Chapter Text
Lance was a simple boy.
He thought he knew himself pretty well. What was his favorite color? Blue, obviously— it’s the color of the sky! What was his favorite show? Believe it or not, Lance wasn’t really one for T.V., although he did enjoy catching reruns of a certain vintage show: Trek Wars or something. It was about space, though, so it was all right.
His greatest fear? His mother’s sandals.
His greatest enemy? Math homework.
His greatest achievement? Getting into the Garrison, cinching that chance to become a fighter pilot.
Needless to say, Lance knew himself, and took comfort in that fact. He supposed that it was kinda odd to take pride in introspection—after all, the only person who you spend your entire life with is you.
So life was simple for the simple boy, but life changes. Somewhere along the line, the boy became a young adult and discovered one of the finer things in life: girls. Er, women.
There came a point in time between kindergarten and high school when girls were no longer deemed the bearers of cooties. In fact, women were a subject that the average hormonal boy would often think about, and talk about.
Lance and his friends were pretty much the epitome of average hormonal boys.
His friends would go up to girls from their grade, and suavely launch foolproof pickup lines, such as, Girl, are you treasure? Cause you’ve got the booty. Okay, maybe not everyone appreciated the pickup lines, but soon Lance was on his way to becoming a notorious flirt as well. In fact, no girl was off limits to the young man— he even once got away with flirting with his famously all-business, no-nonsense class president.
”Lance! You’re late to class. Did you even finish your research on particle blasters—”
“Girl, you’ve already blasted my particles.”
To everyone’s surprise, the class president neither scolded him, nor blushed; instead, she laughed out loud. That was the day that Lance decided that laughter was one of the seven wonders of the world. It was contagious, and soon everyone in the class had been laughing at his lame flirting techniques, including Lance.
Secretly, Lance didn’t know if he actually liked girls for themselves, or if he just liked flirting. Making people laugh was fun, but girls were also pretty. When Lance tried to think about whether he liked flirting, girls, or both, his head landed on a grey area of sorts. So, he stopped thinking about it. What did it matter, anyways?
But then, he realized that he wanted to kiss someone. He wanted to kiss a girl. Maybe it was the hormones speaking, maybe it was the subliminal yet overwhelming heteronormativity of literally all the shows on T.V., but he really just wanted to plant one on somebody.
And, as where all magical things happen, Lance got his wish at his high school dance. For the life of him, he couldn’t remember who it was. In fact, the entire dance was a blur— a lot of grinding, sweating, making out, and boners. Oh, the boners. But Lance did get his first kiss, amongst that cesspool of teenage perspiration, and it wasn’t too pretty. It was awkward, and kind of uncomfortable, and more teeth than Lance had ever wanted to come into contact with in one go.
But somehow, he still felt like he had accomplished something big. Something important, as if he had passed a huge milestone in his life. It was like when people lost their v-card, but he had lost his k-card. Lance liked the sound of having been kissed before.
With high school came more homework, less sleep, and—surprise!—a shit ton of even more hormones. Along with that came more learning. Lance met all sorts of people at school— people who dyed their hair different colors everyday, people who knew three different languages, people who lived and breathed sports, people who lived and breathed their studies.
He also met the GSA club.
The GSA club was small, but meaningful. There were only a handful of kids in the club, and Lance was friends with one of them. He didn’t want to admit, however, that he had no clue what the GSA club was about at all, but it didn’t really matter to him. After all, if his friend was in the club, then it had to be alright.
”Lance, are you really friends with that gay kid?”
Lance turned around and looked at the teen questioning him.
“What’s gay?”
“It means he likes boys.”
“Oh. I like boys too. I mean, we’re friends, aren’t we?”
He laughed. “No, like, in a different way. Like romantically.”
Lance thought about it for a moment, and then responded, “What’s wrong with that?”
The other teen seemed taken aback for a moment, before he said, “Nothing, I guess.”
And that was that. Lance never thought much about the conversation after that. It wasn’t like he was gay, right? He liked girls. That’s why he flirted with girls throughout middle school. So, that must be why he didn’t like guys. The explanation seemed lacking and inadequate, and his mind still landed win a grey area when he thought about it, but Lance supposed it was enough for now.
He learned more in high school too, like how girls could fight a malicious war without uttering a single word, how boys could get away with harassing people much easier than girls could, and that, contrary to popular belief, some things can’t be fixed with duct tape.
Lance supposed that he wasn’t such a simple man anymore.
--
Most of Lance’s high school career passed by with ease. He still flirted with girls and hung out with his boys, and then he got into the Garrison. Space had always enthralled Lance, and anyone, from acquaintances to family, knew it. He used fun facts about space as conversation starters, made space puns, and in general, had the hots for space. So, when he found out that he would be training in the Garrison, Lance, understandably, had a ten minute freak out session that almost resulted in his mother calling the ambulance.
And then he met his squad.
Hunk was a huge Hawaiian softy, and despite his laid-back personality and less than adequate reaction speed, he was a pretty cool dude.
Pidge, on the other hand, could be stand-offish, but they were really smart. Lance knew that they would be a valuable member of the squad. Also, Lance would never admit it, Pidge was super adorable. Like, neighbor’s newborn baby level adorable. Pidge would probably kick his shins if he said that out loud, so wisely, Lance valued his shins and kept his mouth shut.
