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“I have to tell you something.”
Sunny always looked on edge. Aubrey knew it was one thing to become distant from everyone because of Mari’s suicide, but it was another to be as pale and thin as he was. Had he not gone outside at all? She wondered. She had resented him, him and Kel and Hero, all of them for leaving her when she needed them most. Knowing this, she couldn’t wrap her head around why he would deliberately separate himself from his only source of support, why he would let himself rot from the inside out.
…oh.
Sunny began to speak again. His voice was thin and shaky; resisting his body’s fatigue to empty his heart onto a platter for all his friends to consume. And he kept going, and going, and going, and going. A voice she craved to hear for so many years was finally reaching her ears, familiar yet fragile in a way that made her chest tighten.
He spoke slowly, softly, and carefully. “...I pushed her. Down.”
The words hit her as if the floor had dropped from beneath her feet. Aubrey’s breath caught in her throat, releasing a sharp, ugly sound she barely swallowed down. For a second, she couldn’t even blink. The more she listened, the more she fell apart. The hatred she’d carried for four long, lonely years clawed back to the surface. Sunny reappeared in their lives to take the blood-stained wound around all their hearts and reopen it again, letting their blood spill out, ripping their strength away: just as it left on that day. Just as he made it leave that day.
“She wouldn’t respond and- and so…”
She despised it. Not him, but the part of her that tried to understand him. She despised the part of her that still cared enough to let it hurt this much. It would be so easy to just hate him for it, but a small part of her knew it wouldn’t change anything for the better, hating him. That part of her was strong enough to keep her silent and let him speak.
His hands began to quiver at his sides as he slowly lost his composure. She’d always made Basil and Sunny out to be selfish since the incident despite the false truth, but this was an entirely different level. To treat her– to treat Mari like some thing, hanging her up on a tree for display– what were they thinking? Were… were they even thinking at all?
Aubrey looks over to Basil, who remains deep in slumber. He looks happier, sleeping. He’d always been so anxious around other people. Despite his fragile state, Sunny’s done a number on him, leaving bruises and scratches all over. They both used to be so close. Basil only hung Mari to protect Sunny. How did that become such a toxic bond, twisting into blood and bruises? None of it made sense, and the confusion only riled up Aubrey even more.
Was all this supposed to make them feel better? Finally knowing the truth behind her “suicide”?
Sunny had been talking, explaining, hurting them, for god knows how long. It seemed nobody had the breath to stop and ask him anything, or rather, their brains turned off from shock.
So he continued. “...I defaced the photos, not Basil. I wanted to get rid of it." Slowly, rigidly, he confides, "Not Mari in particular but… the fact that I’d–” he takes in a sharp breath, stopping himself from speaking any further.
Sunny breathes out, and the dam breaks.
Aubrey looks away from Basil, back over to Sunny. Sunny’s tears streamed down his face, finally giving his skin some color. Aubrey stares at him as he falls to his knees, wrapped in bandages and decorated with bruises. The room remains quiet as he sobs from across all three of his friends, who can only stand there and try their hardest to process years worth of trauma summed up into a six-minute monologue.
His wailing, his screeching– it sounds impossible for it to come from someone like Sunny. Someone who used to always be so quiet, usually lost in his own daydreams. Someone whose words were carefully selected and always spoken with a tinge of shyness. It’s unbearable to see Sunny like this, but Aubrey doesn’t feel sad. She doesn’t want to leave either. Why? Why didn’t she just leave?
She should just leave; she knew she had every right to do so. To let him sit there as she exits, letting him know how much she hates him, how much she wishes they’d never met in the first place. But she can’t. She’d already been doing that for the last few years. On top of that, she asked him to promise he’d get better, to be kinder to himself.
If Aubrey didn’t forgive him, if Kel and Hero wouldn’t forgive him, how would he ever forgive himself?
She finds herself wishing Mari were still here to ask her for advice.
Aubrey’s sense of time becomes warped, the clock ticking on the wall muffled by Sunny’s cries. She doesn’t know how much time has passed since he began to cry. Has it been two, three, four minutes? She doesn’t know. It’s like time has frozen in courtesy of this weighted confession. To let them think. To let him cry. To let him rest.
