Chapter Text
It’s already late when they get back to their room – they were in the coffee shop outside campus until just before it closed, with Nessa and Fiyero and Boq, talking about everything and nothing. Now, lying on Elphaba’s bed, they’re continuing that conversation. “Absolutely,” Galinda says, her hair spread around her face, her cheek so close to Elphaba’s own, “I do think there are people in the stars. Gotta be.”
“Oh, really?” Elphaba says, turning her head slightly so she can look at Galinda better. “How come?” It still feels so surreal, even though they’ve been friends for a couple of months now; someone wants to be this close to her. Someone likes her.
“Because they twinkle,” Galinda says, seriously, and now her eyelash is touching Elphaba’s cheek, sweet Oz. “There can’t just be nothing there, because they twinkle—” Now she’s turned her head too, and her eyes are looking right into Elphaba’s, and she giggles, just once. “So shiny,” she says, and then she just dips her head forward, pressing Elphaba’s lips with her own.
Elphaba has imagined this. She never thought in a thousand years that it would happen, of course, but she has imagined it, and so even though her eyes widen (aren’t you supposed to close your eyes, she thinks) her body somehow knows to lean in, to kiss back. To kiss once, twice, gently and then more firmly, until Galinda jumps up and presses her hand to her face and runs across the room to her own bed. That part never happened when she imagined this, so she knows it’s all too real.
She sits up. “What was that?” she asks. She wants to sound in control; she knows she doesn’t. Galinda mutters something she can’t make out. “What?” she says. “You can’t just do that. We have to live together.” Keep it on the practical, not on how her heart leapt for that minute and now has settled into her stomach like a heavy weight. She wonders if it’s possible to vomit up your own heart; maybe it would be better for her if she could.
“I know!” Galinda says. “I know, Elphie, I’m sorry…I shouldn’t have…” Elphaba can make out the words now, but her face is still buried in her hands. “I shouldn’t have kissed you.”
“Because I’m me.” She doesn’t know why she wants to make Galinda say it, admit it; she knows it already, doesn’t need to hurt herself worse. Not when the kisses themselves felt better than she imagined…Is there any way they can switch rooms at the holidays?
“Yes…No!” Galinda’s head shoots up then, and she looks at Elphaba for the first time. “Not because you’re green, Elphie, not that at all! Because…” Her voice gets quieter again, and she crumples the comforter between her fingers. “Because you’re a girl.”
That was one of the reasons she never thought that this would happen, besides that she’s her and Galinda’s Galinda. She’s known that she liked both boys and girls since she was about twelve, not that she ever thought it mattered, because neither was ever going to like her back, but she’d never gotten any sense that Galinda did. Again, not that it mattered. “You don’t kiss girls?” she finally says, because it seems to be her turn to say something. “You just wanted to try?”
“No…I don’t know…I mean, I never have before,” Galinda says. “I didn’t want to try to kiss girls, I wanted to kiss you.” She turns her face towards Elphaba briefly and then down towards the floor. “But you are a girl.”
I wanted to kiss you. Maybe she is imagining this after all. “I am,” she says. “And that means…?”
“I don’t know,” Galinda says again; Elphaba’s never heard her express so much uncertainty. “I’ve never kissed a girl before, that’s all. I’ve kissed boys. Lots of boys.”
“I really don’t need to hear about—”
“It never felt like that,” Galinda says, her face turned down again.
And Elphaba is up from her bed too now, crossing the floor to sit next to Galinda. She tries touching her hand, tentatively; Galinda doesn’t pull away. “Really?”
“Really,” Galinda says. “It never did. This was so much better. Even though I’m always a good kisser, and some of the boys were too, I think.” She bites at her lip. “I thought I liked boys.”
“You do have a boyfriend,” Elphaba points out. Another reason they shouldn’t be kissing.
“I know,” Galinda says. “And he’s perfect. But kissing him…I mean, there’s nothing bad about it, like I said, we’re both good kissers…it doesn’t feel like kissing you did, that’s all.” She crumples the comforter again with her free hand. “And I’ve thought about doing that. For a couple of weeks now. But I guess a lot of girls think about kissing their friends, even if they like boys.”
“I’ve never known a lot of girls,” Elphaba says, “but I’m not sure they do.”
“Really?”
“Well, you’re the expert on all things social,” Elphaba says, “but no, I don’t think so.”
Galinda seems to ponder that for a while. “I always have,” she says simply. “But I don’t…Elphie, I’m not sure I can like girls.”
“Why?” Elphaba asks.
“I mean, look at me.” Galinda’s gesture takes in her whole self, everything Elphaba has looked at so many times. “Wouldn’t I have to cut my hair? And wear big boots, and things like that? I just don’t think I could.”
