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The sound of the door slamming shut after Katsuki reverberates through the apartment and for a moment that is the only thing Hitoshi knows.
And then the panic sets in.
It starts in his fingertips, a horrifying tingle that quickly spreads throughout Hitoshi's entire body and before long he can no longer keep himself upright, his legs definitely not carrying him anymore.
Katsuki left.
They had a stupid fight over something ridiculous, and they yelled at each other and then Katsuki left.
He's gone.
Hitoshi sucks in a trembling breath and then does it again and again, hoping to steady himself somehow but there is no steadying in this moment.
Katsuki left him and it's all Hitoshi's fault.
He should have kept his mouth shut. He shouldn't have argued. He shouldn't have snapped and yelled and gotten all into Katsuki's face and now he got what he deserves.
Katsuki left him.
When the first sob breaks free it's not really a surprise but then Hitoshi can barely suck in a breath before the next one comes and soon enough he's curled on the floor, heaving out sobs and taking in too shallow breaths and his chest feels tight.
Katsuki is gone, has left him like so many people before and it's all Hitoshi's fault.
He pushed him away, he practically forced this to happen by being his normally mouthy self and that's what he gets for it.
One broken relationship. One ex-boyfriend. One newly build life in shatters.
Just like he probably deserves.
Still, even if he does deserve it, it doesn't help with the pain in his chest and Hitoshi curls up smaller, trying to make himself into a little ball, foolishly hoping that being as tiny as possible will somehow lessen the pain, but all it does is make it harder to breathe for him.
He tries to heave in breaths but he can only manage sobs and so he stays on the ground, splintering apart and crying his eyes out until a careful touch on his shoulder almost makes him jump out of his skin.
"Toshi, what happened?" Katsuki asks, panic clear as day in his voice and Hitoshi cries harder, because why would he come back?
Why would he call him that?
Katsuki just walked out on him and Hitoshi thinks it's beyond cruel of him to call him that now.
"You left," Hitoshi sobs out, his words barely understandable with all his crying and Katsuki only lets out a rough breath before he sits himself down on the floor and pulls Hitoshi into his arms.
"I'm here," he promises him. "I'm right here. Just focus on your breathing, alright?"
Katsuki guides him through it, breathes with him until Hitoshi can manage on his own without choking on the air he takes in and once Hitoshi appears marginally calmer, Katsuki moves him until he's able to cup his face in his hands, wiping his tears away with his thumbs.
"I think we should talk about this," Katsuki says and touches their foreheads together.
Hitoshi lets out a desperate laugh because having a talk in a situation like this can only ever mean one thing—even though he is highly confused about why Katsuki is even here in the first place and holding him so gently, too.
"I'm not sure I want to," Hitoshi mutters, taking his face out of Katsuki's hands, embarrassed by how flushed his face is.
"Tough luck, big guy, we're still talking about this," Katsuki decides and despite how raw and hurt he feels, Hitoshi's mouth twitches, if only just for the briefest of moments.
"I didn't leave leave," Katsuki starts with, putting emphasis on the first word. "I always intended to come back."
"Then why leave in the first place?" Hitoshi sniffles out and Katsuki sighs.
"Because sometimes I get so angry that I have to move it off so I don't blow up into your face. Or this apartment. I power walked three rounds around the block and now I'm back. I never intended to leave you."
"But you did. You yelled at me and then you left," Hitoshi mutters. "You even slammed the door."
"Yeah, and that's fucked up and I apologise for that," Katsuki sighs out and when he realises that Hitoshi has relaxed a little bit he pulls him back into your arms. "As for the yelling—we were having a fight. That happens."
Hitoshi ducks his head at that because that's not what happens, not for him. When he has a fight with someone it either ends with him beaten black and blue or all on his own, so—
"I don't usually fight," Hitoshi admits because he deflects and distracts until he can get himself out of the situation but today—
Fuck, Katsuki made him so angry—and over the stupidest shit, too—that he yelled right back. Hitoshi has never done that before.
