Work Text:
It starts with a loose seam.
She thought it was just a strange itch on her arm, merely giving it a small scratch on her way out of her room. She could practically hear Cain getting antsy from there, having found herself accidentally gotten up later than she usually would. It wasn’t like she did anything in particular taxing yesterday to warrant her crashing so hard - heck, she didn’t even need sleep. None of them did! Still, she had made an effort to keep a schedule in check. Without it, she’d probably start sleeping the entire day away…
Her fingerless hand stutters against her arm, and she stops in her tracks. Twisting her fabric the tiniest way, her nonexistent heart drops. There, a piece of string poked out noticeably right behind where her elbow would be. It was so, so blatant and not something she could hide easily. She couldn’t help but frown.
She suddenly felt all too aware of her body. Everything about it down to how her stuffing shuffled around when she started to move again started making her feel… She wasn’t sure how to describe it. It was like Ragatha was doused in water, every new step loud to her ears. …She didn’t even have ears anymore, how could she hear? Did she even have an organ to hear with?
The doll almost didn’t realize she had made it to the main area until Caine’s booming voice broke through her thoughts. Not enough to remove the fog from her head, but enough for her to look around quickly before her eye focused on some random spot just behind the host’s shoulder. The red and blue gaze aimed at her that she normally would be hyperfocused on was merely a side note. One she just glazed over and forgot once they were all sucked into the newly formed portal.
———-
The adventure was a bunch of blurs, really. Being in the background was easier than actively participating. Sure, it let Jax go completely crazy against the town they were supposed to help (something with shopping, if she remembered correctly) but Ragatha could not focus enough to do anything about it. Merely a couple of half hearted “Jax…” in response to his antics. Her arms stayed crossed the entire time, giving off the air of a disappointed teacher. In reality her hand was held where the string was, hiding it from view.
Every time she blinked or moved her body screamed back at her how Wrong she felt. Too wrong - Too weird. She had thought she had gotten used to this by now but it was hitting all at once and -
They were out of the adventure already. She didn’t even notice.
Suddenly she felt as though there was someone looking at her, maybe they all were. She couldn’t find it in herself to look, however. So instead she hurriedly left the area, ducking into a nearby hallway. Once she got to her room, she’d be okay. Maybe.
Was she cowardly for leaving so quickly? Maybe, but she just couldn’t handle to imagine anyone’s reaction if they finally noticed how wrong she was. Maybe they already had. Maybe thats why they didn’t like her. Why Jax hated her so much. Why Gangle and Zooble avoided her…
Why Pomni seemed uncomfortable with everything she did.
Ragatha stumbled against the hall’s wall, free hand going up to cover her face. She didn’t know why she felt like this now, but everything was hitting all at once. She felt really…. Sad. Distraught, maybe. She didn’t like labeling her moods when she’s like this, but it felt the most appropriate here.
The way back to the room hall she decided was more unorthodox compared to the main staircase. It would be less likely for her to run into any of the others this way. It was unfortunately also a lot longer. Too long, actually. Maybe this wasn’t the best idea. It wasn’t long before she started to slow down more, sliding down against the wall into a sitting position. Her forehead rested against her knees, attempting to hide herself from the world. Everything just felt too much.
“…Ragatha?”
The doll’s breath caught in her throat as her head whipped up to stare at the owner of the voice, wide eyed. There, right in front of her, was the short jester she thought about so much. Her heart, if she had one, felt like it was being pulled taut by strings.
“Pom…ni?” She responded weakly, eye starting to water. She couldn’t - wouldn’t let her see her like this. She wiped away at her face, forcing out a chuckle before smiling up at her. “Heyy! Sorry about that - Did you… Did you need something?”
”i… uh..” She eyed the way the jester seemed to hesitate, hands looking like they were almost reaching out before hanging in the air for a moment, falling to her sides limply a second later. She knew it. They both knew it. Ragatha must have looked worse than she thought before she sunk down into herself more, a bit of a muffled sob leaving her. She barely heard the panicked “ohhhhh okay-“ that came out of Pomni as she did so.
”I’m sorry - I… hh.. Please…? Don’t…Don’t look at me.” Ragatha pleaded, unable to glance up at the other. “I… Im not…”
”…Alright, alright. I won’t look. Promise.” There’s a bit of a shuffle of Pomni moving around. Uncertain shifting from one side to the other of Ragatha before settling on her left. The doll thought she was leaving, but instead she heard her settle down next to her. She takes a peek, looking to the side of her to look at Pomni. Her back was towards her, her face facing the other side of the hall. It was… awfully considerate. She sniffled a little bit, also shifting so she was looking at the other side of the hall. They were practically back to back. It was… Nice. “Did something… happen today?”
”well… no. I just…. I’m not… It’s nothing for you to worry about really, I’m fine! It’s just that sometimes i act out and it’s realllyy gross so- I… I’ll be fine later. I’m sorry. Haha.”
“gross…? Acting… Ragatha, this doesn’t look like you ‘acting out’. You don’t have to apologize for feeling bad. I get it!” Ragatha’s focus narrowed in on Pomni’s movements. Though she couldn’t see them, she could hear them. The audible shifting helped her focus a bit more, like an anchor in troubled water. “…It’s okay to not be okay, you know?”
”I…” It felt like her words were caught in her throat, blinking slowly at the blank floor in front of her. “Then… I don’t… Think I’m okay.”
When there’s no immediate answer, she starts to panic, rushing to continue what she was saying.
“It’s like- I don’t feel - I don’t - I’m wrong. I’m realllyyy wrong. Bad even. I’m falling apart and I don’t feel good and its all so - ugh -“ The words don’t even feel real coming out of her. It doesn’t make any coherent sense. She didn’t know what she was feeling aside from just wrong.
”it’s alright.” In comparison, Pomni’s voice sounded so smooth, so calming compared to everything else. “Did we do anything to uh… ‘trigger’ this?”
Ragatha couldn’t help but flinch at the word, shaking her head despite the other not being able to see it.
“No, no. I… Found a loose thread. …On my arm.”
”…Can I see…?”
Ragatha’s earlier panic had calmed down considerably, no longer on the verge of falling apart. She wasn’t completely confident, but… she believed she’d be able to handle this by now. So she let out a little noise of agreement.
She scooted to rest her back on the wall, not quite being able to look at Pomni quite yet as she also changed position. When they were settled, she offered up her arm, twisting it to reveal the damage done. No doubt even worse compared to how it was earlier in the day due to her fidgeting. She hears Pomni let out a little hum, in the tone of voice that made Ragatha almost become even more boneless than before.
“Hmm…. Well, I’m no seamstress, but I think I could help fix this if you don’t want to go to Caine.”
Ragatha jolted, looking up to meet Pomni’s wide, honest gaze. She found nothing but open kindness. More kindness than Ragatha could ever offer to anyone. It was a selfish thought, for her to wonder if she ever looked at anybody else like that.
”A-are you sure? I don’t want to force you to take care of such a silly thing -“ “Ragatha.”
Her mouth shut quickly, blinking owlishly as Pomni smiled softly.
”It’s not silly if you’re upset. Plus, I offered. What are friends for?”
Friends…. Were they? Really? Truly? They were friends? She thought of them that way? She’s not sure what she did to deserve that, surely she’d regret that in the future but…. As Pomni stands up and holds out a hand to Ragatha, she can’t help but feel warm and light. She doesn’t quite feel right yet, she’s not sure she ever will really - but maybe, just maybe. Things could be alright.