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It's probably because of the rush of the adrenaline, it's probably because of the wave of relief surging in. Enjin was usually clear-headed, known to be calculative, always thinking about the consequences of his actions. Especially when it comes to his team.
Lighthearted jokes and teases were his forte, trying to keep the head of every member of the Akuta above the water. Leaving the worrying part, the second-guessing things, the hesitation to Enjin, his team needs to focus on the task on their hands and to do so, they shouldn't be burdened by any menial thing.
Even if Enjin tries his best to protect everyone, keeping eyes on their back; sometimes, he can almost fail too.
Almost is the key.
They can be so badly injured, all screwed up, but Enjin can promise that they will still come back alive.
Because that's what he does, making sure the whole team survives and gets home safely.
It doesn't happen easy.
But Enjin manages to do that so far, saving some failures that he chooses to not remember himself, even if he constantly reminds the other about it.
One time, it's Riyo, breaking her leg after attacking a notorious trash beast, that if Enjin hadn't interfered, she might get more than just broken bones.
Other times, it's Gris, getting tossed around so violently that it was a miracle, he was still conscious when Enjin found him.
And more, and more, and more.
Being Cleaner equals to gamble your life, after all.
Everyone knows the risk, everyone is ready for it.
So does Enjin.
Enjin may have cheated death so many times before, that now, she finally takes the matter to her hand more seriously.
"Enjin, he's breathing!"
Tomme looks up to him, a happy relief on her face. Enjin doesn't know what expression he makes, but Tomme quickly shifts into her professional mode and focuses on the critical task in her hands.
Under Enjin's gaze, Tomme works flawlessly, identifying the injuries, giving Enjin reports on what she thinks has happened, while simultaneously doing her best to take care of the person who's laying unconsciously on the ground.
Rolls of bandages and vials of potions, Tomme wipes the sweat on her forehead, huffing out tired sighs.
She checks again, and then, she eventually gets off the ground.
"I've treated the worst as much as I can, he still needs to see Eishia to make sure all of his vital organs aren't seriously damaged," Tomme seems like she's been held back by hesitation, Enjin does his best to force himself to speak.
"Appreciated it, Tomme," he finally says, hoping he sounds genuine, instead of ungrateful. "We owe you one."
Tomme smiles at that. "Should I fetch the car? We can carry him easier if it's close."
Enjin nods, "Yeah sure," rummaging through his pocket to throw the keys to her.
"Be right back," Tomme salutes, but before she leaves, she adds, "He may wake up at any moment, if he gets a ferocious headache and his entire body is on fire, that's normal. I don't think anyone getting attacked by that," she visibly shudders at the remaining trash beast Enjin has just been destroyed. "has any chance to survive, especially knowing that he afters it alone."
Enjin contemplates.
He always thinks ahead of the other when it comes to solving the problems, of making plans, of deciding what action one should take. He gets distracted, sure, but it is never on the same level at this exact time.
The proof is in the ruins of the trash beast, getting so easily defeated in such a short span of time when he's blinded by emotions he doesn't want to name.
"Ughhh—" The groan brings him back to the present, shoving everything else back to the corner of his head. Enjin has more important things to do.
"Having fun with the sleepover?"
The eyes take longer to open. The groans subdues, as if Enjin can be fooled into thinking the 'I'm fine' that will surely come, is true.
"En—jin?" Zanka blinks rapidly.
Enjin doesn't smile, Enjin doesn't reacts—he merely towers over Zanka, eyes cast down rather coldly.
"You enjoy getting stronger so much, you much preferred hard rock ground to sleep on, now?"
Zanka struggles to get up, but Enjin has just stepped back, watching him, not even offering hands, not even asking whether Zanka needs help or not.
"It's not—" he starts, once he can sit. "—I was just—"
Enjin turns in his heels, doesn't spare him any glance. "Saved it for Semiu, I'm sure she and Corvus will be delighted to hear you almost kill yourself in your solitary mission."
In long strides, he goes down the terrain of the trashed beast, wondering what's taking Tomme so long. Enjin is pretty sure, he hasn't parked that far, and Gris has guaranteed him that the jeep will run smoothly again, so it isn't like the car breaks down on the way.
He can hear someone after him, albeit slow and full of effort. Zanka hasn't said a word, trying to chase him down. Enjin almost caves in, only one inch from dropping everything and just doing it.
"Thanks for cleaning up after my messes," Zanka pants tiredly, by the time he catches up with him.
Enjin still doesn't say anything.
Zanka has to notice his change of behavior that he's just standing there quietly, using his lovely assistaff to support himself.
It feels like forever, until Tomme brings the car to them. There's no trace of surprise on her face, but Enjin sees her frown when he just gets into the driver seat, leaving her outside the car to open the door for Zanka in the passenger seat. She looks hesitant to sit in front, so she joins Zanka on the back.
Enjin still doesn't say anything.
It is probably the longest trip he has ever taken in his life. Driven by her curiosity, Tomme begins her interview, to get more information about the trash beast, about what it can do, about how Zanka gets into this difficult situation.
Enjin doesn't even fix the rearview to watch them. He hopes he can do the same for the ears that catch the conversation without his consent.
"I thought I could handle it," he tells Tomme but Enjin can also tell that this particular sequence of words aren't solely directed to her anymore. "I learn the pattern in its attack, I'm just too slow, that's why it gets to poke me like I'm an annoying, giant insect."
Enjin halts the car, not intentionally.
