Chapter Text
"Hey, Till, can I ask you something. It’s kind of important?" A girl stepped forward from the little group gathering around his table.
Till looked up from his table, blinking at the sudden question. "Uh..yeah, sure."
She hesitated a bit before asking, "Is Ivan seeing anyone?"
It wasn’t the first time Till had been asked something like this. Being the best friend of the very popular Ivan, he would occasionally be asked this kind of question by his schoolmates.
Judging from her nervous expression, she must be another one who was smitten with Ivan. Till had lost count of how many people confessed to Ivan just this semester alone. Ivan will definitely gently reject her like he always did. He found himself feeling moody that another one would confess to Ivan.
"No", He said, "I don’t think so".
The girl visibly brightened up at his answer, "Really! Then what kind of person is he into?"
Till didn’t know. He and Ivan had known each other for so long. Their first meeting was terrible, but they managed to savage it, and now they are pretty much inseparable. He never saw or heard Ivan mention anyone that he liked. If Ivan had anyone he liked, Till was sure that he would know.
But nothing came to mind. Ivan never brought up anyone or acted love-sick for him to notice anything. Only Ivan and Till were single in their friend group. It was hard to know what Ivan’s type was.
He shrugged, "How should I know. Go ask Ivan? "
"Come on, you’re always with him. You must know something."
Till scoffed. "So? That doesn’t mean I can read his mind."
"It’d be awkward! Please, Till. Just ask him for me?"
Till narrowed his eyes. "That’s not my problem. I am not gonna ask him for you."
"Fine", the girl said in disappointment. She left as she rejoined her friends a moment later.
It was lunch time, Ivan and Till were in totally different classes since Ivan was in an advanced curriculum. So lunch was the only time during school that they could hang out together.
“Hey, Ivan?”
"Yes?" Ivan stares at Till attentively.
"Have you ever liked anyone before?" Till asked.
"Yes", Ivan smiled.
Oh, so he does have someone he likes.
"Than, .. than, who was it?"
"You.", Ivan said in a serious tone.
"Huh?" Till felt heat creeping onto his cheek.
"And Mizi, Sua, Hyu—", Ivan softened his tone, continued playfully, clearly enjoying ruffling up Till.
"No, I mean in a romantic sense!" He pushed aside the disappointment he was feeling. He should have known that Ivan would take him seriously.
"Ohh, you should have been more specific than", Ivan replied teasingly
"Bullshit, you know what I mean", Till scowled.
Ivan stared at Till, “What do you think?"
"I … I don’t know, that’s why I am asking!"
Ivan’s grin widened. His face got closer to Till, so close that their nose almost touched. "Really? Why are you asking me this all of a sudden? Interested in my love life?"
"Yeah, you idiot," Till muttered, a bit surprised at the sudden closeness. "You never talk about something like this to me, so I’m curious."
"Why would I be in a relationship when I have you?" Ivan tilted his head in a teasing manner.
"Stop saying that, people would misunderstand." Till flush, avoiding eye contact.
"But that is the truth, what is there to be misunderstood?"
Till felt his heart racing. He has known this freak since kindergarten. He should be used to Ivan sprouting bullshit like that.
Ivan leans even closer, smiling like the freak he was, "Aww, you’re blushing, how cute" he purred, pinching Till’s cheeks.
"Stopppp!" Till yanked his hand away and covered his face with both hands in embarrassment, as if trying to stop Ivan from seeing how red his face is.
For God's sake, why does his face flush so easily?
Ivan laughed and gently pulled Till’s hand away. He cupped his face and stared at him. Ivan moves his finger to rub the corner of his lips. Till feel his face at the boiling point. It felt so intimate that Till almost wanted to lean in a nuzzle in his touch.
“Ivan..”
"Sorry, there was something on your face." Ivan smiled.
"oh-ohh.."
That was not good for his heart. His heart was beating so fast because of Ivan’s action.
Ivan is pretty touchy. He must be the clingy type if he ever were to be in a relationship. Just thinking about it makes Till feel conflicted.
Ivan is inevitably going to spend less time with him once he gets himself a lover. All the teasing and attention will increase tenfold and be directed to someone else. He needs to prepare when they happen, and he needs to be genuinely happy for Ivan when he introduces him to his lover.
Till didn’t think he could continue this conversation, so the topic of who Ivan liked was left unanswered just like that.
The next time Till thought of this topic was when he was at Luka’s place. Luka was busy creating a love song for Hyuna and wanted to incorporate the sound of a guitar. Naturally, Till, being the guitar expert that he is, was asked to help him.
He was preparing to leave, and Luka was still rambling about his love for Hyuna. Till’s mind wandered to Ivan.
"Hmm, you're asking me if I know Ivan had a crush on someone?" Luka questions, adjusting the strings on his violin.
"Well, I am curious", Till said, trying to sound casual. "He never really talks about it. I asked him, and he didn’t give a clear answer."
"Hmm", Luka mumbled, his eyes narrowing slightly as he studied Till. Till shifted uncomfortably.
Luka tilted his head, a smirk appearing on his face. "Oh, he does."
Till’s chest tightened. He hadn’t expected that. Part of him had hoped Luka would say no, and that would be the end of the conversation.
“Are you sure? How come I am not aware of this?”
Luka was feeling amused. "Really? Mizi, Sua, Hyuna, and a couple of others all knew about it. Are you sure your relationship with Ivan is as close as you think?"
Till froze.
Everyone knew? Why was he the only one kept in the dark about this!?
As sketchy as Luka can sometimes be, when it came to matters of love, he was completely honest. He wouldn’t lie about this, which meant what he was saying was the truth.
