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It’s the annual luncheon for the Emerald City Beautification Fund, and Glinda is enjoying herself. She circulates, nibbling on little green petit fours, introducing herself to new people, catching up with old acquaintances.
Well, she’s enjoying herself until she overhears the man talking. She’s handing her empty glass to a waiter when the words catch her ear. “That so-called Girl Corps. Just an excuse for indecency. Everyone knows that nothing goes on there but trysts and hanky-panky. I’ve heard that in their dorms…”
Glinda bristles. How dare he! What does he know about the Girl Corps? The Girl Corps is one of the things she’s proudest of. It means so much to her because she came up with it herself and because she meant it to give girls like she once was – aimless but capable if they set their mind to it – something they could do. The members of the Girl Corps are stationed all over Oz, now; they support conflict resolution and first aid and community services. They meet other girls from different backgrounds. They work hard with their bodies and their minds. And there is no indecency about it! No trysts! No hanky-panky!
She whirls around, her mouth halfway open to confront the man, but when she gets a look at him she reconsiders. Not only is he not someone she knows, he’s not even someone she faintly recognizes. She’s very well up on the people of the city, so he can’t be anyone important. There’s no point in responding and making him think anyone takes his gossip seriously. When something is as successful as the Girl Corps, there are always petty people who want to discredit it.
She tosses her head and crosses the room to talk to the director of the Museum for Ozian History. She doesn’t care.
Glinda hasn’t forgotten the remark by the end of the luncheon, though, so perhaps she cares more than she thought. As she leaves the building, she falls into step with Pfannee, and she can’t resist complaining to him. “Everyone I talked to was lovely, but there was one man…sometimes I wonder how certain people get invitations to these things…he was saying the most malicious things about the Girl Corps.”
Pfannee was still waving goodbye to someone when she started talking, but at her final words he turns his head. “Wait, who there was in the Girl Corps? Besides you and Madame Amee.”
Glinda gives him a look. She knows he doesn’t always pay attention to civic matters as much as he might, but this is oblivious even for him. “Madame Amee isn’t in the Girl Corps. She’s eighty-five.”
“Ugh, I know, it’s gross to think about old people doing it,” Pfannee says, “but I’m pretty sure she is.”
“What are you talking about?” Glinda says. “Who said anything about old people’s sex lives? I’m talking about who’s in the Girl Corps.”
“Okay, fair point,” Pfannee says. “You don’t actually have to be having sex to be in it, I guess.”
“What?” Glinda asks. “We’re not talking about sex at all.”
“What?” Pfannee asks. “Oh. Sorry. We’re talking about the actual Girl Corps?”
“Of course,” Glinda says. “What did you think we were talking about?”
“I thought we were talking about women who are in the Girl Corps,” Pfannee said. “You know, who like women?”
Glinda stares at him. “What are you talking about?”
“You didn’t know?” Pfannee says, and when Glinda shakes her head, even more confused and out of sorts than she was during the luncheon, he says, “Oh. It’s like slang. A lot of people are saying it now, but I guess you haven’t heard them. When a woman is in the Girl Corps, it means she’s into other women.”
“How…how did this get started?” Glinda asks.
Pfannee shrugs. “I have no idea. How does anything get started? Teens, probably.”
“So I could go up to someone,” Glinda asks, trying to wrap her head around the whole thing – she used to pride herself on knowing all the slang, and now she’s somehow missed an expression that’s based on her own organization – “and say, ‘Hi, I’m Glinda Upland Thropp, and I’m in the Girl Corps?’”
Pfannee considers. “I mean, you could, sure. It would be a little weird. It’s more…subtle than that. Like if you’re trying to find out about someone, and you’re in like-minded circles, you could say, ‘Is she in the Girl Corps?’ Or if you’re trying to signal you’re open to something, you could say, ‘I’m at this party with my husband, but I’m in the Girl Corps.’”
Glinda wrinkles her nose. “I don’t approve of the Girl Corps’ name being used in such sleazy ways. Adulterous liaisons and the like.”
“Bold words,” Pfannee says, “coming from someone I know had several boyfriends while being practically captain of the Girl Corps.”
