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The look of amusement on Mu Qingfang’s face seemed a little too unprofessional as he walked back over to Shen Qingqiu. “Congratulations, Shixiong.”
Shen Qingqiu narrowed his eyes suspiciously. “What has this master done to earn such effusive congratulations?” he demanded to know. With his luck, he wouldn’t be surprised if he’d picked up some rare disease (that would obviously be curable with papapa…)
“First of all, I must thank you for seeking me out when you realized you were feeling ill,” the doctor said, sounding genuinely grateful, which was quite rude. It’s not like Shen Qingqiu had a death wish or anything! After waking up too early to go puke several days in a row, even Shen Qingqiu could admit that there might be a problem! (And immediately heading to Qian Cao had been entirely Shen Qingqiu’s own choice, and had nothing to do with the worried, pleading look on Binghe’s face-!) “But the congratulations are because there is nothing wrong. Rather, there is some good news. It would seem that Shixiong is with child.”
There was a long moment of silence where Shen Qingqiu thought that maybe he’d completely misheard. When Mu Qingfang just continued to stare at him, Shen Qingqiu jumped to his feet. Since when was there fucking mpreg in this world??? “I’m going to kill him,” he growled, already thinking of the thorough beat down Shang Qinghua was going to get for writing this trash world with its shitty world building. He started to storm away, vengeance on his mind.
Mu Qingfang reached out to gently grab Shen Qingqiu before he could leave the room. There was real concern in his voice now. “Shixiong, if the circumstances that led to this were not your choice-”
His fellow peak lords were always all too willing to believe the worst of Luo Binghe, and Shen Qingqiu had to immediately shut that train of thought down. The last thing he wanted was for his well-meaning martial siblings to storm his peaceful little bamboo house and get themselves killed trying to ‘defend his virtue’ from Luo Binghe, or whatever they had in mind. “It’s not that.” He sighed, and realized that he needed to explain his reaction at least to some extent, even if it might make him look a little foolish. “I didn’t realize it was a possibility, is all.”
Mu Qingfang gave him a long, searching look before he seemed to relax and he let go of Shen Qingqiu. “It is not common for men to bear pregnancies, no, but there are certain plants that allow such a thing to happen. Perhaps you managed to discover a new one.”
“Just my luck,” Shen Qingqiu grumbled.
One corner of Mu Qingfang’s mouth twitched up in an amused smile before he went back into his ‘serious doctor’ mode. “Since this was an unexpected surprise, you may want to take some time to think about what you would like to do. There are options available. You seem to be about six weeks along, so you still have another five weeks if you would like to take an abortifacient. And even after that, it can still be dealt with, if with slightly more invasive means. You have plenty of time, so unless you are certain about what you would like to do, I would advise you wait and think on it. In the meanwhile, there are some herbs and certain foods I would recommend to ensure good health for both of you.”
“Just send a list to Qing Jing,” Shen Qingqiu said before hurrying away.
As soon as he got back to his peak, Shen Qingqiu hurried into his house with strict instructions to the nearest disciple that nobody was to bother him for the rest of the day. Then he closed the door and went into his bedroom, peeling open his robes so that he could peer down at his stomach.
Just from hearing the news, he’d expected to find himself looking like he’d swallowed a whole watermelon, but everything looked exactly the same as it had the day before. He let out a sigh of relief before flopping back onto the bed. One hand came up to rest on top of his belly, and he shuddered at the thought of there being some living, breathing creature in there and immediately pulled his hand away.
Being a man in both his past life and this one, the idea of pregnancy was not one he’d ever even considered as a possibility. He barely knew anything about the process besides what little he could remember from sex-ed classes in school, and that had been many years ago. Most of what he could recall seemed pretty damn terrifying. And that was in modern day China with all the highest tech and best doctors one could dream of. Going through all that in this kind of a setting seemed far more dangerous.
Shen Qingqiu squeezed his eyes shut. Okay, so the idea of the pregnancy itself was- was something he would loop back to later. What about what came after that? Nine or ten months of growing some little parasite inside of him, and then there would be a little person (and he was not going to think about where it would come out, given his anatomy!) and he would be responsible for that little person’s life.
He’d seen enough movies to know that it would be months, if not years, of being disturbed from bed at all hours to sooth the fussy little creature. Not to mention changing diapers- the thought of it alone was enough to make Shen Qingqiu gag.
Not that he’d have to deal with all of it alone, of course. This wasn’t just about him, it was about Luo Binghe as well. He could already picture his husband telling him to go back to sleep while he dealt with the child, and Shen Qingqiu smiled a little to himself.
Being a parent was a huge responsibility, but of course the protagonist himself would be up to such a thing. He was always so good with the younger disciples, clearly having the patience of a god to keep answering the same questions over and over without ever getting frustrated. And he could be so playful; Shen Qingqiu could already picture him bouncing around a giggling little infant that looked like a mini clone of Luo Binghe.
And even though the specific conversation had not come up before, Shen Qingqiu could already guess just how much Luo Binghe would want this child. As someone with so little family, of course he’d welcome any new addition. Not to mention that inherent instinct, both as a man and as a demon, to pass one’s legacy on to the next generation.