"I know," Katsuki admits, "and I'm sorry I pushed it this far. I was an ass, but also—it's going to happen again. You know how I am. You're going to push my buttons again, because you're so good at that and usually it's all fun, but there will be days where it just hits me wrong, where I take everything too much to heart and then this will happen again."
"And you will leave me again," Hitoshi whispers, dread curling in his chest as he envisions their future, where Katsuki is always leaving, and Hitoshi always a broken mess.
"No. I will not leave you. I will leave the situation, but not you. You can trust that I'll always come back," Katsuki promises him and that is just stupid.
"You won't," Hitoshi says because no one is always coming back for him but Katsuki just bonks their foreheads together.
"Yes, I will. Because it's not about you, it's about the situation, so I'll always come back to you."
It sounds absolutely fake to Hitoshi, because why would Katsuki even bother and Katsuki must realise that because he lets out a sigh.
"I love you, Toshi. Of course I'm going to come back to you. Until I specify otherwise, I'll always come back to you."
"So I'll know if you break up with me?"
"Yeah, you'll know if I break up with you," Katsuki agrees with a wry smile before he takes a deep breath. "I'm sorry about today."
"I'm sorry, too," Hitoshi immediately gives back, because he damn well is not innocent in this.
Sure, he's hardly to blame for his extreme reaction just now, but before? Yeah, he knowingly pushed Katsuki's buttons, hit where he knows it hurts Katsuki and then disregarded Katsuki asking him to fucking stop and that was fucked up, too.
"Really, Kats, I'm sorry," he reiterates again, because they bicker as if it's their foreplay—and sometimes it is—but today went way over the line and Hitoshi doesn't even know why.
"I know. And I'm sorry, too. We just both pushed too far, huh?" Katsuki asks and Hitoshi nods, because yeah, they did. "You up for a bath?" he then wants to know and Hitoshi slumps against him.
He's always up for a bath, would live in their bathtub if he could, and he knows that Katsuki hates it, so it's not hard to see it for the apology it is.
"Yeah," he agrees and allows Katsuki to haul him up from the ground.
Today was fucked, but Katsuki is still there and they apparently survived their first fight and that's really all that matters.
They might yet still figure it out.
~*~*~
Hitoshi lets out a deep sigh when the door slams shut behind Katsuki, his angry, "I'm going for a fucking walk," still reverberating through the room and Hitoshi pushes a hand through his hair.
He fucked up, big time and he knows it.
Knew it the moment the words left his mouth, too, but by then it was too late to take back and now here he is, alone for now, with a rightfully angry Katsuki stewing in his anger out in the winter cold.
"Fuck," Hitoshi says with feeling as he moves towards the kitchen.
He's long past being a desperate mess when Katsuki walks out on him in situations like these, because true to his word, he always comes back.
Katsuki always takes special care to tell him so before he leaves, too, even though those words are mostly spit in Hitoshi's face, but it's still doing wonders in reassuring him.
And Katsuki always, always comes back.
Sometimes it's to apologise himself, sometimes for Hitoshi to apologise and sometimes to no apology at all from either side because there isn't any particular blame to be passed around, it was just a heat of the moment thing that got them both more fired up than it should have and they know it.
After three years together they know that sometimes they just clash like that and that there's nothing to be done about this, except for Katsuki to take a walk and for Hitoshi to wait until he comes back.
Except this time, Hitoshi did fuck up and he will have to apologise later.
But for now, he gets the last pomegranate out and starts on opening it up.
It's Katsuki's favourite fruit, even though he doesn't have the patience to open it up at all. It only got worse when Hitoshi told him an old trick Yamada taught him, where you open it up in water to make everything easier, because water and Katsuki hardly mix.
Having wet hands fucks with his quirk and he hates it so much that he swore he'd never eat a fucking pomegranate in his life and well, that was something Hitoshi could hardly stand, knowing Katsuki's love for the fruit.