“I did not have several!” Glinda exclaims. “There was less than twenty-four hours of overlap. I broke up with Fiyero almost as soon as I realized that I was in the Girl Corps—that I liked girls,” she corrects herself. “I’m not going to say I’m in the Girl Corps. That’s idiotic, and it’s not what it means.”
“You can say it’s not what it means,” Pfannee says, “and everyone knows what it actually means, of course. Like if you’re worried people haven’t heard of the actual Girl Corps, I don’t think you have to be. But a lot of people do use it this way. Don’t know what to tell you.”
“Well, I think it’s ridiculous,” Glinda says. She pauses, thinking. “Pfannee. That man I was trying to tell you about before we got all sidetracked. He was saying the actual Girl Corps is full of trysts and hanky-panky. Are people using this expression because they think that about the Girl Corps too? Is that how it got started?”
“I don’t know,” Pfannee says. “It would make sense, though.”
Glinda stares at him. “But that’s even more ridiculous! The Girl Corps – it’s about helping girls realize their potential and do something to contribute to Ozian society! Not about hanky-panky!”
“Shiz wasn’t about hanky-panky, either,” Pfannee says. “Allegedly. When you get a lot of young people—”
“But people don’t say ‘Shiz’ and mean something completely different by it,” Glinda says. “I’m sure there are girls in the Girl Corps who like other girls. And I don’t want everyone to be making a big joke out of it and saying they’re not doing serious work.”
“Look, I’m sorry I told you about this,” Pfannee says. “I’m sure everyone takes the Girl Corps seriously. I know I do. It’s your thing, after all. It’s just that when I hear someone say ‘in the Girl Corps,’ I probably think of the other meaning first, now. Unless there are, you know, context clues. But it’s not a big deal.”
“It’s a big deal to me,” Glinda says. She needs to get over to the Girl Corps headquarters right away, see if the staff know about this expression, see if the girls know and are worrying. “I have to go, Pfannee. I’ll see you later.”
In her office at the Girl Corps headquarters, Glinda immediately summons Jinjur. While Glinda’s very actively involved in planning and running the Girl Corps’ curriculum and activities, Jinjur’s in charge of the day-to-day. She has a blunt style which Glinda appreciates; she’s the right person to work with on this problem. “Jinjur, I’ve just found out something,” she says. “Apparently, people are using the expression ‘in the Girl Corps’ to mean that a woman likes other women. And they’re saying the actual Girl Corps is full of trysts and hanky-panky. Now, you and I both know that’s not true, but I’m concerned about malicious gossip—”
“Actually, I wouldn’t say it’s not true,” Jinjur says, as calmly as if she were offering Glinda a mint from the bowl on the table. “There is a lot of hanky-panky here.”
Glinda stops short. “What?”
“I’d say it’s the main thing I spend my time sorting out,” Jinjur says. “Most of the girls here are very committed, as you know, and they take the classes and the training seriously, so there are aren’t too many problems there. But in their free time…Noise complaints in the dorms, that’s a big part of it. Arguments between roommates about who gets to use the room alone when. And then dealing with the messy break-ups, when one girl suddenly won’t work with another in class and everyone else is taking sides.”
Whatever Glinda expected from Jinjur, it was not this. “Is it…most of them?” she asks.
Jinjur considers. “A significant number, anyway.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?” Glinda asks.
“I didn’t think it was something you needed to be bothered with,” Jinjur says. “It’s generally small, petty things. They’re young! It’s to be expected. I thought you probably knew that this kind of thing was going on.”
“I didn’t think about it,” Glinda says. “I suppose it is to be expected, but still…tell me in future if it keeps happening.”
“It will.”
“It’s the gossip that worries me,” Glinda says. “I don’t want the girls to be affected by it. And I know it’s natural to behave like this at their age, but we are responsible for them. But I don’t want them to feel we’re shaming them, either.”
“Even if we could stop them, I don’t think it would make sense to,” Jinjur says. “They’re all of age. And you can’t stop gossip completely, either.”
Glinda sighs. “I know. I can’t believe I had no idea about this until today!”
“You’re not here as much in the off hours,” Jinjur says. “And I know it’s startling to you, but, really, I’ve got it under control.”
