Chapter Text
Is love inherently sinful? There’s a wrongness when one craves another, the yearning for flesh in a way that is not lustful but worshipping. To love another as deeply as the Nun has, they must defy God by putting another above him. The sensation of love is none other than sin wrapped in roses and kisses gentler than silk. Therefore, nuns cannot seek it. They must abandon all sensation of love for God is a jealous deity, He craves to remain above all else.
And yet the Nun has committed that blasphemous sin. The touch of her Princess, wrong and demonic, fills her heart with something far greater than faith. It fills her with that sensation of love that would damn them both to a fate beyond the nine circles of Hell. When the Princess brushes their fingers together, the Nun is as tempted as Eve with her apple.
It is wrong
Filthy.
“Your majesty, as your spiritual advisor, I would recommend seeking redemption rather than seeking greater sin. It is important that a noble remains respectable to her people,” the Nun admonished as her arms crossed over the robes of her nightgown, a shield from the desire rising within her soul. This was wrong, very much so. It was deep in the night yet her Princess stood outside of her door.
Had the knights not seen her?
What if someone’s light were on? This could harm them both, and the Nun refused to see Her Majesty harmed for seeking her in the dead, quiet hours of the night. She preferred her sleeping well, her hair entangled within the casing of her pillows, and far from the sin each of them have continued to fight against.
“Sister, I know I mustn’t be here. However, I simply had to see you, is it so wrong for a friend to seek another?”
“When the moon is shining above the land and the stars gleam, yes. If I were a man and somebody saw you here, Your Majesty, you would be in scandal!” The Nun glanced past the doors before her eyes landed on the royal before her. “Return to your chambers, Your Majesty. It is better for you to sleep well.”
“I cannot.” The Princess emphasised her cannot, her voice almost desperate.
“Why can you not?” The Nun questioned, her arms falling to her sides.
“I am haunted so,” the royal reached her fingers, weaving them against the Nun’s coffee-colored hair. The waves almost curled around the Princess’ slender, pale fingertips. “I am haunted by the demons within my soul that cannot forget you.”
“Your Majesty—”
“I do not enjoy when you call me by my title.” The Princess’ fingers landed back at her sides. “I do not enjoy this game of pretending that we must continue to spin like wheels, Sister. I burn for you, brighter than any flame man has ever produced.”
“And you will burn with that flame if you continue to nourish it, Rose.”
“Then we shall burn together, Lily.”
Her hands reached for the Nun’s, taking them into her own. The Princess’ touch was warm, comforting against the coldness of the night surrounding them. Burning together, a sentiment more beautiful than the sunset.
Yet it was not something the Nun wished for her Princess.
“The world is ahead of you, Rose.” The Nun allowed her thumbs to rub the back of the Princess’ hands. “A world where you become a queen and the heirs you so dearly crave. A world where this kingdom lies in your hands and your husband’s. That world is what you deserve, Your Majesty.”
“Husbands are temporary. Fleeting. They crave concubines and power, Lily. Must I deserve a marriage where I gain the crumbs of love over the mountains of it that your very eyes offer?” The Princess scoffed. “In one glance, you’ve loved me more than any man could. That is what I deserve.”
“A love match is something you can find,” The Nun reminded the royal.
The Princess leaned into the Nun. The glow of the moonlight sky shone down on the blue eyes of the royal, making them brighter compared to the Nun’s darker, earthy eyes. The Princess let go of the Nun’s hand, letting it fall back to her side.
“I have found it,” her words turned into a soft murmur. “I found her.”
“But I am not something you may have, Your Majesty.”
“I wish you were, Lily. I may have the world at my feet, treasures within every reach, but the one thing I have begged for will always be out of reach. How can your God, our God, be so benevolent yet so cruel to what truly loves?” The Princess questioned.
“We must not question Him.”
The Princess lifted the Nun’s chin, her skin tingling against the Sister as if to light a flame over her very soul. It was a touch that felt suffocating under the treacherous Moon’s gaze, the weight of it insufferable. Yet the Nun did not flinch from the royal’s touch nor closer.
“I do, Lily,” The Princess admitted. “I question the God that put you in my path only to punish me for being in love. Is this the kindness he claims to believe in, Sister, or is this cruelty?”
Blasphemy, the Nun thought. Though, her heart refused to listen as it fluttered from her Princess’ words. It skipped beats no matter how the Nun tried to prevent it from doing so. “Your Majesty, words such as those can damn you.”
“Then I will be damned.”
“You will not,” The Nun immediately refuted, her gaze hardening at the mere suggestion. “I refuse to watch Her Majesty fall into an indescribable inferno. The cost of this is not worth eternity; you must know that.”
“This? The cost of love is worth everything,” the Princess argued. Her eyes were filled with a fiery defiance, but they remained gentle as they settled over the Nun’s. “If damnation is the price of loving you, I shall rule Hell with you by my side. Whether humanity or demony are my subjects, it does not matter.”
The Nun’s fingers twitched at her sides. Hers were rougher than the Princess, scarred by tools and labor that came with the everyday chores of caring for others. Her shoulders remained tense with restraint as if her body were fighting against the Princess with every ounce that could.
“Do not speak of love,” the Sister insisted. “Sin is easier to resist when it is unnamed.”
“I do not want to resist you,” the royal’s fingers moved to caress the Sister’s cheek. She stepped closer until their breaths mingled together and their lips parted. “I want to love you, Lily. Is an all-loving God supposed to refuse our love?”
“Yes,” the Nun exhaled. She shut her eyes, breathing in the Princess’ scent. She smelled of the castle gardens, the scented waters of the royal baths. “I cannot choose God over you, Rose. That is the only thing I can never grant you no matter how dearly I wish to.”
The Nun opened her eyes, stepping back to create space between them. She distanced the threshold of temptation between them, leaving no space for scandal and harm to come to her Princess.
Silence fell between them. It was heavy. Holy. Sinful.
“I cannot be a Queen knowing you will not be by my side, Lily.”
“With God as my witness, I am always by your side.”
“Not the way I want you to be,” the Princess cut through the Nun’s assurance. “You will be by my side as an advisor. A friend. That is now how I want history to mark us when you mean so much more than that to me.”
The light from within the Nun’s home flickered. The Mother Superior must have awakened due to her nightly dreams. They could not be caught this way. The Nun shook her head, urging for the Princess to pull on her cloaks.
“You must go,” she whispered urgently. “You must go and find somewhere to repent.”
The Princess scowled, the frown on her face ill-fitted for her royal face. The gleam in her eyes dimmed, the previous blue resembling an angered sea rather than the soft waves on the shores.
“I shall return, Sister.” The Princess pulled the cloak over her head. “Neither God nor the Mother Superior can keep you away from me.”
With that, the Princess left. The Nun stood by the door for only a minute more, her hands shaking and her body yearning for the Princess’ touch once more. It lit a flame within her that she can no longer put out, but she must. The Nun turned, entering the darkness of her home once more.