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Summary
Remus wants to forgive Sirius after the prank. He just does not know how.
Series
- Part 2 of The Prank
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Remus is not afraid of kissing Sirius. No, that is hardly the problem. Remus is afraid of what he might find when he does so. Remus is not afraid of letting himself get lost in the taste of Sirius and forgiving him. Remus is afraid of what he might taste in Sirius. He is not afraid of what he might savor; he is afraid of the taste he might feel. He is afraid of tasting betrayal on his tongue. He is afraid of the bitter taste of disappointment. He is afraid of the taste of loss. Remus cannot bear tasting them again. Remus cannot bear losing Sirius again. After the prank Remus lost Sirius; he did not, however, lose the memories of Sirius. As crazy as it sounds, Remus can still look back at the few kisses he shared with Sirius and smile. If he ever kissed Sirius and found he tasted of all those abominations, even the memories would be spoiled. Remus cannot bear losing Sirius twice.
莱姆斯并不害怕亲吻小天狼星。不，这不是问题所在。雷姆斯很害怕他这么做的时候会发现什么。莱姆斯不怕让自己迷失在小天狼星的味道中，也不怕原谅他。莱姆斯害怕他会尝到小天狼星身上的味道。他不害怕他可能尝到的东西；他害怕他可能感受到的味道。他害怕从嘴里尝到背叛的滋味。他害怕失望的痛苦。他害怕失去的滋味。雷姆斯再也无法忍受品尝它们了。莱姆斯无法忍受再次失去小天狼星。恶作剧之后，莱姆斯失去了小天狼星；然而，他并没有失去对小天狼星的记忆。虽然听起来很疯狂，但莱姆斯仍然可以回忆起他和小天狼星分享的那几个吻，微笑着。如果他吻了小天狼星，发现小天狼星身上有那些令人讨厌的东西的味道，就连记忆也会被破坏。莱姆斯无法忍受失去小天狼星两次。
This is why Remus has made it his New Year’s resolution to avoid Sirius. Now, to many that may not be very different from ignoring Sirius. But Sirius and Remus both know it is quite different. Remus has gotten over trying to hate Sirius. He cannot hate Sirius. He cannot bear to be in the same room with him, either. To many it seems Remus hates Sirius even more. Remus and Sirius know Remus is coming to terms with never being able to hate Sirius. What Sirius does not know, though, is that, by coming to terms with not being able to hate Sirius, Remus has also been coming to terms with the idea of not being able to forgive Sirius entirely. Yet another reason not to kiss Sirius.
这就是为什么莱姆斯把避开小天狼星作为他的新年决心的原因。对很多人来说，这和忽视小天狼星没什么不同。但是小天狼星和莱姆斯都知道这是完全不同的。莱姆斯已经不去恨小天狼星了。他不可能恨小天狼星。他也不能忍受和他共处一室。对很多人来说，莱姆斯似乎更恨小天狼星。莱姆斯和小天狼星知道，莱姆斯已经接受了永远无法憎恨小天狼星的现实。然而，小天狼星不知道的是，在接受了不能恨小天狼星的事实之后，莱姆斯也接受了不能完全原谅小天狼星的事实。这又是一个不亲小天狼星的理由。
Remus may not hate Sirius, but Remus is not one to forget. It scares Remus how vividly his memories can be played in his mind over and over, not missing one single detail. He remembers acutely the night Greyback bit him. He remembers the day the Marauders found out he was a werewolf. He remembers how Peter was so frightened he was ready to ask Dumbledore to move him to another house. James was already plotting for the next moon. And Sirius, Sirius was curious and excited. His eyes were gleaming, and his mouth was twisted nervously upwards as he asked all sorts of questions. Remus remembers all of it. He also remembers the look on Sirius’ face when he himself told Remus about the prank. He remembers how James stopped talking to Sirius for a week and then gave in because Remus alone was more than enough punishment for Sirius. He remembers every look that washed over Sirius’ face since that day. First, the horror; then the longing followed by the sorrow; finally, the pure sadness of a broken heart. Remus remembers all the faces, expressions, words and smells. Remus is good at remembering, not forgetting.
莱姆斯也许不恨小天狼星，但莱姆斯是不会忘记的人。让雷姆斯害怕的是，他的记忆可以在他的脑海里一遍又一遍地生动地播放，没有遗漏任何一个细节。他清楚地记得格雷伯克咬他的那个晚上。他还记得掠夺者发现他是狼人的那天。他还记得彼得当时是多么害怕，甚至想让邓布利多把他调到另一所房子里去。詹姆斯已经在谋划下一次登月了。小天狼星，小天狼星既好奇又兴奋。他的眼睛闪闪发光，他的嘴紧张地向上扭曲，他问了各种各样的问题。莱姆斯记得这一切。他还记得小天狼星把恶作剧告诉莱姆斯时脸上的表情。他记得詹姆有一个星期没跟小天狼星说话，后来他让步了，因为单是莱姆斯一个人就足以惩罚小天狼星了。他记得从那天起小天狼星脸上的每一个表情。首先是恐怖；然后是渴望，接着是悲伤；最后，是一颗破碎的心的纯粹的悲伤。莱姆斯记得所有的面孔、表情、话语和气味。莱姆斯善于记忆，而不是遗忘。
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so good omg
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A copy of this work was once hosted on the Wolf and Hound archive (wolfandhound.com), which has been imported to the AO3 as part of an Open Doors project.