“I appreciate that. I do,” Glinda says. “I…I’ll think about this. I know if we say anything publicly, we feed the jokes and gossip. But if there’s something we could say to the girls…I’ll think about it.” She knows there are other things they could discuss, but she doesn’t feel up to it at the moment, so after exchanging a few time-sensitive updates they say goodbye.
By the time Glinda gets home, her overwhelming feeling is confusion – at herself. People have been gossiping about the Girl Corps. People have made the very name of the Girl Corps into a slang term. Her own second-in-command apparently spends a significant portion of her time dealing with romantic drama in the Girl Corps. She had no idea about any of this until today, but Pfannee and Jinjur both seemed to assume she knew something. Is she really so blind?
She needs to talk it over, and fortunately her wife is at home, in her study, settled into her big armchair, reading a report. “Elphie!” Glinda exclaims as she bursts into the room. “Did you know that ‘in the Girl Corps’ has become a slang term for women who like women?”
“Hello to you too,” Elphaba says, putting her report down on the desk. “No, I hadn’t heard that.”
“Me neither!” Glinda says. “Pfannee told me today after the luncheon. Because there was a man there saying the Girl Corps is full of indecency and trysts and hanky-panky. And when I went over to talk to Jinjur about it just now, she told me that she really does spend a lot of time dealing with sex in the dorms and break-ups and things like that. And I didn’t know! Can you believe it?” She looks at Elphaba’s calm face. “You don’t seem very shocked. Did you know any of this?”
“I didn’t know it,” Elphaba says, “but I don’t find it particularly surprising, either.”
“Well, I do!” Glinda says. “I had no idea any of this was going on!” Elphaba is smiling a little now, and Glinda glares at her. “What? What? How is this funny? People are gossiping, and—”
“That part’s not funny, I agree,” Elphaba says. “It’s just…you usually pick up on social nuances I wouldn’t even begin to. But there’s this one area where you have a tendency to miss very obvious things.”
“What?” Glinda says. “What did I miss that’s so obvious?”
“Let me just reiterate a few facts about the Girl Corps,” Elphaba says. “The Girl Corps is all-female.”
“Right, that’s why it’s the Girl Corps,” Glinda says.
“It’s a bit…I wouldn’t say countercultural. But it has girls doing things they might not be expected to, traditionally.”
“Of course,” Glinda says. “That’s part of why I started it.”
“Can I finish?” Elphaba asks. “They’re pretty athletic. They wear uniforms that are feminine but not hyperfeminine – utilitarian feminine, if you will. And the woman who’s the head of the whole thing likes women. Is married to a woman. Is probably the most famous such woman in Oz. Now, can you think for a minute and tell me what kind of girls you think might be most interested in joining the organization?”
Glinda is about to give her stock answer, which is any girl who has ambition and wants to help her country and develop herself too, when she thinks about what Elphaba was saying, and the pieces click into place in her head. “Oh,” she says. “Oh. Oh my Oz.”
“You see?” Elphaba says. “You see why I’m not surprised?”
“I didn’t even think about it,” Glinda says. “When I came up with it, and what they’d do, and the uniforms, and everything. I didn’t even think about it! I wonder why I didn’t?”
“I think because those happen to be things you like,” Elphaba says, “and you don’t always realize that you’re a type. Like I said, honey, you miss things in this area. Remember when we first kissed? And I had to tell you that imagining kissing girls all your life probably meant something about you? And that you didn’t need to cut your hair and stop wearing pink?”
Elphaba might be right, but Glinda isn’t going to admit it. “Well, I know now, anyway,” she says. “What do you think I should do?”
“Do about who?” Elphaba asks. “People who gossip and use slang, or the Girl Corps members?”
“I don’t think I can do anything about the gossipers,” Glinda says. “I wish I could, but it would just fuel the fire. But I think I should probably do something about the girls. Don’t you?”
Elphaba considers, then nods. “I think it falls within your responsibility,” she says. “They’re going to do it anyway, of course. We certainly did. But you could make sure they know what they’re getting into.”