Things were rough at first— they had some trouble working together, especially with Lance’s admittedly distracting hyperactiveness and somewhat problematic tendency to boss others around, but they managed.
Everyday was a new adventure, and he would never forget the day he had a chance to save one of his idols, a role model that he’d read about in the news multiple times in high school: Shiro.
But, that stupid mullet-headed hooligan stole the chance right from under him. The teen in red held onto Shiro like he was his lifeline, trying to wake up the man. Ignoring his ridiculous hair with a rather conscientious effort, Lance had faced him head-on, proclaiming that he was the one that was going to save Shiro.
And so, Lance decided that the two of them were rivals.
Even after they made it to another planet with an uber cool castle and an even cooler badass space princess (not to mention her ginger sidekick), Lance still found ways to torment and pick fights with Keith.
“Lance! My lion won’t stop calling me Billy Ray Cyrus. Why do you keep shitting with my lion?”
“That seems like a you problem, mullet. Also, I’m shitting with you, not your lion. Your lion’s pretty cool.”
“Who the hell even is Billy Ray Cyrus?”
“Sorry, I can’t hear you all the way from the 1970’s, bud. Try again later!”
“Why you—!”
They had uncountable arguments like that, which usually ended up with Shiro or Allura breaking up the fight exasperatedly. Lance would always deny starting the fight, which would usually invite another fight, only to enter the cycle of arguing that all started with Lance’s self-proclaimed rivalry between himself and Keith.
Over time though, Keith warmed up to Lance.
It was after dinner, and Lance was moping around instead of going directly to bed like the other paladins and Coran had done. The only other person awake was Allura and that was because she liked to drive the castle and (Lance never thought he’d say this but) talk to the mice before she went to sleep. So that left Lance, alone and leaning against a window, looking outside at the stars.
There were just so many stars. The black abyss went on and on and Lance thought he might’ve almost puked because oh my god, my family is so far away, and I miss my family, extraño a mi familia—
“Lance?”
Lance whipped around to see Keith, in his pajamas. Keith rubbed his eyes as if rubbing the tiredness away, and Lance almost would’ve thought it was cute if Keith weren’t his ultimate rival in the entire world— no, in the entire universe. The entire galaxy! Whichever one was bigger.
“What are you doing here?” Lance tried to sneer, but the words came out as a pathetic sniffle instead.
“Oh, um, I was thirsty, so I came down looking for water. What are you doing here?”
Normally, Lance could’ve and would’ve thought of ten billion different witty, bitingly sarcastic responses that probably would lead to another argument, but he was tired. Lance was just really tired.
Lance turned back to look out the window, avoiding Keith’s gaze. “I’m homesick.”
The curt yet brutally honest response seemed to take Keith by surprise, but he recovered quickly.
“Tell me about your family.”
Lance turned around, not expecting the response. He scrutinized Keith’s face, wondering if this was a joke or something.
“Why?”
“Just do it.”
Well. Straight and to the point. Simple enough of a request, Lance supposed as he crossed his arms and leaned against the wall behind him.
“Okay. Well, there’s my little brother, he’s like five now. He’s basically the spawn of Satan, and his terrible two’s phase has pretty much extended into his entire life, but I still love the little shit.”
Lance paused for a moment, waiting for a snicker or some sign to show that Keith wasn’t really interested in what he was saying, but the only response he got was a patient silence, as if Keith was waiting for him to go on.
Okay.
“Then there’s my older sister, and she’s almost as terrifying as my mother. Almost. The girl will strangle you if you touch any of her makeup, and she’s as smart as hell. She’s like an astrophysicist but also has a Ph.D in cosmetology. Basically, she’s a scientist with killer nails.”
Keith was smiling now, a smile that made Lance’s heart hurt a little less from homesickness.
“And then, there’s my mother. Oh, boy, my mother. Let’s just say that during my terrible two’s, I got intimately acquainted with the flat side of her sandals. In fact, I’m at least 99% certain that I have a sandal-shaped bruise somewhere on me that’s just going to be there for the rest of my pitiful existence. But, I gotta admit, nothing can beat my mother’s mexican rice. See, she does this thing where she adds just the right amount of chili powder, and wow, it’s basically like eating your happiest dream, but in the form of rice.”
Lance was practically salivating just thinking about it, his mood somehow restored after talking about his family.
“Wait, Lance, you’re Mexican? Can you speak Spanish?”
Lance grinned widely. Can I speak Spanish? Can I, Lance, pilot of the blue lion, paladin of space, speak Spanish?
“Sí, yo hablo español muy fluido.”
Keith’s face lit up like a Christmas tree.
“Woah, dude, that is so cool!”
“I know, and it’s not too bad with the ladies either, if you know what I mean.” Lance wiggled his eyebrows suggestively, causing Keith to snort.
“If you mean you scare away a lot of ladies, then yeah.”
“Pinche, Keith! Pinche!”
“You can’t just insult me in Spanish now! That’s not how this works!”
Lance and Keith laughed, the chorus of their guffaws echoing throughout the castle’s halls.
Pidge’s voice came faintly from down the hall, from his room. “Quiet! Some of us are trying to sleep, you sons of—”
“Pidge! Leave them alone, they’re having a moment!” It was Coran’s voice this time.
Keith and Lance shared a look before laughing again.
They went back to their rooms, a smile on both their faces.
In all the laughter, Lance didn’t even realize that he didn’t feel homesick anymore.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Things, Lance soon realized, didn’t always sail smoothly in life.