Aubrey closes her eyes and takes in a long, deep, ragged breath; her face is far from calm. Soon, she began to feel tears swell up in her own irises. Whether it was because of Mari's accidental death or the state Sunny was in, she didn’t know. But she wasn't sad, no. She was years away from that.
Her tears don't go unnoticed.
Kel’s head snaps toward Aubrey, his breathing suddenly abnormally heavy. His body is on autopilot, trying its best to soothe his aching mind. It’s clear he’s not used to thinking or stressing this much.
Hero is scarily still, though Aubrey did snap him out of whatever spiral had begun to take place in his mind. He didn’t move at all, but she knew he was waiting. Trying to fully gather his thoughts before he reacted.
It’s as if everyone is reliving that day.
Their eyes remained stuck on her face, looking for some sort of clarity on how to react, how to feel. The room remained silent, and Aubrey assumed that, like she’d learned to, she would need to approach this indescribable feeling on her own.
That is, until Kel speaks.
“...it’s unfair,” he sighs. His eyes look significantly more tired than they were a few minutes ago. “We’re all kids right? And back then, we were even younger. It’s unfair that we had to experience this much... pain.” He’s choosing his words with a lot of consideration, Aubrey notices. Kel isn’t one to think about what he says this hard on a normal occasion. The thought makes her smile slightly, hiding her face in her sleeve. Kel continues, “...Don’t you think so, Sunny?”
His initial words, however, seem targeted. They’re not addressed to Sunny, they're for his big brother. As if Kel is afraid he'll never forgive Sunny, that he'll become angry again, like he did initially after Mari's death. Part of Kel must not want to forgive Sunny, but the other half must feel differently.
Sunny’s crying slows as he remains curled into himself, knees digging into the cold blue tiles.
And Hero, because he’s here too, is oddly silent. This must suck, Aubrey thinks, coming back from college to relax and needing to re-address old trauma. He’d been suspiciously quiet since he found Basil and Sunny covered in blood.
Yes, Kel, it is unfair in its entirety. She thinks. But instead, her lips mutter, “What are you saying?”
“It feels too easy to just be angry. I don’t want to live my life being angry about Mari’s death– or rather, what Sunny and Basil did.” Kel seems to be the wisest in the room, a rare occasion.
Hero sighs. “...So it’s just like we said before, at her funeral. She wouldn’t want us to be upset.” It’s said with a lot more composure than Aubrey thought Hero had left in him. “I guess, even now, that applies to you, Sunny. You’re her little brother. You’ve always been.”
Part of it stings, his words. Like he doesn’t want to forgive Sunny either. Perhaps all of them are feeling it, that desire to leave Sunny behind.
Sunny sits up and onto his calves, his breathing remaining heavy as he wipes his eyes with the palms of his hands. He keeps his eyes closed as he takes a deep breath in, then lets it go. His breath stutters as he looks at them with his left eye before returning his hesitant gaze to the cold floor.
So this whole time, he’d been hiding from the truth. It’s nice, Aubrey thinks, seeing him take the effort to change so much within three days. And as she looks down at Sunny, she smiles. Though in her heart, she feels it. It hurts to look at him. In his state, upset and hurt with irreversible damage, he embodies their past anguish. His mere presence however, his confession, his words, inspire hope for their future- whether it end up separate or together.
“I’m sorry.” It’s all he felt like he could say, without breaking down again or making them upset. He says it to Aubrey, Kel, and Hero, who unknowingly lived with a false reality. He says it for a sleeping Basil, who had to witness it and carry the burden. He says it for his mother, who hasn’t ever been the same since losing her daughter.
He says it for Mari, who lost everything that day.
- ∘◦❀◦∘●
“Hey, that's no fair!” Aubrey exclaims, pointing towards the card deck in fury. “Mari, Sunny’s cheating again!”
Today, on an early Sunday, the group is out by their secret hangout spot behind the park. Hero and Mari watch the trio play their card games, Basil sitting somewhat off to the side to watch. It was as normal as any other day the six of them spent together, and it couldn't be more perfect.
