttered trying to get his mind off the fact Sae was coming.
“Shit- sorry.” He immediately loosened his once deathly grip though still hanging on.
“... So you found me.”
“Yeah..”
Another awkward silence passed.
“... what was it like seeing me like that…” Rin was being uncharacteristically soft and gentle with his tone then again he was sleepy, traumatised and delirious.
“I guess I just froze, it felt like I wasn't a part of reality, it felt like everything else disappeared. The only thing I could see was you laying so still, it- it was like my brain didn’t want to accept what was in front of me, I wanted to pretend you were just sleeping so badly i had to touch your hand to snap myself out of it.” He unconsciously stroked his thumb over the back of Rin’s hand.
“.... Did you find your note?”
“I did..”
Rin sighed. “Look i didn’t know what i was talking about-”
“B- but i feel-” Isagi shifted to sit up and look Rin in the eyes
He cut him off “Isagi. I want to rest some more.”
“Fuck was i springing things onto you to fast? I wanted to let you know about your parents situation so you didn’t think they didn’t care and with your brother and then you started asking me questions and now y- you mentioned the note but you wont let me talk and- and-”
“Just shut up.” He ran a hand down his face, leaning back down.
“Yeah got it…”
Rin closed his eyes once more, everything still hurts but it’s dulled by isagi’s cuddles, by the sound of Isagi’s heartbeat, the softness of Isagi’s skin, the smell of Isagi’s hair, if Rin Itoshi had a personal heaven it was full of everything Isagi, Isagi’s body just felt so perfect against his, it’s like they were physically created for one another (at least Rin thinks so).
Unwavering pure jealous love, that was the easiest way to describe his feelings for Isagi Yoichi, and though he had never communicated that he desperately wanted to, Isagi understood him in a way others didn’t, he was incredible, he was infuriating, he made Rin feel a certain kind of cruel safety that he couldn't fully understand, he wanted to punch him and kick him and kiss him and hug him all at the same time.
Living is so annoyingly confusing for someone like Rin, why can’t everything be how he wants it to be, why can’t everyone act like he wants them to, that would make everything so much easier.
Rin’s thinking is flawed, heavily so, but he can’t bring himself to be logical in this situation. He hated life, he hated living, he hated himself, he hated others…….. With a few exceptions of course….
Isagi’s face was annoyingly pretty according to Rin and ever since he met the other boy he couldn't stop dreaming about it, God his cute little dumb face doesn’t have a single flaw (according to Rin’s warped perception), how can one annoyance make Rin so whipped.