For instance, even Lance, with his delicately combed hair that he takes an hour (no more, no less) to perfect every morning, has the occasional bad hair day. Sometimes, he has that green goo that Coran dare calls “food” in places that food should never be because Hunk decides to have impromptu food fights.
Other times, like right now, Galra were attacking the castle, and Lance was doing his best to fend them off.
Needless to say, Lance wasn’t having the best day.
Allura and Coran were in the command center, defending one of the most important areas of the castle. Pidge was trying to frantically upgrade the castle’s laser blasters so that it would be able to pinpoint the Galra on its own, and Hunk was spotting them, fending off the monsters so that they could work without getting blasted themselves. Shiro was making his way throughout the castle, defeating the Galra with hand-on-hand combat.
And Keith?
Keith was with Lance at this very moment, as the two struggled to save face— literally, as in they were just trying to avoid getting hit in the face with any one of the Galra’s laser beams. It wasn’t the most heroic task, but Lance would stand by the fact that it was a pretty important one.
Keith and Lance were back to back, surrounded by three Galra. The human sized monsters were sneering, and it almost made Lance cringe to see those ugly faces become even uglier. Who could blame him too? He signed up for fun times in space, not death by aliens.
“Lance! Your right!”
Lance whipped out his shield and deflected a laser beam coming from his right. Quickly craning his head back to shoot a thank you at Keith, he noticed one of their Galra firing up its laser.
It was pointed right at Keith.
Split-second decisions weren’t always Lance’s speciality, but that sure as hell didn’t stop him from making such decisions. When his mother used to berate him over it, he would just say, “Listen Mama, I just haven’t figured out the difference between rash and rational!” The witty play on words would make his mother laugh and whatever ordeal Lance had gotten himself into would usually just be forgotten after that.
That wasn’t this kind of split-second decision.
Lance shoved Keith out of the way, the laser grazing the entire length of his arm, knocking him backwards from the impact of the beam. He fell down, hitting his head on the ground unceremoniously with a thunk!, and suddenly, everything was spinning. It was like he was on a carousel or something. Did the castle even have a carousel? Lance’s thoughts started going out of focus along with his vision. He could feel something warm dripping down his arm, flowing at an alarming pace.
The last thing he saw before he succumbed to the darkness was Keith’s horrified expression.
…
Ironically enough, that was the same image that Lance had woken up to: Keith’s horrified expression.
“You’re awake!” Keith exclaimed, a smile coming to his face.
Yeah, Captain Obvious, I kinda am. Lance had tried to say the words, but the sarcastic rebuttal instead came out as a sort of mangled groan. His head hurt, and it felt like someone had taken a lawn mower down his arm just to give him the world’s worst rug burn.
He managed to push himself up into a sitting position, staying still until his vision stopped performing loop-de-loops like some Cirque du Soleil act. He slowly panned his head around, noticing the recovery pods and various medical supplies.
He was in the infirmary.
“What happened?” he mumbled groggily.
“Well, you took a laser beam for Keith,” said Hunk matter-of-factly. “And then you fell down and knocked your head really hard, but you still managed to avoid a concussion.”
“It’s because he has a thick skull,” Keith sniffed, his smile gone, “Why the hell did you push me out of the way?”
Lance gripped at his head, and grumbled out, “was I supposed to just let you get shot square in the chest?”
Keith had no response for that, and looked down, chagrin marking his cheeks.
“I believe the response you’re looking for is thank you.” Pidge piped in. “Oh, but you have to thank Keith too, Lance. When Hunk and I walked into the scene, it was insane! Keith whipped out his sword and, I shit you not, cut down the three Galra all by himself in like five seconds flat.”
“Yeah, man, he totally hulked out.” Hunk added.
Lance blinked. And then a shit-eating grin slowly made its presence known on his face.
“Aw, Keith cares about me? How cute,” Lance cooed mockingly, eliciting snickers from Hunk and Pidge.
“S-Shut up!” Keith spluttered, his face going tomato red. Lance didn’t know why he felt like he was flying whenever he got Keith to blush, but it was a nice feeling. It was like a mix between a rush of adrenaline and endorphins at the same time, and he was hooked.
“All right, well, me and the mighty Hunk here will leave you too alone,” Pidge said, walking towards the door, “We’ll let Shiro, Allura, and Coran know that you’re alright, Lance!”
And then there were two.
Keith didn’t look like he was going to say anything, so Lance decided to start the conversation.
“So, uh, thanks for saving my butt. Even though I technically saved yours first,” Lance smiled.
Keith looked at him, mirroring his expression. “Thanks to you too.”
“How long have I been out by the way?”
“Around four hours.”
“Damn. I missed dinner, didn’t I?”
Keith rolled his eyes. “Of course that’s what you think about right after you just got freaking shot in the arm!”
Lance winked and shot him finger guns. “You know it!”
Moments of comfortable silence passed before Lance said, “Hey, wanna play hangman?”
Keith shrugged, and said, “Sure.”
…
The two were so into the game that they didn’t even notice when Shiro walked into the room.
“Lance! Stop cheating!”
“How can I cheat? It’s freaking hangman, dude, not Scrabble!”
“How the hell do you cheat in Scrabble? Wait, I don’t want to know the answer to that— the point is, you’re cheating because you know you can’t win against me fair and square.”