So he's the designated pomegranate opener around here and he knows Katsuki will appreciate coming back to one ready to be consumed. Plus, it's really no hardship at all for Hitoshi, who kind of enjoys the work.
By the time their front door opens, Hitoshi is just about done, all the seeds in an extra bowl and Katsuki sighs when he steps into the kitchen.
"You didn't have to," is the first thing out of his mouth and Hitoshi rolls his eyes.
"It was going to go bad soon anyway," he deflects and leans into it when Katsuki steps up behind him and hugs him, his arms going around Hitoshi's middle.
"You don't have to say sorry."
"First of all, when I'm going to say sorry I'm going to use my damn words," Hitoshi gives back because he's not a fan of doing services as a way of an apology.
If he fucked up, he can damn well own up to it and verbally apologise, too.
"And with that being said—" he says and turns around in Katsuki's embrace, bringing his own arms up to hold him in return "—I'm sorry."
Because he is. And Katsuki needs to know.
"You don't have to—"
"I do," Hitoshi cuts him off. "I was out of line, I shouldn't have said it, and I'm sorry."
He doesn't promise to not do it again, because they both know that that would be a big fat lie—they step into it too often for that to be true for either of them, and sometimes he thinks that their relationship only works because they are both such colossal fuck ups who are quick to forgive.
It matches and therefore works out and that's really all Hitoshi needs.
"Fine," Katsuki grumbles and presses a quick kiss to the corner of Hitoshi's mouth. "I shouldn't get so sensitive, though."
"Maybe," Hitoshi shrugs it off. "But this isn't about your reaction to something that was hurtful. It's about me saying something that was hurtful in the first place. You can apologise for overreacting when you do overreact. I think this was justified. So, again—I'm sorry."
He feared that the words would one day lose their meaning, with how often both of them have to say it, but it turns out they are still as meaningful as the first time Hitoshi ever uttered them and the same goes for Katsuki's apologies.
"I heard you, troll doll, now quit it," Katsuki grumbles and Hitoshi rubs his face against Katsuki's hair like the overgrown cat Katsuki always claims him to be. "We're still doing the dishes together, later."
Now that gives Hitoshi pause. Washing dishes together is something that barely happens in their household. It's usually Hitoshi's duty, because Katsuki is the one who cooks and—again—wet hands and Katsuki don't mix well.
Besides, it's not something Hitoshi minds doing so it worked out well for them, so hearing this now gives him pause.
"Katsuki," Hitoshi warningly says, because there is no need for an apology from Katsuki and it distinctively feels like one now.
"I promised you I'd work on that particular issue," Katsuki huffs out, clearly frustrated with himself. "And yet today I still exploded like a nuclear missile at the barest mention of it and that's just—that's not right."
"Well," Hitoshi slowly starts, "I think you realising this is already proof of all your hard work," he goes on, because this is always the first step.
Recognising that there is an issue comes way, way before tackling it or even attempting to change something and so this is already a huge step forward in Hitoshi's opinion.
"But it was still too late," Katsuki argues and Hitoshi drops a kiss to his nose.
"And next time you might realise it while going off and that will still be improvement. Baby steps, until you're ahead of the issue, right?" he repeats the words Katsuki's therapist drilled into his head and which Katsuki repeats with vitriol more often than not.
"Fucking baby steps," Katsuki hisses but he drops the issue and that's really all Hitoshi can ask for.
"Fucking baby steps," he agrees with a smile, positive where Katsuki was basically cursing them and it earns him a jab to his stomach.
"Watch it, eyebags," he growls out and this familiar banter is enough to settle Hitoshi back into his skin like no apology ever could.
"I love you," he says, completely out of the blue if Katsuki's big eyes are anything to go by and even though it's not the first time he said it, it still always catches Katsuki off guard.
"The fuck's wrong with you," he mutters under his breath before he sighs and melts against Hitoshi, who happily takes his weight. "I love you, too."
"Yeah, I know," he says with the utmost surety, because they wouldn't have made it this far if they didn't.
And Hitoshi intends to make it farther still.