Work Text:
gaze
There he is—just standing there, minding his own business; all the while, being fully unaware that Sunao is daydreaming about things that he couldn't possibly commit...
Tobi and the little girl that often tags along with him—Ryuuko—are currently standing in the doorway of the video store. The long, yellow fluorescent lights, which stretch across the length of the ceiling uselessly, do not offer that much of a reprieve from the nighttime darkness that seeps in through the windows of the shop. Absently, the dark-haired worker wonders why they bothered coming to this shoddy place; the corners are dark and ominous, and even the light above Sunao’s head dims every few seconds. Supposedly, the new lights will be coming in by the end of the week…
The shorter boy, little-sister-but-not in tow, makes his way to a box that sits in between aisles of DVDs, which is absolutely full to the brim of movies and television series on clearance. There are some CDs here, too, but not many; this place isn’t for music, after all, so Sunao will be disappointed if the reason why his friend is here is because of something that isn’t actually being sold at the store. In any case, it seems like Tobi isn’t looking for a CD. His rummaging comes up successful, and he picks out a black and white case from the clearance box. He waves it in front of Ryuuko for several seconds, and the little girl grabs at it excitedly, taking it in her hands and reading the back of the CD case. The brunet sighs at the sight of it and digs his hands into the box once more.
Oh, what Sunao would do to go over there to see his friend… unfortunately, he isn’t allowed to.
Or, rather, he just doesn’t trust himself.
Tobi is completely and utterly clueless to the things going on in Sunao’s mind. They’re all despicable things, really. He wants to go over and help Tobi find whatever movie it is that he needs—Sunao is knowledgeable of most of the movies and television series in this store, and he could probably name the plot, main director, and release year within thirty seconds, while not even looking at the case—and present it to Tobi in order to please the other boy. He wants to see Tobi smile, though he does know it’s an impossibly rare sight. It’s an endeavour he should probably give up on.
But to make the brunet smile is to make Sunao feel as if he has finally done something right; to make Tobi fidget with his fingers is to make Sunao feel proud for inducing such a reaction in his friend; to make Tobi go just a little more red in the cheeks is to make Sunao’s heart beat like the legs of a sprinting rabbit—because that’s how he feels when Tobi’s around, like a prey rabbit running from its predator; but the prey wants to be caught, and Sunao knows that Tobi would never intentionally hurt him. It’s a thrill of his to see just how close he is allowed to get to Tobi, and how far he can satisfy his delusional fantasies of reciprocation, before the brunet catches on and isolates himself like he always does.
The point is that Sunao wants to be close to Tobi… after all, Tobi is his crush. How could he not wish to be close?
Sunao places his cheek in his left hand as he rests it on the length of the cashier counter. What he would do to make Tobi his, or to belong vice versa… unfortunately, there just isn’t anything about Sunao that is particularly desirable. If Tobi Otogiri were to ever take Sunao Fuchi’s hand in the name of love, it would have to be in some kind of good dream. It couldn’t possibly happen in reality… people like him are far too unstable for that kind of thing. What kind of boy would want to date someone—another boy, no less—who often has intrusive thoughts about shooting people? Only an insane person… and out of the two of them, Sunao is sure that Tobi is far more sane than he will ever be.
(Forgetting about his current physical placement, he stares blankly ahead at the far wall of the video store and sighs dreamily at the thought of an insane Tobi that is willing to date him, unaware that the real Tobi is staring at him as well.)
Tobi whispers something to Ryuuko. Whatever it is that he said, it’s too low for Sunao to hear, but the dark-haired boy does catch on to Ryuuko’s movements. The little girl with too much hair places the DVD back onto the pile of clearance cases, and Tobi mutters something to himself. He huffs aggravatedly, and Sunao notices that now, neither he nor Ryuuko have DVD cases. Are they disappointed? Is the disc they came here for not actually at the store?
…don’t worry Tobi, I’d get anything for you if it meant you’d just smile at me—
“Fuchi-kun.”
The shorter boy calls out to him, and the insomniac jolts to attention as the brunet makes his way over to the cashier counter. Sunao stands up straight in alarm, instinctually fixing his slouched posture. He clasps his hands together in front of his body in an attempt to evoke a sense of composure that he really doesn’t have.
His fingers twitch in surprise when Tobi leans over the counter with his own hands braced on the top.