Oh. She can tell Galinda is very serious about this, and she’s looking up at Elphaba like she’ll give her the answer. “Galinda…there are girls who like girls who don’t have short hair. Or boots, or anything like that. I bet there are even other girls who like girls who have an all-pink wardrobe.”
“Really?” Galinda says. “Are you sure? Because you just said you didn’t know a lot of girls.”
“Yes, but I read a lot,” Elphaba says, and Galinda nods soberly. “And look at me, right? I have long hair.”
“You like girls?” Galinda asks, her pinky curling around Elphaba’s. “I know you kissed me back…but I didn’t know before.”
“I like girls and boys both,” Elphaba says. “I do wear big boots, though.” She smiles.
Galinda smiles back. “Yes, but they look cute on you.” She thinks something looks cute on me. She sighs dramatically. “This is all very confusing. I’ll have to think about it.” Her voice has lost some of its tension, though. “Boys…I don’t know. But you’re a girl, and I know I like you.” Her cheeks are a little pink, to go with everything else on her side of the room. “Did you like kissing me too?”
“Yes,” Elphaba says. “I’ve been thinking about it for a while now too. But I didn’t think you’d ever—”
“Me neither!” Galinda exclaims. “Oh, Elphie, isn’t that funny?” They smile at each other for a minute, sort of dopily, and then Galinda says, “Can I kiss you again?” and Elphaba nods, because her voice is suddenly caught somewhere, and they fall back again, on Galinda’s bed this time, and kiss and kiss and kiss.
It’s so sweet. Galinda’s lips, soft and pink, the shiny gloss rubbing off on her own. One of her hands on the back of Elphaba’s neck, and Elphaba’s own in her hair. The light brush of her tongue.
“Can I tell you something?” Elphaba asks later, when they’re cuddled together—this part is not new, they often do this until late into the night, and maybe they were both a little clueless, she’s thinking now.
“Of course,” Galinda says.
“Tonight…this was my first kiss,” Elphaba says. And she’s only twenty, well ahead of the timeline she set for herself, which had that first kiss showing up just around never. “Or maybe first thirty-something kisses? I lost count.”
Galinda’s eyes widen, and she claps her hands. “Elphie! I was your first kiss?” And when Elphaba nods, she says, “That’s so exciting, Elphie! I’m so glad it was me! Do you feel all different?”
Elphaba considers. “I feel happy.”
When Galinda wakes up that morning, Elphaba is still asleep, and Galinda looks at her, at her dark hair against the pink sheets, her soft freckles, her lashes defined sharply against her skin—and then she flutters her own lashes on Elphaba’s cheek until she wakes up, so they can kiss some more.
And they do, and it’s amazing again, and she’s pretty sure now that she really does like girls, especially Elphaba, she really really really likes Elphaba Thropp, when Elphaba pulls back. “You have a boyfriend,” she says.
Seriously? “I told you last night, Elphie,” Galinda says. “Kissing him is nothing like kissing you.”
“I know,” Elphaba says. “But don’t you think you should break up with him, then? It’s not fair to him, for him to think you like him and you to be here kissing me.” She puts a hand on Galinda’s shoulder. “I know you’re figuring things out, so—”
“I’m not,” Galinda says. “I figured it out now. I like you.” She tries to go for another kiss, but Elphaba dodges.
“I like you too,” she says. “But it’s not fair to Fiyero, so I’m not kissing you again until you break up with him.” She slides off the bed and heads back towards her own side of the room.
“You’re a drag,” Galinda calls after her. “Fine. I’ll break up with him. As soon as I see him. And then I’m coming back here and kissing you extra.”
Elphaba gives her that amused, slightly superior look that plays a big role in a lot of the things she’s imagined over the past few weeks. “Is that supposed to be a threat?”
“A promise,” she says.
A jacket comes sailing through the air at her; she catches it. “Well, get dressed and get to it, then,” Elphaba says.
She knows what Elphaba meant, though, about figuring things out, and she’s not planning to tell Fiyero everything. She’ll say they’re better as friends, which she’s been saying to boys since she was eight, every time she got tired of them, or knew they wanted to do more than kiss when she didn’t, or thought having a boyfriend was cutting into the time she wanted to spend trying new hairstyles with the girl who’d just come to their school from Ev, or…oh wow. Okay. She’s figuring more things out every second.
But Fiyero really is a great guy. And Elphaba’s right – she needs to be fair to him. And she doesn’t want to hurt his feelings. So, when they’ve settled in a secluded corner of the courtyard, she opens the conversation the same way she always does, and she doesn’t tell him everything, but she tells him more than she thought she would. He listens; he’s kind. Usually when she says let’s be friends, it really means something more along the lines of let’s mutually agree that this side of the refectory is mine and that one is yours from now on, but this time she walks away with dinner plans with him for Tuesday, which she’s actually looking forward to.