So even though the thought of actually being pregnant was wigging Shen Qingqiu out beyond belief at the moment, he knew that he couldn’t be selfish. Luo Binghe already did so many little things every single day to show his love for Shen Qingqiu- having this child was the least that Shen Qingqiu could do in return.
Decision made, Shen Qingqiu got up and fixed his clothes, making sure that he looked like the same untouchable immortal as always. Then he made some tea, and waited anxiously for his husband to get home. He was dealing with important business in the demon realm, but even when they needed to be apart to do their jobs, Luo Binghe always made sure to return to Shen Qingqiu’s side so that they could spend the night together. It was the least he could do, when it was his fault that Shen Qingqiu had gotten so used to his presence that he struggled to sleep when he was alone.
It felt like forever before Luo Binghe finally got home. He paused when he saw that Shen Qingqiu was just sitting there, waiting for him. “Shizun? Is everything alright?”
Shen Qingqiu gulped, then nodded. “Yes.”
From the look on Luo Binghe’s face, it was clear that he didn’t believe him. “Then I’ll just start making dinner,” he started to say.
Shen Qingiu shook his head. “Sit down, please. There’s something I need to talk to you about. Nothing bad,” he hurried to add, knowing how quickly Luo Binghe could start to catastrophize. Luo Binghe knelt down right next to Shen Qingqiu instead of across from him, making it easy for Shen Qingqiu to reach out and take one of Luo Binghe’s hands. “Binghe, have you ever given any thought to- to children?”
Luo Binghe furrowed his eyebrows. “Shizun, what’s this about?”
The words felt like they kept catching in his throat, but Shen Qingqiu forced them out like they were sour bile that needed to be expelled. “I’m pregnant.” The words hung awkwardly in the air for several long moments.
Luo Binghe’s face, normally so expressive, immediately turned stony and unreadable. It made Shen Qingqiu a little nervous as the seconds stretched out and there was still no real reaction. He gave Luo Binghe’s hand a little squeeze, and his husband blinked a few times before meeting his eyes. “Is this- is this what Shizun wants?”
Something in Shen Qingqiu’s heart softened towards this silly husband of his. Of course Luo Binghe was so concerned with Shen Qingqiu’s wants that he wouldn’t allow himself to show his excitement until he knew that it was something Shen Qingqiu was on board with. He forced himself to smile. “Yes, of course.”
There was another moment of Luo Binghe’s strange non-reaction, that was broken by a sudden bright smile as Luo Binghe beamed at him before leaning forward to pull Shen Qingqiu into a tight hug. “Then of course this disciple is happy as well.” Shen Qingqiu was glad that the hug pressed his face against Luo Binghe’s shoulder, so that his husband wouldn’t see the uneasiness that had to be showing. He just had to keep reminding himself that he was willing to do this for Luo Binghe.
,,,
Luo Binghe hadn’t been able to fall asleep with his thoughts in such turmoil, so instead he laid on his side and watched his husband. When he was sleeping, Shen Qingqiu’s face was so peaceful and soft in a way that it rarely was when he was awake. Luo Binghe started to reach out to rest his hand on Shen Qingqiu’s stomach, but paused with his hand in the air as he thought about the news his husband had shared with him.
With the way that Shen Qingqiu had been all but trembling with excitement, there was no way that Luo Binghe would ever be able to bring himself to ruin the mood by rejecting this baby. And yet Luo Binghe couldn’t help feeling very uncertain about going through with this.
He knew by now, with absolute certainty, that Shen Qingqiu loved him very much despite his Heavenly Demon blood, and was also able to get along with many other demons as well. But what if everything Luo Binghe had done to prove himself wasn’t enough for the baby? What if Shen Qingqiu was unable to bring himself to love it at all? Or worse- what if Shen Qingqiu loved it more than he loved Luo Binghe?
It was a selfish thought, but Luo Binghe had always been selfish. Having to share so much of his shizun’s time with Cang Qiong was already bad enough, but a baby would take up even more. Not to mention that the baby would be an innocent thing that had never hurt Shizun or caused so much fear and trouble. The other peak lords would probably also adore a cute little baby that looked just like Shen Qingqiu, and they would be more than happy to let Shen Qingqiu forget all about the husband who had helped make the thing.
And even though he knew that people got pregnant all the time, Luo Binghe couldn’t help worrying. His own birth mother had died bringing Luo Binghe into this world. The thought of Shen Qingqiu facing such a fate frightened Luo Binghe so much that he had to make an active effort to suppress his aura before it could disturb Shizun’s rest.
And even if it didn’t prove to be lethal, Luo Binghe knew that the process would not be comfortable for Shen Qingqiu. He would feel stifled once he reached the point of having to stay put. And even before that, he would have to deal with being sick in the mornings for even longer, and wouldn’t be able to eat all of his favorite foods, and his body would be sore and achy. Luo Binghe would do as much as he could to soothe his husband, of course, but in the end there would only be so much he could.