"Slower, and you can end up like the cockroach I stepped on the bathroom once," he gives his two-cents.
Zanka responds, his word of choice are picked carefully. "I can always rely on you, can't I, Enjin? Going out your way to rescue helpless weaklings like me."
Enjin hardened his jaw, almost tempted to stop so he can have a cigarette. Only one.
Or doing something entirely different.
"Tomme, be a dear and fasten your seatbelt," Enjin increased the speed, uncaring of the bumpy road, the crack that may come across them.
He thinks it's an achievement that he can restrain himself from glancing at the rearview.
The concept of coincidence over the jeep getting jolted because of Enjin's driving that earns him the chance to see Zanka in the backseat, serene as ever, looking out of the window, is almost laughable.
Enjin does watch him anyway, thankful that Zanka has the decency to look guilty, at least.
Longest trip despite the speed, and the most eyes-straining experience ever.
Tomme has to sense the calm before the storm that is coming, she chooses to bolt with some intangible excuses once the jeep stops.
Zanka gets out slowly, leaning to his assistaff. Whatever medicine Tomme has used on him, has done its job, which also means Zanka appears tiredly is the sign that his body responds positively. He still has to see Eishia as soon as possible.
Enjin knows.
But the moment Tomme leaves the scene, the wall of his bravado crumbles down.
Getting out of the car, he slams the door so hard, it may get a dent. The action shocks Zanka, but the widened eyes in surprise don't stay long, as he quickly shifts into his pretend-he-can-get-control-of-the-situation.
"I appreciate it if you make it quick, Enjin," Zanka starts, sighing follows closely. "I feel like a crap."
Enjin narrows his eyes on him, gritting his teeth, but Zanka avoids him altogether.
"And how do you think it makes me feel?"
The coldness is not intentional, but it bleeds out anyway. Accumulation of numerous emotions that Enjin has never felt all at once. Something that he recognizes, that he's familiar with—and yet he can't name.
Anger and rage (at Zanka's stupidity of going on a mission alone), worry (at his whereabouts when Enjin finds out Zanka didn't even tell Semiu before he went out), and above all, fear.
Fear of Zanka getting hurt, fear of himself coming way too late.
Fear of having Zanka in any state of being but, alive.
"How do you think, I feel when I see you, laying there, half-dead, Zanka?" Enjin beckons Zanka to the car, limiting his access to get away from him, again.
Zanka's back hit the metal door almost too painfully, that he doesn't have time to hide his wince.
"I'm here, ain't I?" Zanka shrugged, making a scene of opening his arms, showing his torn clothes, bandages on his arms, and blood hadn't yet dried. "I've told you, I thought, I can handle it—"
Enjin cut him off, cruelly. "You fucking can't."
"I just hadn't had the level of strength that I need." Zanka stubbornly fights back. "I just need to get stronger, that's all—"
Enjin snaps, his hand curls into fist and bangs the car door.
"By what? Getting yourself fucking killed?"
Zanka looks up, eyes widening in shock. Only then, he ducks his head, whispering almost too softly,
"I'm sorry, for worrying you."
Enjin suddenly wants to laugh.
Worry?
Oh, so it's a worry when Semiu told him, Zanka had been acting weird lately and nobody had seen him for a suspicious amount of hours.
Oh, so it's a worry when he ignored Semiu's warning to wait for the others, and grabbing anyone available to accompany him which happens to be Tomme.
Oh, so, it's a worry when he didn't even wait for the car to stop properly to go head dive first to the trash beast territory.
Oh, so it's a worry when Enjin had never used his Umbreaker that violently.
Oh, so it's a worry when his whole body froze, watching Zanka's body laying there, showing no sign of vitality.
Oh, so it's a worry when Enjin called his name and he got no response.
Oh, so it's a worry when Enjin could feel nothing but numbness enveloping his entire being.
"I will not be so ready to kill, over someone I'm just worrying about, Zanka," Enjin says.
It's probably because of the rush of the adrenaline, it's probably because of the wave of relief surging in. Enjin was usually clear-headed, known to be calculative, always thinking about the consequences of his actions.
This time, he transforms into the antithesis of everything.
"I'm sorry, Enjin," Zanka fists his cost, head hangs in shame. Enjin hadn't even realized he had moved that fast, bracketing Zanka between the jeep and himself.
Enjin tips his chin up.
"Do it again, and I will personally handcuff you to me, Zanka," he doesn't mean it in any flirty or sexual way, but Zanka still responds with a fluster.
Enjin's knees weaken.
Another bang on the metal, this time it's the result of Enjin nearly losing his balance.
Zanka is quick to catch him by his waist.
"Enjin—" Zanka starts, panic seeping into his voice, but Enjin has enough with apologies.
"When I say, you're gonna be the death of me," Enjin forces Zanka to look him in the eye. "This is not what I fucking mean."
Zanka blushes, but doesn't look away. "Sorry, Enjin."
Enjin sighs.
It's probably because of the rush of the adrenaline, it's probably because of the wave of relief surging in. Enjin was usually clear-headed, known to be calculative, always thinking about the consequences of his actions.
But with Zanka, safe and sound in his arms, it is hard to hold himself back from tasting the vitality.
Zanka is alive, Enjin's mind finally allows him to rejoice. Feeling his wobbling lips against his, the hands pulling him closer, the desperation passes through every touch, Enjin is finally convinced.
Zanka is safe and sound, with him.