“Okay, okay, hot shot; if you’re so smart, how am I cheating, huh?”
“Your phrase was, I lost my aglet.”
“Yeah, so?”
“I know for a fact that aglet isn’t a word.”
Lance looked personally offended. “Are you kidding? It’s the tip of the shoelace, like, the little plasti— oh, hi, Shiro,” Lance finally noticed the Asian man midway his banter with Keith. “Shiro, aglet is word, right?”
Shiro hesitated and looked at Keith’s pouting expression, before saying, “Yes it is.”
Keith’s jaw dropped and Lance pumped his fist in the air.
“Victory is mine!” He crowed, while Keith gave him the evil eye.
“Also,” Shiro interjected before Keith and Lance could start another argument, “You’re free to go, Lance. You should be fine, only a little sore in the arm.”
Lance saluted Shiro and hopped off the bed, walking out the room, stopping at the door when he realized that no one was following him.
“Aren’t you two coming along?”
“Er— you go on ahead,” Keith said, glancing at Shiro quickly. The blush on his face was back for some reason, but Lance paid it no mind.
“We will be right behind you in a moment,” Shiro said.
“Okay, see ya!” And with that, Lance exited the infirmary, walking right into the clutches of Pidge and Hunk.
“What th—” Lance’s words were muffled by Hunk, who held him in a pseudo headlock, his big palm covering Lance’s mouth.
“Come with us!” Pidge hissed, as if Lance had a choice in the matter, and the two dragged him off to a secluded corner like kidnappers.
When Hunk let go of him, he tried to step back approximately ten billion paces, but was stopped by Pidge, who had a deceivingly strong death grip on his wrist.
“What was that for?” Lance said indignantly, almost whiningly.
“So you have a thing for Keith, huh?” Pidge said conspiratorially, pushing up her glasses.
What?
Lance wasn’t really sure how to process the question. Did he have a thing for Keith? To answer that, Lance would have to get into what the actual definition of thing was, and the implications behind Pidge’s question—
He shook himself out of his hyperactive brain and said, “Well, yeah, even though Keith is my rival, we’re also friends.”
It was the first time Lance had called Keith his friend out loud, and it was a shame that Keith wasn’t there to hear it. Maybe Lance would tell Keith that one day, and maybe Keith would smile.
Pidge and Hunk were silent at Lance’s response and shared a glance. It wasn’t even a subtle shared look, it was more like a oh my God, this idiot kind of look, and even Lance couldn’t have missed it if he tried.
“What’s that look supposed to mean, huh?”
“Lance,” Pidge started, only for Hunk to finish their sentence, “you’re so deep in the closet that you’re probably in Narnia by now.”
Oh. He did not expect that response. Lance, the most talkative paladin, was dumbfounded. He only managed to get out, “Narnia was a wardrobe, but okay.”
Pidge snorted and turned to Hunk. “It’s okay, he’ll probably figure out his feelings for Keith tomorrow, when he’s high on endorphins and stuff.”
This piqued Lance’s interest. Something going on in the castle that he didn’t know about? Unheard of.
“What’s going on tomorrow?”
Pidge and Hunk started stuttering and making weird hand gestures, but no actual discernable words came out of their mouth.
“Um,” Lance said.
“We’ve gotta go!” Pidge squeaked, not unlike the squeaking of Allura’s mice friends.
“Yeah, we’ve uh, we’ve… SAID TOO MUCH,” Hunk blustered.
And with that, the duo had managed to skedaddle out of the conversation, leaving Lance more speechless than he had been probably since the beginning of his existence.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
All day, Lance was on the alert. He karate chopped anyone who got too close to him, causing Allura to box his ears more time than he’d like to admit. He wasn’t some little kid after all! But that was besides the point.
Just what were Pidge and Hunk talking about last night? What was going on today? If it was a surprise or something, Lance knew that he had to be even more wary than he was right now. Sometimes, Pidge had a rather macabre sense of humor— like the time they tried to teach the mice to act out Macbeth, complete with the scene where Macduff slays him. Granted, it did turn out better than any of them ever expected, but it was also one of those things that would be burned into Lance’s mind forever.
Throughout the day, however, his hyperactive mind gave him around three billion other things to focus on, like the stars, the green goo food, his blue lion, Keith’s stupid hair, Keith’s eyes, Keith’s existence in general, and so on. As a result, he eventually forgot that something special was supposed to happen today, and went on with life as normally as one could in a flying castle.
Then dinner time rolled around, and Lance was strolling on down to the dinner hall, not quite looking forward to eating green goo for the nth time in a row. He swore, if he never saw anything neon green again in this lifetime, it would be too soon.
But then Keith seemed to materialize out of nowhere, catching Lance off-guard.
“Hey Lan—”
“Uwah!” The karate hands were up again out of reflex, leaving a rather perplexed Keith.
“Um. ‘Uwah’ to you too?” Keith held his hands up, trying to mirror Lance’s poor karate stance, and then gave up. “Anyways, let’s head to dinner together.”
Lance dropped his defensive (or offensive? It was really hard to tell) stance, and followed Keith, who had taken off without waiting for a response. Lance wouldn’t admit it, but he was kind of flattered that Keith wanted to walk with him to dinner— and then embarrassment washed over him like lava. Why was Lance getting flustered over such a small thing?
When they made it to the door to the dining hall, Keith turned to Lance and smiled.