“Elphie, that’s it exactly!” Glinda says. “We could add something to the curriculum. Teach them practical things – of course, they’re not going to get pregnant amongst themselves, but I assume at least a few of them like boys, it could happen – but teach them about the world too. Jinjur says they’re having all sorts of petty breakup fights and taking sides, so we could work that in with some of the conflict resolution skills they’re already learning. And teach them that there will always be people who say rude things and how to brush them off. Then they won’t be too upset, if they hear people gossiping.” Elphaba is nodding as she listens, and Glinda goes on. “I’ll need to consult with the right people to develop this. I certainly don’t know everything. Before I left for Shiz, my parents told me that I should respect myself and demand respect of others and that I shouldn’t let boys get fresh. And then Momsie gave me a diaphragm. It was very confusing.”
“Really?” Elphaba asks. “I never knew that.”
“I never used it,” Glinda says. “It’s still at Shiz somewhere, for all I know. Did your father tell you anything before you went?”
Elphaba raises her eyebrows. “Are you kidding me?”
“It’s really an abdication of responsibility,” Glinda says, “but we’ll be able to help the girls, at least. Once I get the right resources.”
“And don’t sell yourself short,” Elphaba says. “I bet there are some things you could teach them if you try. How about Lesson One, ‘No, Not All Girls Want to Kiss Their Roommates, And It Probably Means Something If You Do?’”
“Very funny,” Glinda says.
“Then there could be Lesson Two,” Elphaba says, grinning broadly by now. “‘Yes, Galinda, There Really Are Femmes.’”
Glinda’s had about enough of this. “For your information, Elphaba Thropp Upland,” she says, striding towards her wife, “there are plenty of things I could teach in this area. As you would know better than anyone.” She slips into the chair, straddling Elphaba’s lap. “How to make sure a woman knows she’s beautiful.” She kisses behind Elphaba’s ear, that spot she knows is sensitive. “How to take care of a woman when she’s overworking herself yet again.” She runs her fingers along the nape of Elphaba’s neck, scratching just lightly with her nails; Elphaba lets out a little purring sound and oh, she has her. She slides down from the chair then, to kneel at Elphaba’s feet. She raises Elphaba’s skirt until it’s around her waist, presses a kiss to each thigh. “How to make a woman scream your name,” she says, looking up, her sweetest smile on her face, before going on to prove her credentials.
Glinda walks down the hall at the Girl Corps headquarters, heading for the main lecture hall. The Corps members are lined up in their uniforms, and she hears them talking amongst themselves as they file in. “I’m sure we already know all of this,” one girl is saying to a friend.
“I hope it’s not too embarrassing!” another says.
Two lanky Cranes are walking together. “I hope we learn about what to do when two males are dancing in front of you and you like them both,” one says.
“Or when you don’t like either of them,” says her friend.
The members settle into their seats, and Glinda goes to the front of the room, where she joins Dr. Lerner, one of the main Girl Corps training instructors. “Is everything ready?” she asks.
“Yes,” Dr. Lerner says. “We can get started whenever you like.” She indicates the lectern.
It’s taken some months to plan the curriculum, in consultation with experts; while Glinda’s going to leave the instruction in Dr. Lerner’s very capable hands, she does want to say a few words to the Girl Corps members first. She likes to be a presence for them, to make sure that they know she cares about what they’re going through day to day and isn’t just sitting off somewhere on high. Right now, she also wants them to know the thought process behind this new unit. She thought for a while about what she was going to say today.
She walks to the lectern. “Good morning, Girl Corps!” she says.
“Good morning,” the members chorus. Some of them were still chatting until she spoke, but now their heads swivel to pay attention. They respect and like her, she thinks, and that’s something she wants to keep.
“As you all know,” she says, “we’ve added a new unit to your curriculum, which you’ll be starting today. Sexual Education. You might be wondering what this has to do with your role in helping the people of Oz. But part of being a member of the Girl Corps, of helping others, is also helping yourself.” She pauses, looking out at the girls. “You’ve all chosen to do something very important with this part of your lives, but that doesn’t mean you don’t have the same problems and questions other girls have. We want to make sure you have the skills to deal with those too. That you’re not going blind into relationships and that you’re making choices you want to. Now, Jinjur tells me that things can sometimes get a bit dramatic around here in that area.” She holds up a hand when some of the girls start to fidget uncomfortably. “We’re not blaming you for that. It’s natural, and we don’t want you to be anyone other than who you are. We just want you to know some healthy ways to handle it.” She pauses again, because this is the most important part. “And as for being who you are, it’s okay if you don’t know who that is yet. If you need some time to figure it out. At your age, I certainly needed that time. I missed things about myself. My wife says I still do, sometimes.” A few laughs from the crowd. “You have that time. It’ll come. Don’t let anyone else tell you who you should be.” They’re giving her their full attention as she comes to the end. “And if you need support or have questions, our doors are always open.” She smiles, turning to her colleague. “And now, Dr. Lerner, take it away with anatomy.”