But despite all of his reservations, Luo Binghe knew that he could not ask Shen Qingqiu to give this up just for him. Not when Shizun had already given Luo Binghe everything he could ever want. Letting him have this child was such a small thing to give in return. And despite not having the best role models, of course Luo Binghe would do his best to raise the child well. He would not let them ever feel unwanted (even though they were).
Somewhat at peace with his conclusion, Luo Binghe finally forced himself to go to sleep so that he could find his husband in the dream realm. Shen Qingqiu had confessed to him once that he never slept quite as well if he didn’t get the chance to see Luo Binghe, and Luo Binghe would never deny his husband anything.
He wished that he’d gone in sooner, though, when he found his husband’s dreams full of distress and confusion. Shen Qingqiu was curled up on the floor with his hands pressed against his ears while hundreds of children ran around the room, screaming and yelling and talking over each other so loudly that no individual words could be distinguished.
Luo Binghe waved his hand to make the children all disappear, leaving the space with an oppressively loud silence. He knelt down in front of Shen Qingqiu, whose eyes snapped open just a moment before he flung himself forward into Luo Binghe’s arms. “I don’t know if I can do this,” he breathed out quietly.
Luo Binghe tightened his arms around his husband. “If this isn’t what you want…” he started slowly.
Shen Qingqiu immediately shook his head. “But it’s what you want,” he said, as if that was the only deciding factor.
Luo Binghe blinked once, then forced both himself and his husband awake, so that they could speak without any influence of their dreams. They woke up with their limbs all twined together, just like usual, but both carefully separated themselves so that they could sit up and face each other. Knowing that his husband would never be the one to start this conversation, Luo Binghe took a deep breath and spoke first. “Shizun, the truth is, I don’t know if I am ready to be a father.”
Looking almost offended on his behalf, Shen Qingqiu immediately protested. “You’d be amazing at it! Anyone who says otherwise-”
When Shen Qingqiu got into one of his ‘defending Luo Binghe’ rants he could go on for a while, so Luo Binghe knew to cut him off at the pass. “It’s not about that, Shizun. It’s just that we’ve been through so much, and it feels like even now we hardly have any time just to ourselves. And bringing in someone new will alter things between us. Maybe- maybe at some point in the future, but right now I just don’t know.”
Shen Qingqiu leaned forward to take both of Luo Binghe’s hands. “I thought Binghe would be happy.”
“I’m not ungrateful, Shizun, and of course I would never show any resentment towards this child,” he hurried to assure.
Shen Qingqiu let out a soft sigh, then leaned further forwards so that the top of his head was resting against Luo Binghe’s chest. “Even after all this time, this master never seems to make the right choices when it comes to Binghe’s happiness.”
Luo Binghe frowned. “Everything Shizun does makes me happy,” he insisted, not wanting there to be any doubt of his devotion.
Shen Qingqiu let out a soft chuckle before he spoke again, still hiding his thin face from Luo Binghe’s sight. “To be honest, I’m not so sure about this either. A child deserves to come into this world knowing how much they are wanted. If that’s not something that either of us can provide, then perhaps it would be best not to.”
Those words might have sounded a little bitter or depressed coming from someone else, but Luo Binghe could only hear the utter relief in them, and he knew that he and Shen Qingqiu were on exactly the same page. “Shizun is as wise as ever,” he said, not bothering to hide his own relief in turn.
Shen Qingqiu tilted his head back so that Luo Binghe could finally get a good look at him. There was no trace of tears or redness around his eyes that would indicate he was in any way saddened by the thought of not having this child. “Ah Binghe, forgive this master’s foolishness.”
“There’s nothing to forgive,” Luo Binghe immediately told him, pulling his husband close so that they could share a brief kiss before going back to sleep, this time free of any nightmares.
,,,
There was no judgement on Mu Qingfang’s face when Shen Qingqiu and Luo Binghe sat on the table in front of him. He only asked, “Are you sure?”
The two married men reached across the small space between them so that they could hold hands, and Shen Qingqiu nodded firmly. “We’re sure.”
Mu Qingfang prepared the requested tea, and handed it over to a very relieved looking Shen Qingqiu. He’d never seen someone look so pleased to rid themselves of a pregnancy, but ever the professional, Mu Qingfang only reminded his patient of the possible symptoms. “You may feel nauseous for a few days, and perhaps a little snappish as your hormones stabilize. That’s all perfectly normal. If you experience any unusual bleeding or continue to be sick for more than a week, I expect you to return here.”
Shen Qingqiu nodded and quickly chugged the tea, but Mu Qingfang took comfort in the fact that it seemed like at least Luo Binghe was paying attention to the doctor’s words.
When the two of them left, still hand in hand, Luo Binghe whispered something that earned a scandalized, “Binghe!” from his husband, who lightly smacked him with his fan. Luo Binghe only laughed unrepentently in response.
Mu Qingfang’s head disciple watched them as they both crowded onto Luo Binghe’s sword to fly back to Qing Jing. “They seem pleased. Good news?”
Mu Qingfang allowed himself a small smile as he nodded. “Yes, I suppose it was.”