“Close your eyes.”
Lance blinked. “What?”
“Close your eyes.”
“No, no, I heard you the first time. See, when I said ‘what,’ I really meant ‘why the hell would you think I’d do that, we’re just going to dinner to eat stupid green goo, just let me live’.” Lance snarked, causing Keith to roll his eyes.
“Do you trust me?”
Keith looked directly into Lance’s eyes, and Lance really thought in that moment that he understood why people say that the eyes are a gateway to one’s soul. It really felt like Keith was trying to pierce his soul.
The blue paladin gulped, and said, “Yeah.”
“Then close your eyes.”
So he did.
He felt warm hands touch his shoulders, and gently guide him through the door. For some reason, it felt like Keith’s hands were burning imprints onto Lance. Was it just him, or was it getting hotter?
When they entered the dining hall, the first thing to hit him was the scent. It wasn’t the regular sweaty smell of the green goo, which was the only way that Lance could adequately describe it, but it was more…
More like home.
Keith brought Lance next to the dinner table, and Lance could smell the scent even stronger now. It smelled like his mother, it smelled like Friday nights with his siblings, and it just smelled right.
“You can open them now.”
Lance’s eyes fluttered open.
“Dios mio,” he breathed, eyes widening.
In front of him was a feast of various foods like grilled chicken and beans, which wasn’t anything new— the paladins got to have that stuff on special occasions.
What really got to Lance, however, was the Mexican rice. A huge bowl in the center, filled to the brim with succulent, homemade rice.
The paladins along with Allura and Coran were all standing too, looking at Lance with varying degrees of warm smiles, eagerly awaiting his reaction. They had planned this all out. Just for him.
For the second time in his life, Lance was speechless.
After picking up his wits, he croaked, “Holy shit.”
Pidge responds, “It was Keith’s idea.”
Keith flushes and says, “Well, Hunk helped me out too. We actually grew a little rice and stuff ourselves.”
Hunk chimes in, “Yeah, did you know that rice grows in water, man? It’s really cool, actually. Nature, and stuff.”
It hurt. Lance’s heart was hurting, but in a really good way. It ached like it did the day he felt homesick, but it ached so good. In a more satisfying way. He turned to Keith and pulled him in for a hug without a single word, and buried his face in the crook of the red paladin’s neck.
Lance could feel the surprise in Keith’s throat as a breath caught there and hung for a moment before the other boy patted his back, returning the embrace.
Coran and Hunk both “awwww”ed and Pidge whooped, earning themselves a reprimanding stare from Allura.
It felt awesome.
Lance eventually sat down and took a bite, and he’d never admit it, but just tasting the chili powder flavor nearly made him tear up.
Everyone started talking, and Lance really felt like it was Friday night dinner again. It was loud and borderline rambunctious, and that’s just what he was used to.
“Three cheers to Lance!” Pidge said, holding up a cup of salsa, “for giving us an excuse to eat legit food!”
“I don’t think you can toast with salsa,” said Hunk.
“I think I can do whatever I want, and I want to toast with this cup of salsa!” Pidge declared, and that was that.
Lance held up his cup of water, and grinned. “I’ll toast to that!”
“Are you ungrateful humans insulting the food that we provi—” Coran began ranting, only to be interrupted thankfully by Shiro.
“I’d like to begin this toast by saying that Lance is probably one of the most improved paladins by far.” Shiro’s toast was diplomatic and full of sugar-coating, as one could expect.
“You’re just saying that ‘cause Lance doesn’t try to do cartwheels when we’re in Voltron formation anymore.” Pidge snickered.
“Hey!” Lance protested, and Shiro merely laughed lightly in return.
“No, you’re right, Shiro,” Allura said in that mystical voice of hers that Lance could probably listen to for hours on end, if it weren’t usually berating him for something or the other. “In fact, all of us have improved from that first day. Pidge, you’ve accepted yourself and we accept you. Hunk, your kindness and compassion knows no bounds. Keith—” Allura paused, in thought, and Shiro picked it up from where she left off.
“Keith,” Shiro turned to the red paladin with a soft expression on his face, one that Lance felt was so achingly familiar, “you’ve learned to express yourself beautifully, and work as one with Voltron.”
Keith blushed and suppressed a smile, and Hunk slapped him on the back heartily, causing another round of laughter to go around the table.
Conversation resumed, and Lance noticed Keith whisper something to Shiro, and they both laughed. Somehow, Lance could hardly taste the chili powder in the Mexican rice anymore.
He would never be able to explain it, but in that moment when Lance saw Keith blush, his heart hurt again. But this time, he wasn’t sure if it was a good thing.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Pidge was on their metaphorical soap box.
“Alright, attention! I’m gonna call roll, and when you hear your name, just yell. Allura!”
“Present!” The silver haired space princess nodded seriously to Pidge.
“Hunk!”
“Here—mmf,” Hunk mumbled around a mouthful of bread which he happened to be snacking on.
“Lance!”
“I’m here, but I don’t want to be here.” Lance groaned miserably, rubbing his eyes as if that could return the hours of sleep that Pidge had so mercilessly stolen from him.
Pidge, however, completely ignored Lance’s complaining in true Pidge fashion.
“Today we’re having this top secret meeting in the dead of the morning to discuss a few things,” Pidge began, looking around conspiratorially with a rather terrifying grin on their face.