Elphaba’s lying on her bed reading when Galinda gets back; she looks up when the door closes and then holds the book in front of her face. “Are you back on the market?” she asks, laughter in her voice.
“Yes.” Galinda walks over, pushes the book down, and kisses her, decisively. Elphaba makes a soft little sound, and she likes that, too. “Fiyero was really nice about it too. We’re all having dinner Tuesday.”
“Wait,” Elphaba says. “Him and you and me? Does he know that we—?”
“No, I didn’t tell him about you and me,” Galinda says. “I told him we were better as friends. But I didn’t want him to take it personally, because it’s not his fault, so I did tell him that he really is the perfect boy for girls who like boys, but I figured out I like girls. But that I’m not going to cut my hair or wear big boots or anything.” She looks at Elphaba, who has her lips pressed together and whose shoulders have started shaking. “Are you laughing at me, Elphaba Thropp?”
“No,” Elphaba says defensively.
“I think you are,” Galinda says, and she kisses her again, runs one hand up the back of her neck; she can already tell Elphaba likes that. “Are you still laughing at me?”
“No, ma’am,” Elphaba says, although Galinda still thinks she definitely was. “You’re just really cute, that’s all.”
“Well, if you think I’m so cute,” Galinda says, “will you be my girlfriend?”
Elphaba looks at her. “What does that mean, exactly?” she asks, and sometimes it makes Galinda sad when she thinks about it, that Elphaba doesn’t know all these things that she’s known all her life, that she thought everyone knew. What your friends do when it’s your birthday, or what it means to be someone’s girlfriend. But it does mean that she gets to be the one to teach her.
“We’ll walk around holding hands,” she says, “or with our arms around each other.”
“We do that anyway,” Elphaba says.
“We’ll kiss a lot,” Galinda says.
“Keep talking.”
“And if we go to the Ozdust Ballroom,” Galinda says, “you won’t go with any other girls.”
Elphaba’s laughing again and not even trying to hide it this time. “When have I ever gone with other girls to the Ozdust Ballroom?” she asks. “Yes, then. I’ll be your girlfriend.”
Galinda claps her hands. Then she throws her arms around Elphaba and kisses her yet again.
It’s been a week. Galinda Upland is her girlfriend, which might be the most surreal thing in a so far very surreal school year. This is new to them both, though, and so far they haven’t told anyone, although Elphaba thinks Fiyero might have guessed when they had dinner on Tuesday, because Galinda is not subtle. But they only kiss when it’s just the two of them, in their room.
Kissing…it’s more than she expected it would be, when she was just imagining. It’s not just lips; it’s hands in hair and bodies pressed together and feeling Galinda’s heartbeat speed up. Those are all things she likes, even if she doesn’t expect them, but it’s different one night when they’re lying back on Galinda’s bed and Galinda’s hand goes to the strap of her nightgown to push it off her shoulder. She tenses up then, pulls away before she knows she’s doing it. “No,” she says. “Stop, please.”
“I’m sorry!” Galinda says, sitting up. “I didn’t mean to…did I do something wrong? I just wanted to look at you.”
It sounds sincere and feels like a lie. Why would anyone want to look at her if it’s not to make fun? She knows Galinda likes kissing her, that that’s real, but you’re not really looking when you’re doing that, your faces are so close and your eyes are usually closed. “No, you didn’t,” she says.
“I did. I do,” Galinda says. “I won’t if you don’t want me to, of course. But I do.” Why can’t she believe it? Is she going to ruin this? She turns her head as Galinda’s hand comes up to stroke her cheek. “It’s just me,” Galinda says. “We don’t have to do anything. But you should know you’re so beautiful.”
Galinda told her that once before, on the first morning when they were friends, when she put the flower in her hair. She didn’t take it seriously then either. “I’m not,” she says, and she hates the self-pity in her voice, and how they were happy and kissing and now they’re doing whatever this is, and how she doesn’t know if Galinda can give her an answer that will satisfy her.
“Well, I think you are,” Galinda says. “And which one of us knows more about these things?” She kisses Elphaba’s temple. “I love your eyes…your smile…and I really want to touch your body. Which I’m not saying to be like some jerk boy, like ‘ugh, come on, we’ve been going out for a month, I really want to see some boobs!’” Her voice drops about three octaves for the last part, and Elphaba can’t help but smile. “I just want you to know that’s how I feel.”
“Did a lot of boys want to see your… breasts?” Elphaba asks; maybe they’ll get lost in this side conversation and she won’t have to think about what any of this means for a while.
