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Eddie is vigilant and patient. You are a perfectionist. Nothing would ever be enough for you. You sit at the mirror for hours on end, nit picking everything about yourself.
Eddie knows that's why you haven't called like you said you would. Yesterday when he dropped you off at home, you said you would call him tonight, when everyone had gone to sleep. It’s almost 9:45 and your parents work early tomorrow, he knows they’re asleep by now. He misses you and you miss him. You’ve been busy with school and you both quickly realized studying together wasn’t going to be productive. The last thing he wants is to be the reason you fail. Your parents would never let him see you again.
Tonight, you completely lost track of time in the bathroom mirror after your shower. You couldn’t help but notice every little imperfection and it left you paralyzed, unable to move from there. You were tired and your head was pounding. There’s no way you would admit that this was getting bad. You would never, ever admit it to anyone, or even yourself, but you’re so fucking hungry.
Eddie knew what the problem was and he knew how bad it was getting. He noticed, like he does with everything. He notices when you skip a meal and when you start to lose weight. He also remembers everything. Your birthday, your dog's name, your favorite food, album, color, everything. He remembers the last time you ate and he remembers exactly how much you ate. You know he knows everything but you also know that he’s too scared to bring it up.
One thing you’ve always loved about him is that you never have to tell him anything or ask for anything. He always knows exactly how to help you and just does whatever he needs to do. At this moment, you didn’t want to be helped. Maybe that's why you hadn’t called him. Maybe you’ll call him with some excuse. Hey, I’m sorry but tonight's not going to work. I’m tired and I’m not feeling good. I think I just need to go to sleep and rest.
Before you had time to really think it through, you heard the quietest little knock on your bedroom window. It breaks you out of your trance. You walk out of your en suite bathroom and into your room, wrapped in your towel, hair still dripping wet. You're an only child so your parents thought it was a good idea for you to have a bedroom and bathroom all to yourself in the basement for privacy. Little did they know, they just made it easier for their daughter's boyfriend to sneak in. You make your way to the window and pull back the curtains to see your sweet and loving boyfriend waiting for you in the cold.
You quickly unlock the window and open it for him. You feel bad that he came all this way and it makes you wonder how long he’s been out there. “Eddie! What are you doing? It’s freezing, get in here!” you whisper yelled at him.
Without a word he’s throwing things into your room and climbing inside. “I’m sorry, I thought that maybe you just forgot to call. Is your mom awake?”
“No, she’s out for the night.” You glance at the things he threw into your room “What is all this, Eds?”
“Movies and I brought food. Are you hungry? I don’t think I’ve ate anything since lunch.” He says to you as he closes and locks your window.
You were starving but still didn’t want to eat. You were thinking of some excuse as to why you couldn’t eat while Eddie closed the curtains.
Eddie turns around to look at you. He reaches his arms out and you lean into him still holding your towel around you. His arms wrap around you, tight, and he plants a small kiss on your head. He smells like that cologne you got him for his birthday and cigarettes. You can also smell the burger king he just brought you and it’s making your mouth water. You decide to resist the urge to dig in.
He pulls away to look at you again. “You okay, honey?” he asks, slightly concerned.
“Yeah, I’m fine. Just a little cold.” You turn away from him and walk towards the closet to grab some clothes. You’re not even paying attention to what you're grabbing, you just want something that will cover you up. You feel so exposed with just your towel on and you make it to your bathroom as quickly as you can without worrying Eddie.
Eddie’s already digging into the bag to grab a handful of fries to shove in his mouth. He doesn’t want you to see how worried he is, but he knows that you probably haven’t been eating. He can tell by how shaky you are. He knows you have a headache by the way you’re not moving your head much and how quiet your voice is. On top of that, he knows you’re feeling insecure about your body by the way you change in the other room when normally, you don’t care to change in front of him. It’s not that he expects you to change in front of him, he always tells you to do whatever you're comfortable with, it's the shift he’s seen in you recently that worries him the most.
He picks up the movies he brought for you to watch and starts to look through them. That's when you walk out of the bathroom wearing one of Eddie’s Metallica shirts and sweatpants that could also, possibly be his. He looks over to you and smiles at what you're wearing.
“Are those mine?” he says teasingly.
You realize what he's referring to and giggle “I think so. Hey I’ve been looking for that!” Grabbing your favorite movie, Grease, from his hands.
“You left it with me after we watched it last time. I also brought The Shining and Poltergeist?” He knows that scary movies aren't your favorite but still tries. “What do you want to watch this time?” He sits down on your bed and begins to get all the food out so you can both eat before the food gets colder than what it already is.