Close, he’s really close, close enough for me to move in and—
Shut up! Don’t think about him like that… he’s the same as any other customer right now…
Sunao stutters, at first unable to respond because of his proximity to the boy he has a crush on. “Eh, uh—? H—hello, umm. Tobi-kun.”
Right, right, okay that’s stupid, you’re stupid, but at least that’s a more socially-acceptable greeting as opposed to grabbing the front of his jacket and pulling him in and—
Tobi moves back and motions towards the box of clearance DVDs. “Do you have Misumisou in there? The movie?”
Sunao bites his lip and shakes his head. He knows the movie isn’t going to be in that box, because it’s standing right behind him on the shelf. He can see it in the corner of his eye, but perhaps Tobi can’t see it in the dim light of the shop. (Or maybe he’s too short.) Thus, Sunao struggles trying to come up with what to say. If he were to go with, “it’s right behind me,” Tobi might take it as some kind of slight against his own eyesight or something… but if he were to say “no, we don’t have it,” that would be a clear lie and Tobi could easily call him out on it.
“Well…”
The best thing to go with is to tell the truth and admit that they do have Misumisou, but that it isn’t on clearance; however, that would probably disappoint Tobi, wouldn’t it? After all, he made a beeline for the clearance box the moment he stepped inside, so maybe he’s not willing to spend too much money on a new disc. So maybe Sunao could just… sneak it to the other boy and ring it for the clearance price?
But if his employer found out, he might be yelled at… or even fired… then he wouldn’t have that discount to buy movies here, if he would even be allowed inside again…
Tobi raises an eyebrow at his silence. Apparently, Sunao had been ruminating for far too long…
“Nevermind. It’s fine,” the brunet says, and Sunao wants to rip out his hair.
Tobi removes his arms from the counter and wipes his hands on his jacket, perhaps performatively, and goes, “well, thanks anyway.”
The dark-haired boy wants to reach for the other and tell him that yes, he can have the movie at the back, no he won’t get in trouble, really it’s fine—but Tobi is already moving away from the counter and taking Ryuuko’s left hand. What can he say to remedy this disaster? All he did was waste Tobi’s time. His friend just wanted to get a movie at a discounted price and now Sunao has ruined it, like he always does, and he isn’t sure what to do—
Impulsively, an idea comes to him, and before he can think about it clearly his mouth chooses to make it apparent.
“You can borrow my copy.”
Tobi stops in his tracks, and turns around to look at him. “What?”
“My… copy.” Sunao swallows his spit. He can feel a drop of sweat running down the side of his face, anxious because he couldn’t keep his thoughts to himself.
I can’t get out of this now—
“You can borrow my copy, if you want. At my apartment. Later. If you come by later.” Idiot, idiot, too stilted, just speak more casually—“You don’t have to, actually, but we could watch it together or maybe I can just give it to you, it doesn’t really matter to me, I’d be fine if you wanted to sit on my couch or something—” Idiot, too quick!
Sunao wants to beat himself up. If he turned into a pile of bloody mush, maybe he wouldn’t have to be standing here right now and embarrass himself further… in fact, he would even be free from the turmoils of life if he were.
That would be a really good option for me…
Before Sunao can take back every stupid thing he spewed out in the last thirty seconds, the brunet responds to his proposition as if it were the most brilliant statement in the world.
“We can watch it together, Fuchi-kun. I don’t mind.”
Tobi nods in his direction, seemingly pleased with the turn of events. His ever-present frown softens into something more like a line, which isn’t a smile, but it’ll probably be the closest thing to it that Sunao will ever get to see in his lifetime.
“Ah, uh…” He’s surprised it worked out, actually. “What time, Tobi-kun?”
The brunet sighs and removes his phone from his pocket to check the current time.
“Is 11 P.M. too late for you?”
“No… that’s fine.” I would see you at 5 in the morning if that’s what you wanted.
“Good.” Tobi nods again at Sunao’s confirmation and returns his phone to the depths of his pants, and he strolls over to the poorly-illuminated entrance in an effort to leave…
…but he doesn’t. He just stands there in the dim light for several moments, before he cautiously turns around to look at Sunao once more. He bites his lip in consternation.
“...by the way,” he says. “You can just call me ‘Tobi’ instead of ‘Tobi-kun’.”