“Of course,” Galinda says. “I never showed them, though. But I would show you if you wanted.”
Oh, she does want, she knows that. But she can’t…it’s not fair after the way she acted. “You don’t have to…not when I…”
“Elphie,” Galinda says. “I know I don’t have to. Do you want to look at me, though? Do you want to…” Her face is flushing. “Do you want to touch me?”
“Yes,” Elphaba says, because she can’t say anything else, and Galinda kisses her and then slides the straps of her own nightgown down, until the bodice is around her waist.
She’s so beautiful. She’s so beautiful and she’s right there, and when she whispers, “Come on, please,” Elphaba reaches out and touches. Softly, one breast first and then the other, light strokes with her fingers, leaning in to brush her lips. “You’re going to make me crazy,” Galinda mutters, kicking, and she lets herself touch more firmly, watches Galinda’s face.
Galinda is always beautiful, always has been. It’s probably the first thing anyone notices about her. And yet now, with her eyes dark and her lips swollen and that flushed skin everywhere Elphaba can see, when it’s just the two of them and this closeness and this pleasure…well, that beauty is different. Elphaba is seeing her in a way others can’t.
She sits back. “No, why’d you stop?” Galinda whines, and then her eyes widen. She lies still for a moment and watches as Elphaba pushes back her robe and slides down the bodice of her own nightgown, and then she pulls her in to touch. “You are so beautiful, Elphie,” she murmurs at one point, but her hands and her tongue are on Elphaba’s breasts by then, and Elphaba’s mind is far from how she looks.
A lot of the things that Elphaba cares about aren’t things that Galinda ever knew people did care about, before she met her. Things about the laws of the land (those are just the laws, Galinda always thought, they’re the way things have to be, and if you don’t do anything wrong you don’t have to worry) and how to use magic to make Oz better (instead of just for things you want to do) and relationships between the different Ozian kingdoms (Galinda did not think Oogaboo was a real place, until Elphaba showed her in an atlas) and especially about the Animals.
She does listen. She tries to ask questions and hopes that they’re good ones. Elphaba’s so, so smart. She really doesn’t want Elphaba to think she’s stupid.
And she’s never seen Elphaba as upset about any of it as she is today, when Doctor Dillamond was taken away from their class. The new teacher brought in a Lion cub in a cage, and somehow Elphaba and Fiyero ran off with it, and when Elphaba finally comes back to their room that night Galinda can tell that Elphaba has not calmed down at all.
Not that she’s feeling very calm herself, at this point. “Are you alright?” she demands. “I was so worried about you, Elphie! The two of you didn’t have to leave me—”
“There wasn’t time,” Elphaba says, “and Fiyero was able to help carry the cage. And you shouldn’t be worrying about me, anyway. I’m fine. We should all be worrying about Doctor Dillamond!”
“Yes, it’s very sad,” Galinda says, “but he’s gone, and what can we do about it?”
“That’s what they want us to say!” Elphaba says. “This isn’t the first time something like this has happened, Galinda, and if we lie down and take it, it certainly won’t be the last.”
She feels like Elphaba is making this into her fault, and that’s unfair. “I’m not lying down!” she says. “You’re the one who ran off without me! I know I’m not as smart as you, Elphie, but I’m trying, and—”
Elphaba cuts her off again, but less sharply this time. “You’re right. I’m sorry,” she says. “Not right about not being smart, right that I shouldn’t have run off. I panicked, and I’m sorry, and I know I need to learn to be more patient. It’s just – it’s so hard when I see things like this happening!” She sits down on her bed. “Do you understand why this is so dangerous?”
She’s not sure, but she tries. “Because of what you told me before?” she asks, sitting down next to Elphaba. “About what Doctor Dillamond said? Something bad happening to the Animals?”
“Yes,” Elphaba says. “It’s all part of a pattern, Galinda. Ever since the drought, people have used the problems in Oz as an excuse to take rights away from the Animals. And Doctor Dillamond said they’re losing the ability to speak, and if something like that happens…” She sighs. “It’s so hard to fight for yourself when no one else wants to fight for you.” Galinda presses her hand. “Doctor Dillamond was one of the strongest voices the Animals had. And now we don’t know what they’ve done to him.”
“Are you going to find out?” Galinda asks. She still doesn’t know how someone would do that, but if anyone can figure it out, it’s Elphaba.
“I’m going to try,” Elphaba says. “And I’m going to work even harder in Madame Morrible’s seminar. I’ll get to meet the Wizard that way, and I know he’ll want to help. Once this gets to him, he’ll make things better, but…” She lets out a breath. “I’m worried about Doctor Dillamond, in the meantime.”