At Allura and Lance’s confused faces, Hunk added, “Lance is really gay for Keith.”
Lance spluttered indignantly, his previous tiredness completely forgotten. “I like girls!”
Allura just sighed. “Honestly, I don’t understand humans and their concept of gender. Does it really matter about one’s genitalia when you love someone?”
“Ah, ah, ah,” Pidge tutted and held up their finger with a smug expression, “genitalia and gender don’t correlate. Also, gay is a sexuality, not a gender. But you were close, princess.”
Clearly not used to being corrected, especially by someone who looked ten years younger than her, Allura grumbled, “Why am I even here?”
“Well, we figured someone who has lived for over 10,000 years would know a lot of stuff about love, but I guess we also didn’t take into account the fact that you’ve been sleeping for 10,000 years. Whoops.” Hunk said helpfully, only earning a sour grimace from Allura.
Pidge steered back to the subject at hand, “Also, Lance, you can like girls and guys. It’s called bisexu—”
The door creaked open, and Lance is pretty sure all their hearts jump up their throats.
Pidge curses under their breath, and then sighs in relief when they see who walked in.
“Coran!” They call, “Come over here. Jesus, we thought you were Keith for a second.”
“Who’s Jesus? Never mind that, what are all of you doing up so early,” Coran yawned, and then blinked when he saw Allura. His eyes widened in shock. “Even you, princess? You’ve joined whatever antics this group has gotten up to?”
“Lance loves Keith,” Hunk summarizes, causing Coran to whip his head to Lance while Lance simply waited for a wormhole in space to open up and consume his entire being so he didn’t have to be in this situation anymore.
Coran made a noise similar to an owl being strangled lovingly. “Ohohohoho! I must admit, I am rather offended that I wasn’t invited to this love fest, but I am willing to overlook that to give you advice above love.”
Pidge and Hunk fistbumped silently, while Lance barely resisted facepalming.
Playing with his ridiculous mustache some more, Coran went into a spiel. “Young love— it’s hard, it’s painful, it can be transient, it can transcend time, and most of all, it always leaves a mark on you. Your first love, that is. Keith is your first love, isn’t that right?”
Lance gulped, his throat going dry. Was he really gay? Well, he did like Keith, right? But he also liked girls, so that meant he was something more… Wait, what even was love, first of all? His mother once described it as meeting the person that you wouldn’t mind holding tight for the rest of your life. Lance thought about the embrace back at the dinner, how they played hangman when he was in the infirmary, how Keith just seemed to get Lance sometimes; they could fight together and anticipate each other’s moves just because of their bond.
Everytime Lance saw Keith laugh, it made Lance happy. In fact, thinking about Keith right now was enough to make Lance smile. Is that what love is?
Then yes.
“I am in love.” Lance said softly, eyes focusing nowhere in particular. It felt like a weight had lifted off of his chest when he said that, as if he wasn’t denying another part of himself in that moment. Everything was out in the open now.
“Yes, yes, we’ve established that, but is he your first love?” Coran’s flippant words jerked Lance back to the present.
“Uh, yeah.” Lance replied, feeling a flush on his cheeks.
“Well, there’s only one thing left to do: seize your love!”
Lance stared at him for a moment, waiting for elaboration. When it became clear that Coran wasn’t going to add anymore, Lance coughed. “Okay, but how?”
The others chimed in with their ideas on how to seize Lance’s love.
“Just compliment him,” Allura suggested, disappointingly basic for being a mystical space princess, but Lance was touched anyways.
“Or, just show him you’re smart!” Pidge exclaimed with a mad scientist-esque sparkle in their eye, only to quickly add, “Er, I mean you are smart. Sometimes. Just… just play on your skills!”
“Nice save,” Hunk snickered, “but if you really wanna impress a guy, make him food. Oh wait, he already technically did that for you, so that would be kinda like, copying. So don’t do that.”
Lance groaned, massaging his temple with his thumbs. This wasn’t rocket science, they literally knew how to pilot rockets— so why was this so hard? Don’t get him wrong, Lance really appreciated the advice; he just didn’t really know how to apply it.
“Just be yourself,” Coran said. “Figure it out yourself.”
Lance turned to the red-haired man who was currently twisting his mustache lazily with one hand, and opened his mouth, almost saying, okay, that advice is even more basic than Allura’s, but then he stopped.
It was genius. It made sense, and it wasn’t too overly convoluted: he’d just come up with a signature Lance-tastic way to confess to Keith, and the rest would just be rainbows and cake!
The others apparently had the same sentiments.
“That’s actually not too bad of an idea,” Pidge said thoughtfully.
“It’s great,” Hunk said, “better than mine!” to which Pidge elbowed him in the gut.
“I like it,” Allura said with finality, “if you really want him to like you, he has to like you for who you are.” Allura turned to Coran and smiled. “Impressive work, Coran!”
Coran scoffed, and Lance could almost visibly see the balloon that was Coran’s ego inflating. Puffing out his chest and tweaking his mustache with more vigor, Coran said, “Well, you don’t have to sound so surprised about it. This old man has a few good ideas now and then.”
Something like a mix between hysteria, adrenaline, and excitement bubbled within Lance. He was actually eager to do this! He grinned widely, and nearly squealed, “Thanks guys!”
As he turned to walk out the door, he craned his head back and said, “Oh, and not a word of this to Keith, okay?”