The girls clap as she steps back from the lectern and Dr. Lerner takes her place, calling up the first in a series of slides. Glinda walks down the side aisle and from the room; she’ll do some work in her office now and check in with Dr. Lerner later, but she has high hopes for this unit.
They’re sitting in the garden at Nessa and Fiyero’s. Three-year-old Melena is playing with a doll they brought her, making her run along the grass and then take an abrupt tumble. “She fell down,” she announces. “I’ll fix her up.” She produces her handkerchief and starts wrapping it around the doll’s head.
“You know, she’s doing that pretty efficiently,” Glinda says, watching her. “Maybe she’ll be in the Girl Corps when she gets older.” It occurs to her that – people and their nonsense! – this could be taken in a different way that she intends it. “I mean in the actual Girl Corps. Not that other meaning.”
“Could well be,” Fiyero says.
“Wait,” Nessa says, “what are you talking about? What other meaning?”
“It’s slang, Nessa,” Elphaba explains. “When you say someone is in the Girl Corps, you mean she likes women.”
“No, I know that,” Nessa says. “What’s the other meaning besides that?”
“The other meaning is the…the actual Girl Corps,” Glinda says. “You know, my organization. The girls who are stationed around Oz to help people.”
Nessa’s eyes widen. “There’s an organization?”
Elphaba stares at her. “Nessa,” she says. “Glinda has been running the Girl Corps for five years.”
“I…I don’t know what to say,” Nessa says. “I…that was when we were trying to get pregnant with Melena, then? And I was thinking about that? I don’t know…I’m sorry, Glinda. I don’t know how I missed it.”
Elphaba is not about to let it go at that. “So when you heard the slang term,” she says, “what did you think it referred to, exactly?”
“I don’t know!” Nessa says. “I never thought about it. Just a bunch of girls, I guess. A bunch of girls who liked girls.”
“Nessa,” Elphaba says. “There are members of the Girl Corps stationed in Munchkinland. Wearing very clear uniforms. In this very area! You know Sallee Friday? She lives about five minutes away from here and has since we were children? Her daughter is in the Girl Corps.”
Nessa has her face in her hands. “She told me that,” she says, her voice muffled, “and I said, ‘Oh, that’s big news! Is she seeing anyone?’ I wondered why she gave me such a strange look…”
Sometimes there’s nothing you can do but laugh. So the four of them do, loud and long, and Melena does too, caught up in the mood.
This slang is not about to go away any time soon, clearly, but Glinda finds she doesn’t care as much as she once did. Not feeling blindsided helps, and so does knowing that their curriculum gives Girl Corps members tools to take care of themselves. The girls’ feedback on the sexual education course has generally been positive, and their suggestions have helped Glinda and Dr. Lerner refine the curriculum. One girl stationed in a remote region of the Quadling Country even wrote in a letter that she and her unit members were able to teach some of what they’d learned to local teenagers. Another girl, in Glinda’s office for the check-in meeting she has with everyone who’s completed their first year of training, said, “Rhetoric is my favorite, but I liked the sexual education unit more than I expected. I thought I’d be embarrassed to talk about those things, but it helped me figure out how to. Instead of just being immature when I like a girl.” She’d blushed and changed the subject then, but Glinda had filed the comment away in the success column.
“Well,” Fiyero says, when they finally stop laughing, “I think we can say we’ll support Melena if she wants to join the Girl Corps later in life. In either sense of the phrase.”
“Of course we will,” Nessa says, wiping her eyes.
“If you don’t even know what the Girl Corps is, Nessa,” Elphaba asks, “how can you know you support it?”
“Well, I trust Glinda,” Nessa says. “And I really am sorry I haven’t paid attention. Tell me more about it now, Glinda.”
So Glinda does.