“Just admit you lost, loser.” Kel sticks his tongue out at Aubrey, purposely adding more fuel to her fire. “Sunny’s always been way better at games than any of us. You’d never win against him!”
She can only roll her eyes at his declaration. Yes, Sunny was clearly better, but she’d dig her own grave before admitting Kel was right. “Idiot, you lost too.”
Basil had sat between Sunny and Aubrey, Kel sitting across from him. He was never really one for games, preferring to sit and watch everyone else play instead. Some part of him wanted to focus more on his friends, even though they were right there next to him, in front of him, behind him, even. He knew they wouldn’t go anywhere, but he couldn’t help it. Something about every moment with them had him mesmerized.
He’s broken out of his trance with a slight nudge from Aubrey. “You heard? Basil?”
“Oh- uh- what was that?”
“Kel and I are gonna sit by the water, if you wanna join too.”
He reaches for his right arm, rubbing it as he replies, “I guess it would be nice to cool off a little bit, but that’s okay, I’ll keep Sunny company.”
"Okay, if you say so!” Kel wastes no time running towards the small boardwalk, dunking himself into the water. In the process, he gets Aubrey, who thought they were only dipping their toes in the water, wet. She sighs in frustration, her favorite dress now soaked. Part of her is relieved to be cooled off from the intense heat of the sun, but she’d drive off a cliff before thanking Kel.
Hero notices the huge splash of water, perking up from his seat next to Mari. “Hey, I'll join you too!” And soon, the other brother follows suit, slowly lifting himself from the grass to fall into the water.
“How come you don’t want to sit by the water, Sunny? Not that I uh, mind or anything.”
“I’m afraid of drowning.” He answers simply.
“Oh. Yeah, I understand. I can’t swim either.” Basil pulls his knees to his chest, hands as support on the ground as he leans backwards, looking up at the sky. “Plus, I think I'd rather watch anyway. It makes me happy, seeing everyone else happy.”
Sunny remains by his side, legs stretched out in front of him. He turns his head slightly and looks at Basil, who's eye remain looking up. “I like seeing you happy.”
“Wha–” Basil’s face flushes, stunned by his friend’s sudden and brief confession of appreciation. He leans back for a moment before returning to his original position, closer to Sunny. “T-thanks, Sunny. You always say friendly stuff so casually.”
“Is that okay?”
“Yeah, of course it is.” He answers quickly. “I think… I would prefer to be by your side, no matter what.”
Sunny looks away, turning to look at all his friends playing in the water. “Me too.”
*click*
The duo looks up from the ground to see Mari, standing in front of them with Basil's camera. She lowers it from her face, revealing a smug grin. “Gotcha~!” She sings.
Basil looks around frantically, confused about how she managed to snag his camera without them noticing. “H-hey! When did you– how did– really, Mari?”
She places her palm to her cheek. “I couldn’t help it, you guys looked so… relaxed. It was kinda cute.” Mari carefully places his camera back onto the blanket, resting the film next to it to develop. She walks over to Sunny and crouches down to his level before running her hand through his hair. Sunny scrunches his eyes closed at the gesture, but doesn't move her hand away. “I’ll be by the water with everyone else, if you need me.”
“Okay.”
Basil watches her leave. Right now, his eyes tell him everything is okay. They’re all going to be okay.
- ∘◦❀◦∘●
When Basil wakes up, it’s quiet. Though it isn’t the usual silence, because there are people here, they just aren’t speaking. It’s even more unusual when Basil notices it’s not just anyone– it's his friends, all of them. He looks in front of him, unable to move his aching body from its resting position.
He sees Sunny.
He is standing, legs trembling beneath him from what Basil assumes is pain. He is in pain, but he does not move from his spot across the room. Instead, he looks up and meets Basil's eyes.
Basil is already looking at him– no. He’s looking within Sunny, at his remaining eye, trying to find something. Basil can’t help but notice Sunny’s flushed face, coated with dry tears on his cheeks. On his face, however, Basil doesn't find sadness, despair, or regret. He finds hope, longing, and he finds life.
Sunny lets a small smile rise to his lips.
Basil finds it– the definitive answer he’d been looking for, and smiles. At that moment, they both understood. Everything was going to be okay.