“The Shining? I think that one seems the least boring between the two.” Eddie shoots you the, are you serious? look with a burger in his hand. Once he sees you’re joking, he hands you the VHS and you put it in. Both still slightly giggling, you get the movie started.
“Come sit. You need to eat something.”
You get into bed and he hands you your food. He gets up to turn off the light, leaving the TV and bedside lamp to light the room. You know he’s doing it on purpose now. Eddie knows you would feel bad to let food go to waste. Especially because he spent his hard earned money on you. So you eat little by little, even though your mind races the entire time, telling you to stop.
A little ways through the movie, Eddie has eaten everything of his but you still have food left. “Babe? Do you want the rest of mine? I can’t eat anymore.”
He looks over at you, tired. Tired of pretending like there isn’t something wrong.
“No, you eat it honey. I’m alright.” he says as gently as he can. He waits for you to respond.
You don’t say anything.
You look at him and you can feel the emotions start to spill out of you. It’s been so long hiding this from him. You’re both so tired of this dance of avoidance.
Even in the dimly lit room, he can see that you’re about to break. He’s almost scared to move but he decides that now's the time to say something.
Anything.
“It’s ok, I’ll take care of it.” He wishes he could come up with something more comforting than that. He starts to pick up everything you were trying to eat and he’s putting it out of your sight. The light catches his face and you can see how hard he’s trying to get through to you.
That’s what pushes you over the edge. You fold over and cry. Trying to get away from everything, you hold your head in your hands. You don’t think you’ve ever let Eddie see you cry like this.
You can feel him sitting next to you on the edge of the bed but this time, he’s pulling you into his chest. You can’t help but cry harder in his arms so you just give in to him. For the first time in months, he sees you being vulnerable with him. He has a sense of relief that you’re taking a step in the right direction. He hates to see you cry but you're finally admitting to him that something is going on.
“I’m sorry” you say to him quietly. Pulling away from his arms once the crying slows.
“Hey, don’t ever be sorry. I’m always going to be here for whatever you need, okay?” He’s wiping tears from your cheeks. “You know you can talk to me about anything, right?”
You simply nod your head in response. Scared that if you attempt to use any words, no sound would come out of your mouth.
“Okay good.” Still holding your face and wiping away tears. “What do you need from me right now?”
“I just need you here, Eddie. I don’t want you to leave me alone tonight please.” you choke out as tears continue to fall.
He pulls you back into him and you wrap your arms around his waist, tucking your head into his chest. “I’m right here, sweetheart. I’m not going to leave you.” as he rocks you, resting his head on yours.
After a while, you calmed down completely and became still. Eddie thought you had fallen asleep on him but then you got up to look at him and say, “Please stay the night, Eddie. I’ll hide you somewhere in the morning so no one knows you're here.” Back on your feet, you walk to your bedroom door and lock it frantically.
He looks at you, pretty much half asleep and grabs your hand for a moment, “It’s going to be ok babe, I’m pretty sure I can shove myself in your closet.” He’s smiling as he unmakes your bed for the both of you. “Come back to bed, we need to sleep. We can talk more tomorrow.” He pauses, “Unless you want to talk now? We can stay up too…”
“No, no, let's go to bed. You’re right. I don’t really want to talk about it anymore right now.”
He reaches to turn off your lamp, you turn off the television, now in complete darkness. “That’s ok, my love.” While he waits for you to lay down he slips his shirt and jeans off and starts looking for a comfortable pair of pajama pants he’s sure he’s left here.
“They’re in the top drawer, Hon.” you say to him.
He turns around and walks straight into your dresser. “Ow, shit.” he mumbles under his breath. Quickly finding his pants and putting them on.
He gets into bed with you and he motions for you to lay on his chest. He knows that throughout the night, you’ll move into a different position but for now, he wants to comfort you. You lay on him and close your eyes, he runs his fingers up and down your back.
“Did you leave Wayne a note?” You ask him quietly.
He pauses to think, unsure of if he did, “Yea.. Yes, I did. He knows where I am.” He knows you care what Wayne thinks of you and knows you don’t want him to think you're a bad influence. “Now shhh. Go to sleep, that's enough talking.” If he doesn’t stop you now, you’ll be talking all night instead of sleeping. You both laugh and he gets back to rubbing your back.
“Mmm…love you, goodnight Eddie.” you say as you melt into him.
Kissing your head, he mumbles, “Love you baby, goodnight.”