“I know,” Galinda says. She tries to think of something to say about Doctor Dillamond that will help. “He’s smart too, though. He was a good teacher. Remember when he taught us about Lurline? I learned a lot that day.”
“I thought you didn’t like him,” Elphaba says, “because he couldn’t pronounce your name.”
“Oh, it wasn’t his fault,” Galinda says. “Galinda, Glinda, what’s the difference? I don’t mind if someone calls me Glinda. You can call me Glinda. Everyone should call me that, so we remember Doctor Dillamond.” She’s babbling, she knows, and probably sounding stupider than ever, but she means it, she realizes, in a weird way. She wants to do something, when Elphaba does so much. She’s kind of proud of Elphaba, for caring about all these things. “Just…will you let me help you? If I can. I want to.”
“Of course,” Elphaba says. “I really am sorry we ran away.”
“Oh, it’s alright,” Galinda says. “Fiyero is definitely better at carrying things than I am. But I could… maybe…we could make posters? To say we want them to bring back Doctor Dillamond?”
“Posters?” Elphaba asks. She looks skeptical.
“Posters work,” Galinda says. “At my high school, my friends and I all made posters when we wanted them to bring fairy cake back to the refectory, after they got rid of it for no reason at all. And it worked.”
“I don’t think this is exactly the same as fairy cake—”
“But we could try,” Galinda says, “couldn’t we? I have paints.”
The paints are in one of her trunks, and she brings them over, along with some rolls of paper. Elphaba turns them over in her hands, looking at all the colors; it’s a new set, one Galinda’s parents gave her right before she left for Shiz and that she hasn’t had much of a chance to use since then. “You really want people to call you Glinda?” she asks.
“Why not?” Glinda says.
“I am going to turn him inside out!” she can hear Elphaba saying, through her tears. “I am going to ask Madame Morrible to teach me a spell that turns people inside out and then I am going to use it on him!”
“Elphie!” Glinda says. “How is that going to help?”
“He hurt you,” Elphaba says. “He hurt you both!” She moves toward Nessa, saying, “Nessa, I’m so sorry, please don’t cry,” and stoops to put her arms around her.
Nessa pushes her off. “Leave me alone!” she says. “Leave me alone!” She knows that Elphaba never means to, but she manages to ruin so many things anyway. This is just one more.
“Nessa,” Glinda says, “do you want me to get you some Oz cream? Or a facemask?”
“No!” Nessa says. “No, leave me alone!” Her heart is broken, and her sister’s girlfriend – and that’s another thing that’s making this worse, that somehow Elphaba has someone now and she doesn’t – is offering her Oz cream like she’s five.
“Okay,” Glinda says, “but let me know if you change your mind, because that stuff really does help. All my friends who’ve had bad break-ups say so.”
“I don’t think this is a garden variety bad break-up, Glinda,” Elphaba says. She tries to put her hand on Nessa’s shoulder, and Nessa shrugs her off again. “If you want to help her, you should ask Shenshen and Pfannee to keep their mouths shut.”
“I told you, I tried, Elphie!” Glinda says. “It was too late. We’ll be lucky if there’s anyone in Shiz who doesn’t know the whole story by morning, probably with some made-up scandalacious details.”
Nessa cries harder when she hears that, and Elphaba turns back to her, saying, “Oh, Nessa, it’s going to be okay.”
“It’s not going to be okay!” Nessa says, and she can’t believe she has to keep saying this, that Elphaba doesn’t understand how terrible this is. “It’s never going to be okay! Leave me alone!”
“Maybe we should go?” Glinda says tentatively.
Elphaba sighs. “Are you okay?” she asks Glinda, softly, as if Nessa can’t hear, which she can, even though she’s crying.
“I’m okay,” Glinda says. “I’m mad, but I’m okay. This isn’t the first time…boys do stupid things.” She looks at Nessa. “And it’s sort of my fault.”
“It’s not your fault,” Elphaba says. How dare she take Glinda’s side? She’s supposed to be Nessa’s sister.
“Part of it is,” Glinda says. “I shouldn’t have asked him to take Nessa. I knew what he thought.” She shakes her head. “But I had no idea he was still…Oz, it’s been months…I thought he’d forgotten all about me. In that way, I mean. Nessa, I’m so so sorry. I thought he really liked you.”
I thought so too. She’d thought Boq loved her. She’d been happy earlier today. They’d all gone out to the fields together, and in the course of the conversation Elphaba, looking shy, and Glinda, looking thrilled, had told the rest of them that they were a couple. Fiyero had looked knowing, so maybe it wasn’t completely out of nowhere, but Nessa had been surprised; oh, she thought, that’s why she’s looked so happy these past months. She grabbed Elphaba’s hand when they were back at school, asked if she wanted to have dinner together, tell her more, just the two of them, if she still had time for her little sister now. And Elphaba said of course she did, she always would, and they ate and talked and laughed and made plans for the summer.