Till doesn’t know what he felt so agitated, it must be the feeling of betrayal that Ivan hadn’t told him something so important. Yeah, it must be that.
"And… do you know who Ivan likes?" Till asked, his voice came out very quiet as he was trying his best to sound calm.
"I do. " Luka replied, lips curling. "Want to know?"
Of course, Till wants to know. Till himself told Ivan about his crush on Mizi. It was unfair that Till didn’t know about Ivan’s crush.
"Yeah! Tell me"
"Directly? That’s no fun." Luka laughed lightly.
He glared at Luka.
Luka smiles, "Relax, don’t look at me like I am your opponent in a death singing competition."
"I’m feeling generous today, so I’ll tell you what the person looks like. But since you’re an idiot, I’ll be especially straightforward," Luka said, ignoring Till’s indignant "Hey!"
"The person Ivan loves has grey hair and green eyes."
Till blinked. “What?”
"It’s an unusual eye and hair color combination, isn’t it?" Luka tilted his head, watching Till in amusement. "Oh, and he is still in love with them. It’s probably been 10 years already. A crush can’t describe the depth of his feelings toward this person."
Till furrowed his brows as he thought for a moment.
Grey hair… green eyes… someone Ivan’s known for 10 years?
His eyes widened.
No. It can’t be
Luka saw Till’s stunned expression and felt satisfied. He doubted that Ivan’s “unrequited feeling” was actually unrequited. The object of his affection is just too dense to realize it. A little push should do the trick.
Luka was in a good mood. Usually, he would let this kind of stuff run its course. But Hyuna recently accepted his marriage proposal, leaving him on cloud nine. Plus, Till was helping him compose music, so he was feeling extra generous.
Till, meanwhile, was frozen in horror.
Is Ivan in love with my mom?
If Luka were to hear Till’s thoughts, he would have stopped smiling and smacked Till in his head. If he knew that this idiot would come to this ridiculous conclusion, he would be better off not saying anything in the first place.
Fortunately or unfortunately, he can’t read Till’s mind, so seeing Till’s shocked expression, he assumes that Till got his hint.
"Be sure to treat me later," Luka said and walked off.
Till was at home when he completely grasped the information.
Ivan is in love with my mom! Since when!?
There was only one person Till knew who fit Luka’s description.
His Mom.
Unlike him, she was a gentle and soft-spoken person. A single mother who had raised him alone and poured every ounce of love she had into him. Till adored her in return. Ivan used to call him a "mommy’s boy" when they were kids, and it always ended in a fight.
Could it be that the reason Ivan kept calling him that was that he was jealous of Till’s clinginess toward his mother?
Maybe Luka meant someone else. But from the way he said it, this was someone Till knew. So, it could only be his mom, right?
He has known Ivan for more than 10 years, which means that Ivan has also known his mom for that long. Till was her son ... Has Ivan been trying hard to hide this forbidden love all this time
The thought made Till’s stomach twist.
No way…
His mom adores Ivan like a second son. There is no way it could be reciprocated. And Till doesn’t want it to be reciprocated either. Why couldn’t Ivan like someone who was similar age, someone like Till himself?
Til pause. Then he screams.
It must be the shock that’s messing with his line of thinking. Why was he even thinking that? What does he mean by someone like himself? Has Till lost his mind?
He took a deep breath. For now, he ignores it. Anyway weird popping to his mind must be the result of shock. Yeah, that’s the only explanation.
Till didn’t really want to believe it, but at the same time, if what Luka said is true, it would make sense why Ivan never told him his crush. As if unlocking a new door, memories rush through his mind as some sort of foreshadowing.
Oh god, is that why Ivan likes to go to his home so much?
Ivan loves staying at his place. He always tries to stay as late as possible in Till’s place, even trying to stay overnight. Ivan must be waiting for his mom to come home since she works late. Although that usually doesn’t happen since Ivan and Till always fall asleep on Till’s bed before his mom comes home.
That also explains why Ivan acts so perfectly and considerately in front of her.
Ivan always behaved like a gentleman around her, as if trying to make the best possible impression, like his mom hadn’t already. He would do the dishes, help with the chores around the house, and always praise her for raising Till.
Ivan acted politely around most adults. But with Till’s mom, he was extra polite. Even at Mizi’s place, Ivan didn’t act like with her mom. Till notices the difference, but he simply chalks it up to Ivan being closer to Till’s mom.
Mizi once joked that it was like Ivan was trying to marry into his family. Till was confused. Till was an only child. There was no one Ivan could marry into. He doesn’t have any extended relatives either, since his mom cut ties with them before he was born.
He doesn’t need to marry to be considered family to Till. Till and his mother already consider him family. When he said that, he didn’t understand why Sua just stared at him blankly.
"Mizi, you try, but Till is truly hopeless", Sua sighed, hugging Mizi.
Mizi was struggling not to laugh in Sua’s arms, "Aww, I was hoping he would get the point. It was worth a try. Seems like Ivan still has a long way to go."
Of course, Mizi and Sua look at him like that. They were trying to hint at Ivan’s feelings towards his mom. Till made a fool of himself.
He remembers that Ivan said that he wanted to be family with him during one of their frequent stargazing sessions. Till happily assumed that Ivan said that as a sign of their close friendship.
He meant stepfather, didn’t he?
No, no, Till needs to stop thinking. Till himself had once had a huge crush on Mizi because she was pretty and kind. Ivan doing the same should not be wrong. Till can’t judge. Plenty of people have a crush on their friend’s mother when they are young.
Okay. Deep breath.
After the nth time of taking deep breaths, Till decided he couldn’t live with this knowledge without reaching a resolution.
He needed to ask Ivan directly about this.