He lets go of Ryuuko’s hand and walks over to Sunao’s cashier counter. He leans forward just like he did earlier, and Sunao feels like his heart stops beating when the brunet takes his rosy cheeks in his own tinier scarred hands.
“And, also… thank you, Sunao,” he mutters, exhaling out in a breathy sigh. Then, he inhales preparation for… something…
…which is quickly revealed when he lifts up on the tips of his toes and kisses Sunao.
And his lips taste sweet, but not sickeningly so; it’s like a pleasant dessert, something that isn’t like strawberry shortcake, and Sunao takes no time at all to reciprocate with the movement of his own. Everything is soft and warm, and this would be perfect except for the fact that the moment feels just a little too dry…
He opens his mouth with a muffled whine, desperate for the sliding kiss to become more wet; and before he can even think about pulling away for air, Tobi fists the front of his work uniform and drags him in closer. He can feel the shorter boy’s teeth going in for a bite and Tobi’s tongue is licking into his mouth and he can’t believe Tobi is actually kissing him right now and this is the best work shift ever and Sunao’s heart is going to explode and—
“Fuchi-kun? Are you there?”
“Eh—?”
Sunao blinks out of his daydream.
“You’ve just been staring at me,” Tobi mumbles. If Sunao were crazy (he is crazy though, don’t get him wrong), he would say that the other boy sounds concerned for his sake.
“Ah…” So he was caught staring… and… thinking about… that…
He turns red and fumbles for words, stuttering on his dismissal, “g—goodbye and goodnight, Tobi-kun, sorry, I just spaced out for a second…”
“Uhuh.”
Tobi stares at him for several more seconds, probably just to check if Sunao is okay. Sunao offers him a thumbs up and one of his fake customer service smiles; and at that, Tobi huffs, before tugging on Ryuuko’s hand and exiting the store without another word.
The moment that he sees his friend’s retreating figure leaving the boundary of the shop, he settles his head on the counter and lets out a low, defeated sigh. He scored a… not date, never a date, but a hangout with his crush. And then…
“Ugh.”
He bangs his head on the cashier counter. At least it’s a slow night and nobody else is in the store… just that one blue-haired guy in the break room…
Sunao knows he wouldn’t ever dare to indulge in that kind of thing for real, but unfortunately he has fallen into the habit of fantasizing about kissing Tobi all he wants, whenever he wants… especially on nights with nothing to do. It’s not like Tobi can read his mind, after all (or at least, he hopes), so at the very least Sunao can have that little daydream.
…even if he doesn’t deserve that daydream as it is. It’s not like he can get anything else, though.
The other boy doesn’t really visit him at his job all too often, so seeing him scan the clearance box for something to purchase was quite a surprise, and probably a big fat sign that he needs to stop thinking about Tobi on the job. Not only is it unprofessional, but if Tobi knew about how Sunao felt, he’d probably be filled with disgust. What kind of weirdo does such a thing? At this point, he should just give up. He should be happy with what little of Tobi that he has; he should be happy that he can even call the other boy his friend; he shouldn’t bother trying to get anything more out of their relationship…
At the same time, he can’t help but feel a little sad about it. It’s not like his dreaming will ever amount to anything…
He sighs again, excited for the impromptu hangout later tonight, but scared to death of having his feelings be found out.
Sunao Fuchi is completely insane to think that Tobi Otogiri would ever feel the same way…
* * *
“So… what was that?”
“Be quiet, Baku.”
“We both know that you had no reason to go into that store. You barely even know anything about that movie.”
“I said, be quiet.”
“Did you just want to see your little boyfriend?”
“He’s not. My. Boyfriend.”
“But you didn’t deny that you wanted to see him, huh, loverboy—”
“Shut up or I’ll leave you outside tonight.”
The horrible thing is, Tobi’s face turns pink at the idea of being Sunao’s boyfriend.
He really can’t hide his feelings, can he? Not even from Ryuuko—she can tell he feels something for Sunao, though Tobi isn’t sure that she knows he has a crush specifically.
Though, it’s a surprise that Sunao hasn’t called him out on anything.
Maybe Baku can tell, but at least it seems like Tobi hides it well enough? At least, hides it well enough from the object of his affections.
…as it is, even though he’ll have a perfect excuse to “accidentally” fall asleep on the other boy while watching the movie, he won’t ever say anything about how he feels.
Never.
He’d rather die.
“Oh, the look on your face—!”
“Shut the hell up, Baku!”
~ fin