But when they were on their way back to their rooms, they came upon Glinda and Boq in the lobby. He was yelling, he said he understood when it was Fiyero but this was something different, this was unfair. Glinda was trying to calm him down but her own voice was rising, she said he couldn’t talk like that, she could and would date whoever she wanted to, he needed to let go of her arm, and anyway what about Nessa? And they saw Nessa then, and Boq said…she didn’t want to think about it. How dismissive his voice had been, like she was nothing. Shenshen and Pfannee turned up from somewhere then, to witness the end of the whole mess, and Nessa pulled away from Elphaba then and wheeled herself back to her own room as fast as she could. No one would ever love her for her. She just wanted to be alone, but Elphaba and Glinda showed up about ten minutes later, and they’re still here now, and more than anything in the world she wishes they weren’t.
She doesn’t answer Glinda, and Glinda says to Elphaba, after a minute, “How about you? Are you okay?”
“I’m so mad I could spit,” Elphaba says. “Don’t think I’ve forgotten about turning him inside out.”
“No, I mean…what he said about you,” Glinda says. “That was awful.”
“Oh,” Elphaba says. “Yes, I’m okay, I’ve heard a lot worse, and anyone who sees us together is bound to think—”
“Elphie, stop,” Glinda says, and Nessa can’t take another second more of this.
“Go away,” she says, lifting her head. “Both of you go away!”
“Are you sure?” Elphaba asks.
“I’m extremely sure,” Nessa says. “Go away and leave me alone.”
“We’ll go,” Elphaba says, “but if you change your mind, you can come find me any time, you understand? Just come knock on our door. Even if it’s the middle of the night.”
She touches Nessa’s shoulder—Nessa shrugs her off again—and heads for the door. Glinda follows her, saying, “I hope you feel better, Nessa, he’s really not worth it,” and then they’re finally gone.
She’s not going to go to their room. She’s not going to knock on the door. They’ll probably be kissing in there. Because they have each other and she doesn’t have anyone, now. And now that she knows that the only boy who’s ever liked her didn’t really, that he only ever talked to her because another girl told him to, she knows she’s not going to have anyone ever again.
Nessa cries.
Elphaba needs to study. She’s a little behind, because Glinda persuaded her to spend the afternoon out in a boat yesterday – she doesn’t regret that, but she is a little behind, and this project for Madame Morrible is very important. If only she didn’t have a headache. She rubs her forehead, briefly, and then turns back to her desk and her book.
The door opens and closes, and Glinda comes into the room. “I’m back!” she calls. “You still studying?”
“Yes,” Elphaba says. She doesn’t get up; she just wants to finish this chapter now, before her headache gets worse. She rubs her forehead again.
She can hear Glinda walk up behind her. “Do you have a headache?” she asks.
“Yes,” Elphaba says. “But I’m alright. I’ll finish this.”
“Did you take something for it?” Glinda asks.
“Yes,” Elphaba says. “It didn’t really help, though.”
She feels Glinda’s fingers on her forehead, rubbing firmly from the center to her temples and back. She closes her eyes, leaning into the touch. “Does this help any?” Glinda asks.
“Mmm…yes.”
Glinda rubs her forehead for another few minutes and then says, “I’ll make you some tea too. You stay there.”
They have a little teapot in their room now, and she can hear Glinda fussing with it, pouring the water, stirring the spoon against the cup, as she looks back to her chapter. “Ta-da!” Glinda says, putting the cup next to her; it’s one of Glinda’s own, with a pink Kitten with big eyes. “I put honey in too. Now you drink that, and finish so you can rest.”
“Thank you,” Elphaba says, and then, before Glinda can move away, she grabs her hand. She’s been wanting to say this for a while, been feeling she should say it, because Glinda is always the one to make the first move, and she really wants to say it now. “I love you.”
Glinda smiles, that really big smile she has when it’s just the two of them. “I love you too.” She kisses Elphaba’s forehead. “Drink your tea.”
Elphaba does. The honey is just right.
It’s taken them a while to reach this point. Elphaba’s shy about getting undressed together, which Glinda understands, even though she wants Elphaba to know she doesn’t have to be. And she’s a little shy herself sometimes, not that most people would guess it. She remembers telling her friends in high school that she didn’t think you let anyone touch you below the waist unless you were at least thinking about marrying them and that you needed to have very high standards for the people you were thinking about marrying. Now, with Elphaba…well, they’re still pretty young, and they still have three more years of school to get through, and there’s lots of other stuff they want to do after that. But right now, Glinda wants to be here. In their shared room, in her bed.