Pidge made a my lips are sealed gesture, which Allura, Coran, and finally Hunk followed in suit.
…
“Man, are you a spaceship, cause I’d ride you,” Lance shot finger guns at the man standing in front of him, and then sighed.
Even his mirror’s reflection didn’t seem impressed with his stupid, extra-sexual pickup line. Hell, a middle schooler probably could’ve came up with that! Maybe that’s where he got it from, one of his middle school friends…
“Damn it!” Lance kicked the air with frustration. He’d been at it for about an hour now in front of the mirror, which was probably one of the longest times that he’d ever managed to focus on one subject.
How was he supposed to think of something witty, funny, heart-warming, tear-jerking, and original all at once? You could either have one of the above, or none! That’s just how the world worked.
He sat down at the chair in front of his mirror and hunched over, clutching his head as if he were going to perform telekinesis miraculously.
Alright Lance, he thought, trying to self mind-coach, focus. Enfocate, chico. What does Keith like? What’s a moment that we’ve shared together, an unforgettable moment, una memoria importante?
And then it hit him, harder than the time he got slugged in the gut by Pidge when he told them that they were short.
One of the first inside jokes he had ever shared with Keith.
It was right after they had won their first battle as a team, as Voltron itself. Lance was really riding the high of happiness and adrenaline, and practically bounced off the walls, trying to find some outlet to release his excitement.
“Woah!” Hunk whooped, seeing Lance’s hyperactive self at it again.
“Alright guys!” Lance practically yelled to Hunk and Keith, despite standing right in front of them, “When I say ‘vol’, you say ‘tron’! Okay?”
Without waiting for a response, Lance crowed, “Vol!”
Keith just stared back, as if he were still ten lightyears behind Lance. “Um, Voltron?”
Lance groaned. “Let’s try this one more time. Vol!”
“Oh, uh, volume!” Keith said, still bewildered but compliant nonetheless.
“No, it’s TRON. You just say TRON. Come on, say it with me,” Lance said slowly, patience wearing thin, his determination pulling them through.
Eventually, after many mess ups, they had gotten the chant down. Lance found himself smiling like a dork without even noticing it— it was really funny after all. He could only imagine how they looked to the rest of the squad as two teenaged boys, one speaking with wild hand gestures while the other just looked confused.
It was a memory that was important to him, and he laughed with Keith over it after it had happened.
Lance got up again, with a renewed sense of purpose, and looked into his own eyes in the mirror. He relaxed his body, and shifted his balance a bit, before finding a pose that he was comfortable with. It was casual. He grinned his trademark Lance grin, before opening his mouth.
“When I say ‘date me’, you say ‘yes’!”
It was cheesy, it was cliché, and it was laughable, but that was the whole point. The one liner just screamed Lance’s name, and as soon as he had said it out loud, he knew he had to say it to Keith. In fact, he was getting giddy just thinking about Keith’s reaction, giggling like a dorky six year old.
“Dios mio, es perfecto,” he chuckled to himself, finally satisfied with what he was going to say.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Lance legitimately wondered if he had accidentally swallowed one of Allura’s little mice pals.
That would be the only logical explanation as to why his stomach was doing Olympics-level somersaults, of course. The mice were in there, those little asswipes, just playing around and splashing in his stomach acid like they were at the freaking beach.
Or maybe Lance was just uber nervous. He planned on catching Keith right before breakfast to confess his feelings. Somehow, he felt very small and disconnected but also hyper aware of everything happening around him at the same time. It was a borderline addicting feeling, if it weren’t for the fact that anxiety accompanied it like the plague.
As he walked towards where he thought Keith would, he was stopped by a squad of two: Pidge and Hunk.
Before Lance could say anything, Pidge shoved a bouquet of flowers into Lance’s hands, and Hunk turned him around and pushed him towards the east hall of the castle.
Confused, Lance looked back, only to see Hunk fist pumping the air, as if to cheer him on, and Pidge mouthing, “Go!”
Oh.
Lance gulped, feeling like he was thirteen years old again. Okay. He was going to do this.
He walked forward, and it felt like every step he took reverberated around the hall, when in fact, he was actually walking lighter than he usually did. He kept repeating over and over what he was going to say— wait, was he going to say it before or after he shoved the bouquet into Keith’s hands? Mayday, mayday, sirens starting going off in his head, and he had to stop and breath for a moment just to calm down.
After his brain shut up, he continued walking, the giddy feeling returning back to his bones, which he could work with.
As Lance was about to turn the corner towards Keith’s door, he heard a voice.
“I’ve missed you.”
Lance didn’t know what getting stabbed felt like, but when he heard Shiro’s voice, he could imagine the sensation. Each of those three words tore at his chest, trying to rip apart his heart.
He peeked around the corner.
Keith. Keith and Shiro, together. Keith and Shiro, hugging.
It wasn’t like the embrace that Lance and Keith had shared in the dining hall. It was much more.
Keith’s face was buried into the larger man’s chest, and it was almost like Lance had been taken back to the first day he had met Shiro. Keith had clutched onto Shiro for dear life, seemingly unbelieving that the man was actually there, that Shiro was actually in his arms.
“Shiro…” Keith craned his head back, looking into Shiro’s eyes gently.
Lance’s hands trembled.
Keith stood on his tiptoes and slowly, indulgently, connected his lips to Shiro’s.
The tremble traveled all the way down to Lance’s legs.
Shiro pulled away, his eyes widening a fraction of an inch, before he leaned back in and reciprocated the kiss.
Oh.
For once in his life, his head was completely silent. His heartbeat echoed dully in his ears. Lance couldn’t even process what he was seeing before him. It was like something shattered in his heart, so the only way to withstand the pain was to just desensitize.
Lance walked away quietly from the scene, numbness slowly overtaking him like a refreshing tidal wave. His hands went slack, the bouquet falling from them at some point, but he didn’t notice.
He starting thinking again.
Keith likes Shiro.
Keith loves Shiro.
Keith is in love with Shiro.
The cruel truth echoed throughout his mind.
Keith just… he just looked so happy. Bitterness gripped at Lance, as he thought how he could’ve been the one to make Keith smile like that. He could’ve but the opportunity was ripped right from underneath his nose, and it just wasn’t fair—
No. It was for the best.
Keith would always talk about Shiro, and he would always perk up whenever Shiro was around. At first, Lance had thought it was just a mentor-pupil kind of thing, because that was how Lance himself viewed Shiro. Keith loves Shiro, and Shiro makes Keith happy.
It was for the best.
The bitterness turned into a resigned feeling.
Lance didn’t even notice that his legs had carried him all the way back to the rest of the squad, who were awaiting him eagerly like children on Christmas morning.
“Well?” queried Allura, bouncing on the balls of her feet, revealing a kid-like excitement that was usually masked by her regal aura. “How did it go?”
The lanky teen glanced at Allura, Coran, Pidge, and Hunk. His family. They had tried so hard to help him, made him realize how he really felt about Keith, and even gave him the courage to try to confess. That was probably why there was a lump in his throat, making the next words even harder to say.
“It could’ve been better.” Lance’s face felt like plastic as he felt himself tug his lips into a mechanical smile. A light gasp from Allura tells him that he didn’t do too stellar of a job.
She reached out and touched his cheek, pulling back and looking at her hand. Confused, Lance touched his own cheek only to realize that tears had started flowing freely without him even noticing, the traitors. He quickly used his sleeve to wipe his tears, something that his mother would’ve berated him for doing.
“Lance…” Pidge trailed off, but their sorrowful tone was reflected in everyone’s reaction.
“Lance!”
Lance jolted at the sound of his name behind him, coming from that oh-so familiar voice, the voice that belonged to that oh-so special rival of his. Lance turned around slowly, trying to manicure his face into a casual expression and show no evidence of the previous tears that had fallen unbidden.
Keith walked into the room with Shiro behind him. Their faces were flushed from a certain interaction, Lance noticed, and oh, there goes another knife working its lazy way into his chest.
The red paladin held out the flowers to Lance.
“I think you dropped these. I found a note in them with my name on it. Are these for me?”
Lance gulped and managed to bark out a short, awkward laugh before nodding. “They’re thanks. For the rice. See, even I can be a romantic sometimes too.” He grinned, because he knew if he didn’t, he would cry again.
Keith smiles back at Lance and says, “Thanks, man! I never pegged you for a sap, but these are still pretty.” Keith laughed, and the rest of the paladins chimed in with laughter, some forced.
Lance couldn’t quite look Keith in the eye as he laughed, so he looked anywhere but Keith, which meant that he happened to catch a glance of Shiro. The older man watched Lance with understanding, and a mix between guilt and sorrow permeated his smile. The blue paladin averted his gaze again, not being able to look at his idol in the eye either.
“Okay, well,” Keith turned around to leave, “Shiro and I will set up the plates for breakfast, see you all in a bit.” He tugged on Shiro’s sleeve, who ended up following suit, but not before looking over his shoulder at Lance once more.
“Lance…” Pidge tries again, after Keith and Shiro had left.
Lance didn’t respond. He didn’t know how to. The events that happened just kept replaying in his head, over and over and over and over—
“Lance!” It’s Allura this time. Hearing her inherently commanding voice, he snaps out of the potential panic attack.
Before he can say anything to explain everything, he is ambushed by hugs. He can feel Pidge in the innermost circle of the hug, the little paladin’s arms reaching up to his waist. Hunk practically has him in a headlock, while Coran and Allura are doing their best to get some action too. Lance almost snorts at the hilarity of it all, but instead, more treacherous tears come out.
“Thanks guys, really,” he croaks out. He meant every word.
After a moment of silence, the squad slowly removed their arms from around Lance. Pidge and Coran sported teary eyes themselves, to match Lance’s, which he lowkey appreciated.
“You know what?” Lance said, not waiting for an answer, “I have no regrets. If it weren’t for this whole fiasco, I’d still deep in the closet, just like Hunk said— ‘all the way in Narnia’.”
“I thought you said that was a wardrobe?”
“Shut up, Hunk.” Pidge and Lance said at the same time, causing a round of laughter to go around the group.
Even though Lance laughs, it hurts. It’s going to hurt for a while, especially because he sees Keith and Shiro every single day of his life. It’s going to hurt for a while because they’re family. But he’ll endure it because they’re family. Keith will still be his ultimate rival, Lance will still make stupid jokes in return. That’ll be his real thank you to Keith.
As Pidge, Allura, Coran, and Hunk made to hug him once more, Lance glanced wistfully at the direction that Keith had left in.
Thanks for helping me find another piece of myself.
Lance supposed he wasn’t such a simple man after all.