Elphaba’s kissing down from her neck to her breasts, and she rocks her hips against Elphaba’s thigh. “Please,” she says. “Please,” and she wouldn’t ever let anyone else hear her sound like this, Elphaba really does not know how good she has it. “I want you, Elphie, please.” She takes Elphaba’s hand and guides it to the waistband of her underwear.
Elphaba looks in her eyes. “Glinda, you’re sure?” she asks.
Glinda nods. “If you’re sure too,” she says, and Elphaba kisses her.
And what happens next is so good, and she loves how it feels when Elphaba is touching her, with her fingers, her mouth, making her moan, “Elphie, Elphie, Elphie.” But she thinks she might love even more how it feels when she gets to touch Elphaba back, when she gets to stroke her skin, glance up at her face (as much red as green, in this moment), feel her fingers grasping at her back, hear every sound of pleasure she makes.
She thinks she loves it even more, but just to be sure, she’ll want to try several thousand more times.
They get started on that the next morning, when Glinda wakes Elphaba by fluttering her lashes on her cheek, as has become her habit. Elphaba opens her eyes and looks at her. “Did that happen, last night?” she asks. “Was that real?”
“Definitely real,” Glinda says. “But if you’re not sure…I’d better convince you.”
Elphaba laughs and pulls her in.
She hates to give her girlfriend this kind of leverage, but… “Can you help me pick something to wear?” Elphaba asks Glinda.
“Elphaba Thropp,” Glinda says. “Are you actually bowing to my superior style? Are you admitting that you never look better than when I choose an outfit for you?”
“No. Yes. Shut up,” Elphaba says. “I just thought…you know where we’re going, after all.”
She knows where they’re going too, in the strict sense of the words. They’re going to Glinda’s home for the holidays. Glinda invited her, and, in the moment, it sounded so much better than going home – she had no desire to see her father, and while Nessa was talking to her again, she’d made it clear that Elphaba wasn’t her favorite person right now. She knew Nessa needed time, but that still hurt. So spending the holidays with Glinda, who always made her feel like she was her favorite person…that sounded really, really good. As the end of the term got closer, though, she got more and more nervous, culminating in this morning, when they’re leaving, and she is very nervous.
“How about this mauve dress?” Glinda is saying, looking through the wardrobe. “I think that would really suit you, and if you wear it with black stockings, your legs will look amazing. I’ll be looking at them all day.”
“That’s all I need,” Elphaba says.
“I thought you liked it when I looked at your legs,” Glinda says.
“I do,” Elphaba said, “but not at your parents’ house. I want…I want to make a good impression.”
Glinda puts down the stockings she’s been waving through the air. “You will,” she says. “I told them all about you, you know that, and they’re so excited to meet you.”
“I don’t make a good first impression on people,” Elphaba says. “Even you didn’t like me at first.”
“That’s not…okay, that is true,” Glinda says, smiling at her. “Because I was a ninny. But my parents are not ninnies. They’ll love you. They’ll love you because I love you.”
Elphaba sighs. “They know I’m green?” she says, even though Glinda’s told her this already, because she really doesn’t want any surprises.
“They know you’re green,” Glinda confirms. “I sent them a picture of us. It’s going to be fine.” She throws the dress and stockings at Elphaba. “Go try this on. You’re going to look perfect.”
She claps her hands when Elphaba emerges, now clad in the outfit Glinda selected, which she has to admit is not bad, even if not her usual style. “See, I told you,” she says. “You look perfect.”
“Perfect enough,” Elphaba concedes.
Glinda cups a hand to her ear. “What was that? Louder, please? ‘Yes, Glinda, you know how to pick an outfit much better than I do?’”
Glinda’s mostly being nice this morning and trying to cheer her up, so she says, “Yes, Glinda, you know how to pick an outfit much better than I do,” and gets a kiss for it, which is not a bad bargain.
They say goodbye to Nessa and Fiyero and Shenshen and Pfannee, and they make their way to the train, with her suitcase and Glinda’s two trunks. They settle into a seat, and Glinda holds her hand and points out landmarks, and when people look at them Glinda gives them a death glare back, from beneath the brim of a truly remarkable hat. Elphaba squeezes her hand and tries not to worry about the journey’s end.
Her mission since this morning has been to kiss Elphaba Thropp in her childhood bedroom, and right now Glinda thinks she’s about a minute away from achieving it. But when she closes the door and goes to take her girlfriend’s face in her hands, she notices something. Elphaba looks…sad.
She can’t think why that might be. She knows Elphaba was nervous this morning, but Glinda’s parents loved her, just like Glinda had said they would. They talked animatedly all through dinner. She looked beautiful in the mauve dress Glinda picked. Maybe she’s missing home? “What’s wrong?” Glinda asks. “Do you wish you went home instead of coming here?”
Elphaba huffs out a laugh. “Are you kidding me? No.” She sits on the bed, her arms wrapped around herself. “These are already the best holidays I’ve ever had.”
Now Glinda really doesn’t understand. “So what’s wrong?” she asks, sitting down beside her.
“Nothing’s wrong, exactly,” Elphaba says. “It’s hard to explain. To you, I mean.” She gestures, a sweep of her arm that seems to take in everything. “This is all normal to you?”
Glinda looks around. Is Elphaba talking about her room? “I probably have more dolls that most girls, but otherwise it’s pretty normal,” she says. “Oh, are you one of those people who are afraid of dolls? We can turn them around so they’re not watching us.” She might have to tease Elphaba a little, though, if she really is afraid of dolls.
“What? No. I’m not afraid of dolls,” Elphaba says. “I didn’t mean your room. I meant…everything. Your home. Your parents.”
Glinda furrows her brow. “Of course it’s normal,” she says. “Why wouldn’t it be?”
“Normal to you,” Elphaba says. “Your parents…they’re so nice, Glinda. So kind. You came home from your first year of university with a new name and a green girlfriend and they’re happy about it.”
“Of course,” Glinda says. “Because I’m happy about it. What’s your point?”
Elphaba shakes her head. “You told me,” she says, “but I didn’t really get it until I was here. You said they were going to love me because you did, but I didn’t…Glinda, they asked me about Animal rights at dinner! Your father said he could tell how much I cared and that I was selfless for it!”
“Well, you are,” Glinda says. “You stayed up until four in the morning working on that speech you gave in the student hall. I’d call that selfless.”
“How do your parents know about that, though?”
“I told them about it,” Glinda says; she feels like she’s getting more and more lost in this conversation, because surely Elphaba can’t just be looking for these obvious answers? “I told you that I told them all about you. So of course I told them how much you care about the Animals. Elphie, can you please explain what’s bothering you?”
Elphaba shakes her head. “My father has never asked me about anything I care about,” she says. “He’d never tell me I was selfless or be happy if I came home with some weird person.”
“You’re not some weird person!” Glinda says. “I mean, you are, very weird sometimes, but not in the bad way you mean it.” She thinks about what Elphaba is saying, then, and squeezes her hand, kisses her cheek. “That’s really awful, though, Elphie. I don’t…from what you’ve told me, I don’t think your father is a very good father. I don’t think most fathers are like that.”
“I wouldn’t know,” Elphaba says.
“So are you sad,” Glinda asks, “because my parents were nice to you? Do you want them to be less nice?”
“No,” Elphaba says, half-laughing. “No, I like them being nice. I told you, I’m not exactly sad. It’s just…it’s so different. Not what I expected. Hard to wrap my head around. I’ll get there.”
“Of course you will,” Glinda says. “They really do like you. Not just because I do. I know them, and I can tell. And you’ll have lots of time to get used to it here.” Elphaba smiles then, and Glinda says, “Can I tell you something? I’ve been wanting to kiss you in this room all day. So, if you’re not afraid of the dolls watching, can I do it now?” Elphaba nods, and she leans in and kisses her, and she was so right to want this, because somehow being at home makes it special.
It's been a whirlwind of a year. She came to Shiz. She got chosen for Madame Morrible’s sorcery seminar. She learned more about the injustices that are going on in Oz. Maybe most importantly, she met Glinda, who was first her enemy and then her friend and is now the girl she loves.
That really ought to have been enough for a while, but they barely had time to unpack their bags from the holidays when they were packing them again. Madame Morrible said it was finally happening. They were going to meet the Wizard. She was going to have a chance to help make things right.
That was what she thought, anyway. Idiot. Idiot. How could someone as powerful as the Wizard be in ignorance of what was happening to the Animals? Why had this been happening all along if he wasn’t behind it?
But maybe she still does have a chance, because she has power that the Wizard doesn’t, power that he’s afraid of. And she’s not afraid of being on the outside; she’s been there before too many times to count. She could do this on her own. It won’t be easy, but she has to try. She needs to make what’s happened right. She needs to do something to help the Animals. The only problem…
She can’t ask. It’s selfish. Glinda’s not used to being on the outside. She doesn’t have the magic. She’s not going to like roughing it at all. She was perfectly happy before they met, and she could be perfectly happy again…
They’re up in the tower now. Before she can stop herself, Elphaba holds out a hand to Glinda and says, “Come with me. Think of what we could do. Together.”
Glinda looks at her for a long moment. She knows she shouldn’t have asked. She’s opening her mouth to say so when Glinda swings her legs over the broom and says, “Yes.”